Justin’s hotel bedroom, 11:43 a.m.

“Harder…” she groans.

“Damn girl.” I touch her and grip her and stare at the back of her shoulders.  She turns her head and breathes deeply. “You like that?” I ask.

She moans over her shoulder and I work harder and deeper, making her feel good. 

I lean down over her and whisper against her ear, “Ya know, all your moanin’s gonna give me a hard on.”

She giggles and tries to smack at me, but it doesn’t really work the way she’s positioned on the bed. “Perv.”

I fall down beside her and pull the straps of her tank top back over her shoulders for her and rub my hand softly over her back.  She had complained of a back ache ten minutes ago, so I straddled her cute, little ass and gave her a nice massage. All the rubbing and all her moans made it kind of hard for me to concentrate, so if she wants more then maybe I’ll make an appointment for us to get massages this afternoon. 

I kiss her shoulder and smile at her, “It’s not my fault you’re the sexiest woman alive.”

“I’m the tiredest woman alive.”  She looks it, too.  Her eyes are lazy and I’m so fucking thankful we have this day off to hang out and do nothing if we feel like it.  She needs it.

I do, too.  Especially after the other night.

God, she scared the shit out of me.

“Is that a word?” I tease and reach over to the night stand and turn the volume on the TV down a little.  We got up about an hour or two ago and haven’t moved from the bed except to pee and get some water.  They’re having a “Next Food Network Star” marathon on and Mere’s a little obsessed.

“I don’t know.”  She turns up on her side and faces me.

“Come here…” I pull her against me tight and hold her there.  I roll a little so I’m on my back and she’s lying halfway on top of me.  I stare at the ceiling and kiss the top of her head.  I’m not someone who prays every moment, but right now I’m so fucking thankful that she’s in my arms and is ok.  “Ya know, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Justin…”  She says it in an annoyed tone and tries to push off and away from me.

I touch her face and look directly in her eyes.  I think the other night was the fastest I’ve ever done a show.  I flew through it.  I didn’t talk to the crowd and I feel bad about that.  I know they probably wrote up a shit review about it, but I don’t care.  And I also know that it was plastered all over the TV media that Meredith “collapsed” after performing.  She didn’t collapse, but it was just about as bad. We had done “Stand Alone” and she seemed fine but then I could tell something was wrong with her while we were singing “Come to My Place”.

 We don’t really do a dance number for it because it’s a hard song to do a dance to.  It’s more of a groove, not slow, but something that makes you move a little song.  Usually Meredith and I jam a little bit together and sometimes I’ll hold her and sway with her while we sing.  But that night she was just singing it and I could tell by the looks she was giving me that something was wrong. 

We always go off stage after that song. Meredith says thanks to the crowd and they cheer. I usually mess around with her backstage for a few minutes while they play a back track and my band gets set up while they change a few things about the stage.  Since we’re doing smaller venues we’re able to do a pretty fluid set change and really keep the crowd into it.  Usually my band will start playing “Look Your Way” and I’ll go out and start it and Mere comes and the crowd goes wild, then she leaves and it’s all my set.

We didn’t do “Look You Way” that night because as soon as she was off the stage, even though I was trying to hold onto her arm, she broke away from me and was searching around for something, I guess a trash can.  The next thing I knew there were people gasping and saying ‘oh my god’ and she was crouched on the floor.

I felt so bad for her.  I know she was embarrassed and she hates it when people fuss over her.  And I was terrified.  Her dancers were hovering over her and I think I almost pushed poor Monique to the floor trying to get to her.

It was kind of blurry and dark and the next thing I knew Teddy was pushing me away and helping her up. The stage managers were pulling on me, screaming at me that I had to get on stage. Meredith was gone down the back hallway and it wasn’t until I heard from Trace that she was ok that I actually went on stage.

I shouldn’t have though.  I should have been with her. 

“I love you Meredith.”

She sighs heavily, “Justin I’m fine.”

“I can’t tell you I love you?”

“Yes, you can.”  She pouts and flops back against the bed beside me, her head hitting the pillow.  “And I love you, too, but I see that look on your face.  I promise you I’m fine.  It was just something I ate.”

I turn on my side and run my hand over her stomach.  Her hand covers mine and keeps it resting there. “I don’t think you realize how scared I was when I came back after bolting through the show and you were laying there with an IV.”

I almost threw up myself when I ran, sprinted after the show to her room and saw her lying propped up on the couch with a fucking tube in her arm.  She still has a little bandage over her wrist from where it was.

I don’t know.  A lot happened for me in that moment when I saw her like that.  All, all this bull shit that’s been going on in my head about everything just washed away.  Ya know, God. I love my girl, but lately I’ve just been doubting and thinking about things way too much.  I’m way too young to be thinking the shit that I have about Mere.  It’s just like, I don’t know if I’m ready to commit my life to her.  And I shouldn’t even worry about it ‘cause I know we’re far from even thinking that route. 

But I think about it still.

And when I saw her like that I just, I almost threw up myself.  I’ve had a day to get over it. Yesterday she slept on the bus on the way here to Tampa.  I almost stopped a fucking show for her.  And if she hadn’t been ok when I called Trace (even though I realize now he was lying to me and she really did need me then) I would have stopped it.  I’ve always put everyone else’s problems and lives on hold to do shows.  Even when Britney and I were having our huge problems and would have drag out hour long fights, I remember telling her one day we’d have to stop and finish after the show.  She was livid with me. 

And I didn’t care.

I just, I hate to think what I would have done or how I would have acted if something worse had happened to my girl. 

I know I’ve been weird with her lately.  She assumes something is going on with me.  I don’t know, maybe there is.  Maybe I’m going crazy.  I just feel like I have so many things in my life right now that are great and positive for me, but its just like I’m not letting myself really go for it and enjoy them.  I can’t because I have this feeling its all gonna just crash in my face.  It’s like when you have that dream where you know something is behind you chasing you, but you don’t know what it is and you don’t know whether you should run or wait for it to catch up.  And you try your hardest but you just can’t turn your head to see what it is.

And then you wake up and see that’s it 4:01 in the morning and you still got a few hours to sleep.

I sometimes feel like I’m going crazy.  I’ve always been this way.  I’ll be fine and then for like a month I’ll just eat myself up inside thinking about every ‘what if’ possible, making it seem almost real in my mind.  Trace is starting to realize how much of an asshole I am, and I guess I’m giving him good reason.  It’s only a matter of time before Mere finds out that I’m one, too and leaves me.

And…and I don’t want her to leave me.

I hold her tight and she pouts at me a little.  “I didn’t want one.  I told them I’d be fine, but Teddy insisted.”

I bury my face in her shoulder and neck.  “You scared the shit out of me, Mere…”

She’s soft and small and turns on her side so that our foreheads touch and our hands are connected.  “Hey…I got sick, I’m sure you’ve gotten sick before.”

I know she’s just like this, she hates when anyone worries about her.  She doesn’t like people fussing over her.  It’s probably one of the main things that attracted me to her, how easy going she is most of the time.  How down to earth. I wouldn’t say Mere’s completely self-less, but she does genuinely care about other people and what they are going through. 

I run my hand over her side and down to her ass where I squeeze her and give her a small tap.  “Why can’t I worry about my girl?”

She smiles and kisses me for a moment. “’Cause you don’t let me worry about my guy.” 

It’s true.  It’s probably the reason I’m hiding all my anxiety from her.  I can’t put that on her cause I know she’ll put it all on herself and she’ll stress out about me and right now, especially right now, she doesn’t need that.

I kiss her again and deepen it, loving how she always gives this little small moan when I move my tongue with hers, how she’ll moan and grab my shoulders or arms tight.  I rub her arms and feel chill bumps all over. 

“You cold?” I ask and she nods.  I move around a bit and try to situate the sheets and comforter.  We had kind of crawled out on top of the bed this morning, but now I think it’ll be nice to get back and get all comfortable with my girl inside. “Here…”

She gets under and pulls the comforter around her neck and I do the same, smiling at her and pulling her body against mine. One of my legs separates and goes between hers and I bring our bodies against each other, tight.  She sighs and brings an arm out of the covers to my head and lightly runs it along the longer hair I’m growing on top of my head.  Trace decided to grow a Mohawk and I’m gonna do my own version ‘cause I thought it looked cool.

“I like being on tour with you Justin.  I like being able to relax with you.”

“I think after it’s over we should go on vacation.”

She looks up at me, happiness all over her face. “Together?”

“Duhh…” I make a face at her and she pinches my side and I grab at her hand underneath the cover.  “Ya know like Hawaii or something.  Do you know how to surf?”

She laughs a little. “I know how to swim and I know how to lay out. Surfing no, I grew up in Georgia Justin, the ocean there doesn’t have big waves.”

I start tickling her and say, “Well girl, I grew up by the Mississippi, which is a river and it’s kind of nasty.”

“But you’re all athletic.”  She’s laughing and trying to grab at my hands because I keep poking her underneath the sheets.

“I’ll teach ya.”

“What if a shark gets me?”

I pull her into me and bite her neck after saying, “It won’t.”

She gasps and moves to sit up a little bit.  Her hair that’s in a pony tail is all messed up and static-y and her straps of her tank top are falling down and she looks gorgeous.

“What if a jellyfish stings me? Justin, I was stung real bad when I was little!”  She pouts at me.  “I hate the ocean. It’s dangerous.”

“Didn’t you go snorkeling a few months ago?”

She smacks my shoulder. “That was different.  We were with an expert.”

“Hey, I’m an expert!”

“At surfing?”

She raises an eyebrow at me.  I know she knows I can, but I also know she’s just teasing me right now.  I love it when she’s silly like this and teases.  “I’m good, Mere.”

“You’re full of it.”  She slides over and moves so she’s straddling my lower stomach.  I like this.  I like when she gets in her playful mood.  “You think you’re an expert at everything.”

“Hey you’re the one that’s told me on several drunken occasions that I’m an expert at certain things.”  I push my crotch up against where her legs are spread over me.

She smiles and lets her body slide forward and down so that she’s laying right on top of me, her feet up in the air.  She traces patterns on my chest with her fingers.  “That’s ‘cause you were a male whore before you met me and had all this experience.”

“Hey!” I fake a pout and she laughs and sits up against me like she was.

I can’t help myself and put my hand up her shirt and grab one of her breasts.  She looks down at my hand moving underneath her tank and then up at my face.

“Justin, that’s my breast.”

“I know, it’s soft.  I like it.”  I smile and then pull my hand back.  I know its stupid, but sometimes I just feel like touching her, not even like in a sexual way.  Like now I move my hands to her thighs and rub them for a moment, liking how they’re so smooth.  “What do you want for lunch today?”

She shrugs. “I’m not that hungry.”

“Mere…”

She rolls her eyes.  She barely ate yesterday and she’s starting to worry me.  “I’m sorry. I’m just not hungry right now.”

“You need to eat.”  I give her a stern look.

“I’m just not hungry right now, ok?”

“Ok…” I sigh and watch her look over her shoulder at the TV, watching them eliminate someone on the show.  She picks up my hands with hers and runs her fingers through mine.  “Do you wanna just hang out here today?”  I ask.

She nods and then turns her head back and smiles at me. “Yeah, if you wanna go out you can.  You don’t have to stay stuck in bed with me.”

“I want to be with you today and being stuck in bed with you doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.”  I grin and wink at her.  I guess she’s had more of an affect on me than I realized. Especially when she’s on top of me and I’ve been touching her breast and her thighs, just having her so close to me.  I’ve spent the last five minutes staring at her cute little body bound up in the cream colored tank top and enjoying how her breasts look underneath it, all perky and round. And the pajama shorts she has rolled down, showing off her thighs and her hips…. she just…damn my girl is just sexy and gorgeous.

She shakes her head at me in disapproval. “I told you you’re wearing me out with all your horniness.”

“I don’t have to be rough.”  She starts to smile.  I know that smile. 

I hold onto her hips and lift her a little while I scoot up against the head board.  I let her sit back down against me and look at her directly now.  I run my hand over the side of her head and kiss her for a moment, really slow and lingering.  “What do you say to us just staying here all day, naked, and me making love to you slow and all gentle?  Ya know, kissing you all over…”  I kiss her cheek and then her neck, “Taking my time and all you have to do is lay there and enjoy it.”

I keep kissing her shoulder slow and move my hand to the strap to pull it down.  She looks at me. “You know I have a hard time keeping still and patient when we have sex.”

I wink at her. “I could tie you up.”

She gasps, “Justin!”

I laugh at her and hold onto her and move so she’s on her back and I’m laying over her.  I lick my lips at her, “I could blindfold you.”

“Have you ever done that?”  Her voice is a whisper and curious and sexy.

“No.  Well I mean…” I laugh and I can feel my face turn a little red at the memory.  “I had it done to me.”

“Really?”  She seems amazed and excited.

“Yeah, it’s embarrassing.”

“Why?”

“Cause…‘cause I lost it real quickly.”

She gasps again, “Were you like young?”

I bury my head in her chest and mumble, “21.”

“Oh my god.”  She starts laughing at me, and I know why.  I was hanging out with Alyssa at the time.  I should call her.  She’s an awesome girl and our relationship, I guess, was probably the only friends with benefits relationship I’ve ever had.  Before that I had really only dated Britney and a couple girls when I was younger and a hell of a lot more stupid.  Alyssa was really the first woman I was with where I really felt like I was a man, or at least that I was becoming one.

She did things I hadn’t even heard about.  She was there when I needed her and I don’t have any regrets about our friendship.  At times I kind of wish we had kept the sex out of it, even though it was some of the best in my life, ‘cause if we had I’d probably talk to her more now and it wouldn’t be as awkward when I run into her now.  I’ve been in relationships with girls and I’ve fucked girls and I’ve had friends who were girls, but Alyssa was the only girl I ever fucked who was also a friend, yet I never really had a serious relationship with her.

And she’s the only woman since I was fifteen to make me cum prematurely.  And she never laughed at me because of it.

“Don’t make fun.  It was so fucking hot and…”  Mere’s pouting, “What?”

“Now I’m all jealous.”  She keeps pouting but presses her body up against mine and puts her hands on my sides, scrunching up my shirt a little bit.  “I wanna make you come prematurely.”

I say low against her ear, “And you call me the kinky one.”

Her small hands are now running over my chest and I can tell where this is going, where this is leading to, and I love it.  “I don’t know.  There’s just something about making you lose all strength and control and restraint that gets me hot.”  She lands a hard kiss on me and pulls away sucking on my bottom lip.  Well, fuck me.  “It’s the same thing as the nerd fantasy.”

“The what?” I pull back and look at her. 

“Ok…” She sits up a little bit and moves her hand so it looks like a peace sign.  “Every girl has two main fantasies.”

I put my hands behind my head and lean back against the pillows, completely relaxing, enjoying how she looks when she gets all excited and animated like this.  “Do tell.”

“One is to be taught and the other is to be the teacher.  The first is like, ya know, like the bad boy just taking her and showing her how to fuck…” She talks with her hands and the way she says the word “fuck” immediately makes me go hard.  “Or the whole like teacher or professor fantasy.  And the other is well, ya know, taking that shy little cute nerdy boy from class or from work and getting him alone and finding out underneath his clothes and his glasses he’s fine as hell and has never been with a girl.”

“Is this what you girls talk about when you go off to the bathroom in groups?”

“That’s a safety thing honey.” She rolls her eyes and leans down against me, pushing the covers to the edge of the bed with her feet.  “Do boys have specific fantasies or do all they care about is having their penis’s licked?”

She pokes the crotch of my boxer briefs that are straining and I breathe in quickly at the fleeting touch.

“You’re so bad!  You sit here and talk about me being vulgar!” She grins at me evilly and I grab her hand before she can grab my dick, ‘cause I know she was about to.  I hold her hand and pin her back against the bed.  She laughs and laughs. “Silly girl….”

Finally she calms down and sighs heavily, looking me in the eyes.   “I don’t know.  I guess it’s all different but from the guys I’ve actually talked about fantasies it seems that the whole being taught thing, like having your teacher or your boss fuck you seems a common thread.  But I think that’s just ‘cause every guy in middle school had one hot teacher that he figured out how to masturbate to.”

“Hehehe…”  Her cheeks turn pink and she covers her mouth with her hand. “You masturbated.”

I blow against her tank top where her cleavage is, her nipples are hard and she squirms underneath me. “And you didn’t?”

She whispers like someone might hear her. “Shhh…I didn’t until after I broke up with my first boyfriend, before I met Rex in college.  Like before you have sex the first time or even fool around with a boy, well I think every girl is scared of her cootch.  It’s like a freakin’ maze down there.”

“Mmm, I like mazes.”

The next thing I know her arms are around me, lips on mine and her legs have wrapped around my hips, her crotch rubbing against mine.  She pulls away and says heavily and deep, “Have you ever had phone sex?”

I’m not sure where she’s going with this but I don’t mind how her lips feel against my shoulder. “Yes.”

“I haven’t.”  She pulls back and says close to my face, “Let’s do it.”

I smile and thrust against her a little. “Well next time we’re apart I’ll make sure to call.”

“No.  Right now. You go in the other room and we’ll do it.” She points to the door.

I laugh. “Why have phone sex when we can have the real thing right here?”

She bites her lip and her eyes are wide and curious. “I wanna peek through the crack in the door and see you jack off.”

God, she turns me on saying little silly shit like that.  I growl out, “You’re so bad…” And lunge for her, pressing my body entirely into hers.

It’s hot now and her body is warm and fucking sexy as hell.  Her hands are all over me and I say “shit” when she moves her hand in between us and starts tracing her finger over my hard on.  I sit up and rip off my shirt and reach down to pull her up against me.

She stops me for a moment and puts her arms around me, us both on our knees on the bed, kneeling in front of each other.  She hugs me and holds me and I try to catch my breath.

“Slow, right?”  She asks, running her hands over my back.

I breathe deeply and realize I kind of lost it there.  I pull back and look at her face and smile.  I can’t remember ever being this in love.

“I’m going to go so slow…” I smile and kiss her just like I say, slow and soft, loving the way her hands feel running through my hair in the back and touching my neck and jaw. 

This, this is gonna be good.  I’m gonna make it last and I’m gonna hold out as long as I can.  I wanna make her feel so good. 

We need this.  No, maybe just I need this.  I need to be with my girl like this. It’ll…as stupid as it sounds it’ll reassure me that everything’s ok.  That…that she really is alright.

Soon she’s moaning against me, breathing hard and I’m settled against her, her tank top pulled up over her chest and I’m kissing the tips of her breasts.  It always, always makes her breathe hard when I do it.  She whispers my name and grips the short hair on my head and starts to push my head down.  I know what she wants.  Oh, I know what she wants.

I kiss down her stomach a little and put my hands at her hips, slowly working my hands so I can push down her shorts and panties.  I look up and her breasts are heaving, back arched up, nipples hard.  Holy fucking shit.  I suck on the skin underneath her navel and whisper against her, “I’m gonna make you come so fucking good Mere.”

She moans and looks down at me, “I need you.”  I smile at her and keep kissing her, trying to get her to relax a little. 

I…I fucking love her.

Suddenly, there’s banging and stomping and we both scramble and sit up. Both our eyes dart to the shut door of my bedroom.  “Justin!  Justin where the fuck are you!!!”

I glance at her and we both immediately start rummaging around, her trying to pull down her shirt and me trying to push myself off the bed and calm my dick down.  I don’t know what’s going on but this is about to get really fucking awkward.

The door busts open right as I’m able to get my tank top on.  I’m still in my underwear and even though he looks like the devil reincarnated with that scowl on this face, I’m glad it’s just Trace barreling through my room.

The next thing I know I see him biting his lip and leaning to the side and then I feel a sharp stinging on my face.  It dulls for a moment and I sit back on my bed. “Shit…”

“Oh my god…”  Meredith yells and I see her right beside me, holding me, looking at me like I just got shot or something.  I touch my nose.  There’s blood.

Whoa…

“Get up…”

“What?”  I’m still kind of in shock and when I look up he’s standing right in front of me pointing to the floor.  He…he just punched me.

Trace has never punched me before.

He gets closer and starts trying to yank me up by my arm.  Mere gets in between us and pushes on Trace’s chest, yelling, “Trace! Calm down!  What’s going on?”  She looks at me and I look at her, trying to wipe this blood off but it’s getting all over my hands.  She runs quickly to the floor and picks up a piece of clothing.   I think it’s my shorts I was wearing last night.  She balls it up and puts it against my face and then glares at Trace.  “Shit! What the fuck is your problem!!!”

He glares back at Meredith and then turns his eyes to me and swings his arm behind him and points back to the doorway.  “What is SHE doing here?”

It only takes a moment for my eyes to focus and I see her there, cute little outfit on, big bag over her shoulders, hair and makeup perfectly done.  She looks like she always did, perfectly put together. 

I pull the cloth away from my face and see the blood staining my shorts.  Shit, these were my favorite pair, too.  I stand up, glance at the girl who’s hugging onto the doorway and looking scared as hell to enter and then back at Trace.  “I invited her.”

“Right, fucking great Justin.  I have a girlfriend.”

I give Trace a shove.  I still can’t believe he just punched me.  Like, what in the hell? “Get out of my fucking room.”

“Look, I didn’t mean to cause problems,” she says, finally inching through the room.  “I thought you guys wanted me here. I thought we’d have a good time.”

Trace turns and points at her, glaring and hissing at her as if she were his daughter and he just caught her doing drugs or something.  “You should have known better, Elisha.  You’ve fucked around with me way too much.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa…”  Mere pushes in front of Trace and narrows her eyes at Elisha.  “Who are you?”

“Elisha.” She tries to smile and sticks her hand out, but Meredith ignores her.

She’s now turned, hands on her hips, glaring at me. 

And she’s pissed.  “And you invited her?”

“She’s Trace’s old girlfriend,” I shrug.

Now everyone’s staring at me like they hate me.  Except for ‘lish.  She’s just shifting her eyes around the room, looking for an escape I’m sure.  “Ex girlfriend, the girl that broke up with me Justin.”

“Exactly!”  I pull the shorts away again and say to him, “I thought maybe having her here could get you some closure so you wouldn’t be on the rebound anymore.  God, you didn’t have to fucking punch me.”

Trace starts to slowly move towards me, that look back in his eyes that was there when he first entered.  But soon I hear Mere’s voice say, “Excuse me…” She stops when Trace is still staring at me and pushes on his shoulder. “Trace, move…” She gets to me and she’s mad.  I can tell by how forceful she is when she pushes me and tries to turn me towards the bathroom. 

I let her push me there and when we enter I hear Trace call from behind us, “You’re boyfriend’s an asshole, Meredith.”

She turns to him, her hand on the door, “I’m very aware of that.  Now can you get out of here for a second while I keep him from getting blood everywhere.  God…” She moves to shut the door but opens it back all the way and screams at him, “You didn’t have to fucking punch him!”

She slams the door.

“I’m gonna kill him,” I say.

She ignores me and moves around the bathroom, grabbing a few towels and pulling on my arm to come with her. “Come here.”

“I swear Meredith.  Get my phone so I can call Tiny.”

She puts the toilet seat and the cover down from where I left it up and points to it, “Sit. Down.”

 I do what she says, still holding my shorts to my face.  She pulls them away from me and says, “Look at me.”

I stare into her eyes and hers look all over my face.  She’s angry, she’s livid, and somewhere back behind those two emotions I can see fear, uneasiness, sadness maybe.  “Is it broken?”

“No.  Trace punches like a pussy.”

She rolls her eyes and hands me a towel. “If he did there wouldn’t be blood.”  It’s soft against my tender nose and I lean my head back.  “No Justin lean forward so the blood doesn’t go back in your throat.”

“What?”  She pushes on my shoulders so I’m leaning over my knees.  I hope she knows what she’s doing.  I thought doing that made all the blood rush to your head, but I lean down anyway, hanging my head and staring at her bare feet with her little manicured toes that are painted a light bubble-gum pink.  

“You know what!  I’m pissed off.”  She’s pacing in front of me now.

“Fine, go slap him for me.”

She stops and turns to me. “No, pissed at you!”

“Me?”

She shakes her head at me. “I can’t believe you invited his ex-girlfriend out here Justin.  You’ve lost it.”

Fuck.  I try my best to make this situation better.  God you’d think she’d be all sympathetic since I just got punched in the face and all.  “She’s my friend, Meredith.”

“Then why didn’t you tell anyone? Why didn’t you ask him if it was ok?  She fucking broke his heart and you’re just rubbing it in his face?  What are you trying to do? Make him freak out and break up with Courtney?” I don’t look at her.   “Ohh….ohh I get it.  Sneaky Justin. Sneaky and stupid.”

Now I’m kind of pissed at her.  I mean, this really is none of her business.  I keep her happy, she keeps me happy.  Fuck Trace and whoever else.  “I just got punched in the face by my best friend and you’re gonna sit here and yell at me?”

“I wouldn’t call you two best friends anymore.” I glare at her.  “Don’t give me that look.  You know as well as I do you two have been having issues.  I don’t know who started it. I don’t know who’s pushing away who, but I’m not gonna sit here and have you two act like immature little boys with each other.”

“He’s the one that won’t tell me anything anymore.  He doesn’t talk to me Mere, about anything.  I talk to him about you all the time, about everything and he….”

She throws up her hands and goes and sits on the counter beside the sink across from me.  “Maybe he doesn’t talk to you because he knows he can’t.  I can’t imagine what I’d do if for some god knows reason Megan hated your guts.  I don’t know who’d I’d talk to.  I’m sure our friendship would take a beating because of that.”

I know where she’s going and I don’t wanna talk about her.  “Leave Courtney out of this.”

“Why Justin?  That’s the entire reason this is happening.  She told me about what happened that night I got sick, about what you did to her.”

Shit.  I mean, I knew Mere would find out eventually, but I kind of figured her whole sick-episode would delay all that.  Bitch shouldn’t be stressing my girl out about that shit when she’s sick.  “What?”

“You think she wouldn’t?”

I get up from where I’m sitting.  The bleeding has stopped I think, and I go over beside her and rinse out the ruined towel.  “I would have thought your assistant wouldn’t want you to stress about her own drama.”

I glance at myself in the mirror.  I look fine besides the fact that there’s a little blood stained under my nose.  I hope it doesn’t start to bruise.  And I really do hope it’s not broken.  God I’d love to see the tabloids on that. 

“Her drama?! Your drama Justin.  God!  Are you really this immature?”

I stop the inspection of my face and look down at her.  “Immature?”

“Justin if you don’t like her just ignore her.  Just forget she’s there.”

I move and put my hands on both sides of Mere’s hips and lean into her a little. “How can I when she’s so important to two of the people that I love the most?”

Her eyes soften a bit. “Then why do you hate her Justin?  God, I can understand like just not really liking her personality ‘cause she doesn’t put herself out there and she can be closed off.  But she’s given you no reason to hate her.” 

“I just…”

She touches my face softly and shakes her head, “She’s not selling stuff Justin.  And if she is, if she does I’ll handle it.  I’ve handled it before.”

“I’ve always had right intuitions about people Mere.  And my gut’s telling me that something bad is gonna happen and it’s going to be her fault.”

She rolls her eyes at me, drops her hand, and crosses her arms. “Don’t get all psychic on me Justin.”

“Meredith….I can’t help how I feel.”

“Fine.  You hate her.” She shrugs but then points a finger at me threateningly. “But don’t ever threaten her again.  And stop trying to ruin your best friend’s relationship.  He’s happy Justin, you should-“

I cut her off, “He’s not happy Meredith.”

“What?”

I know I shouldn’t be saying this.  I know I should keep my opinions and the stuff I view to myself, especially when it has to do with Trace’s emotions.  Sometimes he’s more private about that shit than I am.  But, but Mere’s my girl and I have to explain this to her. 

“I know Trace.  And you know how you think something’s going on with me or whatever, well something’s going on with him.  He’s not happy like he used to be Mere.  He was getting there before she came along.  He was getting over Elisha, moving on with his life.  And now, he’s stressed out, he’s worried, he smokes so much now and it used to just be like something he’d do when he was partying or stressed out.  I really feel like she’s wearing him down.”

“Maybe he is stressed Justin, but maybe it’s something else entirely.  God, touring is a stressful thing.  Maybe you should ask him.  Maybe…maybe you two should go on vacation together after the tour.” I roll my eyes at her and she moves her feet and tries to lock me in between her so that I’m standing right in front of her.  “Look, when I first met you and saw you and Trace together it was just like so natural between you two.  Don’t think I didn’t notice those little nods and smiles and looks you’d give each other.  It’s like you guys have your own secret language.  And you had all those inside jokes and…and I don’t see that anymore.  It’s not like they disappeared, it’s just that you guys have forgotten them or something.”

“I told you before, it just happens sometimes.  Sometimes we just need our space.  We’ll be fine in a few weeks.”  I shrug.  I need to play this down because if I do then maybe it will just all go away.  Blowing it up and making it crazy is just gonna make everything worse.

And I don’t want Mere worrying about me any more. And I definitely don’t want her worrying about Trace.

“Right.”

“We will.”

She sighs and gets up, smushed a little in between me and the sink.  It’s funny how any other time I’d try to hold her right now, kiss her, do something, especially with what we were doing when we were interrupted.  But I don’t even think of touching her now.  I know it’s ruined.  I know we won’t be kissing or touching or having sex any time for the rest of the day. 

And that, that really fucking sucks.  Especially when right now the thing I need most is my girl.

“Don’t blame your deteriorating friendship with Trace on my assistant Justin.  I can’t handle this.  I can’t handle you guys fighting, it stresses me out and the doctor says I need to avoid stressful situations.”

I sigh and rub my forehead.  “I didn’t think she’d come.”

“What?”

I touch the wet towel to my nose a little and the cold cloth makes the burning that’s building in my nose not be so noticeable.  “It was that night you got sick and you were sleeping and I couldn’t sleep if I tried and I just started calling people.  I called my mom, I called some old friends, I called JC and Chris and I called Johnny and, and then her number was in my phone and so I called her and I was thinking about all that went down that night and told her she could come out and see Trace.  Cause…cause I know when I broke up with Britney even after we were done there were times I’d want to see her so bad, especially when I started dating around again, I wanted to test myself.”

“So you decided to test Trace.”

I sigh.  “I…I don’t know.  I just told her she should come see the show sometime and hang out and the next thing I knew she said she was free this weekend and would fly out.  Hell, I thought she was still dating that other guy.”  I sit back down on the toilet and rub my hand over my forehead.

Now I’ve got a headache and I’d give anything to just go back to bed.  If I could just sleep this day away I’d be ok.

“I’m going to ask you again…”  I blink and look up at Mere.  She’s closer than I expected, leaning down almost, staring into my eyes.  “What the hell is going on with you?”

“Nothing,” I say.

She rolls her eyes, turns and fixes her ponytail in the mirror.  “You might be able to lie to everyone else Justin Timberlake, but not me.  And I don’t really appreciate it when my boyfriend stares me right in my eyes and lies straight in my face.”

Before I know it she’s left me.  Opened the door and gone out the room. 

Fuck.

“Mere….” I call out and follow her. She slams the bedroom door.  “Shit.”

I suck in a breath and walk over to my bag on the floor and get some shorts to pull over myself.  I quickly move over to the door and open it.  “Mere?”

She’s sitting on the arm of a chair, Trace is on the couch watching TV and I don’t know where Elisha is.  Mere stares at me with a challenging look in her eyes. “Apologize to Trace.”

Oh hell no.  Now I’m really pissed.  “Don’t do this mothering shit, Meredith.”

“Fine.”  She shrugs and goes over and sits beside Trace.  She puts her feet up on the table and glares at me for a second and then turns her attention to the TV.

“I can’t believe you’re siding with-”

She sits up quickly and I realize I shouldn’t have picked this fight with her.  ‘Cause she’s not in the mood and I’m learning that any argument I have with Meredith, I’m probably gonna lose.  She’s got more of a fighter in her than I ever realized.  “I’m not siding with anyone Justin.  I make my own fucking decisions about things, and right now you’re being an asshole and I think you should apologize to Trace.”

“I-”

She cuts me off and waves her hands about.  Great now I’ve got her all excited and anxious.  And she hasn’t had any food in her system.  Fuck.  “God Justin, how would you feel if Trace had invited Britney or one of your other ex-girlfriends up here and didn’t tell you?  How do you think I would feel?”  She pauses for only a moment and starts to nod her head slowly.  “Oh….oh I get it now.  This has nothing to do with Trace and everything to do with pissing Courtney off.  Genius.  Fucking genius.”  She’s barely dressed in just her tank and shorts but I see her go over to the kitchen counter and grab my hoodie that was lying there along with her purse and her cell phone.

“Mere…”   She grabs the shit in her hands and starts to tug my sweatshirt over her head.  She ignores me and walks to the entrance of the suite.  “Mere!”

She slams the door behind her and she’s gone.

Fucking. Shit.

“You’ve lost it.”  Trace says after a moment, still staring at the TV.

“You’re the one punching people.”

He turns the TV off and stands up, staring at me.  He looks like Meredith did in the bathroom now.  Angry, livid, and with a little bit of sadness and fear back there somewhere.  “I don’t know what your purpose was in inviting her up here, but it didn’t work.  In fact it just made everything between me and you really fucked up.  So have a nice fucking day. I’m gonna go hang out with my girlfriend.”

I rub my forehead and go and sit on the chair near the couch.  I close my eyes and wait for it.  It takes longer than I expect and I run my hands over my face.

And then I hear it.  The door slams and I’m left all alone.

Sometimes I make myself sick with how much of a fuck-up I am.