Kroger, 3:15 p.m.

My girlfriend has a nice, tight ass. Like, it’s small, but so is she, and it looks so damn good in her jeans right now. And the best part is that I know what it looks like underneath those jeans. I know what she looks like underneath all those clothes. And my little girl is hot, damn hot. My desire for her is starting to get out of control. I’ve wanted her from the moment I saw her, but now, now that we’ve, ya know, done stuff and ever since that night at my pool things have gotten pretty damn serious, and I’ve been having a damn hard time controlling myself.

I’m actually pretty shocked that I was able to control myself that night. Swimming naked with her, having her body against mine and then laying on a chair with her in between my legs, just talking with me, well I’m actually proud of myself for being able to carry on a conversation with her, a meaningful one and not being too overcome with wanting to touch her in between her legs or kiss her all sexy.

Her body seriously amazed me that night. Right under her left breast she has this cute freckle and there’s this tiny little scar she has on the right side of her belly button where she said she had to have her appendix taken out when she was a kid. And that tattoo. It’s right on the lower part of her back, right before her ass starts to curve out. And her skin is so soft, like silk. And…and her nipples are the perfect size and color and I know that’s stupid to say but, it’s the truth. Her body is fucking beautiful. My girl, she’s just so damn sexy.

I’ve always wanted more from Mere than just sex. I might have been too scared to admit that at first, and the thought still kind of freaks me out. We’ve spent a lot of time together lately and I’m well, I’m starting to get a little nervous ‘cause I’ve been feeling things. And I also got promo coming up and her album is coming out and I’m sure she’ll go on tour and so will I, and we’ll be separated and long distance really sucks. It wouldn’t be so bad if we both weren’t going to be on the road but…

It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to get a little paranoid. Something’s gonna mess up. It just has to. This, this is too perfect, too good to last. And I want it to last so bad. I wanna fall in love with her.

Sometimes I think I might already have.

She’s…she’s really good for me. She makes me happy and satisfied with life and not just searching around for things to do. We can just be together and sit there and not do a damn thing and it’s ok. And her ass is fucking fine. In fact, it’s so fine that I go up behind her where she’s picking up some plums and putting them in a plastic bag. I rub her back for a moment and she doesn’t acknowledge me. My hand travels down and I graze her ass just slightly and squeeze her there quickly.

She gasps and turns around and I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her so fucking bad. I don’t care that we are in public. I don’t care that there’s a lady twenty feet away picking out lettuce and her little girl in the front of the cart is just staring at me. I don’t care that this chick I would have graduated from high school with if I hadn’t been in ‘Nsync was at the deli counter and yelled at me when I came in and talked to me and now I know she’s been staring at us, too.

I just don’t care.

I lean in and she backs away from me at first and then leans in and kisses me really fast before sliding past me and setting the bag in the cart. I turn to follow her and my mother is there, hair pulled back with a hat on and a pad of paper in her hand. She’s always making lists, always of things she needs to buy or do. This is her grocery list but I’m sure there are at least five other lists in that pad somewhere.

She sighs and I go over and put my arm around her. It’s great to be home, great to be with her. I really do have the best mother. I mean, at times she annoys me. Hell, I know at times I annoy the shit out of her. She’s not afraid to tell me that either. But there’s something about being here with her, just grocery shopping with her and Mere, that just…it’s like I’m really at home, ya know?

And from the moment we got off the plane, she ran and hugged and kissed me and did the same with Trace, and then she looked at Meredith, smiled and gave her a hug and a kiss and I knew, I knew right then and there this was gonna be awesome. My mother has a good intuition and I could tell right off that she liked Meredith. And I could tell Meredith liked her and well, that just makes me really happy. In the past year or so I’ve only brought home one, no two girls.

My mom hated them from the moment she saw them and she wasn’t afraid to tell me either.

“Now do you guys want me to make Steaks tonight?”

I could orgasm at the thought of one of my mother’s steaks. Is that perverted? “Oh my god, please momma.”

She laughs and pets me on the shoulder. She’s always laughing at me. It’s great. She makes fun of me like no one else. “Ok baby. Mop up the drool.”

Mere comes up and puts her arm around me for a moment. It’s weird, her and my mother both kind of look like twins, both in jeans and tank tops and hats on their heads with their hair pulled back. It’s cute, really it is. “Mmm fruit on sale.” She smiles at me and points to a sign that has buy one get one free for berries or something.

“Get whatever you want, darling.” My mother says, dramatically marking off something on the list as she throws a bag of oranges into the cart. “Two little plums isn’t enough! I’m not going to be around for two nights and Justin might starve you so stock up on whatever you want.” She starts to walk off and is talking to herself about whether to get regular cabbage or red cabbage. I just look at my girlfriend and smile. I almost say something to her, like how fucking sexy she looks and how I can’t wait to get home and make out with her.

But as soon as I open my mouth I hear a yell, “Justin! Push the cart and stop laggin’. You guys get what stuff you want here. I’m gonna go talk to Dale.” She waves her hand and walks further down the produce section to the back of the store.

“Who’s Dale?”

Mere pulls away from me and goes to get some strawberries or something. Shit, I wonder if she’s the type of girl that would wanna mess around with food and sex. I bet she would. “The butcher. Mom and him grew up together.”

“Well that’s convenient.” Suddenly she’s amazed by the avocados. I probably look like a dumb ass just standing here staring at my girl and her fine ass, but I don’t care. There’s nothing I’d rather be doing. She really is a gorgeous girl. “Ooo, can I get this to make guacamole?”

The avocados are in this little fake indigenous-looking food stand. It has all the tropical fruit and shit on it. The cool thing is it kind of blocks the view of everyone in the deli, like that Carla girl and that lady with the kid that was staring at me. You could only see us if you came behind the stand to get to this side of it or if you were trying to get to the potatoes. Well there’s probably cameras but I don’t give a shit. I pull her back against me and lean down to start kissing her neck a little bit. She smells so damn good. I wish we hadn’t agreed to come out with momma on errands. We should have stayed at home, and I should have gone down on her. Damn her skin is like fucking candy. I kiss her up to her ear and whisper, “Whatever you want.”

“Oh…” She giggles and puts two avocadoes in a bag. “Well then remind me to get some whipped cream to use on you, I mean the strawberries.”

I push myself into her. Little girl is giving me a hard on and she knows it, so I bite her ear and say, “Teasing slut.”

She pulls away from me and narrows her eyes, “Cocky mother fucker.”

“You like it.”

She blushes and giggles. I don’t know, it’s something new we’ve been doing the past three days. We’ve been calling each other these horrible names. She called me a ‘little cock’ the other day and I called her a ‘loose whore’ and we laughed and then made out. I don’t know. It’s kind of hot pretending to be all fake mad and hating each other.

We walk over to the cart and she puts the avocados in there along with some tomatoes she picked up. She turns and smiles at me. It’s that smile, that damn fucking smile she keeps giving me. I wanna go home. With her. Now. “So your momma’s leaving tomorrow night?”

I grin at her and wink. “It’ll just be me and you and the entire house to ourselves.”

She nods and looks past me over to where they have the bagged salads and stuff. “And Court.”

“Right…” My smile drops and I follow her gaze and see her there. Khakis pants, button down blouse, hair pulled back, reading the back of the salads, that’s what she’s doin’. Oh yeah right, like a fucking bagged salad needs a calorie count.

Freak.

Mere smacks my butt with the back of her hand and pushes the cart into me and makes me walk over towards where Courtney is standing. We get close, like not super close, but about ten feet away and Mere says, “Don’t just stand there get something if you want it girly!”

She looks at us, seeming a little bit surprised and puts the salad back. She shrugs. “I’ll just eat whatever you guys get.”

I look at Meredith and roll my eyes. I receive another smack, this time in the arm. “You know you could be a little nicer,” she mumbles.

I scoff a little. I mean, ok, so I guess I could be nicer, but what the hell? I don’t like the girl and I don’t think she likes me so why should I have to put on this fake ass smile and be nice. Why can’t I just ignore her? I don’t trust her. I don’t care if her and Mere are getting to be friends. There’s something about her. From the moment I met her and saw her I just, I didn’t like her. And I know her and Trace are getting to be friends, which tells me that he’s really going through some mental instability. I thought he was getting past all this Elisha bull shit, but clearly he’s latching onto Courtney.

And Courtney is not his type. At all. And Mere, well she’s nice and friendly and spends a lot of time with the girl so of course she’s gonna have some sort of affection towards her. But that doesn’t mean I have to.

I mean it’s nice enough that I’m letting her stay in my house. “What?”

“You make her feel uncomfortable.”

“What?” I shake my head. If anyone feels uncomfortable, it’s me. She’s always staring at me like she doesn’t approve or like she’s trying to get into my head. Maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe I’ve just been around too many bitches in my life, too many women that just want to get close to me or pull some bull shit on me. But you can’t just make me start trusting her. I feel weird around her and I’ve tried to be nice, tried to change, but every time I look at her I know she’s judging me. “She makes me feel that way. I just don’t trust strangers in my house. Especially here ‘cause, ‘cause this is home.”

Meredith rolls her eyes at me and pushes the cart away, glaring. “Fine, then we’ll just go get a hotel and not bother you.”

“Mere…” Shit. The last thing I wanna do is piss off my girl. I run up to her and get in front of the cart, putting my hands up in a mock surrender. I’ll deal with Courtney. I’ll fucking deal with her just fine if Mere stays with me at my house. I want Mere to stay with me. ‘Cause ya know, my mom and dad are going out of town and we’ll have the place to ourselves and well, yeah… “It’s fine, ok? I’ll be nice, I swear.”

She sticks her tongue out at me and I’m relieved she’s not completely pissed off. I start to say something sexy again, smart ass and sexy about me and her renting a hotel instead, but mom interrupts me again.

“Justin, come here…”

I turn and see her over by the meat section talking to Dale who’s behind the counter. Dale’s a cool guy, a little strange and there are rumors that he’s gay, but he grew up with my mom and he’s always been really good to her and nice.

“Hey Dale, how you doing?” I wave at him and Meredith comes to a halt beside me with the cart.

“Good good. You keeping busy out there in California?”

I nod. “You know it.”

The next thing I know there’s another presence beside me and Courtney is standing right there. Why’s she so fucking close to me? I ignore her and then Dale laughs and says, “Ok, now that’s just not fair that he has two girlfriends, Lynn. Why do I never have such luck?”

I laugh and put my arm around Mere, “This is my girlfriend Meredith, and that’s her assistant.” I just nod over to Courtney and rub Mere’s back a little bit.

Dale laughs and shakes his head at my mom. “Then why don’t I have an assistant?”

“Mere’s also in the business.” My mom is such a dork. She said it in that voice that she uses whenever she’s trying to impress anyone. Dale just laughs at her.

“I see. Well I got work to do. You guys enjoy those steaks, ok?” He hands mom a package of white butcher paper with a sticker on it. Mmm, I bet he did get us some good steaks. “Good seeing you, babe.” He smiles at my mom and waves at all of us.

“Bye Dale.”

We don’t walk too far when Mom turns on her heels and says, “Oh, is Trace coming over? Do I need to get a steak for him, too?”

I can hear Courtney suck in a breath behind me. She needs to get over her crush or whatever for Trace ‘cause it’s not gonna last and he’ll break her heart and then we’ll have to deal with it. And like I said, she might do something stupid, ‘cause I don’t trust that girl.

I grit my teeth for a moment and then take a breath, “No momma, he’s having dinner with his family.”

She nods, looking at her list and blindly walking into the aisle with all the soup and pasta shit. Suddenly she turns and says to me, “Oh dammit, Justin go get me a bag of potatoes. I forgot.” I don’t hear her at first ‘cause I’m looking at these big bones they have for dogs. I bet my dogs would like them. Barbequed flavored? Like a dog would know. It’s so weird how people advertise dog food like the owner would want to eat it. Weird. “Justin!” I look up and say ‘huh.’ Mere is laughing at me and my momma is jerking the cart from my hands. She rolls her eyes at me. “Dammit son, you aren’t any good with this. We’ll take the cart and you come find us.”

I laugh. “Momma, you know I get lost in these places.”

I feel a hand on my chest and see that Mere is looking up at me with a bright smile under the bill of her hat. It’s actually my hat, this old red Pony one. I don’t wear it any more so I gave it to her ‘cause she wanted a “cool hat” to wear around. “I’ll help him.”

She pushes me back towards the produce and I pinch her sides and pout. “Don’t make fun of me.”

She turns, bites her lip and pulls me toward her. We’re back over by the avocados again. “I wanted to get you alone for a while.”

She kisses me and I pull back and look around, not seeing anyone looking but still a bit nervous. Like, when I’m teasing her its cool ‘cause I’m in control, but sometimes with Mere I don’t know what she’s gonna do. It’s exciting as hell and she’s always surprising me, but right now she looks like she wants to get down on her knees and do something right here in the supermarket. And as much as I’d love it, my mom wouldn’t and Johnny wouldn’t and I’m sure her manager Angie wouldn’t.

Angie’s a pretty cool girl. I mean, for one of those stuck up business people type. We had a long talk when we were filming that video and she’s been around for a while in the business and seems to really care about Mere. Oh, and that video….boy, was that some damn fun. I don’t think I’ve had that much fun making a video in a long while. My girl was looking fine and I got to be up on her and yeah…

And when we got home that night we hung out with Trace a little bit and then took a shower together and she gave me a hand job in there and I fingered her on my bed afterwards and then we passed out together all naked. It was nice, real nice.

“I’m not making out with you in public, missy.”

She seems not to care and runs her hands up my chest, over my shirt and locks them behind my neck, looking up at me. “You look so fucking hot today. Are you sure your momma doesn’t mind if we sleep in the same bed?”

I shrug and put my arms around her and hug her for a second. I would never be able to do this anywhere else. It’s kind of cool. Here in Millington I kind of get my privacy. Sure people talk and they gossip and spread rumors around but no one, at least no one I grew up with or that knows my family, would sell anything or tell any reporter what they saw. When I come home I’m ignored and usually the paparazzi doesn’t find me, just on rare occasions. It’s like instead of being some celebrity or something, I’m just the popular town guy, like the quarterback of the football team or something. I matter and people care about what’s going on with me and want to know and sometimes stare, but it’s different here. People don’t freak out.

Here, I’m just Justin.

“My momma don’t care. She lets me do what I want.”

She licks her lips and pushes her breasts against me. “And what do you want right now?”

I narrow my eyes. “Why are you teasing me in a freaking grocery store?”

She smiles and laughs and it’s makes me a little weak. Her fucking laugh makes me weak. Shit, I got it bad. “Because your southern accent has come out full blast and you’re so relaxed and at ease and so well mannered and you’re like this sexy southern gentleman…”

“Oh, so that’s what gets you hot?”

She smiles and shakes a little. “I wish. It’s cold as hell in here.”

It’s stupid and pig headed, but I can’t help myself. I look at her chest. I start to grin and bite my lip. Her tank top has thin straps and I think its one of those with the little built in thing. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s not holding back the fact that she’s cold. Not at all and she’s got some cleavage, too. I want to kiss her there. “I can tell. You should know better than not wearing a bra in a supermarket, girl.”

She leans into me and kisses me for a moment. “I was hoping you’d notice.”

“You little whore.”

I see her look around for a moment and then she whispers, “Pencil dick” and sucks on my bottom lip.

This girl is dangerous. Code Red. Fuckin’ off the charts.

And she’s mine and I love it.

“Oh hell no, bitch.” I say to her and she just laughs and scampers from around me, picks up a sack of potatoes and smiles.

“What you gonna do about it?” She laughs and I come up close to her and she says in a quiet voice, “Threaten me with your skinny penis?”

“You want it, don’t you?”

She walks backwards down the next aisle where my mom and Courtney are looking at something and talking. I glance at them, but when Mere starts to talk I look back down at her. She’s looking at me like she wants me. She’s got the slightly opened mouth, the slightly narrowed eyes and the flush against her cheeks. She looks beautiful and sexy. She says in a low voice, “You have no idea. I want it deep and hard and fast…” Immediately she turns and walks over to where my mom is and says, “Courtney, do you like pickles?”

“I like the sweet ones.”

I waste no time and go right up to her and tickle her sides. She laughs and twists away and smiles at me. “Me too!” She leans and whispers, “I like to suck on them.”

I grab the potato sack out of her hand and pull her to me and start tickling her some more. I don’t whisper when I say back to her, “Girl you need to stop! I’m serious.”

“What’s going on?” My mom sounds like she use to when I was in elementary school and me and Trace would mess around with the other kids.

I let go of Meredith and put the potatoes on the bottom tier of the cart. It’s amazing. We’re gonna be here five days and we’re stocking up like we’re moving to a deserted island. “Nothing momma. My girlfriend is just mean.”

A lady that looks kind of familiar walks past the end of the aisle and the sound of squeaking sneakers follows her. A brown headed kid about nine runs past, looks down the aisle and stops. He stares at me and then waves, “Hi Justin…”

I have no idea who the kid is, but I smile. “What’s up…”

The lady comes back into view and looks down the aisle and sighs, “Hey Lynn, sorry.” The kid is still waving at me. I think that lady goes to church with momma. Not sure. “Christopher come on…” She pulls the kid away and suddenly someone’s hugging me from behind.

“You’re so cute, like everyone just adores you around here.”

I laugh and pull away from her a bit. “I’m annoying as hell, don’t let them fool you.”

I decide that we need to calm it down a little bit. I love my girl and all, but we are in public and I know Millington is pretty damn safe. I know I can kind of be myself but still, we’re being annoying. Even if we weren’t like famous or whatever, we’re probably being a little too affectionate in public. So instead of messing around with my girl some more, I move closer to my momma and I ask her about her lists, making fun of her ‘cause she’s now on page two.

We go down the snack food aisle and then end up on the cereal aisle. Mom’s more concerned with getting down to the end where the granola bars are and I just stop pushing the cart and let the three of them keep walking and stand there in shock. I look to my right and look back at them.

“Are you serious? You’re just gonna walk right by that?”

She turns to me and sighs when she sees the sign I’m looking at. Four General Mills brand cereal boxes for eight bucks. I mean, come on now! “Justin I don’t need four boxes of cereal.”

“Well I do.” I start pulling off some stuff. Yeah Cinnamon Toast Crunch, haven’t had that in forever. And Smacks! Oh shit.

Mere’s laughing at me and I realize that while I’m putting the boxes in the cart, my mom is taking them out and handing them to Courtney, saying, “Will you put those back for me? Thank you, dear.”

Courtney laughs and that kind of annoys me. I mean, it’s cool when mom and Mere laugh at me, but not her.

I know, I know. I’m acting like a little child. I’m being a dick to her, but that’s how I feel so whatever.

Meredith and Courtney lag behind, probably still laughing at me, so I take the opportunity and push the cart up by my mom and walk with her and ask, “So what do you think so far?”

I look behind us at my girl. Damn, what a smile. My mother gives me a look and shakes her head. “Do you really have to ask me that?”

“I don’t know momma, I just…” I sigh. Ya know, I’ve dated around a lot the past few years. I haven’t really been able to find a girl that keeps my interest. And I know, you could say that maybe Mere will end up being the same way. I know we basically just goof around together and talk about random shit and make out. But she’s got something. And as much as I hate to compare her to my past, she, she reminds me of Britney, or at least who I had wished Britney would become.

I mean she’s so different now and changed. Hell, so am I. I haven’t talked to her in forever, though. And Meredith, she’s like the girl I want to be with. And I know its just starting and I know we’ll have bad times ahead and I know there’s so much more to her that she hasn’t shown me. But, like when she took me back, that day when she was laying in bed, crying to me ‘cause I had fucked up, and that night, God that night we swam naked together. Those times prove to me that this isn’t just for fun. This isn’t just because she’s hot and is a great kisser and looks good next to me.

This is because she’s awesome. She makes me feel that thing, deep, deep down. She eases my mind. And it’s not just like she’s hot and fine, because she is.

But she’s beautiful, too. And there are a lot of girls out there that are sexy and hot but sure as fuck aren’t beautiful.

I look behind me. She’s smiling again.

I haven’t been breathless over a girl in years.

“She’s wonderful, baby.”

I sigh and smile at my mom. “She’s different momma.” I turn the aisle and rub my forehead a little bit. We got up early this morning to get on the plane and I didn’t sleep well last night for some weird reason. Probably ‘cause Mere wasn’t with me. I shouldn’t be getting this dependant on a girl. Not again. That was the problem last time. I needed her too much. “It scares me shitless.”

“You’ll be fine, baby.” She pats my back for a moment and then laughs, “Now this assistant girl. Is she always this quiet?”

Why did she have to bring her up? Well, I know why. My mom’s about as cautious of having strangers over in her house as I am. She’s a great hostess and all, but she’s curious and cautious about girls. “I don’t know, Trace knows her better than me and Mere seems to like her, but I don’t know.”

“She’s nice and very polite.”

“I guess.” I shrug and my mother eyes me carefully. Shit, now I’m making her worry about Courtney. She’s not that bad really. I just don’t like her and don’t trust her. But Mere does and she helps her out a lot so, that’s something.

I guess.

Suddenly there’s a tap on my shoulder, and I turn and Mere’s there with a smile and a cell phone.

“It’s for you…”

I stare at her. “But it’s your phone.”

She laughs at me. “I know, but it’s for you.”

I take the phone and she laughs and runs back over to Courtney. I look at her and Courtney’s rolling her eyes and laughing, too. Is this some joke? “Uh, hello?” I say and continue to follow my mom and push the cart.

“Justin! Megan here, how’s things?”

Weird. I don’t know who I was expecting it to be, but I wasn’t expecting her. “Oh um, hey, fine. And yourself?”

“Peachy. How’s home?”

“Great.” It’s quiet on the line. Really quiet. It’s awkward. “Um, Megan, not to sound like an ass, but is there something you want?”

She laughs. “Can’t I just want to talk to my best friend’s boyfriend?”

“I guess, you just, you seem like you’re up to something.”

“Oh, well I totally am.” She laughs some more. That girl is crazy. She’s got a great personality, but she’s a little nuts. Not like bad nuts, just fun. Very outspoken, too. Which kind of makes me worried right now. “I just have a few things I wanna chat with you about. First off, you treating her well? Everything ok?”

I’m starting to get nervous. The plastic on this cart handle is making my palms sweat. “I think so.”

“No more getting high and calling her a bitch?”

I sigh, “Look…”

She cuts me off. “Cause I’ll come down there and kick your ass, you know that right?”

I know I deserve this. I know she has every right to say this to me, but it still doesn’t mean I wanna hear it. “Yeah, I know. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“Ok second,” she laughs a little. “I graduate soon. So really try not to schedule anything too adventurous with her in three weeks because I’m coming to visit her whether she likes it or not. And I’d prefer it if she wasn’t out of the country or something.”

“I’ve got promo to do anyway, so I think you’re set on that. Just as long as you don’t take her out to a strip club.” I laugh, but I’m still kind of nervous.

“Well, thanks for ruining my plans. And thirdly, when are you going to fuck the girl?”

I stop the cart. I blink. Did she just say that? Like really say that? “Whoa, what?”

“Aren’t I delightful?”

I can’t believe this. She just….what? Ok wait, does that mean Mere wants it? Wait or... What? “Are you serious?”

“Well kind of.” Oh my god, she really sounds serious. I look back at Mere. She’s yawning. Man, does she want to fuck me? I mean, I know she wants to. But is she all ready and everything? Oh my god. “I mean she wants it and I think she’s like planning it out for pretty soon. Like actually planning it. So just some advice about Mere, if you don’t know this already, a lot of times she can work things up in her mind and if they don’t go 100% according to plan she gets really confused and upset and it’s not pretty.”

“Ok.” I feel out of breath and lightheaded.

“And also, well, I don’t think she’s told you this and she hasn’t really come out and said it to me directly, but you know she’s like completely, totally in love with you, right?”

I stop the cart for a moment, but start pushing it again. It’s one thing to think it, but to hear it is another. Even though it’s not from Meredith’s mouth, it kind of hits me hard, right in the chest. It makes me terrified and happy at the same time. It’s a weird feeling and my stomach starts to ache. “Well I guess…”

“Justin, you don’t have to play it off.”

I suck in a breath. “Yeah, I mean. I know she hasn’t said it but, I guess I can kind of sense it.”

“So don’t throw that away. You mean a hell of a lot to her and I know right now she’s just silly and fun and messing around with you, but there’s more to it than just having fun to her. It takes her a while to open up like that, but when she does you’re gonna realize there’s a lot more to her than what you see now.”

“Ok. I mean, I figured I just…”

She cuts me off again. “Now do you love her back?” I blink. This is too much information too fast. She wants to have sex with me, she’s ready for it and she loves me. And I think somewhere in my mind I knew this stuff but I just hadn’t really thought about it all that much. And now I can’t stop thinking about it. Honestly, it’s making me a little dizzy. I don’t know what to say. I mean, I care about her more than almost anyone. So, I guess I love her. I mean, I do love her, but I don’t know if I’m in love with her. I want to be, I just don’t know if it’s too soon. I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve been in this situation.

Suddenly, I hear a groan over the phone. “Shit, so that’s a no.”

I guess she says that because I haven’t said anything in response. I shake my head and quickly cover it up. Plus, if I did love Mere I don’t wanna be telling it to Megan. I…I’d want to talk to Mere about it, or at least Trace first. “I didn’t say that! I just, why are we having this conversation?”

“Cause Meredith is one of the most important people in my life. We’re best friends Justin, but it’s more than that. We’ve been together through more shit than you know, more than just some tabloid making up some shit about us. If her heart gets broken or if you don’t feel a certain way towards her that might end up hurting her in the end, I need to know so that I can deal with it.”

“Like what? Shoot me.”

“No, but if you aren’t in love with her, you need to tell her that shit. Don’t you dare lead her on!”

That makes sense. But what do I do if I don’t know if I love her? Ok, so then if I do and I tell her things might change and everything is so damn good right now. “Ok, yes ma’am.”

“So tell me, how do you feel about her?”

I sigh. My mom is now in the diary aisle. I’ve been following her around all through this migraine inducing conversation. Mere and Courtney are with her, picking out ice cream. Mere looks at me for a moment, smiles and I look away. This is just awkward. “Megan you’re, you’re making me really uncomfortable. I don’t think I have to explain…”

Suddenly Meredith is next to me, her hand on mine, prying the phone from my ear. “What is she saying? Give me that!” I should probably struggle or something or tell her its ok, but I easily let her take the phone and I can hear her say, “What the hell, Meg?...No, what did you say?”

I sigh in relief and follow my mother to where she’s headed towards the check out area. “You ok there? You look a little pale.”

I almost jump at her voice. I don’t look at her, but I know she’s right beside me and I wish she would just leave me the fuck alone. The last person I want to talk to right now is Courtney. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t worry. She called me a few days ago and lectured me on making sure I didn’t have any ulterior motives. She must be a great best friend but maybe a little off her rocker.”

“No, no…” I rub my forehead, staring at the picture of me and Meredith and Paris Hilton on the cover of Star. The big story is a Brangelina fiasco but in the corner there’s this horrible picture of me. Apparently, I’m cheating on Meredith with Paris. I haven’t even seen that crazy girl in like a month. I don’t even know Paris that well. It’s amazing, really. “She’s not off her rocker she just, she cares. She’s making me think about some things. That’s it. Look, don’t worry about it.”

“I spend about as much time with Meredith as you do Justin. So if you want a female opinion on a situation I’ll be glad to give it.”

“Nothing, nothing just forget it.” I shake my head and look away from the tabloids. My mother is rolling her eyes at me, her check book open and her pointing to the old man who looks like he might keel over at any time at the end of the counter.

“Justin, would you help the man bag!”

“Yes ma’am.”

I’m thankful for the distraction and go and help the guy bag the groceries. He smiles at me. He has no teeth. Sometimes I wonder how I’ll be when I get old, like if I’ll be married and have grandkids. I’d like that. I’d like to be like my grandfather and just be chill and kick ass and tell all these crazy stories. I look at Meredith, she’s on the phone still. I sometimes wonder if she’s the one. I know that’s a God awful cheesy thing to say but at times I can see her, sitting in a rocker, knitting something, or complaining about the weeds growing in her garden. She’d give piano lessons to the local kids ‘cause she’s phenomenal at the piano and we’d be old together. And she’d have to remind me to take my arthritis medicine and we would be old and wrinkly and gross and it would be wonderful.

I laugh.

I’m a freak sometimes.

Before I realize it, I’m pulling my sunglasses up over my eyes as we head towards the car and my mom is now on her cell phone and Courtney’s on hers, too. I don’t know who she’s talking to but she’s giggling in this weird way. And I think she just said my name. She better not be talking about me. Mom pops the back of her car and I lift it up and start to put the groceries in there for her. I think she’s on the phone with Dad. I wonder if he’d want to go play golf sometime. I wonder if Mere would wanna go.

Suddenly I hear a sigh and someone is helping me pull out the paper bags of groceries. I think mom bought out the damn store. “I’m so sorry about her.” Mere says to me.

“Don’t be, she just cares about you. Trace use to do the same thing with me but after the fifth girl he backed off and saw I could fend for myself.”

“I just…” She sighs and I help her lift the case of beer I snuck onto the bottom of the cart. “I haven’t dated in a while and she’s worried about me being heart broken.”

“Come here…” I pull her into me. It feels good to hug her like this. It’s different from in the store when we were being all teasing and playful. She feels good against me and I rub her back and kiss her cheek. I bend down a bit and look at her. I realize I’m looking at her through my sunglasses and that kind of defeats the purpose of me trying to look her in the eyes, but oh well. “I have no plans to break your heart. I have no plans to break up with you any time soon, actually, ever that I see. You’re…you’re one of the best things that’s happened to me, you know that right?”

She smiles and lunges forward, her arms around my neck, her lips against mine. I love it when she’s like this. It’s like out of a god damn movie or something. It’s like I really am the only person that matters to her. I love that I can say little things like this and it makes her day and makes her so happy.

I love making her happy. It’s what I live for really. She’s got the best smile and the best laugh. And I love it.

I…I love her.

I do.

She pulls away for a moment and I can’t stop myself. I pull her back and kiss her again.

And then my mom, with her impeccable timing, comes back and pats me on the arm and says to Mere, “Baby, I love you and think you are wonderful, but this is gonna be a problem if you keep distracting my son.”

I laugh and hug my momma. I love Meredith. I really do.

Shit. I’m fucking in love with her. And I’m terrified and I’m scared and I pray I don’t fuck it up. And my stomach hurts and my head hurts.

And I’m so happy.

“Momma, I’m sorry I can’t help it that my girlfriend is fiiiinnnneee…”

She just rolls her eyes at me and takes my hands and places them on the handle of the cart. “Put the cart back and get in the car, hot shot.”

I just laugh and watch my mother shake her head and get in the car. Meredith does, too. I guess Courtney is already in there.

I love her. I’m in love with her. It’s so fucking great!

I push the cart and it rolls into the little parking spot for them in the lot and crashes against the rest.

Shit.

I love her.

And that means I gotta tell her.