JC grinned as he walked up behind Rachel a couple days later. She was sitting close to her easel working. Lance's present sat off to the side still on an easel. There hadn't been a change made to it since she declared she wanted to wait and see if something else came to her. As far as he knew, she hadn't made any inquiries about getting it framed. He figured he'd give it another day or two, then make a few calls himself to price custom frames for the drawing. Then he could give the information to Rachel. More than likely he'd end up taking her to a frame shop himself just so the gift would be done on time.

Having Lance's present done on time meant he wouldn't be able to tease her. Last year he had been able to tease her relentlessly as she frantically rushed around at the last minute trying to secure the most amazing gift. She had shown up to the party empty handed when her gift hadn't arrived in time. He had spent the next month not letting her live it down. Rachel finally had to threaten him with his own birthday present before he stopped.

The present he had received two months later floored him. The rare limited edition Michael Jackson ‘Thriller' vinyl had to have put a dent in her savings. The present had caused an argument between the two. There was no way he could accept the gift knowing how much it would have cost. Rachel had thrown the cost of his present to her back in his face. The skis and snowboard hadn't cost him much and he could afford it. Rachel on the other hand... She had eventually won the argument. She had taken the vinyl from his hands and walked over to the trash can. Putting her foot on the lever to open the lid, she dangled it above the can. JC had paled remembering the food he had tossed in there earlier that day. He dove for the record before Rachel could drop it. Her laughter had followed her out of the kitchen while he tried to calm his heart, clutching the record to his chest.

The shoe was going to be on the other foot this year, he was sure. Rachel's birthday present had been purchased and set since November. Before they both left town to spend time with their families for the Thanksgiving, they had gotten together with a lot of their friends in town to have a friends Thanksgiving. It was then when he'd overheard a friend of his telling Rachel about the trip he had taken over the summer to the Scandinavian countries. Later on, he had picked his friend's brain on the trip and started his own research.

The plane tickets and itinerary sat in an envelope hidden between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back DVDs. Those were two movies he knew Rachel would never mess with on the shelf. Each year he had to get more and more creative when it came to hiding his presents to her because she was a major snoop. After so many years, it had almost turned in to a game. He knew it was pointless for him to snoop. Rachel never had his presents early.

Leaning against the door jam, JC crossed his arms as he watched Rachel working. The amount of talent she had still blew him away after all these years. Her hand moved across the paper. From what he could tell, the huge paper was divided in to four sections. Each of those sections, she was drawing a piece of cake on a plate of different moments of consumption. The first square held the full piece of pie on the plate. All he could do was stare as she worked on the second square that had the tip of the triangle missing after a bite had been taken.

JC wondered what she would think of the gift he had gotten her. When he bought it, he hadn't given a thought to how it would look - him taking her on a two week vacation. It wouldn't be the first time they went on vacation together, but their vacations were usually with a lot more people joining them whether it was skiing in Colorado or lying on the beach somewhere in the Caribbean. They always had a lot of couples joining them.

Couples.

This trip would be different. This time it would be just him and her spending two weeks together in Europe, exploring Sweden, Norway, and Denmark. Each hotel he had booked for the trip had come either with adjoining rooms or rooms with two beds. It had been difficult to plan some of the things he thought Rachel might like because it seemed no matter where he searched, there was always something romantic. He had been half way through booking a couple excursions in Norway before he realized they weren't like that. They didn't have that kind of relationship.

At least not yet.

He had finally confirmed his feelings to someone other than himself. Matt had given him a lot of shit during dinner, but had ultimately been happy for him. He felt relief finally telling someone what he had kept inside for many years. There had been plenty of excuses he had come up with in his mind not to tell Rachel of his feelings. She'd been dating someone. He'd been in a relationship. He was in the middle of a big project. She'd been in the middle of a huge commission. He didn't want to ruin their friendship.

That had been the biggest reason he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. What he told Matt had been the truth. They could agree to not let the revelation hurt their friendship all they want but it would hurt their dynamic. It had to. Could he still chase her around the house and tackle her to the floor and tickle her? If he did that, would she be uncomfortable knowing how he felt?  What about if he did something as simple as just giving her a hug? Would it be awkward and full of overthinking? What would happen when they were watching a movie on the couch side by side? Would the Grand Canyon fit between them?

Could he fess up his feelings? Should he tell her before they go on the trip? Instead of taking the trip as friends, they could go as something more. They would be able to take some of the more romantic side trips he had seen. If he told her and she didn't feel the same way, it could ruin the trip. She might decide to take someone else instead and leave him home in a lonely house where the silence would fill with all the second thoughts and wishes of being able to go back in time and not tell her. He could tell her on the trip but that held the same risks. She could tell him she didn't fell the same way and then they would be stuck together in a foreign country unable to get away from each other.

The risks were too high.

The rewards though, were just as high. How would it feel to pull Rachel in to his arms and hold her knowing that he had the right to kiss her? How would it feel to kiss her? Hold her in his arms every night? Make love to her? He could hold her hand in the car or walking down the sidewalk. He could book one room on vacations knowing that she would be with him.

If he told her before, could he deal with not going on the trip with her? If his revelation wasn't as welcomed as he wanted it to be, would he be able to step back and let her go with someone else? He planned the trip with Rachel in mind and the places he was sure she'd want to visit. That didn't mean there weren't stops along the way that he had wanted to see. If he told her his feelings and she wasn't receptive, could he see her off on the two week trip while he stayed behind and drowned in the ‘what could have beens'?  

He could drown in the shoulds and shouldn'ts right now. He had spent many hours going over them. Unfortunately with all that time, JC had yet to come to a decision. Should he tell her how he felt? Should he keep it to himself and be content to be her friend? Every time he had a pro for telling Rachel, there was an equally big reason why he shouldn't tell her. The cycle was never ending.

JC brushed the thoughts aside as he turned and walked away from Rachel. He had thought about scaring her, but he had too many emotions that needed to be cleaned up and put away. Making sure he had his wallet and car keys, he slipped out the front door.

*~*

Glancing at the watch on her wrist, Rachel's eyes widened seeing the hour. She sat the colored pencil down and stretched raising her arms high above her head. The kinks released from her back and she gave a sigh of relief. The new drawing was coming along nicely. Melissa had asked her for a few new pieces to hang up in the bakery. In a couple weeks she was going in after closing and work on a new window piece. The bakery had two large windows that sandwiched the door. Melissa had given Rachel free reign over one whole window. The mock up was already done. She couldn't wait to get started.

Once her area was cleaned up, she took a look around to make sure she hadn't missed anything. Lance's birthday present still set in the corner. Standing in front of it, she stared at it with a critiquing eye. There wasn't a spot on the drawing that she thought needed a touch up or an addition. It was time to start going to places in town to look for the perfect frame and the right cost.  Deciding to do that tomorrow, she turned from the room.

The house was quiet and she frowned trying to remember if JC had told her he was leaving. She couldn't remember. It wasn't anything new. She often zoned out while she was working. Once JC had unloaded on her, after a bad day. He had paced behind her unleashing all the anger he had. She hadn't heard a word; just continued working on the painting. When he touched her shoulder after not getting a response to a question he asked, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Grabbing her phone where she had left it on the couch, Rachel noticed she had a couple text messages from JC and a voicemail from an unknown number. Ignoring the voicemail, she pulled up the messages from JC seeing that he was at the studio.

‘You didn't need me did you? You should have told me.'

‘You were busy. Didn't want to interrupt.'

‘Still.' Rachel frowned. She tried to remember if she knew he was going to the studio today. Pulling up the calendar on her phone, she saw that he did indeed have studio time slated. Her mind was spazzing too much lately. The feelings she had for JC were getting harder and harder to push down. It used to be easy to put them up in a box and shove them to the back of her mind. She would pile a bunch of other boxes on top of that particular box. It always seemed to work. Lately the box never seemed to want to stay shut. Probably because there were so many emotions being stuffed in the box now. There wasn't room anymore. Creating a new box didn't seem to be working.

‘We could use some coffee.'

Rachel scoffed rolling her eyes. ‘Walk your happy ass down the block to Starbucks and get some.'

‘It's your job.'

‘You want me to drive all the way from West Hollywood to downtown LA, to stop at Starbucks to get you coffee when all you have to do is walk 5 minutes and get it yourself.'

‘Yes.'

Rachel rolled her eyes again and she entered her room. ‘Bye JC'. She shook her head; a small smile on her lips. One of these days she was gonna do one of the outlandish things JC wanted her to do, just to see the look on his face. She giggled as she thought about the look that would be on his face when she would walk into the studio with a drink carrier full of coffee.

A photo board hung on the wall next to one of her windows. The dark blue fabric was crisscrossed with light blue ribbon that paired nicely with the colors of her room. Tucked underneath the ribbon were many photos from over the years. Small snapshots of her with various people in various places. Some held photos from skiing in Colorado. There were photos from the Caribbean. Photos from Mississippi and Florida. There were many photos taken around LA. There were photos of her and Lance, her and her parents, her and her older sister Stacy, wither her niece and nephews. There were also photos of her with JC's parents, Roy and Karen, and Heather and Tyler, his siblings. There were photos of her and Melissa. Photos of her and various friends. There were a lot of photos of her and JC.

She skimmed over the photos, her eyes paying more attention to the ones that had just her and JC. There was a photo taken a few years ago in downtown LA. It was late at night and the alcohol had been flowing freely. Outside the bar, before they caught a cab back to the house, she had hopped on JC's back, getting a piggy back ride. Renee had snapped the photo before getting a ride from Matt. The four of them had walked down the sidewalk laughing and carrying on.

Another photo had been from the Colorado ski trip they had taken in January. They were decked out from head to toe in gear completely hiding their identities. JC was dressed in black snow pants and a black ski jacket. Both held green piping. The green piping had helped her distinguish that it was him in the mess of other skiers dressed in black. His hands were covered in black gloves. The coat was zipped all the way up, covering his neck. He wore a ski mask over his head with a large goggles with colored lenses and a black helmet. His snowboard was held under one arm.

She stood next to him, her arm draped on his shoulder. She was decked out in black snow pants, but her ski jacket was hot pink. The inside of her sleeves and down the sides of her jacket was black. Her snow pants had the same hot pink piping. Like JC, her face was covered with a ski mask and goggles. A helmet set on her head. She was already standing on her snow board. Her free arm was bent in front of her body two fingers raised giving the peace sign. A smile crossed her lips as she remembered the jokes after the picture had been taken. She had claimed her eyes had been shut. JC had said he hadn't been smiling.

Next to that photo had been a group shot of everyone on the trip. All the girls had crowded in front of the guys, their knees bent so not to block faces. Without any context, it looked like six couples enjoying a vacation together. That wasn't the case. It was five couples, then her and JC. The photo was nice to look at and pretend that it did represent what people would assume. It hadn't been planned but everyone just sort of lined up with their significant other. The phone had been passed to a random skier to snap the photo before everyone got on the lifts. The group had just converged together. She hadn't even realized everyone's locations until she had seen the photo later. The photos on the photo board painted a different picture than the life she actually lived. It looked like her and JC were a couple. They weren't. No matter how much she wanted it to be true.

Rachel sighed and took a seat on her bed. With JC in the studio, there was no telling how late he would be there. That meant she had an open night. She wondered what Melissa was doing and if she wanted to go out and create some havoc. Grabbing her phone again, she was about to text her friend when the red balloon on her phone icon caught her attention. She had forgotten about the voicemail from the unknown caller. Most of the times the callers were an automated voice system and they'd get deleted. Very rarely did they contain a message she actually needed to hear. She couldn't afford to take the chance. If it turned out to be something important regarding JC and she deleted it... she wouldn't give JC the chance to fire her. She'd fire herself.

The voicemail kicked on and she frowned at the noise in the background that made it hard to hear. She plugged a finger in her free ear in hopes to better hear what was going on. Judging by the first few seconds, it didn't sound like it was an important phone call. She was getting ready to delete it figuring she'd been butt dialed by someone random, but paused when she thought she heard JC's voice.

‘Ask her out? Hell, I don't even like her!'

Rachel frowned. That was definitely JC's voice. What in the world was he talking about?

‘Come on, she's hot!'

‘She's completely obvious. She's always hanging over me. It gets on my nerves how she's always around. She doesn't even do anything. Doesn't put any effort in what she does.'

‘Why does she live with you then?'

Rachel's heart started beating faster. She couldn't make out the voice who asked the question. There was too much background noise. There was only one person they could be talking about. Her.

‘Guess I felt sorry for her... certainly better ones out there... I can't get rid of her now... I just gotta suck it up for the next week or two and then she's gone..."

The words were broken up and faded out in certain spots. They still hit home.

Tears had filled her eyes as she listened to JC talk about her. Her heart fell into a pit in her stomach and shattered into a million pieces. Her fears had been realized and they were worse than anything she could have ever thought. She always thought if she told JC her feelings, he'd let her down nicely. He wouldn't hurt her. They'd still be friends, not as close as they as they used to be, but friends. But this... to find out that he didn't even like her.

After all this time, he'd been putting on this front. He hired her because he felt sorry for her. He didn't appreciate her work, thought she didn't do anything. How was it even possible for him to think that? She worked her ass off for him. When he was trying to launch his solo career, she had many sleepless nights where she worked around the clock trying to line up appearances and interviews.

‘What about Addison?'

 ‘I think I'm going to ask her out.'

‘It's about fucking time man!'

‘Yeah man. Little slow on the uptake but I know she's the one.'

The voicemail ended but Rachel remained frozen, the phone still pressed to her ear. She didn't think it was possible for her heart to break anymore but it did. JC not only didn't like her, but he was going to ask Addison out. Addison who looked like another Eva Longoria double. Just like Jennifer had. Just like Kathryn had. It was the complete opposite of her. Her with her blonde hair and green eyes.

It felt like she was going to be sick. The photos on the wall were mocking her now.  The smiling faces taunted her and she wondered if the friends in the photos knew JC's real thoughts. Every where she looked in her room she was met with a memory that she had once held dear. They were now tainted. Ruined. She dropped her phone onto the bed and jumped up. With tears streaming down her face she quickly rushed in to her closet and pulled the suit case from the back corner. Tossing it on the bed, she started throwing clothes in.  Running away never solved anything, but she couldn't stay. She had to get away.