"So glad I'm making this trip in my clothes and not a hospital gown."

Rachel giggled at JC's words as they walked down the hallway of the ICU ward. She had her arm tucked through his. Their steps were not quite as fast as JC's normal gait, but they were getting there.  The doctor was pleased with JC's recovery. Friday was the expected discharge day. Two days away.

"Laugh it up. You wouldn't be the one feeling a draft."

"I bet Anita wouldn't mind the view."

"Not something I want to think about. Considering she's old enough to be my mom."

"She's not dead." Rachel liked how the blush crossed his face. It was so nice to see color back on his skin. For too many days it was too pale for her liking. Their Halloween costumes would never involve any pale characters or creatures. Not for awhile anyway. Until she could get the picture of JC laying near death in a hospital bed out of her mind. She wasn't sure that was possible.

"I can't wait to get out of here. Get home." JC said. He couldn't wait to get home. To sleep in his own bed. Lay on his own couch. Sleep all night uninterrupted because there wasn't a nurse that was gonna come in to take his temperature and ask how he was. He was tired. That's how he was. He was tired because people kept waking him up to ask how he was.

Rachel wasn't certain if she was as excited as JC was at the prospect of going home. Since the day she went with Lance and Michael, she hadn't been back to the house. She wasn't even sure if she was able. She was hoping with JC at her side, she would be able to walk in the house. Not just walk in the house but be able to not picture JC laying on the floor bleeding. It was a scene she saw in her dreams. They'd wake her up with a gasp. She'd turn to look at JC to make sure he was there with her. Then she'd snuggle back against his side and hold him as tight as she dared. If walking back into the house with JC didn't help. She didn't know what she was going to do.

"You know the first thing I'm gonna do when I get home?"

"Take the world's longest shower?"

"That's the second thing." JC hadn't been able to truly bathe. It was mostly sponge baths. It would be nice to be able to climb into his shower and just let the hot water cascade down on him - for hours.

"So what's the first thing?"

"Move you in to my room."

Rachel hadn't been expecting that. She had a few ideas in her head what JC might want to do - shower, nap, eat something other than hospital food or the fast food that his parents or Lance brought once he'd been cleared to eat real food. Her moving into his bedroom hadn't been at the top of the list. It was even in the top five. She wasn't even sure if it was on the list. "Wow. You ready for my things to be all over your bedroom?"

"It's all over the rest of the house, what's one more room." JC shrugged with a smile. He unhooked their arms so he could wrap his around her waist.

"You'll have to downgrade your clothes to make room for mine in your closet."

"Wait a minute, why do I have to get rid of my things? Why don't you get rid of some of your things?"

"I'll have you know I wear every single article of clothing that's hanging in my closet."

"Lies."

"Yeah well how many pairs of black jeans do you need?"

"Alright. So we both downsize?"

Rachel pretended to mull over his compromise. "Do I get to pick some of the clothes that go?"

"Of mine?" JC's eyes widened in surprise. "What's wrong with what I wear?"

"How much time do you have?" She giggled at his look.

"Fine. What about you and your addiction to yoga pants?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow at him. "You want me to get rid of my yoga pants?"

JC realized his error and quickly shook his head. "On second thought, those can stay."

"Thought so," Rachel laughed, laying her head on his shoulder as they continued to walk along the ward. Walking the ICU ward was boring. It was a small square with the nurses' station in the middle. All the rooms were on the outer edge. They walked many loops around the nurses' station since JC was made to get up out of bed. Not for the first time she wished they were on a regular floor. Then they could have a much further walk. It didn't matter where they walked, each time they made the trek they spent the whole time lost in conversation.

"Can I listen to the voicemail?" JC asked catching Rachel off guard again. "Do you still have it?" He felt her head nod against his shoulder.  ‘Of course she did,' JC thought. She still had the voicemail and probably listened to it so much it was memorized. "Can I listen to it?"

They came up on a small waiting room tucked in one of the corners. The room was filled with comfortable chairs, a couch, TV, fridge, and a coffee table littered with up-to-date magazines. It was used by family members as a quiet place to take a breather. Phones could be charged. Food could be stored. Mindless TV shows could be watched. Right now it was empty and JC led her in to the room. He sat down on the couch and tugged on her hand until she sat next to him. Discomfort ran through him from his incisions and he shifted until it eased. "Talk to me."

"Why do you want to listen to it?" Rachel asked softly.

There was no real reason. At least none that JC could think of. He wanted to hear how Matt had taken his confession and twisted it to hurt her. It angered him. He didn't know why he wanted to hear it. Maybe so he could hear it and hurt as much as Rachel had. Not that he hadn't been hurt ultimately. Rachel leaving and cutting off communication had hurt him tremendously.

"I don't think anything can be gained by listening to it."

"Please?"

Rachel pulled her phone from the pocket of the zip up hoodie. After a moment's hesitation, she handed it over to JC. She crossed her arms in front of her, almost in a hugging manner as she watched JC pull up her voicemails. There were still a lot of voicemails she hadn't listened to yet. Her e-mail and text messages were just as bad.

Scrolling past the new voicemails JC found the one from an unknown number dated when Rachel left. He found himself hesitating before he finally tapped the button and lifted the phone to his ear and he heard his own voice. His eyes closed as he listened to himself say the words he remembered saying that night. However it was still all so wrong. When the voicemail ended he left his arm drop back to his lap. Rachel's voicemails still open.

"Jesus," he finally whispered. He hadn't been prepared for how bad it sounded. "Rachel, I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Rachel lifted her head to look at him. "JC, I told you. You didn't do anything wrong. Matt holds a pretty big piece of the blame pie, but I'm holding my share as well."

"Rachel," JC sighed. He dropped his gaze to look at the phone. Before he could think about it, he hit the delete button and watched as the voicemail disappeared. "I hate how that conversation was manipulated and used to hurt you."

"It's okay."

"No," JC shook his head. "It's not even in the same realm as okay. Rachel, there was a lot more to the conversation that night between Matt and I."

"You don't have to explain..."

"Yes I do." He took her hand in his and threaded their fingers. "He tainted that conversation. It wasn't an easy one to have for me but it was such a relief to finally tell someone about my feelings for you. I told him I was finally going to tell you. I kept talking myself out of when. I didn't want to make things awkward for your party. Then we were spending the summer together on a tour bus. Matt said I should tell you immediately. He tried to tell me you felt the same way. I didn't believe him."

"I did... I do." Rachel amended. She laid her head back on his shoulder and tightened her hand in his. "You remember that trip to Miami when someone slipped something in my drink?"

"Remember? It's the reason I don't let anyone buy you drinks when we go out." JC could remember the fear he felt that night. Eva hadn't been able to make it. He'd been on the dance floor, surrounded by plenty of girls. He had lost track of Rachel earlier in the night. He hadn't been concerned. Turns out he should have been. Even ten years later, he still wasn't sure what made him seek her out. He untangled himself from the girls he'd been dancing with and worked his way through the crowd of people. Hands tried to stop him and pull him into dancing, but he brushed them off. Lonnie had come in to view first. Rachel had been in front of him. The look on her face made him move faster.

"I don't remember the club, it's all fuzzy."

"It's because of the drug." She may not have remembered, but he couldn't forget. He would never forget the look in her eyes. How scared she looked. The slurred speech. Lonnie practically had to carry her from the club. He did have to carry her into the Emergency Room. JC had been thankful Lonnie had been there. Lonnie had been able to keep him from not completely freaking out and losing control.

"I definitely don't remember the hospital. What I do remember was the next day. Waking up back in the hotel room. You were sitting next to me on the bed..."

"I sat there all night. Watching you like some creeper." The doctor at the hospital assured him Rachel would be fine. She would sleep it off. Her memory would be compromised and it would feel like she would have a hangover. There was nothing the hospital could do except report the crime and send them on their way with the recommendation of plenty of sleep and to drink plenty of water. He had forced so much water on her the next day, she had joked about just moving into the bathroom.

Rachel held his hand between both of hers. "I was so scared waking up. I couldn't remember anything. The look on your face scared me. When you told me what happened..." she shook her head. "I tried so hard to remember but I couldn't. Can't. You never left. You stayed right there with me all day. Making sure I ate. Drank water. You kept me sane even when I wanted to freak out. You laid next me. Held my hand. You watched the Lifetime channel without complaint.

"I would have done anything for you."

"I fell in love with you that day."

JC was at a loss for words. He lifted his free hand to the side of her face and palmed her cheek. "I love you." He brought her lips to his and kissed her.

*~*

 ‘Going home!'

It was the first thing JC had posted to his Twitter account in months. His bags had been packed. Rachel and Michael had taken them down to Lance's car. Michael was going to stay with the car and wait for the message to bring it around for JC to get in. Parking outside the door early had gotten a scolding by security. The only thing left to do was sign his discharge papers and get any final instructions.

‘Finally!' He thought.

The door open and Lance backed through with a wheelchair. "Moonlighting as a candy striper?"

"Anita told me where to go to get the wheelchair. All the volunteers were drawing straws on who was gonna get to push you out of the hospital. You should be happy that I relieved them of the task because let me tell you," Lance grinned. "You would have found yourself being taken to a closet or helped into an unknown vehicle."

JC laughed. "I always assumed hospital volunteers were retired grandmas."

"They are." Lance laughed, parking the wheelchair out of the way.

"Funny." JC chuckled.

"Any one of them would have leaped at the chance to be your personal nurse." Lance teased, his eyes sparkling in jest. "You could see it in their eyes... they couldn't wait to give you a sponge bath."

"Shut up."

Lance sat down in the wheelchair, looking at JC sitting on the hospital bed wearing a pair of blue jeans and a grey t-shirt with Mickey Mouse on the front. His feet were slipped into sandals partly because it hurt him to bend over. He hadn't thought this day would come. Part of him truly believed the last communication he'd have with his friend was uninviting him to his birthday party.

"What's with the look?" JC asked, starting to feel uncomfortable at Lance's stare.

"Glad today is here, man. I wasn't sure..." Lance's words trailed off. "I wanna apologize about our last phone call."

JC waved his hand in the air, brushing his words off. "Don't worry about it. You were in a hard place."

"Yeah," Lance gave an awkward laugh. "You guys ever put me that position again..." He looked at the door and looked back at JC. "Listen... I know you're hell bent on going home..."

"Lance I'm fine." JC interrupted. "I don't need to stay in the hospital anymore."

"No," Lance shook his head. "It's not that." He leaned forward in the wheelchair, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm talking about your actual house."

"What about the house? It's alright isn't it?"

"Yeah. Your mom cleaned it from top to bottom. Cleaned out your fridge. Your dad and I went shopping with the huge list she made up so everything is restocked."

"You guys didn't have to do that." JC's heart warmed at the thoughtfulness. He hadn't even thought that far ahead. A lot of the things in his fridge would have been expired. The last thing he wanted to deal with when he got home was a smelly fridge and the thought of having to go grocery shopping.

Lance shot JC a look. "Have you met your mother?"

"Right." JC laughed. "But what are you getting at?"

"The plan is for me to take you and Rachel back to your house, but I don't know if that's going to work."

"Why not?" JC asked confused.

"The last time Rachel was at the house it didn't go to well." Lance explained what happened when they had gone for JC's phone and wallet. "I'm hoping it will go better this time around."

"But you don't think it will?" JC supplied Lance's unspoken words. He frowned. He wasn't prepared for Rachel not being able to go into the house. If Rachel couldn't walk in was he going to be able to? He hadn't given it that much thought. Sure he was shot and almost died, but he never thought he wouldn't be able to walk into his house again. That house had been his since he bought it in 2000. Fourteen years he lived in that house.

"I don't think so." Lance shook his head. "It might. You'll be there. That might help knowing that even after what happened you're still here."

"Maybe."

Before he and Lance could discuss it any further, Rachel walked into the room with Anita. Their eyes were both wet and he furrowed his brows in confusion. When he met Rachel's gaze, she just sent him a small smile and a shrug.

"You ready to leave?" Anita asked as she laid the papers on the empty tray and rolled it close to JC. It was bittersweet. She had bonded with them over the course of JC's stay. She was sad to see them leave but was happy they were able to leave and go out to live their lives.

"Oh yeah," JC grinned and grabbed the pen signing his name where Anita indicated. He listened intently as she gave him final instructions. In a week he had a follow up with his regular doctor.

"Your chariot awaits," Lance grinned pushing the chair closer to the bed.

"I can walk out of here," he grumbled good-naturedly. He pushed himself up from the bed. Before sitting in the chair, he gave Anita a hug. "Thank you."

"Oh!" Anita blushed, surprised. "You're welcome. Don't take this the wrong way but I hope you never grace the hospital doors again... except for a trip to the maternity ward."

Lance laughed out loud as he watched both his sister and JC blush the darkest shade of red he'd ever seen. "Ready to rock and roll?" He asked when JC sat down in the wheel chair.

"Home Jeeves."

Lance's words weren't far from JC's mind the entire car ride home. The closer they got to his house, the quieter Rachel had become. Her hand had tightened in his like a vise grip. He almost told Lance to turn around. They could sleep in a hotel. But he knew that wouldn't work. They would have to come home eventually. It would be better to do it now; get it over with. So he kept silent and let Rachel squeeze the life out of his hand.

His house came in to view. Rachel's car sitting outside in its usual spot. Lance parked across the street, making sure to leave enough room for cars to maneuver around both his and his sister's. His parents were already inside. They were staying for the weekend to make sure he was settled in before returning to Florida on Monday. He pushed the door open and unbuckled.

Keeping a tight hold on JC's hand, Rachel slid across the seat and followed JC out of the backseat. Shutting the door behind her, she stared at the house in front of her.

"You okay?"

Rachel met JC's eye and nodded. "Yeah." When he looked away she closed her eyes and took a breath releasing it slowly.

With his hand in hers, Rachel walked across the road toward the door. She waited silently as JC punched in the code to the gate. She paused when JC stopped as he was opening the door.

"Remind me to change the code," JC said as he looked at Rachel. "I don't think she had it, but I don't know for sure."

"We'll make it something super hard like your birthday." Rachel teased in an effort to calm herself.

"That's what I did." Lance chuckled.

"I'll spend the next week answering her angry phone calls and text messages asking what the heck the new code is. Which is what happened the last time I changed it."

"As long as you don't pull up the camera and proceed to tease me we won't have an issues."

"I only did that once," JC told Lance and Michael as they walked through the door. "Last time I ever did that."

"Just think," Lance grinned, slapping JC on the back. "That was before she had the power to withhold sex."

"Life is about to become real fun for you," Michael chimed in chuckling.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Rachel looked over her shoulder at Lance and Michael.

"Nope."

"Can't think of anywhere." Lance grinned.

The group reached from the front door. JC reached for the handle. It turned in his hand and he pushed it open. The door opened to a hallway since it shared a wall with the garage. At the end of the hallway it opened up into the living room and dining room to the left, and the kitchen to the right. Open stairs led to the third floor where his bedroom was, along with Rachel's as well as another. Stairs leading down to the first floor were off the kitchen. The first floor had two more bedrooms. One of those he had turned into a studio. There was a lounge area with couches and a TV. A wall with huge windows face east giving a view of the rising sun each morning. The wall also held the entrance to the deck with the pool. Each level held a balcony. The top balcony was only accessible by his bedroom.

JC stepped into the house and could smell the food immediately. His stomach growled. Beneath the food was the scent of cleanliness. He felt bad that his mother more than likely spent more time than needed cleaning his house and making sure it was ready for his return. Not that he'd tell her. That was a scolding he didn't want to get. There was a slight uneasiness when he saw the spot where it happened. Lance had been right. Nothing remained telling what happened. The grip on his hand caused him to look at Rachel. He could see the paleness of her face as she stared unblinking at the spot near the steps.

Working his hand from her grasp, JC wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest in a hug. When he had been able to hug her that first time out of bed was something he would hold on to forever. She still wouldn't hug him like he wanted her to; too afraid of hurting him. He couldn't wait for the incisions to completely heal so he could pull her hard against his chest in a tight hug.

"I'm safe," JC whispered.

"I know." Rachel clenched her eyes shut when the filled with tears. She clutched JC's t-shirt on his back. "I know."

"I love you."

"I love you too," Rachel lifted her head. Her lips were covered when JC ducked his head to kiss her.

"Get a room!"

JC broke the kiss and looked up, a grin on his face as he saw Jimmy. He slipped from Rachel's arms and moved toward his friend. He hadn't seen him since that day.

Jimmy cupped JC's face with both of his hands. "It is so good to see your face."

"I can honestly say I've missed yours," JC laughed and hugged his friend.

"Welcome home man," Jimmy said when the hug broke.

"It feels so good to be home." JC saw movement and watched as his parents came out of the kitchen along with Chris, Joey, Melissa, and Mary. "This a party?"

"This is just phase one of ‘welcome home'," Joey said grinning, happy his friend was home.

"Phase two is aptly named ‘it's about fucking time'!" Chris said, causing cheers to erupt from all the adults.

"Is Jimmy funding the party with his ill-gotten gains?"

Jimmy laughed and pulled Rachel into a bone crushing hug. "You..." Jimmy said as he continued to hug her. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

"I missed you." Rachel held him tightly.

"If you disappear like that again..."

Rachel shook her head. "I won't." She pulled away. "Just how did you end up winning this bet?"

"Shit," Jimmy laughed. "I've been tossing money in from the moment I met you." He laughed again at the look on Rachel's face. "I was hoping his birthday present would clue you guys in. If not, spending the summer on a tour bus should have done the trick."

"Yeah right." Chris rolled his eyes. "Spending the last ten years running into each other naked living in the same house hasn't clued them in, you really thought living on a tour bus would have done it?"

"Wishful thinking."

"He doesn't get all the money," Mary spoke up. "Half of its mine." She drew JC into a hug and kissed his cheek. "So happy to see you."

After all the hugs and kisses on the cheek, including one memorable kiss on the lips from Joey to JC later, everyone had settled in to enjoy the food Karen had prepared. The company had been everything and more. There was plenty of laughter thanks to Joey and Chris. Plenty of food thanks to Karen and Melissa who had brought desert. When the food had been eaten, everyone settled in the living room. The afternoon waned.

Rachel excused herself for the bathroom, but when she was finished, she slipped into the kitchen and out onto the deck. She leaned on the railing, bowing her head and blowing out a breath. She felt antsy, jumpy. She felt the need to walk out the front door and start walking until she was running; like she needed to get as far from the house as possible. The walls were closing in and this was the only thing she could do. She couldn't leave. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to be inside, sitting on the couch next to JC, talking and laughing with their friends. She wanted to put the nightmare of the last three weeks behind her. From the moment she listened to the voicemail. The hurt she endured. Seeing JC's shot. The blood blossoming on his chest, covering her hands. The anguish of the waiting room. The hours by his bedside praying to every God she could think of to spare him. While God may need him in Heaven, she needed him more.

"Hey."

Rachel nearly jumped out of her skin at the voice. She spun around seeing Melissa stepping onto the deck, closing the sliding door behind her. "You scared the crap out of me."

"What are you doing out here?"

"I needed a minute."

Melissa nodded like she knew and moved to lean against the railing like her friend. "It's a lot to take in. I admire the fact that you're still vertical. I'd be laying in the corner curled up in a ball sucking my thumb talking about voices and imaginary beings."

Rachel laughed softly. "There are times I want to do that. That or crawl into bed, throw the covers over my head and refuse to come out. It's really hard to be here. I'm not sure anyone realizes that."

"They do." Melissa said. "What do you think we've been talking about the whole time you've been gone." She grinned when Rachel snapped her head to look at her. "Just joking. Sort of."

"I don't want people talking about me."

"They aren't. JC and Lance were doing some weird eye thing. It was kind of creepy to watch, but I'm fairly certain it was a conversation about you."

"How do you figure?"

"JC had that dopey look on his face he gets when you do something cute."

Rachel rolled her eyes and knocked Melissa's shoulder with her own.

"We're not asking you to be okay. But we're all here to help you. I know it's not easy. It will get better. You just need to shove that day to the back of your mind. Toss it in a box and bury it beneath the other boxes of things that don't need to be opened. Like the childhood trauma of mall Easter Bunnies, those terrible bowl haircuts from the 80s, 90s fashion." She grinned when Rachel laughed. "Think about how everything is going to change now."

"Well that's not any better to think about." Rachel stared out over the railing, past the rolling hills and over West Hollywood. "Everything is going to change."

"No it's not," Melissa snorted.

"He wants me to move my things into his bedroom. That's a major change."

"Alright. I'll give you that." Melissa relented. "Aside from sleeping together and the kissing and the touches, do you really think your relationship is going to change all that much? You guys have been in this weird platonic relationship for years. Hell, that relationship included touches. There is a reason why there was a pool on your relationship. Everyone saw it but you. And I tried to tell you! He was there waiting for you to snatch him up. The looks he would give you when you weren't looking..." Melissa squealed.

"It would have all been so different if I had told him I loved when I realized I loved him."

"Yeah," Melissa agreed. "But having this friendship, it's going to make this aspect of your relationship so much better. Stop overthinking. If you're not ready to play hide the cannoli, then tell him that. If you feel the need to move slow... but come on, you've been at a snails pace since 2002."

"Hide the cannoli," Rachel snorted. "You've been hanging out with Joey haven't you?" She watched her friend blush and laughed. "So you've made the decision on whose cannoli you want?"

"Who says a girl only needs one?" Melissa said slyly.

"You know what to do with more than one?" She watched as Melissa's face and groaned, putting her hands over her face. "No. I do not want to know. No."

Melissa cackled at her friend's distress, but let her off the hook. For now. "We've been hanging out a lot. Joey and I. Me and Chris. The three of us."

"Look at you. Go from no men to two practically drooling on your apron."

"What can I say?" Melissa grinned. "My bundts bring all the boys to the yard."

"I'm totally putting that on the painting I'm supposed to be making for you."

"Painting better be a helluva good deal since you ran out on me."

"Free of charge for being great friend."

"Awww," Melissa grinned and hugged her friend. "Now, get your ass back inside."