Lance felt like he'd been punched. He was certain he heard wrong. There was no way Rachel had just said what he thought she said. No way. Looking around the room, his family wore the same sucker punched look that he was sure was on his own face. ‘No no no no no,' his mind chanted. Stacy had covered her mouth with her hands. He could see her eyes shining with tears. His mother the same.

"I know I should have said something immediately," Rachel continued, her voice broken with tears. "I tried to just move on, but then... but then I ended up pregnant... I know it created a lot of issues in the family and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

The sobs grew harder and everyone moved at once. He was the first one to reach her. He wrapped her up in his arms and held her tight. Her arms went around him; hands pressing hard into his back. Her face buried in his shoulder. Her body shaking with sobs. He felt more arms wrap around them as they gathered in the living room.

"Shhh," Lance whispered, his own eyes wet with tears. "You're okay. You're okay." He held her trying to stop her tears. Multiple hands touched her back in a comforting manner. When the embrace broke, Stacy was there with a glass of water.

"Please sit down," Diane wrapped an arm around her shoulders, with her other hand holding on to Rachel's forearm. She led Rachel around the coffee table to the couch. When she was seated, she immediately took a seat next to her, keep her arm around her shoulders.

Lance immediately sat on Rachel's free side. He gripped her hand tight. Stacy took a seat on the coffee table in front of them, Ford beside her. He felt Michael drop next to him. The couch was crowded with four people squeezed together.

"Take your time Sweetie," Diane said. She held Rachel's hand in both of hers. "Ford, can you grab me the tissues?" She accepted the box from her son-in-law. She plucked a few from the box and handed one to Rachel, keeping the other one for herself.

"Stacy, did you know about this?" Ford asked taking a seat next to his wife.

Stacy turned her tearful gaze onto her husband, shaking her head. "No. Of course not. I wish I did though."

"I didn't tell anyone," Rachel spoke quietly. "I...I couldn't."

"Oh sweetie," Diane squeezed her hand. "You could have always told us. You left us in the dark. We just wanted to help you and didn't know how."

"You don't understand," Rachel lifted her gaze, looking at her mom. "I couldn't." Her gaze flickered to Lance before dropping to the floor again.

Lance felt as if he had missed something. He tightened his hold on Rachel's hand. "Why couldn't you say anything?"

"I'm so sorry Lance," she cried, lifting her eyes to meet Lance's again. "I wanted to. I really wanted to tell you, but I couldn't."

Lance could feel his stomach dropping at Rachel's words. He had a sinking feeling Rachel was holding back more explosive news.

"Sweetie, what brought this on? You've kept this secret for almost 14 years. Why are you telling us now?"

"Kenzi," her voice broke, her heart breaking thinking of her daughter. Her eyes met Stacy's sympathy filled gaze. Her eyes were full of tears and two tear tracks on her cheeks. "Kenzi has been going behind my back trying to figure out who her father is."

"Leighton let it slip," Stacy spoke up for Rachel, letting her sister try to gain control. "It took some coaxing but I got Leighton to tell me the whole story."

"I know you said she would start asking questions," Rachel said, blowing her nose with the tissue. "I never thought she'd search on her own and get it so wrong." More tears fell and she buried her head on her hands. "I don't even know how I'm gonna tell her."

"Kenzi thinks JC is her father," Stacy said and went on to explain everything Leighton had told her and what she had told Rachel that morning. That morning seemed like such a long way away now. She never expected this to happen. There had always been a small inkling in her mind that something bad had happened to her sister, but she didn't want to believe it. Instead she chose to believe that Rachel had an embarrassing one night stand she'd rather forget about.

"What?" Diane asked looking at Stacy then toward Rachel. "Oh Rachel..."

"Is that why she's become JC's biggest fan?" Lance questioned. He had been surprised to hear his niece had grabbed hold of JC and didn't let go. He thought it was cute. There was probably no one better than JC and he often joked with Michael that Rachel had passed down her crush on JC to her daughter; that it was genetics.

"I don't know. Maybe?" Rachel turned watery eyes on Lance. "How am I gonna tell her that not only is she completely wrong, but how I became pregnant? I wish I had told her the truth before she got this in her head."

"Are you able to tell us what happened?" Diane asked. She wished she hadn't been right in the fact that Kenzi was going to start questioning about her father. She wished she would have pushed Rachel harder to reveal what had happened in Orlando. This was ripping all the wounds open again, ones that hadn't been able to heal the first time around. Her daughter had just buried them and piled things on them, hoping it would heal. Diane knew better.

"Does he know?"

"JC?" Rachel looked at Lance with wide eyes. The shock of JC knowing caused her to lose her breath.

Lance shook his head. He knew JC didn't know what happened to Rachel. He was fairly certain he didn't know what Kenzi thought either. "Kenzi's father. Does he know?"

"Maybe. I don't know," her stomach rolled at the mere thought of the man who had raped her. "I saw him once more after... after... then I left. Came home to Mississippi."

"It's someone I know, isn't it?" Lance questioned. He felt Michael shift closer to him and his arm snake around his back. "It's someone that was around NSYNC." He was unable to bite back the curse when he saw Rachel nod. The curse was said with so much venom that his sister flinched. "Who?"

"Matt Wilson," Rachel said quietly.

Lance searched his brain trying to put a name to the face. He froze when he finally remembered the man. "From Jive?" He saw Rachel's head nod and this time he was able to hold back the curse. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I couldn't. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't."

"Why couldn't you tell me Rachel?"

"You guys had just signed with Jive... No Strings Attached had just come out..."

"None of that mattered!

"Lance," Diane hissed, glaring at her son. She held Rachel tighter when she started crying harder. "You keep saying you couldn't tell Lance. Why? Why couldn't you tell him?"

"After... after it happened... he," her lip wobbled and she had to stop. Her mother squeezed her hand, and she leaned into her, seeking comfort. "He said if I told Lance or... or anyone, Jive would drop them. That there would be a huge legal battle. Mess up future album releases. I didn't want to ruin that," she looked at Lance, tears streaming down her face. "You guys had just gotten out of legal issues with TransCon. Everything was going good, No Strings Attached blew up. Everything was coming together. And he was coming at me with all this legal stuff and I didn't... I didn't know. I didn't understand. I didn't want to hurt you guys."

"Shhh," Lance dropped the hold her hand on her hand and drew her into his arms. Inside he was seething listening to Rachel explain how she had been blackmailed by someone they not only trusted, but someone they had considered a friend. Matt had been nothing but helpful and behind them 100 percent when they first moved to Jive. He moved mountains to make them happy and give them anything they needed.

"I'm so sorry," Rachel cried.

"No, it's okay,' Lance soothed feeling tears slip out of his own eyes.

"I almost told," she said quietly. "Chris tried so hard to cheer me up. I was so embarrassed, I couldn't tell you. There was no way I could tell JC. Not when I..." her eyes closed and more tears slid free. She felt Lance's arms tighten around her. Her brother knew why she wouldn't have been able to tell JC. "I figured Chris... but when I started... when I tried... Matt popped in like he knew I was gonna say something. It was like he was always watching me... he was always around... so I... I..."

"Left?" Lance filled in, closing his eyes when Rachel nodded.

"I couldn't stay there. Not with him there. I knew you guys were worried and you needed to be concentrating on your tour. I just came home."

"I know why you couldn't tell Lance, but why didn't you come to one of us?" Stacy asked.

"I just wanted it to go away," Rachel turned her tearful gaze on her sister. "You were settling into married life, you had a baby on the way. You were so happy. I couldn't come to you. How could I tell you that I wasn't happy to be pregnant? That I didn't want the baby that was inside of me?"

Stacy's heart ached. She had been so happy to discover she was pregnant with Leighton. She and Ford had wanted to start a family and had been trying so hard. When it finally happened they were both through the roof. She would have liked to say she would have understand where her sister was coming from, but that probably wouldn't have been the case. How she must have hurt her sister going on and on about her pregnancy not knowing that Rachel had been living a nightmare.

"I thought about getting an abortion..." Rachel said softly, not meeting the eyes of her family members. She knew what they thought of an abortion - one of the ultimate sins. "I knew I couldn't do it here. Nothing stays a secret. I thought about going back to Orlando for it. With Lance on tour, I could have stayed at his house. In the end, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Then I couldn't hide it anymore."

Diane would never forget the night Rachel sat them down and told them that she was pregnant. The look of terror on her daughter's face when she told them. Diane and Jim had been shocked. She had been even more shocked to find out Rachel was already four months along and hadn't been to the doctor. The next day she was calling Stacy's OB for an appointment as soon as they could get her in.

There had been so many arguments over who the father of the baby was. Looking back Diane wished she would have handled her daughter's pregnancy differently, but she hadn't known. She did the best she could with a daughter who had emotions that could flip on a dime. There were lots of crying jags and angry tirades. If she'd known the truth, she could have gotten her daughter the help she needed.

"There were nights I prayed that I'd miscarry. How could I wish that? How am I supposed to tell McKenzie that I thought about killing her? Even went so far as to look up places who would perform the procedure." Rachel looked up catching Stacy's face and the tears rolling down. "All I could think about was the baby being born and looking exactly like him. That I would have to spend the rest of my life looking at a replica of the man who raped me. How was I going to love a baby that came from something so ugly?"

*~*

Lance leaned on the railing of the back porch staring out over the back yard. In the late hour it was just shadows casted by the moon. Somewhere a dog barked in the neighborhood. He couldn't sleep. There was so much energy coursing through his body. His brain wouldn't turn off. It kept cycling Rachel's words through his head.

Raped. His sister had been raped while she had been living with him in Orlando and he didn't have a clue. He never had an inkling that Rachel had been going through something so traumatic. He just left her go back to Mississippi and continued on living the high life on tour. Somedays he didn't even think of her sister and what did that make him? 

To make matters worse, the man who did it, continued on by their side for another two years. That man was able to look him in the eye without flinching. He had been able to shake his hand and trade jokes all the while knowing what he did to his sister. It turned his stomach and he felt like falling to his knees and puking. The man raped his sister and he remained friends with him for years.

The event had been traumatic enough and then Rachel had wound up pregnant. A constant reminder of what had happened to her. His sister was the strongest woman ever. It hurt him to think of the suffering that Rachel had endured daily. The struggle of not being able to tell anyone what had happened. The fear she must have felt believing she held the fate of his group in his hands. He could relate to that fear as he struggled to keep his sexuality a secret. If that had gotten out, it would have been their downfall. Knowing his sister went through the same thing, was almost too much.

Lance wished he knew what Matt had threatened Rachel with. He was certain they were empty threats. Their contract with Jive had been signed long before No Strings Attached had been released. Signing with Jive was one of the reasons TransCon had sued them. He was also certain that no matter if the threats came to fruition that no one in the group would have cared. They would have stood behind Rachel no matter what Jive flung at them. She was much more important than any record deal. He would have walked immediately. JC would have too.

Rachel didn't go in to detail on what had happened or where. Honestly, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it. He didn't know if he could. Maybe that wasn't fair to his sister. He should make himself available to hear what Rachel wanted to say. Maybe she wasn't comfortable sharing the details in front of him, their father, Ford, and Michael.  Stacy and their mom had helped her to bed later. They had both stayed in the bedroom for awhile. Lance hoped Rachel had been able to share more with them.

"You can't play the shoulda coulda woulda game."

Lance turned at the voice, seeing his mother standing in the doorway. He hadn't even heard the door open. "Mom, what are you doing awake?"

"I imagine the same reason you're awake." Diane wrapped the sweater she had thrown on tighter around her body. "The same reason your father is tossing and turning."

"I keep thinking there was something I could have done to stop this." Lance turned to stare out over the back yard. "That I should have noticed something before it happened and stopped it. I should have protected her more. Maybe I should have insisted she stay in Mississippi. If I hadn't offered to let her live with me... kept her away from that life."

"Lance," Diane said shaking her head. She placed a hand over his son's. "If you had told Rachel she couldn't live with you after graduation what would have happened?"

Lance snorted. "She would have shown up on my door step anyway."

"That's right. She was hell bent on being wherever you were." Diane said with a smile. "She's always been that way, even when you two were babies. If she could have, she probably would have followed you to Russia."

"She put the group before herself. Why would she do that?"

"So did you," Diane pointed out. "You kept a secret putting the group before you."

"It's not the same though. I wasn't raped. I didn't go through something traumatic. I wasn't hurt. Not really. I just hid a part of myself."

"I know it doesn't seem to be in the same realm but you kept who you were a secret to protect JC, Joey, Chris, and Justin. Rachel kept what happened a secret to protect them and you."

"I didn't need her protection though."

"I bet the boys would have told you the same thing."

"We haven't been together in twelve years," Lance said. "Why didn't she tell us at some point during that time?"

"I don't know," Diane sighed. She wondered that very question herself all night. If she had been threatened to keep her secret in order to protect the group, why didn't she say something after the group had ended?

"I almost wish I didn't know." Lance said after they had lapsed into silence. "That I could keep on living in ignorance. It never mattered who McKenzie's father was. She didn't need him. She had all of us. We were more than enough."

"Kenzi's just as stubborn as you kids are. She was never going to just leave that question alone. I told Rachel it would happen, that she needed to be prepared."

"I don't think anything can prepare you for having to tell your daughter she was born because her mother was raped. How is McKenzie going to take this?"

"I don't know. I really don't. It's going to be really hard for her, especially since she seems to have her heart set on JC being her father."

"What am I going to tell him?" Lance asked. "How am I supposed to tell him? Mom, you should have seen him back then. He was so in love with her. We used to tease him all the time about it, but he would never tell her. If only he had...'

"Don't you dare place the blame on him." Diane scolded.

"I'm not. I'm not. It's just another what if..." Lance blew out a breath.

"I went to plug in her phone and it started ringing in my hand. It was JC. I was so flustered I hit the button and declined the call. He immediately started texting."

"I told him I'd have Rachel call him tonight when she got back. He was worried." Lance told his mother. He could only imagine how scared JC was at the moment. Rachel didn't call and he'd been dodging JC all night. He wasn't sure he could speak with him.

"I sent him a text," Diane confided in her son. "The text popped up on her screen and I tried not to read it... but he sounded worried."

"What did you tell him?"

"Just that it was me. Rachel was sleeping and she would talk to him tomorrow.'

"How do I tell them?"

"You don't." Diane met Lance's eyes when he looked at her. "It's not your place to tell. If Rachel wants JC to know, she'll tell him. Same with Joey, Chris, and Justin. We just have to be there for her and support her decisions. Be there for McKenzie. It's going to be rough on them before it gets better."