Katori

People- and by people, I mean Kaya and Nasaan and everyone else in my life thought I was crazy, but I loved the Cloudcroft Drive-in Theater, even in the winter. Especially in the winter.

Especially when I was curled up on the folded down backseat of my small SUV with a warm wool blanket, takeout containers from Fat Jack's BBQ, a bottle of bourbon and, for a limited time, a personal engagement with one of music's most eligible bachelors, who just happened to be growing a deliciously soft-but-kind-of scratchy beard and insisted on wearing his glasses so he could see the screen better.

We had the set up perfected, the radio tuned to the right channel to pick up the movie audio and two rolled up blankets under our heads so that we could see over the dashboard, even if we were laying down.

Not that we were trying to see the movie at all.

"What are we even watching?" He asked, whiskers from his beard lightly brushing my cheek as he snuggled close to me under the blanket. His breath was a warm mix of beef ribs, baked beans and a few swallows of bourbon.

"I don't know. Something about firefighters. I wasn't paying attention when I pulled in."

"Sounds like a blockbuster."

"We're at the drive-in for the atmosphere, JC. If you want to actually watch a movie, we need to go to the cineplex."

"That's okay," he mumbled in my ear, dragging an arm across my midsection, scooting me even closer to him. "This is the most comfortable I've been at a theater in a long time."

"Really? I picture you as the kind of guy to have a theater in your house."

"Do you, now? Got visions of my Hollywood mansion dancing through your head?"

"I'm not saying all that," I hedged, not quite lying. I had wondered about his house and what kinds of luxuries he afforded himself as a rich celebrity. But I'd stopped myself at actually daydreaming about how opulent his life might be.

I figured it would just make me jealous.

"It's a normal house, I swear. I mean, it's a lot compared to... ya know..."

"My house?"

"Right. Or... any houses out here. But for LA, it's a normal house, when you factor in all the mansions around me. I didn't go out and build something sprawling and ridiculous. I spent a couple million, a long time ago. I have a lot of space, but it's comfortable. You should... you should come out and see for yourself."

A low laugh curled from my throat. Me, flying to LA to visit JC? As if.  

"What's that laugh for? You wouldn't want to come see my house?"

"That's not what I'm laughing about, JC. Me in LA would be..." I shook my head, laughing lightly. "I can't think of a reason I'd need to be in LA."

"Your reason would be... to visit me." He lifted his head, then propped himself up on an elbow. "You wouldn't want to visit me?"

"I didn't say that-"

"What are you saying, Tori?"

"I'm saying... we're from two different worlds, JC. I would have no reason to go to LA. When you leave tomorrow, I don't..." I sighed, rolling my eyes up to meet his. "I don't want to talk about this right now. We're all cuddled up, watching-"

"Something about firefighters. You don't care and neither do I. Talk to me. When I leave tomorrow...what?"

"I... hadn't planned on seeing you again. And I need to not plan on seeing you again. It's like I said the other night; I need my life to go back to normal. I really am some chick you fucked in New Mexico. Let's not pretend it's more than that."

He sniffed, then waited a beat or two before saying, "You know what, Tori...maybe it's not more than that to you. I see you working hard to keep me at arm's length. Trust me, that's not going unnoticed. But what if it's more than that to me? What if I really like you? What if I would love for you to come out to LA for a little visit, just to see me? Spend some time with me, see the city?"

"What if? And then what, JC?" I rolled to my side, mimicking his pose by propping myself up on an elbow.

"What do you mean, and then what? Why does there have to be a... then what? And then we... like each other. And maybe I come back to see you, spend a little time in the desert, see the kid, take him out for a ride. That's... that's then what."

"You mean like... dating?"

"I mean like... I don't know. Kinda. It doesn't have a name. It's me and you caring about each other. It's taking one step at a time and seeing what happens. Maybe you decide you don't like me and my carefree celebrity lifestyle anymore." He chuckled. "Maybe I decide I don't like being with a hotshit female bike mechanic. We decide that when the time comes. But, Tori..."

He reached out and tipped my chin up with his knuckle. "I'm not going to pretend I don't like you or care about you or even know you, just because I don't live here. I want to keep up on the developments with the shop, and Nasaan's bike and everything. Don't shut me out, just because of who I am and what I do. That two worlds stuff is... bullshit. I haven't ever played the celebrity card with you. You'd be just as welcome at my house as I've been at yours."

"I guess I figured you'd get back to your life and we would be in your past..."

"There's also Nasaan to think about. I'm not saying he wants to go to UCLA, but..." He shrugged. "That school isn't that far from my place. You could always bring him out to look at the school, check out the city-"

My eyes bugged out at that news. This was the first I was hearing about him actually wanting to leave Cloudcroft. "Nasaan wants to go to school in LA?"

"I- look, we had a conversation about a couple of things. I told him I wouldn't tell you what we talked about, so I don't feel right going further than that. But it's not like you don't have reasons to leave this town, Tori."

"That's two years off, though. I still don't have a reason to..." JC cocked his head back and huffed a loud breath into the air. He was frustrated- hell, I was, too. At myself.  

"Okay, okay. I hear you, I get it. I just have a hard time putting my trust in people. In... men. My grandfather was about the last noble man in my life. My dad, Sean, Mitch... various others. All of them just..."

I relaxed, falling to my back, staring at the roof of the truck. I couldn't make the rest of the sentence come out of my mouth. I'd spent the last... however long making it on my own. Without my father, without Sean, without anyone. And I had no clue how, but I would keep making it on my own.

"They all disappeared. And left you with a pile of shit to clean up. Like I'm about to do tomorrow," he added, with a laugh. "But I'm not trying to be like every other man in your life. You know if you need me, I'm a phone call away."

"That's sweet, JC," I whispered, through the tears that sat on my eyelids.

"And it's true. If you believe anything about me, believe that."

He leaned over me and brushed his lips across mine. I knew I should probably push him away and put that brick wall back up, because I heard what he said, but there was no way I'd hear from him after he left Cloudcroft the next day.

Sweet words from a sweet man, but let's just be realistic, Tori.

But I couldn't do it, put that wall back up. Push him away, turn my face away from him, deny him or me this last bite of pleasure for a long, long while.

For one last night, I needed to indulge in someone that was there just for me.

...

I was surprised to see the lights on at the house when I pulled into the driveway.  I expected Nasaan to hide out until after he was sure I'd gone to bed, a move that would piss me off, but at least he'd avoid the conversation that I wanted to have with him.

"Looks like the kid is home," JC said, unbuckling his seatbelt, then reaching into the backseat for our dinner leftovers.  

"He'll probably run to his room to hide. Maybe I'll wait until tomorrow to talk to him, let him cool off some more."

"I wish you would let me give it a shot. So I'm not a father figure to him but he's obviously mad at me for... violating his trust or whatever.  At least let him yell at me and get his feelings out."

I laughed, then opened my door, squinting in the dull glow of the overhead bulb. "Hey, you wanna volunteer to get yelled at by fifteen year old, have at it. Just letting you know right now, he's gonna be really surly and entitled and obstinate. You have fun with that."

I got out of the truck and headed to the door, JC in tow. Nasaan met us in the kitchen, hulking and simmering, evidenced by the curl of his lip and the fire in his eyes.  

"Where were you?" he demanded. "Your phone is off. I was calling all over town looking for you. Aunt Eloise is out looking for you."

I gave Nasaan a puzzled look as I took off my coat, scarf and boots. "Excuse me, young man. I don't like your tone. I forgot my phone here. I didn't figure it would be a big deal since JC had his."

"That's bullshit, mom. What if you were hurt or something?" I didn't miss his eyes blazing as they followed JC around the kitchen while he put our leftovers in the refrigerator.

"I wasn't hurt, Nasaan. What is your prob-"

"JC isn't my parent. You are. I need to be able to get ahold of you. That's my problem."

As had happened plenty of times in the past, there was a standoff in the kitchen between me and my son, a growing young man (who, coincidentally towered over me) that felt a fierce need to protect me in this moment. I sensed that. I tried to understand that and quelled my protests with his attitude.

I also sensed that he just plain wasn't happy that I'd been out with JC.  

"You know what? You're right. I'm the parent. You should always be able to reach me. I'm sorry, honey. Okay?"

He dipped his head, glaring at the floor, his lips in a scowl. I watched the muscles in his jaw tighten and release again and again. He wanted to stay mad. I removed any reason for him to be mad... at me.

"You might want to call Aunt Eloise and tell her you're not dead in a ditch somewhere."

It took everything in me not to laugh as I nodded in agreement, clapping him on the shoulder. "I'll do that. Thanks for being worried about me. Did you get your homework done?"

He gave me a head nod. "I'm goin' to bed."

"Uh, actually if you don't mind, Nasaan, I wanna talk with you. Just for a minute." JC's voice carried through the room from behind Nasaan. The muscle in his jaw tightened again.

"We don't have anything to say to each other," he responded, without turning around.

"You sure about that? I'm leaving tomorrow. Last chance to get whatever you've got to say off your chest. You don't get another couple of days to cut your eyes at me and stomp around here, pretending I'm not in the room."

That seemed to give him pause. He inhaled so deeply his nose flared and he angled his head toward the kitchen door. "Outside," he mumbled, stomping toward his coat hanging off of his hook.

I caught JC's eye as he followed Nasaan. And whispered a prayer that my Little Protector wouldn't get his big bad feelings hurt.

I headed upstairs to grab my phone and call off Eloise and the search party.