Katori

I made JC go away. Just for the day.

It had been days, almost a week, since I'd been truly alone. I missed being able to hear myself think, to be by myself and do my own thing. Normally, I'd be at the shop working or at home while Kaya was at work and Nasaan was at school or running around with his friends. I was accustomed to not having anyone around and, for just one day, I needed that back.

The freight company came by to pick up JC's Triumph. They'd pack it up and drive it to LA and it would be waiting for him when he got home. Whenever that would be. It seemed like he planned on staying in Cloudcroft a few more days.

After a couple of hours of bumbling around the shop, putting away equipment, sweeping the floor, looking up the rest of the parts I needed to finish Nasaan's bike, I missed him. A little.

JC had a way about him, a warm, friendly aura. He quickly dispelled the spoiled celebrity myth, down to doing his own laundry and being willing to help cook. Or buy dinner and beer. He kept to himself, jotting things down in a little notebook, humming random melodies- but if you asked him a question he could ramble about whatever for an hour.

That was something I liked about him... the rambling. I liked hearing him talk, the sound of his voice. Being in New Mexico, I heard a lot of west coast accents, some down south twang, but sometimes, when he really got going, a little bit of northeastern came out of him. Coupled with the general tone and tenor of his voice and his animated mode of talking, I just really liked listening to him.

That was probably what I missed most, while he was gone all day. The talking.

But it was good to be alone, too. I needed a few minutes of silence to think about my problem and how to solve it. I'd had to stop myself from dreaming about expansion and renovation and rebuilding. I didn't see that happening, not without a lot of money.

Which... I could get. From dad. But that would mean selling the land, the land we lived on. The land that had been in our family for ages, land that was hard fought-for.  I couldn't see giving up a piece of our family history- our tribal history, just to save my ass.

"Should have never taken the shop over," I muttered to myself, moving a bin holding miscellaneous parts up against the wall. "Should have just let dad close it when he left and gone to work at the hospital. Then I wouldn't be in this... mess."

"You always talk to yourself while you work?"

I whirled around, surprised to hear another voice after hours of talking to myself. I'd left the shop door open and hadn't heard the truck pull up, so it was a surprise to see JC standing in the doorway, looking all... biker dude, with his black t-shirt and black jeans and leather jacket and boots.

"You look like you just came from a motorcycle rally," I quipped, turning back around to my bins.

He laughed, though, and stepped inside. "Nope, just bummed around town. Picked up Kaya and dinner. I came to let you know we were at the house."

"Phones don't work anymore?"

"Yeah. But uh..." He moved in further, stepping behind the counter and leaning on it with his forearms. "I hadn't seen you all day and you're not very far so I decided to stop by."

"Well, I got your message. Thanks. I'll be home... at the house in a little bit. Was Nasaan there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Tell him to call me if he needs anything."

JC didn't reply for a few seconds, but I heard him suck in a long, slow breath, like he was trying to temper his response. "So..." He finally said, "you're just going to hide out here?"

I turned my glare on him, which I was sure he suspected would happen. "I'm not hiding, JC. This is a normal work day for me. And since it looks like I'm going to have to move, I have shit to do. Alright?"

"Alright," he said softly. But he didn't stand up and stretch and walk out of the shop. He was still there, watching me pile things up and sort things out and throw things in the large garbage can that I'd dragged into the building from outside.

"What?!" I demanded, finally turning to face him. I propped my hands on my hips and hoped there was a scowl on my face.

"What, what?"

"Why are you still here, is what. What do you want?"

He shrugged both shoulders, frowning a little. "Thought you might like to talk."

"I'm..." I shook my head blowing out a breath. "I'm kind of all talked out, JC. I'm all strategized-out, I'm all hoped-out, I'm all... whatever'd-out."

"That's it then? You just give up?"

"I'm not giving up. I just... there's a hitch in the plan right now. But if Mitch is serious about helping me find a spot..." I heaved a sigh, letting my hands drop to slap my thigh. "I guess I start over someplace else. It's that or call my dad."

I picked up an oil can and shook it to see how much was left in it. Empty. I threw it into the trash bin, along with a few boxes of paper oil filters that had practically disintegrated. There was no telling how old some of the stuff in the shop was. Most of it, actually, could probably go to the dump.

"And what happens when you call your dad? He comes back to clean up the mess he left you?"

"No. He sells the land we own, which includes the house. Maybe Kaya and I can get an apartment. If we make Nasaan sleep on the couch, maybe he'll want to actually leave for school."

"Wait, so... you'd have to give up your house?"

I chuckled. "Well, the Chee's don't want Nez land just to look at it. Of course they'd make me move out of the house. Probably raze it and start building shit on the land,  shit nobody wants in this town, but they're determined to find a way keep a footprint in Cloudcroft. They've been trying to get the land for years."

I happened to look up, in JC's direction. He was absolutely still, staring at a spot off to the right.  "JC? Hey...you okay?"

His head turned, albeit slowly, until his eyes, a glittery bright blue, found mine. "Uh... I need to head back to the house. Do you want a ride, or..."?

"Nah." I shrugged him off, returning to my exercise of unearthing old garbage. It was starting to feel good to get rid of some stuff. "I've still got time before I lose my daylight. I'll be...home in a bit."

JC nodded, then dug a set of keys out of his pocket and walked out of the door. I noticed, also, that he pulled out his phone, sliding his thumb across the face to unlock it. Whatever he was headed to do, it appeared to be more important than listening to me whine about my personal problems.

But he could have pretended that they mattered to him.

...

I got home much, much later than I'd planned. Just before sunset I'd called Nasaan to check on him. In the background, I heard Kaya and JC in their usual game of banter about everything. The TV was up loud and Nasaan was crunching tortilla chips in my ear.

Everyone was happy, cozy, festive. I was in a mood and not ready to get rid of it. I also didn't want to bring anyone down with my attitude, so I walked home, but got right in my truck and drove to town.

I pulled into a spot at Pepper's Bar & Grille and went in, instantly comforted by the familiar, feels-like-home sights and sounds- the honky tonk music blaring from the jukebox,  the low hanging lights above every table and crowded bar at the front end of the building.

"Katori Nez!"

A gritty, worn voice shouted my name above the din. I smiled at Pepper herself, owner and head bartender. She was a stout woman, in her 60's and still going strong. It would probably take a team of oxen to take Pepper down.

"I ain't seen you in here in a long while," she said, tapping an open spot at the bar. I took the hint,  slid the stool out, and gave my bones a rest. "How's Pat doing? You talk to him lately?"

Truthfully, I hadn't talked to Dad in months. Since he left Cloudcroft, we'd gone from weekly phone calls to monthly, then every few months, to now just a few times a year, usually on birthdays and Christmas. He had a whole new life out there in Tennessee. He'd made it clear that he was leaving us behind, and he did just that.

Of course, I made like we were still close and talked often. The town didn't need to know that Pat Nez had run off and abandoned a town that his people helped establish.

"Dad's good," I told Pepper, hoping noses didn't really grow from lies. "Lemme get a Marble Red Ale, if you've got one." I slipped a hand into the pocket of my coat to pull out a few folded bills.  

Pepper scoffed, making an exasperated sound and pushing my hand away. "Your money has never been good here. I don't know why you keep trying to pay. You don't come in here but every few months, drink half a beer and sneak out. Don't even say goodbye."

"It's comforting that you know me so well, Pepper. My beer?"

"Yeah, yeah." She slid open a cooler below the bar and pulled out a frosty glass bottle, removed the cap and served it to me wrapped in a napkin. "You still have that houseguest over at your place?"

I'd just taken my first blessed swallow and nearly choked at her question. I nodded, suppressing a cough. "Yeah. He's still here. But I shipped his bike off today, so he'll be clearing out, soon."

"Bout time. Been here a while. Hope you charged him room and board. He should have been over at the hotel all this time."

"I didn't mind having him, really." And by having him I meant having. him.

"Oh yeah? Word is he's some kind of rich LA celebrity. Should have climbed right into his pockets, little lady!" Pepper gurgled a laugh and slapped the surface of the bar, her smile bright and wide, despite missing several  teeth.

"Yeah. Well. Guess I'm not that kind of person."

I occupied my mouth with the bottle of beer and averted my attention, in the hopes that she would get distracted or called away. My ploy worked; a few seconds later, someone else walked into the bar and she scurried off to greet them.

Pepper's questions niggled at a point that had been rubbing itself raw in my mind all day. Mr. Money is No Object. Mr. Black AmEx. Living in my house, eating my food, sleeping on my couch, drinking my beer. Having sex with me, in my bed.

I shook my head, flinging off those thoughts. In no way did JC owe me for all of that. I'd never dream of insinuating that he did. And even if he was compelled to give us a few dollars... my need was in the thousands. The wad of crisp $100 bills I'd seen in his wallet the last time he opened it couldn't save us.

If only that was my life. Buying a vintage bike, just to buy it. Hopping on it to meet my friends at chi-chi ski resort, because that's what people like him do. On a private jet, I heard him say. Living in LA, in a big ass house probably, with a pool and tennis courts and shit. You know, all the crap you see on Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous.

Or, in Nasaan's generation, Cribs.

But, more to the point, without a care in the world. Or, at least one that revolved around money.

Maybe that was why I'd felt so snippy with him earlier. I wasn't emotionally up to being around someone who seemed so carefree. And, okay, someone so rich. Someone that wouldn't imagine gifting a large amount of money to a woman he'd known a week, whether he was sleeping with her or not. And I'd die before asking for a loan.

I emptied my bottle of beer, then cut myself off. Even though it wasn't far, I still had to drive home. I was more likely to hit a deer or a racoon than a person, but I didn't like to tempt fate. Since Pepper's back was turned, I slid a bill under the bottle and walked out of the bar, headed for my truck.

A few minutes later, I walked through the kitchen door. Snowflakes were beginning to swirl in the night air, but I doubted it would pick up enough to accumulate, so I decided against telling Nasaan. No doubt, he was watching the weather on his own anyway.

The house was quiet and warm. I heard the muffled sounds of music in Nasaan's room and the TV in Kaya's room. The lights were off in the kitchen, save the bulb above the stove, so I could see that it was clean, remnants of dinner in containers on the counter.

"Hey. I was about to start looking for you."

JC's tone was low, his voice soft and full to the brim with concern. He wore a pair of flannel pajama pants, a white t-shirt and socks, and from the scent that wafted with him when he crossed the room, was freshly showered. He stopped in front of me, blocking any further progress into the kitchen.

"Sorry. I thought I made it clear earlier that I was doing my own thing today. Like... my normal day."

He tried to lean in and steal a kiss, but I turned my head so his lips missed mine. He didn't like that. "Tori. What's up with you?"

"Nothing," I said, pulling off my coat and scarf, hanging them on the hooks near the door. I combed my fingers through my hair, fluffing it around my shoulders. "I just got in, there's a house full of people. I just think we don't need to be down here... you know... sneaking around."

"Sneaking around? House full of people? It's Kaya and Nasaan and they're not even down here. But whatever. You don't feel like messing around, I'll back off. But are you gonna tell me what crawled up your ass?"

"In all honesty, JC?" I shook my head. "No. I'm not. Okay? So drop it. How was dinner?" I walked around him to the counter and started opening up containers. I hadn't eaten all day and I was suddenly starving.

I heard him push a breath through his nostrils and the sounds of socked feet on the tile floor. "Kaya saved you a plate," he said. "It's in the oven. I was just about to put this stuff away."

"Oh." I opened the oven and, sure enough, there was a plate wrapped in foil and the oven was on KEEP WARM mode. I pulled it out and set it at my spot at the table. Then frowned at JC, who was busy putting lids back onto containers.

"JC, you don't have to do that. I'll take care of it."

"It's fine. I said I would."

"Well, now I'm telling you that you don't have to." I grabbed a dish from his hands but it slipped and dropped to the counter. It hadn't been completely sealed, so refried beans spotted the old, marred Formica.

"What is with you?" He hissed, his eyes glowing, a deep crease running across his forehead. "Is this about us again? I thought we talked about this shit yesterday-"

"No. This is about me right now. This is about my family, my house, my... beans right now."

"Okay... what the fuck does that mean?"

"It means this is mine. All of this; it's the one thing that's mine and nobody gets to waltz in and just take it. You're not a part of this family, so the cozy Rockwellian evenings around the fireplace don't actually mean anything, JC. This isn't your family. This isn't your life; it's mine. And I feel like..."

Shit. Here come the waterworks. Breathe, Tori. Breathe.

"I don't understand. You think I'm trying to take your family from you?"

"Not... No." I heaved a sigh. "I just... you're super comfortable here, which is a blessing and a curse. I don't have to entertain you or ask you to put away dinner or... whatever. It's like you're part of our family. But you're not, actually. You're not the friendly father or brother in law figure, and this isn't one big happy family. You're a guest, just blowing through town. You've inserted and insinuated yourself here, but I'm the one that's gonna have to deal with how... empty it's going to feel when you're gone."

"Tori, I'm sorry," said JC. "I didn't realize I was horning in on-"

"Don't apologize, JC. It's not you. It's me. It's actually all me."

I looked over at my plate, piled high with taco pie, an enchilada and a tamale. All my favorites, but I wasn't even hungry anymore. "I think I'm just stressed and overtired. I'm going up to grab a shower. I'll come back down and finish putting this stuff away. Don't worry yourself about it, okay?"

I gave his shoulder a pat, ignored the severely confused facial expression he wore and stumbled toward the stairs.