It was Christmas morning and Andie was nervously pacing the bedroom floor. Over the past week she’d been wrestling with her feelings about Josh. Every time she thought that she had them under control, they just kept rising back up to the surface. She didn’t get an ounce of sleep last night; she spent all night tossing and turning weighing her options. She could get everything off of her chest and tell Josh how she felt. It’d stop the incessant worrying and heart flutters. But then what? Would Josh reciprocate, or would it make things awkward between them and become the catalyst that would slowly but surely deteriorate their friendship. She could keep trying to suppress her feelings, but then she’d have to keep dealing with the butterflies, heart dips, jealousy at all future girlfriends, and perpetual regret.
Her heart hurt. And her stomach. The smell of her mother’s maple bacon pancakes came wafting through her room. The whole house smelled like cinnamon, and warmth, and Christmas-y goodness but she couldn’t even enjoy it. Suppressed feelings seem to have side effects of nausea and indigestion.
In an attempt to calm her nerves, Andie checked her outfit again. Standing in front of the full length mirror, Andie gave herself a once over. Her hair had been pulled up into a high ponytail and she wore a hunter green cable knit turtleneck sweater dress. She had on plain white tights, and a red bow hair band. “Ugh, I look like an elf,” she groaned and whipped off her hair band, and began pulling out her ponytail. This outfit wouldn’t work. Andie went back into her closet to construct another look.
The next outfit was a simple white long sleeved shirt and jeans paired with a chestnut brown button down sweater. “I look like a tree,” she frowned, taking this off too.
Andie spent the morning going through at least three more options before she finally settled on one she liked; a red turtleneck sweater paired with a red and green pleated tartan skirt that hit just above the knee with white tights. “Well, this isn’t so bad.” Andie spun lowly, inspecting herself in the mirror from every angle. She left her hair down, and it fell past her shoulders and around her face. The glasses she wore, coupled with the skirt made her look like a Catholic schoolgirl, but she hated wearing contacts, so there wasn’t much she could do about it. She layered a pair of thick knee socks over her tights and rolled them down to her ankles for extra warmth, and laced up a pair of black Doc Martens.
Andie walked back to the mirror, giving herself one final check. She examined her fair skin to make sure that it didn’t turn blotchy the way it usually did when she got nervous. So far, her skin wasn’t giving her away, and she prayed that it stayed that way when she got to Josh’s. Despite having a restless night, Andie’s brown eyes weren’t bloodshot and she was grateful for that. All in all she looked… okay. A little like Lisa Loeb, but okay.
Inhaling and exhaling slowly, Andie turned away from the mirror, and grabbed the gift wrapped box on her nightstand that contained Josh’s gift. She’d placed the scrapbook in an old hat box and wrapped it in green wrapping paper decorated with mini reindeer, and topped it with a red bow. She hoped he liked it. She hoped it would mean as much to him as it did to her. Andie checked the time on her watch, and saw that it was just past eleven thirty. She’d better quit stalling. She wanted to be back to help her mother cook, before her grandparents arrived.
“You can do this,” Andie whispered, giving herself a final confidence boost as she made her way down the stairs. When she got to the bottom of the landing, she placed Josh’s gift on the table where they kept one of the telephones, and got her coat from the closet. “Hey Mom, I’m gonna go give Josh his gift, and I’ll be right back,” she called, heading for the door.
“Alright honey, just try and be back before Grandma and Grandpa get here.”
“Sure thing, Mom.” Shutting the door behind her, Andie traipsed across the snow covered lawn, to the Chasez home. She knocked on the door twice, before being greeted by Josh’s mom.
“Andie, hello! Merry Christmas, it’s so wonderful to see you.” Karen welcomed Andie into her home as she always did, with open arms. Literally.
“Hi, Ms. Karen, Merry Christmas!” Andie gushed, stepping into the house and embracing Karen in a hug. Entering the Chasez home was like stepping into a hug itself. The familiarity and the warmth hit her hard. It smelled like Karen’s homemade cinnamon rolls that she made every Christmas, and Bing Crosby was playing. Josh and his family were her constant.
“How’s Lisa doing?” Karen asked, taking Andie’s coat and placing it on the coat rack.
“She’s great, thanks. Is Josh upstairs?”
“In his room,” Karen replied, motioning to the stairs. “Go on up, honey.”
“Thanks.” As Andie made her way to the stairs, she passed by the living room to say hello to Josh’s father, Roy, and his younger sister and brother Heather and Tyler. They all sweetly greeted her, and wished her a Merry Christmas.
Making her way up the stairs, Andie could feel her heart beating with every step she took. As she passed each picture on the wall in the upstairs hallway, her mind was flooded with a rush of childhood memories. When Andie reached Josh’s door she paused before knocking. Feeling like a big ball of nerves, Andie tried her best to steady herself. Everything will be fine, she thought. “Can I come in?” Andie tapped lightly on the door, opening it an inch to see Josh laid back on his bed, staring at the television screen.
“Oh, hey Andie!” Josh’s face lit up when he noticed his friend standing in the door way. “C’mon on in.”
Andie stepped into his room, green box in hand. She sat down on his bed, and he sat up next to her. Ugh, the hairs on the back of her neck had stood straight up, and she felt her stomach swirling. These feelings were getting annoying. Starting to feel panicky, she looked everywhere but at Josh. She eyed his powder blue walls, the basketball hoop on his closer door, the stereo system on his left wall, then the entertainment center that held his television and VCR, and then finally to Josh. His crystal blue eyes shining back at her practically melted her into a pool of goo. His hair was wet and slicked back and smelled like that shampoo that she loved on him. She could smell the Calvin Klein Eternity cologne that she had gotten him for his birthday. He looked positively dapper in his black turtleneck and khaki pants. He was James Dean meets JFK Jr., and Andie fell to pieces at the sight of him. “Merry Christmas,” she managed to get out without her voice sounding ragged.
“Merry Christmas, Andie. You ready?” He asked, pointing towards her gift.
“Uh yeah, you go first.” Andie was way too nervous to start the exchange this year.
“Okay.” Josh reached behind Andie, and pulled a small rectangular box from under his pillow. It was wrapped in shimmery blue paper and tied with a white bow. He leaned back up, and handed it to her. “Here you go.”
Andie sat Josh’s present on the bed between them, and took hers from Josh. She slowly unraveled the white ribbon. She could tell that he had wrapped the box with care instead of sticking on one of those pre-made bows. The wrapping was so pretty that she almost didn’t want to unwrap it. Almost. When she had gotten all of the wrapping paper off, she was left holding a black velvet box. Slowly she opened it, to see the most beautiful silver charm bracelet staring back at her. “Josh,” she gasped. “It’s beautiful.” She took the bracelet out of the box, and delicately held it up, marveling at its beauty. Each charm sparkled and danced under the light. It was incredible.
“Each charm represents a symbolic moment in our relationship,” Josh said. Andie looked back at him, almost breathless. “Uh, the ice cream charm, for when you got your braces,” he explained, pointing to the first charm on the bracelet. “And the popcorn charm for when you got them taken off.” Josh made his way down the bracelet, explaining what each charm meant to Andie. “The car represents the road trip we took to see Aerosmith, the snowflake, for our epic snowball fights. The New York charm is for when we went to Chicago on Broadway, and the Santa stocking represents us; how no matter what happens, and where life takes us, we’ll always have Christmas to bring us back together.”
Andie stared back at Josh speechless. She didn’t know what to say. This was the most thoughtful gift that she had ever gotten. She could feel the tears begin to well up as her emotions went into overload.
“And the key,” Josh pointed to the last charm on the chain, a heart attached to a key, ”is because you hold the key to my heart.”
Andie could feel her heart stop. All of the oxygen had been sucked from the room, and she was left breathless. Did he just say what she thought he said? She prayed that her heart was not playing tricks on her. She wanted to speak, but all that came out of her mouth was senseless stuttering, “Josh, I-I-I…I don’t… umm… I-“
“We’ve been friends, for a really long time Andie, so I understand if you don’t feel the same, but…” Josh was rambling. Never before had he felt so vulnerable and exposed, not even in front of Andie. Putting his heart on the line was not something that he did very often, so giving Andie this bracelet was a big risk, and truth be told, he’d be crushed if she didn’t like it.
“No, Josh, I love it,” Andie interjected, a single tear falling from her eye. Josh removed her glasses, wiped it away. “Can you put it on me please?” Josh reached for Andie’s right hand, and she was shaking uncontrollably, but she didn’t care anymore. After Josh had clasped the bracelet onto her risk, Andie took a moment to admire it. It looked good on her. She didn’t plan on ever taking it off.
“Josh I want you to open your gift, now.” Andie handed the box to Josh, and he lifted the lid and placed it next to him on the bed. He took the scrapbook out and stared at the cover.
“The Story of Us,” he read aloud, his fingers falling over the gold lettering in the center of the light blue cover.
“It’s a scrapbook,” Andie said. “I filled it with pictures of us at various stages in our lives; the symbolic moments of relationship beginning at age five.”
Andie watched as Josh flipped through the scrapbook, trying to a gauge a reaction from him. He was smiling, that was a good sign. She waited anxiously on pins and needles for him to say something.
As Josh flipped through the pages of the scrapbook, every picture brought back a flood of memories. There was a picture of him propped up on his couch, after he had broken his leg in a soccer game with friends on the Fourth of July three years prior. Andie had had stayed with him in the emergency room, and even spent the night. She’s never left his side. He smiled to himself thinking about how she had worked tirelessly to keep him comfortable, even after the all the medication had made him grumpy and a horror to be around. She was always there. “Andie, this is incredible.”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t like it,” Andie admitted.
“Are you kidding I love it!”
“I’m glad, because it’s more than a book of photos. This represents everything. Josh, every important moment of my life, you’ve always been there. And I want you to be there for every important moment for years to come. You know me from the inside out, and sometimes that’s a scary feeling, but mostly it’s comforting, because I know that you’re the person that I can always come back to. You’re my constant, Josh. You make sense, when everything else in my life falls to pieces,” Andie paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. For the first time since she’d been home, she felt calm; her heart had slowed down to a normal pace and her stomach finally stopped swirling. She was at peace. “What I’m trying to say Josh, is that I love you. No, I’ve always loved you, but now I’m in love with you. I have fallen so deep that there’s no turning back now, and I don’t think I could go back, even if I wanted to. You’re the one, and that’s how it’s always going to be.”
In that moment it was as if time had stood still. Seconds felt like hours as Andie waited for a response. Nothing. She started to speak again, but before she could say anything, Josh kissed her, hard. As their lips crashed together, and their tongues danced in a passionate battle, Andie felt it all start back up again and in full force; the heart dip, the butterflies, the hairs on the back of her neck, but this time the feeling was amplified, and she gladly welcomed it. The most amazing sensation fell over her, and she felt like she was on fire. It was as if she could feel every nerve in her body. She felt all the clichés’; the fireworks, the stars and the whole lot. As her body went soft, Josh pulled her close, but he felt like no matter how close he got to her, it just wasn’t close enough. He needed her. He loved her.
“Josh,” Andie gasped, finally pulling her mouth from his, even though she didn’t want to. For the second time that morning, he’d left her breathless. Tears streamed down her face, but she hadn’t even realized that she was crying until Josh was wiping her tears away.
“Don’t cry, Andie. I love you.” And just like that, everything had fallen into place; every hope and every dream.
“You don’t know how long, I’ve been waiting to hear you say that,” Andie confessed.
“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to say it,” Josh replied. He grabbed Andie’s hand, and interlaced his fingers with hers. “It’s you Andie. It always has been.”
Andie stared at him glossy, eyed willing the tears not to fall again, but she couldn’t help it. This moment was more than she could have ever imagined, and it was real. She was on cloud nine. Andie leaned in closer to Josh, and their foreheads were touching. Josh used his free arm to pull Andie closer, and began to gently rub the small of her back. They didn’t need words, just each other. This was what she wanted so desperately; to be close with him in a way that she had never been before. She was in Heaven. Andie looked up at Josh, and his eyes met hers. “Merry Christmas, Josh,” she whispered.
“Merry Christmas, Andie.”
