“So that cute little curly head kid named Justin try to make a pass at me again,” Andie commented as she flipped through the pages of the latest issue of George magazine. The two were in Josh’s parent’s living room wrapping his Christmas presents to everyone.

“You mean the Timberlake kid from across the street?” Josh asked. He was sitting cross legged on the couch, while taping up a present he had gotten for his mother; one of those ‘as seen on TV’ high-tech food processors that had every feature under the sun. She would freak!

“Yeah, he’s like sixteen, but weirdly has the hots for me. Creepy, but I told him I’d give him a kiss if he took out our trash.”

“You know I would’ve done that right? You shouldn’t have to prostitute yourself out to a minor to get your trash taken out.”

“I know, I know, but it was pretty early, and I didn’t want to wake you,” Andie explained. Closing the magazine, and tossing it aside, she rolled off of her stomach, and reached for the remote close to where Josh was sitting. She briefly flicked through the channels before stopping on MTV when she saw the video for Bon Jovi’s Please Come Home for Christmas.

“So you gave him a kiss?” Josh raised an eyebrow, and looked down at Andie, who was sitting on the floor with her back to the couch.

“Hershey’s,” she smirked, and looked back up at Josh to see him laughing. “You should have seen his face; it was a mix of contempt and complete and utter embarrassment. It was cute.”

“Poor kid. Was it at least a big one?”

“Nope, and I got it complimentary at the bank yesterday and it had been in my coat pocket since then, so it was a little melted,” Andie shrugged. “But, whatever the weather should’ve hardened it.”

Josh snickered. “Classic.”

Lazily, Andie lay back down and continued to channel surf.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be helping me wrap.” Josh lightly kicked Andie’s foot, and she quickly withdrew it.

Andie huffed, and sat up. She placed the remote on the coffee table, and joined Josh on the couch, sitting cross legged. “Alright, hand me the tape.” He passed her the tape as well as a roll of red wrapping paper covered in mini Christmas trees. “So what do you want me wrap?”

“You can start by wrapping this,” Josh said, handing over a hardcover book.

Andie flipped it over to see the cover; it was That Summer by Sarah Dessen. “Is this for Heather?” 

“Mmmhmm.”

“Oh, she’ll love this, it’s so good.” Andie picked up a pair of craft scissors off the table and began cutting a sheet of wrapping paper. As they got so into wrapping, a comfortable silence fell over them. While her hands were busy wrapping up boxes of sweaters and household appliances, Andie’s mind began to wander. She was still in the Chasez home, and the walls were still the same floral white that they had always been and the house had the familiar smell of vanilla and cinnamon. The crown molding was still the same, the wall sconces still perfectly in place, and the mantle was still lined with childhood photos of Josh and his younger sister and brother, Tyler and Heather. And as per tradition, the kid’s stockings hung from the mantle, dangling just over the fireplace where the flames lightly crackled as the wood burned down. Josh and Andie had shared many memories in this house. Many laughs were shared, many tears were shed, and many rounds of hide and go seek were played all throughout this very house.

“I betcha can’t find me, Andie...” She could hear his voice crystal clear, he was so close. She would catch him this time, and he wouldn’t out run her. He’d be it this time.

“I’m coming for you Joshua!” Six year old Andie turned off the wall, where she’d been counting with her eyes closed. She shuffled her feet as quickly as she could over to the couch, and crouched down to look underneath; he was just small enough to fit, but not clever enough to outsmart her. Andie swept her hand through the small space but felt nothing but air where she was expecting to feel a warm body. She crouched down further to look underneath the couch, but couldn’t make anything out of the darkness. She breathed in dust, and let out a sneeze. With the split second that it took her to wipe her nose on her sleeve and rub her eyes, little Joshua came flying from behind the curtains and raced back to the wall to touch base.

“Not it!”

Andie turned around to see Josh proudly posted on the wall, his toothless grin taunting her. “No fair, Josh,” she coughed, running up to him. “You never get it!” Andie could feel her chest tighten as she began to wheeze. She started coughing again, and she struggled to get her breath, she placed her hands on her knees.

“Uh-oh Andie,” Josh gasped. “You need your ‘haler?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Andie puffed.

“C’mon.” Josh grabbed Andie’s hand and walked her to the foyer where the coat rack was. He reached on his tip toes to knock her backpack off of its hook. He unzipped the front flap of her backpack where her mother always packed her inhaler for emergency use. “Here you go.” He promptly handed over her inhaler, and she puffed twice, inhaling and exhaling, letting the albuterol fill her lungs. “Feel better?”

“Yes,” Andie breathed. “Thanks, Josh.” Andie smiled, matching Josh’s toothless grin, and put her inhaler back in her backpack.

Josh pulled Andie by her hand, and started up the stairs. “C’mon Andie, let’s go to my room. We can play with my Legos.”

“Andie. Andie!”

Andie blinked her eyes rapidly for a few moments, snapping back into the present. She was still on the couch next to Josh, with a wrapped gift in her lap.

“Hello, earth to Andrea,” Josh called, waving his hand in front of her face. “You finished with that?” He asked, pointing to the gift wrapped box in her lap.

“Huh? Oh yeah, here.” She handed the box to him as she tried to clear her mind.

“You okay?”

“What?”

“I said, ‘are you okay?’” Josh watched Andie carefully. Her eyes were glazed over, and she looked a little hazy and disoriented. “Have you eaten anything? Andie, you know you’re hypoglycemic and-“

“No, no I’m fine. I promise,” Andie said, assuring him, hoping that she came off believable.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, totally,” Andie replied, playing everything off. “Give me another gift to wrap.”

“We’re done.”

“Already? I didn’t even get to wrap my present,” Andie smiled slyly, trying to pry any information she could out of him. Every year she and Josh exchanged their gifts in his room on Christmas day. It was a tradition they started in sixth grade, and never once have they done it any differently. She always tried to get Josh to tell her what he got her for Christmas early, but to no avail. He was a master at keeping secrets.

“You’re not gonna get it out of me that easy, Andie. You never do,” Josh replied. He got up from the couch and started to carefully walk the presents over to the tree, one by one.

“You should know me well enough by now to know that I don’t give up so easily, Josh.”

“And you should know me well enough by now to know that you’re not getting anything out of me until December 25,” Josh quipped. He bent down to the turn the tree lights on, and the room was illuminated in a sea of multicolored LED lights. The tree shone brightly, and the angel stood at the very top, erected proudly. Each branch was decorated with personalized ornaments collected throughout the years, including one that had a picture of Andie and Josh together that they had taken at their high school’s winter carnival in ’93. Andie had taken the picture and had it put on an ornament and gifted it to him that year, and it’s had a permanent place on the tree ever since.

“I know, but it is fun trying.” Andie unfolded her legs, and stretched them out in front of her. Her mind fell back to that memory of them at six years old, and then at eight, and then ten. Even as kids, he knew how to take care of her. “Hey, Josh.”

“Hmmm?” Josh was carefully situating the presents underneath the tree, trying to fit them all underneath, while making sure not to break anything fragile.

“Remember when we were little, and how we always used to run around and if I ever got out of breath you always knew what to do?” Andie asked. “How you always knew exactly where my mom would put my inhaler, and when I needed it?” Andie watched Josh, waiting for his response. A look crossed his face, one she couldn’t read.

“Yeah,” he finally said, placing the last gift under the tree. “God you haven’t used that thing since we were like what? Thirteen?” Josh stood up straight, and walked back over to the couch sitting next to Andie. He picked up the remote control and began channel surfing.

“Yeah, at Camp Meadowbrook,” Andie said, staring intently at the television screen. Beavis and Butthead were talking, but all she could see were memories of them in different stages of their lives.

“We were all hiking, and you couldn’t climb any higher,” Josh remembered.

“I started wheezing, and you reached into my backpack for my inhaler.”

“Wow.” A small smile lit up Josh’s face. “That seems like forever ago.”

“It does,” Andie agreed. How she wished she could take back forever ago and relive every moment.

“What made you think of that?” He asked, turning to face her.

“I don’t know, I just…” She didn’t want to get emotional and put a damper on their time together. She just wanted to enjoy these few weeks with her best friend, but the past kept haunting her. “I guess I just let my mind wander is all,” she finally said. Another moment passed before Andie spoke again. “Josh, what’s going to happen to us?” She let the question slip from her mouth before she even realized what she was saying.

“What?”

“What’s going to happen to us?” She asked again, this time turning to look him in the eye. “We were just thirteen and at sleep away camp, and now, we’re juniors in college. We’ll be seniors next year. What happens when we stop coming home? What will we have then?”

Josh intensely stared at Andie. The two of them going their separate ways was a possibility that they had to face eventually, but one he wasn’t ready to face now. They’d spent their whole lives together. Andie was his best friend, the one he went to for everything. She was the only one of his friends who knew everything there was to know about him; His feelings about his adoption, his desire to reconnect with his birthmother, the anger he felt towards his biological father, and how his adoption influenced his decision to become a social worker. He shared things with her that he never shared with anybody, sometimes not even his parents. He wasn’t ready for them to grow apart, but it was already starting to happen. “We’ll do what we always do,” he said finally. “We find a way.”

“How?” Andie asked, her voice coming out thin and ragged. She willed herself not to cry. 

“We keep writing and emailing each other. We make time for each other. We’ll trade off on visits. I’ll come visit you in Boston, and you’ll come see me in Camden. We’ll figure this out,” Josh assured Andie while also trying to assure himself. “We’ll make this work. I promise.”

Andie wanted to believe that what he was saying was true. That they wouldn’t grow apart and that life wouldn’t pull them away from each other; but life happens and people and circumstances change all the time. She was afraid of what the future held for their relationship, but she didn’t want to go down without a fight. “Okay,” Andie nodded and allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. She just had to have faith that things would work out for them. “We’ll make it work.”

“Don’t worry, Andie. I know things may be getting crazier as we get older, but we’ll be okay.” Josh wrapped his arm around Andie and they fell against the back of the couch. He wrapped his other arm around her, and pulled her close. “Besides, didn’t we have this same conversation right before we graduated high school?”

“Yeah we did, didn’t we?”

“Mmmhmm, and we survived, right?”

“I suppose you’re right, Josh” Andie sat up, and untangled herself from Josh’s arms. “I’m sure I’m worried over nothing. You know how I let my anxiety get the best of me.”

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” Andie reached around the side of the couch to grab her Docs. “I should get going,” she said as she slipped on her boots and laced them up.

“Sure you don’t wanna stay a little while longer? We can always have another movie marathon if you need to,” Josh suggested.

“Thanks, but I’ll have to pass this time. Only ten days left ‘til Christmas, and I have absolutely nothing done.” Andie sat an extra roll of wrapping paper on the coffee table, and made sure her spot on the couch was clear before she got up. “Besides, there’s a new Ally McBeal on tonight,” Andie said, standing up. She started for the door and Josh followed behind.

“And we all know what happens when you miss an episode of Ally McBeal,” Josh teased.

“Yes, the world would implode and such,” she joked. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?” Andie grabbed her coat from the coat rack, and slipped it on. She zipped her coat up, and opened the front door.

“As always,” Josh replied. “Call me later?”

“Sure.” Andie started out the door, but turned back to Josh one last time. “Thanks again, Josh. For everything.”

Josh gave Andie a smile and they stepped onto the front porch together. Even though they lived next door to each other, he always liked to see that she made it in safely. He pulled her close, and gave her one last hug. “No problem Andie. That’s what I’m here for.”

~*~*~*~*

Andie was shaking. After that moment at Josh’s her nerves had gone into complete overdrive and she couldn’t unlock her door fast enough. Once she was inside, she pressed her back against the door and willed her heart rate to slow down. Deep breaths Andie, she breathed as she silently willed herself to calm down. Inhale, exhale, in and out. The whole time she was sitting next to him her heart kept doing that thing, that dip, and she couldn’t make it stop. Why did he always did this to her? None of her boyfriends had ever made her feel this way. She was so confused about everything and she wished that her mom were home to vent to.

“Calm down Andie, it’s just Josh.” Great, now she was talking to herself. Shaking her head, and trying to clear her thoughts, Andie made her way through the house, turning on each light in every room she entered on the bottom floor. The first thing she did upon entering the living room was light up the gas fireplace. The fireplace had been a source of many memories for Andie. When she and Josh were kids, they used to sit in front of the fireplace to unthaw after one of their snowball fights, and Andie’s mom would bring them hot chocolate with marshmallows. Sure it was Swiss Miss, but Andie was always convinced that her mom made the best hot chocolate in the world.

 After lighting the fireplace, Andie turned the Christmas tree on in the living room, and watched it light up and flicker back at her. She stepped back to look at the tree. This was the first time since the tree had been put up that Andie had actually taken the time to admire it. It was the same store-bought tree that Andie and her mom had found for half price on Black Friday at K-Mart when she was twelve. Andie smiled. She missed shopping with her mom, and she missed those blue light specials.

The tree was in pretty great condition considering that it was nine years old, with very minimal wear and tear. It had been decorated in purple and silver ornaments, with purple ribbon with silver trim. It was strung with white and gold lights, and was topped with a silver, sparkling star. Josh had helped Andie and Lisa set the tree up on their second day home from school. Unlike her life, the tree was perfect, not a branch out of place.

Next, Andie walked over to the closet by the stairwell to hang up her coat and take off her shoes. As she was going through the motions, she made a mental note of all she had to do; finish making Josh’s gift, bake cookies for the Christmas Charity at the Methodist church down the street, and call Melissa to see if her brother could still get her car fixed. The last two could be put off until tomorrow, but if she wanted to have Josh’s gift done by Christmas day, then she needed to get back to it tonight. She was already behind, and she wanted it to be perfect.

Upstairs in her room, Andie reached into the back of her closet and pulled out everything that she needed to finish making Josh’s present; construction paper, glue, markers, ribbon, fabric, and her old photo album. She didn’t know how this would work, but once she got the idea back in October, she kind of just ran with it.

It was just before Halloween, and Andie had started getting homesick again, as per usual around that time of year. They were almost at the half way point of the semester, where she was still excited to be back at school, but with the holidays looming, she craved the feeling of being back in her old room and hanging out with her old friends, and drinking coffee in the mornings with her mother. She thought that by junior year that feeling would go away, but nevertheless that old feeling was back, and with a vengeance. So one night while feeling down in the dumps, and declining an offer to go tailgating with her roommates Lindsay and Missy, she decided to break out her photo album, the one that she had been building since fourth grade. It was there alone in her apartment, feeling down in the dumps, that she had gotten the crazy idea to create a scrapbook of herself and Josh. She added a little here, and a little there, and the project began to grow. After a while she thought it would make the perfect gift for Josh on Christmas. It was a little different than her usual store bought gifts, but it was heartfelt and unique, and she hoped that he would like it.

Sitting on her bedroom floor, Andie had all of her art supplies spread out in front of her. She pulled the unfinished scrapbook out from the cardboard box under her bed, and got to work. Adie opened up her photo album, and began flipping through what pictures she had left. After using so many in the scrapbook, there were still dozens of pictures left. Some of the two of them together, and some of just Josh. Some of those pictures planned, and some completely candid. She was on their teen years; freshman year at Bowie High, when Josh had done a short stint as an alternate running back on the JV football team. Josh looked so cute posing in his blue and white football uniform. Andie hated sports, but she, along with her best girlfriend, Jennifer were always there to cheer him on. Josh was tall, lanky and non-athletic. He never made it off the bench, but she never missed a game. She had faith in him.

Andie pulled the football picture from the clear sleeve of the photo album and flipped it over. She untwisted the cap from her glue stick and glued the photo onto the center of the empty page. She wrote Go Bulldogs!!!!  across the top of the page in blue marker, and decorated the page in gold ribbon, and drew megaphones and pompoms in the corners. Andie waited a few minutes for the glue to dry, and flipped the page to start on the next one.

Over the next few hours, Andie lost herself in her scrapbooking, and she began to reflect on Josh and their friendship. Each picture triggering certain memories; the two of them at fourteen eating ice cream at Baskin-Robbins after Andie had gotten her braces put on, and then the two of them eating popcorn two years later, when she had them taken off. Josh was her constant. He was always there.

No matter the circumstance, Andie always knew that she could count on Josh to be there, no matter how big or small. Being that there was no man in that house, Andie and Lisa could always count on Josh to clean the rain gutters out in the spring, or help assemble new furniture around the house, as both Lisa and Andie were useless when it came to using tools. He was there to witness her fall in love for the first time, and he was there for her when she experienced her first heartbreak. He comforted her over the phone when she had broken up with her last boyfriend, Jared, listening to her cry for hours and hours without once complaining.

Unlike other guys, Josh paid attention to detail; he knew how much she loved to cook, so every time his family went on vacation, he’d bring her back a cookbook from wherever they visited. And he always ate whatever she cooked, no matter how foreign and exotic; partly because he was her friend, and partly because he was never not hungry.

He knew how much she loved music, so inside every birthday card, he’d print the lyrics to one of her favorite songs, and stick a pair concert tickets inside. Andie flipped through the photo album and landed on a picture of them together four years earlier at the Aerosmith concert. She was so excited when the band had announced the dates for their Get a Grip tour and was disappointed to find out that they wouldn’t be stopping in Maryland, so Josh had decided to buy her tickets to their show at the Spectrum in Philadelphia. They made a road trip out of it, and had a blast. It was one of her favorite memories.

Josh also knew how much Andie hated surprises, so when he did simultaneously spring something on her, he knew to make it good; like last spring break, when he surprised her with tickets to go see Chicago  on Broadway at the Ambassador Theater. Another favorite memory.

Josh seemed to know Andie from the inside out. She told him things that she hadn’t even told her mother. Like how she was angry with her father for abandoning them when she was a year old, or how she was afraid to leave her mother behind. He knew all of her deepest secrets and fears. He knew what made her happy, and what made her tick. He knew what her favorite movie was (Running on Empty), and sometimes suffered through reruns of her favorite show with her (Blossom). And he knew the quickest way to cheer her up was to play anything by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He knew how much she loved reading contemporary young adult fiction, and how she was afraid of the dark. He knew that if she wasn’t allergic to everything under the sun, that she would buy a golden retriever and name it Bambi, and he knew how she got the scar just below her left knee; falling off the monkey bars at school in third grade. He was the one trying to catch her.

While Josh knew all of these things, he didn’t know the one thing that Andie held dear to her. A secret she’d kept buried so deep down that for a while she’d believed she had repressed completely. She didn’t want to believe it, but her heart was rebelling against her, and it was becoming increasingly harder to ignore. She was in love with Josh.

She couldn’t fight it anymore, and she stopped trying to deny it. That stupid heart dip, and the butterflies, the hairs standing up on the back of her neck whenever he put his arm around her, and the goose bumps. Andie was experiencing all of the clichés that happened to a girl when she fell in love. She hated it. Why? Why did it have to be Josh, her best friend? Ugh. She was sick every time she thought about it.

Andie’s biggest fear was that her relationship with Josh was changing- and it was- but in more ways than one. The distance they could weather, but what would happen if she told him how she felt? She didn’t even want to think about it. She wasn’t ready to face the serious ramifications that confessing your love for your best friend would undoubtedly bring. Their relationship was already fragile as it was. They’d fall to pieces. No. This whole thing would pass. She was sure of it. All she had to do was keep her mind occupied with anything other than how she felt for Josh. School would be starting back in less than a month, and once again they’d go their separate ways and she could focus on what mattered; getting better grades, and applying for summer internships. All she had to do was get through the holidays and then she could go back to her life in Boston and leave her feelings for Josh where they belonged, in memories. In Maryland.

By the time Andie was finished with the scrapbook she was feeling much better. She had convinced herself that the only reason she was developing feelings for Josh was because she was homesick and with it being Christmas she was nostalgic for the way things used to be. With all that was going on with school, and everything happening so fast, she was grieving her childhood. By the end of the night, she had chalked her feelings up to a momentary meltdown over not knowing the fate of her future and being afraid of growing up. That’s all it was, she was sure. No matter what happened, she and Josh would be fine. They always had been, and they always would be.