After the news, the party started to wind down and Johanna made her way out.  She’d have plenty of time to get in depth with her best friend over the next week but at the moment she just let it sink in.  Mollie’s life had changed so drastically in the last year in so many different ways.  It made Johanna wonder when things would happen for her.  It seemed like the moment Mollie met JC her life was on the fast track to perfection.  Was it like that for everyone?  What was she doing that was keeping her from getting what she wanted?  When would she know that she was doing the right thing?

Her mind seemed heavy with all of these questions as she opened the door to the house.  Justin had left before her and she fully expected him to be in bed or hiding up in his room but she was pleasantly surprised to find him waiting up for her with a box on his lap.  It was pretty big and Johanna felt a little insecure about the gift she’d gotten him.  She ducked past him and grabbed the bag with her gift out of the hall closet where she’d hidden it yesterday and returned to the living room where he sat on the sectional sofa.  Johanna hopped into the corner of the couch, where the two sections met, and bit her lip, waiting for Justin to begin.

“I figured now would be the time to give you your gift since I won’t see you on Christmas,” Justin said, sliding the gift off his lap and over to the cushion in front of her. 

“I got yours too,” she said, suddenly shy. 

Gifts said a lot about what people thought of you and Johanna was a little nervous to see what Justin thought of her.  She hadn’t been the nicest when they originally met but she hoped he didn’t hold that against her.  She also hoped he didn’t go too over the top, she didn’t have the same budget he did so she didn’t want her gift to look rinky dink.

She watched as he pulled out the scrapbook she’d made of their adventures on tour.  He flipped through it with a big smile on his face, laughing every now and then.  He took time to fully appreciate it before shutting it.

Looking over at Johanna, Justin smiled, speechless.  Just he thought he had her figured out, she went and did something sweet and thoughtful, totally throwing him off balance.  It was one of the things that attracted him to her and it only made the want in his heart for something more, stronger.  He watched quietly as she pulled the top off the box and found a stuffed mole and a picture frame.

“Oh my God, you remembered!”  Johanna hugged the stuffed mole to her chest.  One night on tour after they’d had sex, they talked to each other about their childhoods.  Johanna had mentioned that her prized possession was this stuffed mole her grandfather had given her.  They laughed at the randomness of a mole stuffed animal but Johanna emphasized that when it was mysteriously lost after a yard sale the family had, she was devastated.

“How could I forget?”

“Oh my word this picture!” 

“It is my absolute favorite photo of us and more specifically of you,” Justin explained. 

The photo was from a night out.  Johanna was rocking a tiny dress that was a bright color and totally fit her body and personality and Justin was standing behind her, they were both turned to one side.  Trace had a camera and yelled at them to pose.  Justin had leaned in and placed his hand on Johanna’s hip.  Johanna, on the other hand, was tipsy and she’d kicked a leg up behind her and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close.  Her lips were pushed into a plump pout and her eyes sparkled.  Justin had laughed as the shot was taken so his face read pure joy.  They looked happy, they looked like a couple.

“I don’t remember this being taken but I love it,” Johanna said.  She was floored by his attention to detail.

“Me too.”

They sat for a moment before Johanna stood to leave. 

“Give me five,” she said, hurrying up the stairs.

All of the anger and mixed feelings she’d felt for him in the past few days melted away and she just wanted to be with him.  She slipped out of her clothes and into something a little sexier.  She’d always had a penchant for lingerie and was glad to have an excuse to show it off.  She’d gotten the red set a while back.  The front tied in a large bow across her breasts and the bottom was a barely there thong.  Thank God she’d gotten a wax yesterday because there was little left to the imagination.  She’d never had a reason to wear it but now seemed the perfect time to be a little gift.

She heard his footsteps climbing the stairs and perched on the end of the bed, legs crossed demurely.  When he rounded the corner, she smiled wickedly.

“I forgot one last gift,” she said, innocently. 

“Oh yeah,” he said, easily.  He sauntered into the room and met her at the bed.  “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” she said, glancing down at her chest.  “Why don’t you open it and find out?”

Something was different in the air as Justin leaned down and tilted her chin up with his hand.  His touch was gentle and his lips pressed to hers as if they had all the time in the world.  They were usually a little more aggressive with each other but tonight was not one of those nights.  Justin slid his hands down her sides to her ass, cupping it and lifting her, causing her to wrap her legs around him.  He climbed onto the bed, one hand keeping them balanced, and lay her gently on the pillows.  Pulling back, he tugged his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.  He brushed a stray piece of hair from Johanna’s forehead and cupped her face, pulling her in for a kiss.

Johanna felt like her took all of her breath and when they parted and Justin let his hands roam south, her chest heaved with deep breaths.  She’d never had a man treat her this way in bed.   She felt like he was worshipping her body; every touch, every look was shiver-inducing.  He wasn’t even kissing her, his face was so close that his lips glided against her and his breath caressed her skin, but it was somehow more intimate than a kiss.  Goosebumps rose all over her body as his hands tugged at the ends of the bow.  The satin fell to either side of her and she leaned up, capturing his mouth as she undid his belt and zipper.  The straps of her bra fell down her shoulders and she slid it off.  Somehow she felt incredibly shy, though it was nothing Justin hadn’t seen before.  Something about the way his eyes devoured her made her nervous.

Justin took his time, giving every inch of her the attention it deserved.  He wasn’t looking for a quick fuck.  If Johanna was confused about his feelings for her, he was going to make sure she knew exactly how he felt after tonight.  The whimper that escaped her lips as he pumped into her slowly told him he was doing it right. 

Johanna’s nails scraped down his back as she tried to grab hold of something.  The slow burn of pleasure building inside her was almost more than she could take.  She nipped at his neck and placed sweet kisses along his jaw.  The climaxed together and Johanna collapsed, completely spent.  Normally they snuggled for a little while and then separated, retreating to their own rooms.  Tonight, Johnna curled around him, her body fitting into his dips and curves.  She fell asleep like that, hair splayed out behind her and her hand on his heart.

Justin slipped a hand around her and pulled her close.  His eyes closed knowing something had changed between them.  She had to feel it from the beat of his heart.  It filled the room and lulled them into a deep sleep.

It was the best sleep she’d had in a while and when she woke, Johanna stretched out, filling the bed.  She could hear the shower running and crawled out of bed, using her arm to brush her hair from her eyes.  The bathroom was steamy and she opened the door and slipped in, leaning against Justin’s muscular back.  She was still sleepy and she slipped her arms around him, letting the hot water flow over her. 

“I didn’t want to get up but my plane leaves in a few hours,” Justin said, turning in her arms. 

“I know, she said, letting him shampoo her hair.

She gently washed him with the loofa as he cleaned her hair.  When they were clean, he helped her out of the shower and they dried each other off.  Johanna slipped into her robe to dry her hair as he packed up his bags.  When she was done she pulled on a pair of pajama shorts and the white undershirt Justin had tossed on the floor the night before.  She stole the hoodie he was putting in his bag at that moment and slipped it over her head, earning her a swat on the butt. 

Justin zipped up his bag and put his backpack on his shoulders.  The pair headed downstairs and stopped on the porch to say their goodbyes.  Justin stepped down a step so their faces were closer together.  Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned in for a deep kiss.  Justin pulled back leaning in so their foreheads touched.

“See you soon.”  She nodded and leaned in for more kisses.

“Merry Christmas,” she replied, smiling. 

“Merry Christmas,” he echoed.  He kissed her once more and pulled back, dragging his bag to the rental car.  He put his bags in the backseat and ran back up to the porch.  “One more,” he joked, cradling her face for one last kiss.

She laughed as he pulled back and ran back to the car.  She waved as he drove away and then noticed the extra cars in the driveway.  The Chasez’s must have arrived earlier.  Johanna guessed they had already headed over to Mollie’s to see them.  She walked back in the open door, shutting it behind her.  She was suddenly hungry and went to walk towards the kitchen when she heard him.

“So how long has that been going on?”  Lance’s deep voice scared Johanna so much, she fell back into the door.

“Shit, Lance.  Thanks for announcing yourself!” 

“Well I would have except your tongue was down Justin’s throat," he replied, walking from the living room to the foyer.

“How much did you see exactly?” 

“Enough.”

“If I make you pancakes will you promise to keep it a secret?” 

“Yes.  Besides, I’ve got a secret of my own that I want to tell.”

“Oh yeah?” Johanna replied, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

“Pancakes first.”

They went into the kitchen and Johanna got cooking, wondering what the secret was and why she was being trusted with it.  When she’d flipped up a stack and settled in across the table from him, she waited to hear it.

“So tell me about you and Justin.  When did you guys start dating and why does nobody know about it?"  Lance had beat her to the punch.

“Nobody knows because we’re not dating,” she said simply. 

“No, you’re not dating but you say goodbye like that,” he said, sarcastically, referencing the scene at the door earlier.

“We’re not dating, we’re….just having sex.”  Lance bust out laughing. 

“Sorry,” he said, calming down.  “I thought you just said that Justin Timberlake was carrying on a non-committed sexual relationship.”

“Well, it’s semi-committed, we’re not having sex with anyone other than each other,” Johanna said, shrugging her shoulders.  “He’s more than fine with it, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 “He’s pretending to be fine with it, because he wants you.  If this is the only way he can have you then he’ll play along but I’m telling you eventually he will want something more.”

“When it gets that far, I suppose we’ll take it from there but I don’t want anything more.  I’m happy with how things are.  Now Mr. Judgey pants, what’s up with you.  You’re supposed to be back in Mississippi but you’re still here talking to me.” 

“I was having a hard time packing my bag to go home.  I feel like it’s hard to be myself there,” he confessed.

“What are you talking about?” 

“I…well I just haven’t been honest with everyone about something.  I feel like we’ve become good friends and I feel like I can trust you…”

“You can trust me.” 

“I…” he was wringing his hands together.  “I’m g-gay.  Oh my Lord you don’t know how good it is to say that to someone.”

“Let it out babe,” she said, smiling at him.  She knew he must have worked himself up to finally tell someone and she was honored that he trusted her enough to tell her first. 

“I just felt like because I was in this group and we were singing love songs to girls that I couldn’t tell anyone.  It would ruin the image, the guys would…”

“The guys would love you just the same,” Johanna interrupted.

 “I still couldn’t say it.”

 “And why’re you holding back now?  You could tell them.”

“Our future in this group isn’t certain.  I feel like I can’t ruin the group and have that on my conscience.” 

“So you don’t tell the world.  But you can tell the guys, and your family.  At least you could live more comfortably around the people closest to you.”

“I’m glad I could at least tell someone.  It makes me less anxious to go home.  If I can’t work up the courage to say it to them, at least someone knows.”

  Lance stayed a little longer but had to run to the airport.   Johanna took her time doing the dishes and then changed and headed over to Mollie’s, she figured her friend would need help preparing for the festivities but was surprised to find her laying on the couch.  Apparently JC’s family had banished her from helping once Mrs. Chasez saw her swollen feet.  The girls chatted for a while and enjoyed a casual dinner with JC’s family.  Johanna excused herself when she got a text from Justin.  She was tired from the previous night and wanted to get some sleep.  She took off her clothes, changed her underwear, put the sweatshirt she’d stolen from Justin on and slipped into bed.  Her phone beeped with a text message.

“Having a hard time falling asleep.  Strange, last night I slept like a baby…”

“Granny won’t cuddle you?” Johanna smiled at her own humor. 

“I’m not sure that would work the same.  What are you wearing?”

“Justin!” 

“Give me something to work with.  I’m stuck in my momma’s house in Tennessee, I need a visual.”

“You want honest or you want me to make something up?  Because I ain’t as cute as I usually am.” 

“Honest.”

“Your sweatshirt and some panties.” 

“Shit girl.  Give me a minute.”

“Justin!”

 “If you tell me your hand is moving south, it’s over.”

 “Well, what are you wearing?”

 “Nothing.”

“Goodnight Justin…picture my hand slowly sliding down my body…”

 “Shit.  Goodnight Joey.”

Johanna laughed and stuck her phone on the nightstand.  She sank into the pillows, thankful for the sweatshirt making her cozy warm.  It was the first time in a long time she wouldn’t be home for Christmas and she had no intention of waking up super early.  The Chasez’s had opted to stay at Mollie’s house and Tyler and Heather were supposed to be arriving late tonight to stay at the house she was in.  She needed sleep.  Getting through a holiday with a family you barely know when all the attention will be on your best friend and her fiancé and their babies, was not something Johanna was looking forward to.  She was used to being the center of attention and wasn’t happy when it wasn’t all about her.  Hopefully Justin would send her naughty texts to entertain her.

Her wishes for a lie in did not come true.  Tyler came bursting through her door at 8 AM shouting ‘Merry Christmas’ and jumping on her bed.  She groaned and swatted at him to no avail.  She finally sat up in bed and sighed.

“Welcome to your very first Chasez family Christmas!”

“Can the Chasez family Christmas start a little later?” 

“No, we all have breakfast and open presents in our pajamas then we chill out, get dressed up and have a fancy but extremely early Christmas dinner and then we pig out on pie and dessert.  But the key to all of this is the early start.  This year is actually slightly later than usual because Heather and I got in late and because Mollie is preggo.”

“Well if we need pajamas for this can you hand me my shorts?” she asked, pointing to the pair on the floor next to the bed. 

“Sure, I don’t think the parents will approve of a pants-less Christmas.”

She slipped her shorts on under the comforter and slid out of bed.  She found some flip flops, and though it was pretty chilly for Florida weather, headed out the door to go next door.  She brought with her a bag of small gifts she’d gotten for JC’s family.  She didn’t know them very well but she felt a closeness to them, especially after all they’d done for her last year.  She perked up at the smell of coffee in the air and her stomach growled as the bacon hit her nose.  Everybody was gathered around the dining room table passing around dishes, so Tyler and Johanna found seats and tucked into the spread.  When she found herself stuffed beyond belief, they all migrated to the living room where the tree sparkled and was loaded with presents underneath it. 

It was fun exchanging gifts but she was the only single one there.  Even Tyler had a girlfriend, although she hadn’t come with him to Florida.  The announcement about the babies should have been a reason to smile when she watched JC’s family react but it made her sad.  She wanted everything Mollie had.  A purpose, a partner, a family…Johanna longed for it but it wasn’t coming as easily for her.  When the group headed their separate ways to get changed for dinner, Johanna took a moment to unwind.  She needed to shake off the blues that had swept over her.  She sank into the bathtub and set her computer on the ledge next to the tub.  She played some music and the hot water revitalized her skin.  Just when she was contemplating getting out, her computer beeped with a video chat request.  She saw it was Justin and hit accept.  His face filled her screen.

“Fuck you’re killing me girl.  Tell me you’re naked in the tub right now.”

“I’m naked in the tub right now,” Johanna said, laughing.  “And I kind of wish you were here.” 

“Remind me to get a room with a nice tub next when we head back out on the road.”

“Very funny,” she replied, grabbing her towel and slipping out of the suds.  She dried off quickly and slipped her robe over her shoulders, grabbing the computer and waking back to the bedroom.

“What are you up to?  You’re not hiding out all alone are you?” 

“No,” she replied, “but it sucks being the single person at the couple’s party.”

“You could’ve come home with me…” 

“I just am realizing that I want certain things and I need to make them a priority.  It’ll pass, I’m just a little blue.”

“I can fix that.  Open the closet.”  Johanna looked at the screen quizzically but obliged, she needed to get her outfit together after all.

 “Justin,” she said, feigning anger.  There was a box with a red bow on it and she brought it back over to the bed.  “What is this?”

“Just a little something I forgot to give you.”

She slowly pulled the lid off the box and nearly fainted when she pulled back the tissue paper inside.  There lay the most beautiful pair of heels she’d ever seen.  They were black peep toes with black spikey studs all over them.  When she took one out to try it on, she noticed the red bottom.

“Justin you did not get me Loboutins.  That is too much, they are too expensive!”

 “I’ve seen the way you drool over them when we go shopping or when you come to red carpet events.  I just wanted you to have your own.  Keep digging in the box though. I think there’s more. She pulled out the sexiest black leather romper she’d ever seen.  It had a deep v neckline and would look killer with the heels.  Under that was a plane ticket.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m hosting a New Year’s party in London.  I want you to come, not to work but to have some fun.” 

“London?!”

“Yes London.  You wished we had time to see it when we took the tour over there and I have a few days before I need to get down to rehearsing for the Super Bowl.” 

“But this ticket says Tennessee.”

“Well you have to come get me first!”