Chapter 39 - Resolutions

Sunday, December 24th, 2006.
"Hello." JC held Charley's hands together and kissed her palms. "Hello, Charley." She gripped her fingers around his middle fingers. He made a bobbing sound as he moved them gently from side to side. "Hello, Charley. Hi, Charley. Can you smile for me, Charley?" he said with a smile. She gurgled, smiling back up at him. "Hi, hi, hi, hi..." He lightly tapped her hands together, opening them to kiss her nose, then pressed his mouth to her belly and blew a raspberry.

"You know, she likes you more than she likes me," Ellie said in a deep, worn-out tone.
"Nonsense. You like Mommy very much, don't you, don't you." He sat up, lifting Charley up and resting her onto his chest. "Are you OK?" he asked Ellie.
"I'm just tired."
"I heard you crying, nay, violently sobbing when I got back from dropping my folks off at their hotel."
"Well, what do you expect..?" She tried to force the words over the lump in her throat, her face falling in tears. "I have never, never, been in trouble with the law. Never, I never even shoplifted candy when I was a kid; now I have a criminal record because I defended myself." She sat down on the bed, adjusting the dark blue dressing gown she was wearing. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised if Miles sent that email to the radio station."
"But what would his motive be?"
She lay down on the bed, facing away from him. "Obviously to humiliate me."

Ellie gave a deep sigh. "You know, this is the part in the shitty movie where we decide to show up to church tomorrow all dolled up looking better than everyone, like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's or some shit like that."
"Two things about that plan: one, it's extremely petty and I won't have no part in it and two, I don't have a suit."
"You packed a tux for the ball."
"Yeah."
"Anyway, I kind of just want to stay home and not play into any of their shit."
"OK"—he nodded—"you do that."

Monday, December 25th, 2006.
JC didn't know when he woke up. All he knew was that he watched the soft sunlight of the Christmas dawn creep across the ceiling of Ellie's bedroom. He carefully sat up, kissing Ellie's cheek as she stirred.
"I'm just going to the bathroom," he whispered before he gathered together his jacket, gloves and a woollen hat. He tried as quietly as he could to sneak downstairs and slip into his snow boots by the door. He bundled up and retrieved John's spare keys from the hook by the front door. He carefully pressed the front door back in place and trudged his way to the truck.

He had a vague sense of where he was going, only being there once before. He flipped through the street directory and placed it open on the passenger seat, and started off. He drove through streets of snow-covered bare magnolias, the vines of dormant wisteria covering porches and archways. He stopped in front of the same large, brown masoned house he had visited the Saturday before last year's Thanksgiving, the exact same Christmas lights hanging on the tall gabled roof. He sighed as he settled back into the front seat, trying to swallow down the lump of inadequacy that had formed in his throat.

JC didn't try as hard to sneak back into the house as he snuck out.
"Merry Christmas," John said from his spot in the living room.
"Hey, merry Christmas."
"You're out early."
JC waved a bag of Hershey's Kisses in the air. "Ellie didn't have a good night last night, so I thought I might sneak out this morning to get her something a little extra for Christmas."
John got up from his chair and reached out for the package. "Do you want me to wrap them for you?"
"Yeah."

John looked down at JC's skinned knuckles. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you in a bit of a bust up."
"Yeah"—JC smiled—"I slipped backwards in the gas station parking lot. Scraped my right hand pretty bad."
"There's some iodine in the medicine cabinet upstairs."
"Great. I also filled your tank up."
"Thanks."
"Cool."

Ellie was nursing Charley when JC returned to her bedroom.
"Hey, where have you been?"
"I went for a drive," he said as he dug through her diaper bag for her first aid kit.
"Where'd you go?"
He paused for a moment. "I went to Miles's place."
"You didn't do anything stupid, did you?"
"No, I just sat out front for a minute or two."
She watched as he struggled to put Band-Aids on his knuckles. "What happened to your hand?"
"When I was coming back, I went to a gas station to fill your dad's tank up. I slipped backward then punched the asphalt."
"Why?"
"’Cause I'm a fucking coward. I can't defend you, I can't protect you, I can do anything..." He trailed off.
Ellie thought for a moment. "You know back in May last year when Justin sent me that necklace and then you went over to his place and you two had that scuffle? About how he had all of these ideas of why I was with you and you knew they were wrong, so you defended my honour even if you weren't 100 percent sure your instincts were even right, just that you were completely in love with me? Well, you did that because you see Justin as a threat. Miles isn't a threat to you; you see him and you see someone who I can beat, so why bother even standing up, you know?"
"But, what about..?" He sat down on the bed.
"That girl, that girl who allowed him to do all those things, allowed him to say all of those things had no idea who she was, no idea who she was supposed to be or how she could fit into this world, OK? That girl is gone, she found herself and she found out what she can do and who she can be and the kind of love she deserves. She found you, OK?"
"OK."
She reached out for his hand, kissing the Band-Aids on his knuckles. ”Cool.”

As John finished breakfast, JC drove back into town and picked up his family from their hotel, the five of them singing along to the radio as they drove back to the Argyle’s ranch. Though the trip was brief, it was enough the raise JC’s spirit a little, but something still weighed on his mind. “Dad?” JC asked Roy as they watched Emily, Tyler and Heather arrange the last of the presents underneath the small, white aluminium Christmas tree perched on a table by the fireplace as John helped Karen with her recreation of her grandmother’s shoofly pie.
“Yeah.”
“Can I talk with you for a moment, in private?”
They grabbed their coats and went back onto the front porch, sitting on an old, wooden bench.
“What’s up?” Roy asked as he tucked his hands into his jacket pockets.
“Ellie had an argument yesterday with her ex, the son of that Lucy woman you met at the tearoom.”
“The ex-fiancé?”
“Yeah. I’m not 100 percent sure what happened, but they bumped into each other and things kinda turned to shit after that.”
“It couldn’t have been that bad.”
“They hit each other, and Ellie might be charged with assault.”
“OK.”
“I mean, from what I can remember, at least what I could hear, it was just petty name calling until Ellie brought up that he cheated on her—“
“Which he did?”
“Yeah. Then he slapped her and she punched him back,” JC finished explaining.
“OK. If he’s the one pressing charges, then he doesn’t really have a case if he hit her first.”
“I know, it’s not that.”
“What is it?”
“It’s just that I didn’t do anything. I could’ve got up and defended her or something, but all I did was sit there with the baby.”
“You were holding Charley?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you have anywhere to put her? Anyone to give her to?”
“We didn’t have a stroller with us or anything, and even if I did give her to Ellie’s mom or something, everything was happening so quickly that by the time I had done that and gone over there, Ellie would’ve already stormed out.”
Roy shrugged. “I guess since you were holding the baby and since everything happened so quickly, there wasn’t really anything else you could’ve done.”
“I guess, but I’m really cutting myself up over the whole idea that as her husband, I have a duty to protect Ellie, and yesterday I didn’t fulfil that.”
“Yeah, but also consider that you also have a duty to her as her co-parent to protect your child together and a duty to Charley to protect her and you were doing those things. Your duty as a father is just as important, if not more, especially since Charley’s so little and defenceless herself.” Roy stood up. “What does Ellie think?”
“The same as you.”
“Does she know the way you feel?”
“Yeah.”
Roy shrugged again. “Alright. I can’t change the way you’re feeling, but you did what was best, even if you don’t think that.”
“OK.”
“OK.” Roy went back into the house, JC sitting for a moment with his thoughts.

When they sat down for breakfast, Ellie had not yet joined them downstairs.
“When do you think she’ll be down?” Heather asked as she tore open a biscuit.
JC turned around to check the time on the microwave. “She’s usually feeding Charley right now, so she might be down in a minute. But she’s also not feeling great. so she might want to lie in a little while longer. I’ll take something up to her if she’s not down by the end of breakfast.”
“Speak of the devil,” John said as he passed the gravy bowl to Emily.
Ellie came down the stairs with Charley resting on her shoulder. She looked in good spirits despite wearing sweats and a soiled burp cloth, her hair tied into a frazzled top-knot. “Hey.”
“Was it the biscuits?” John asked as he pulled out a chair for her.
“The bacon, actually.” Ellie shifted Charley in her arms. “She’s a little drunk on milk right now, so she’s out cold. Who wants to hold her?”
Karen stood up and took the baby from Ellie’s arms. “She’s just so lovely,” she commented as she settled back down in her seat.
“You’ve got a little…” JC started to dab a slick of spit up off the large, navy blue sweatshirt Ellie was wearing.
“I know. I burped her before I came down, but you know babies. I feel like their first mission is to exact revenge for pushing them out by ruining every single item of clothing you own.”

JC softly kissed her cheek. “Are you OK?” he whispered.
“Yeah. Travis called. They dropped the case ‘cause Miles doesn’t have any proof that I instigated. It would be different if I did, but they decided that I was provoked and acted out of self-defence. Plus, I’m pretty sure Travis has a little crush on me.”
“He does not.”
“I think he does.” Ellie giggled. “If you hadn’t come along, I’m deeply reconsidering what options I would have.”
“Isn’t he married?”
“But so am I.” Ellie pursed her lips coyly.

Monday, January 1st, 2007.
JC swiped the key card of his Miami hotel and ran into the bedroom, practically jumping on the bed next to where Ellie was reading. He crawled up to her with drunken vigour and pressed his lips to hers.
"Happy New Year," he whispered.
"Happy New Year. How did your show go?"
"Great. Everyone was hyped. I know that everyone was drunk and was out for a party—"
"Uh, uh. It's Miami; some people were probably on cocaine."
"Possibly." He got up off the bed. “Do you want to be a little naughty?”
“What do you mean?”

He took a tiny bottle of sparkling white wine out of the minibar and two glasses from the basket of tea and coffee making facilities on the counter. He sat next to her and handed her the glasses, unwrapping then unscrewing the bottle.
“I’m not sure I should.”
He checked the volume. “There’s barely enough for two servings.” He poured the wine into the glasses, watching the last few drops drip into the second. “See?”
She placed the bottle on the bedside table. “What do you want to toast to?”
“To the happiest year of my life.”
“This year, or last year?”
“Going by the last two years, this year might be, but the last one was for me.”
“OK.” She clinked her glass to his. “To the happiest year of our lives, may the next be just as…good, or something.”
"Is there anything you want to toast to?"
She thought for a moment. "To the health of our daughter, to love and friendship, to deep conversations and great sex and cheap white wine."
"Cheers."
"Cheers."

Friday, January 12th, 2007.
Ellie was woken by JC kicking off the bedcovers. She sat up and looked around as the bass from a party downstairs shook the room.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm just hot."
She checked the temperature of the air conditioning. "It's 65 degrees."
"I'm still hot."
"It's freezing." She placed her hand on his forehead, then on the nape of his neck. "You're burning up." She got out of bed and got a thermometer from her diaper bag, then got back on the bed. "Say 'ahh.'"
He opened his mouth and she stuck the thermometer in.
She checked it when it started beeping. "You're 103 degrees. Get up, we're going to the ER."
He turned over and moaned.
"It's been 3 days, and your temperature is now over 102 and you’re going to the hospital."
"Can't it wait?"
"It's 3 in the morning."
He flipped over to his back. "OK, OK, fine."

A medical intern by the name of Keaton fluffed JC's pillow and readjusted the pulse monitor on his left pointer finger.
"Try not to get it loose. The flatline alarm will go off and every nurse within a 12-foot radius will come running in. Is there anything I can get you?"
"A glass of water? Please?"
"Can do." Keaton dug around some containers and took out what he needed to take a blood test. "Can I get a blood test first?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"It'll be easier for us to figure out what's wrong with you."
"It'll be fine," Ellie said as she sat off to the side of the bed, bouncing Charley on her knee.
"OK then." JC reached over for Ellie's hand as Keaton took his blood. He winced as the needle went in. "No, no, no, no, no, no—"
"There we go," Keaton reassured him, "press down on this."

"What do you think it might be?" Ellie asked Keaton as he gathered the vials to send to the lab.
"Going from the mucous build-up in his chest, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a chest infection or bronchitis, which is a pity 'cause you're releasing an album in a month?"
JC nodded.
"If it's just that, we'll keep him in to stabilise his temperature, then send him home with some antibiotics and put him on bed rest."
"I guess we'll have to get some more condoms. We wouldn't want him getting pregnant," Ellie joked.
"Don't worry, if I wake you up in the middle of the night masturbating, you just let me finish, OK?"

Thursday, January 25th, 2007.

JC sat on a black leather couch in the TRL studio, VJ Adam Turin sitting next to him.

Adam addressed the camera, "Hey guys, Adam here for an MTV exclusive. We've finally got JC Chasez for the world premiere for his new video 'You Ruined Me.' What happened man? You filmed early November, but we're just seeing it now."

JC cleared his throat. "OK, so the video itself is very ambitious. It's an epic of sorts and even though it only took two days to shoot, it took a good six weeks to edit and whatever. But, BUT, there's a specific shot that’s extremely rare that we couldn't film ourselves, so we needed to use someone else's footage and there was this whole legal clearance...stuff..." His voice petered out into a sickly rasp. "So, we were just sitting on the video until that happened and I literally got the call on Monday that everything was fine and you guys could premiere it today."

"Your voice got a bit raspy there."

"Honestly, I'm sick. Bronchitis. I was actually in bed most of last week with a pretty bad fever."

"Darn it."

"Yeah." JC nodded.

"Can you tell us about the video?"

"It is to date my most ambitious. More ambitious than anything I did with *NSYNC. It's just so huge."

"Not in the mood to give anything away?"

"No." JC laughed.

"How do you feel about Justin's new video? He's got this Hollywood starlet in it and all that."

"Honestly, there's somewhere I wish I could tell Justin to shove his new video." JC laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But, honestly, I've been too caught up with real life to care about anything Justin's doing or whatever. I'm sick, I've got a new baby, me and my wife are going through some things and frankly I can't be bothered with that stuff ‘cause I've got an actual life."

"Out of your videos, do you think yours or Justin's—"

JC let out a loud groan. "I mean, obviously he's going to come out on top again. Isn't this his third consecutive number one?" JC stuck both his middle fingers up. "It's just a load of wank. Is it going to cure my daughter's diaper rash? No. Is it causing my daughter's diaper rash? No. I don't give a shit."

"Is there a rivalry brewing between—"

“I'm sick and I'm tired and I just want this to be over so I can go home and go back to bed."

Adam chuckled. "Do you want to be all dramatic and storm off set?"

"I mean...if you're giving me the opportunity."

"Go on, get out."

"Fine" JC unclipped his mic and walked out of frame, calling back, "Will that do?"

"Yep. This, at least, that was JC Chasez and this is his new video 'You Ruined Me.' I'm Adam Turin and this is a MTV news exclusive. Catch us after the break to find out what the 'F' Temmy Colton is up to now."

The video opens on an old beach house in the rains. Piano chords start as a motorcycle pulls up in front. JC lifts off his helmet and sees a red sports car. Footage of a couple hugging plays before JC sits on the front steps. The first verse plays as he sings on the steps. On 'misery,' he stands up and enters the house to find the couple hugging. Through the lyrics of the chorus, he starts an argument with the woman and throws his helmet and jacket onto the floor. He shakes his heads, gathers his things and walks out, riding off. As the second verse starts, he is in uniform and sitting on a bench in a hallway. He enters his commanding officer's office and speaks with him, his CO handing him a file. JC is now in a locker room and zipping up a flight suit. He opens his locker to find a black and white photo of him and the woman from the house on vacation, him in a Hawaiian shirt and her in a bikini and grass skirt. He rips up the photo and flings it into the bin as he walks out. Footage of him on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier is intercepted with footage of him singing in the locker room. He gets into a fighter plane and prepares for flight. He is cleared for take off and starts down the runway, only falling straight into the ocean instead of taking off. More footage of him singing whilst sitting on a bench in the locker room, a single window seemingly providing the only light, is spotted through the crew rescuing him, one sailer kicking the windshield of the plane in and taking him to the surface, then CPR being performed on him. The song ends as a blurry white image focuses into Ellie in a nurses outfit, checking his chart. JC has woken up in a hospital and she smiles a small smile at him. A final shot of JC looking forlorn both in the hospital bed and in the locker room plays before it fades to black.

The door to Charley’s nursery was slightly ajar when JC arrived home. He checked on Charley as she slept in her crib, placing his hand on her stomach. He checked to see if the baby monitor was on and he scratched Linus behind the ear as he lay purring on the rocking chair.

“Keep the door open,” Ellie told him as he entered their bedroom.

“OK,” he responded as he started to change into a set of pyjamas. “Did you see the video?”

“Yeah.” She sniffed, wiping tears from her eyes.

“Are you OK?”

“Yeah. I’m just having a little cry in the dark. Charley took awhile to calm down and I’m just ugh! You know?”

“Yeah.” He got under the covers.

“I know you’re supposed to do the whole self-sooth bullshit, but every time I put her down, she won’t fall asleep on her own. If I let her fall asleep in my arms, she wakes up when I put her down. It’s gotten to the point where I have to stand there by the crib with my hand on her until she falls asleep.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here tonight.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who’s kicking her out.”

“She’s only across the hallway. You can see into her room from here.”

“I know, I know. I also know that I’m the one that decided that she was too big for her bassinet. We should’ve just set up the Pack ‘n Play.”

“Why don’t we?”

“Because there’s not enough room in here. There’s barely enough room for the bed and the bassinet. Thank goodness there’s a walk-in wardrobe, ‘cause we wouldn’t have any room in here.”

JC looked over to the corner of the room. “We could always—“

“I am not moving my vanity.”

“Yeah, but—”

“I am not moving my vanity. I need it for my girly stuff.”

“Yeah, but you complain about not having enough room, and then you—”

“You have whole room downstairs dedicated—“

“That is literally my work space.”

“Plus there’s a grand piano—“

“That you bought for my birthday.”

“It’s still taking up most of the living area.”

“I know, but you bought it as a birthday present. It stays.” He shuffled down. “I know everything seems cramped, but it’s a small place. You don’t get that much for 1.5 million in Columbus Circle.”

“I know, it’s just how are we going to fit three people and a cat into here?”

“We’ll do it. Either that or we move.”

She snuggled into his chest. “Move like a bigger apartment or move like Brooklyn?”

“Move like we settle in Orlando or L.A.”

She paused. “I’m good here.”

“I thought so.”