Chapter 38 - Shit Happens

Friday, December 22nd, 2006.

Senior Trooper Travis Paisley was born and raised in Baton Rouge, having only left the city for a high school trip to Washington D.C. and his honeymoon in Nashville. He had only two jobs in his whole life, working at Walmart until he was old enough to join the Academy, then dedicating his life to serving his town as a state trooper. He lived in a modest ranch-style home with his wife Caitlyn, née Briggs, where they waited to be blessed with their first child.

On this particular Friday morning, Travis shook the rain off his windbreaker and wiped the mud off his boots. There had been nothing strange about that night’s patrol, no events of great travesty, but he still welcomed the warm embrace of his bed. He changed into his pyjamas and settled next to his wife.

“How was your ball thing?” he asked.

“Fine,” Caitlyn replied. “Molly threw one of her tantrums.”

“What went wrong this time?”

“It’s Molly Sue; nothing is good enough for Molly Sue. For some reason Ellie, you know, Miles’s ex, didn’t show up and she was spitting every obscenity in the book in Ellie’s name. Molly goes on and on about how incredible it is that Ellie’s married a celebrity, but the moment Ellie cancels on an invite, Molly can’t help but assume that it’s because Ellie now thinks she’s too good for us, not because Molly stole her fiancé, practically excommunicated her from the group of girls she grew up with, and now only wants her around to either please Claire or because of the novelty of her marrying a Backstreet Boy or something.

“Of course, this resulted in Claire using everything within her power not to stab Molly Sue in the throat with a shrimp fork. If I was her, I would’ve done it.”

“Funny, ‘cause when I found Ellie and her Backstreet Boy husband up on make out point, she said that they had just come from the ball.”

“But she never showed up.”

“Wasn’t the first lie she had told me.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, she said that they were only having a cuddle up there, but you could smell the sex stank from a mile away.”

“Why didn’t you book them?”

“No evidence. Do you know the kind of scandal it would cause if I arrested a celebrity on public indecency with no evidence? Plus it’s their first anniversary and they just had a baby. I didn’t want to ruin the night. And besides Molly’s jealous vendetta against her, she’s been nothing but sweet towards everyone.” He buried his head into his pillow.

Caitlyn lay awake for a moment, the weight of this information on her. She quietly got out of bed.

“Just going to the bathroom, babe,” she told Travis when he stirred. She crept into the kitchen, dialling a number into the phone, waiting for her best friend to pick up. “Charlene, you will not believe what Travis saw on his patrol tonight.”

With an obvious correction, the news travelled quickly through their gossip circle, reaching KDO5-FM as an anonymous tip as JC joined the station for their morning show.

“Hey folks, it’s KDO5’s Rufus in the morning, wishing you a happy Christmas Eve Eve’s morning. That’s a mouthful to say. This morning we’re joined by the king of boy band Christmas vocals, JC Chasez. Hey.”

“Hey,” JC replied.

“Now, I know you’re now doing the solo thing, but this month we’ve been playing as much of Home for Christmas as we possibly can, and may I say that your vocal performance on that album is like Mariah and Whitney had a baby boy and he was in a boy band. Is there any plans for you to release any solo Christmas material?”

“It’s not something we’re really looking into. Our main plan is to kind of get the album out then go from there.”

“Great. Now, you’ve married a local girl. Are you two spending Christmas down here?”

“This year, yeah. Well, us and the baby.”

“Just the three of you?"

"Well, basically her entire extended family, 'cause they're based down here, and my folks and my brother and sister."

"Great, great. You see, we've got a little segment we like to call 'Rumour Mill.'"

"Um, OK."

"As you know, us Southerns thrive on our gossip, so when a celebrity's in town, we like to ask them if any recent gossip about them is true."

"OK." JC nodded, assuming he was about to be asked a question about the album.

"We got an email this morning saying that you and your wife barely avoided being arrested for having sex up at the local make out point in your father-in-law's truck last night."

JC reeled his head back, shocked at what he was just asked. "No...no...no."

"So, that's a not true?"

"Yeah. Not true."

JC tried as hard as he could to drive home calmly. He parked on the front lawn of the Argyle's ranch, taking a few deep breaths before he started to beat his hands on the steering wheel.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, SHIT!" He threw the door open, running up to the attic. "DIDYOULISTENTOTHEINTERVIEW?" he spewed out.

"What?" Ellie started to sit up, having been awoken.

"DIDYOULISTENTOTHEINTERVIEW?"

"I can't understand you. You need to slow down."

"Did you listen to the interview?"

"No. I went right back to sleep after I fed Charley."

"I was literally asked during the interview if you and I avoided being arrested for having sex in your father's truck."

"Excuse me?"

"I WAS LITERALLY ASKED IN AN INTERVIEW IF I WAS NEARLY ARRESTED FOR FUCKING IN MY FATHER-IN-LAW'S TRUCK!"

"I got it the first time. What did you say?"

"NO! You don't admit something like that, especially if you're promoting a new single."

"OK, so you denied it. So what."

He sat down on the bed. "But it's out there...it's out there, and it's never going back in."

"So..?"

"Sex scandal. This means I'm now possibly involved in a sex scandal. This could ruin me." He splattered down onto his back. "My career, gone."

"It's only a rumour; the press deal with and make up hundreds of rumours everyday and nothing goes wrong."

He turned to her. "But this one's true. Some guy came up to our car last night whilst we were having sex in public to ask if we were having sex in public. He could've arrested us."

"But he didn't."

"But he could've. It doesn't matter whether or not he didn't—"

She cut him off. "Do you seriously hear yourself right now? 'It doesn't matter whether or not he arrested us, it's the fact that he could've.' Travis—"

"TRAVIS?!" JC jolted up into a sitting position. "Do you know him?"

Ellie paused for a moment. "What if I do?"

"How do you know him?"

Ellie sighed. "I went to school with his wife."

"So he told her, and she sent the email into the radio station?"

"No, most likely he told her, then she told Charlene, then either Charlene sent the email, or Charlene told Molly Sue and Molly Sue sent the email as payback for not attending last night."

"And she would do that?"

"I don't know. I wouldn't put it past her, but it's also something she wouldn't admit." She made a hesitant sigh. "I don't want to have to deal with this shit."

"Then what do we do?"

"Just let it fucking go. If anything, it'll make you look more badass if a rumour like this is floating around about you."

Sunday, December 24th, 2006.

Something told JC to stop instinctively as he and Ellie walked towards the doors of Ellie's family parish. He gazed around the lawn of the church and what he could see of the car park. Behind an old and rusted tan jeep, he saw a man with a camera.

He gently placed his hand on Ellie's back, trying not to alarm her. "There's a paparazzi behind the redwood over there."

"What?"

"There's a paparazzi over near the redwood near that jeep."

"That's a redwood?" She turned to look at him. "How do you know what a redwood looks like?"

They looked at each other for a minute.

"Never mind, if you've seen Return of the Jedi as many times as you have, you probably can identify a redwood."

"This isn't the time for jokes."

"I know, but sometimes it's nice to be a little light-hearted."

"I know, but aren't you just a little bit nervous about the rumour? I mean, what people are going to think?"

Ellie stopped and readjusted Charley. "I don't care what these people think. They either like me because they like my parents, or they hate me because I moved up north and married a Northerner when I could've stayed down here and married the son of one of the richest men in town."

"Yeah, but—"

"But, nothing. I worked in celebrity media for six years; if we ignore the rumour and pretend it doesn't exist, it'll go away. It's exactly the same down here, ignore it and it'll go away. As for the photographer, quite a few state politicians attend this church. Someone usually hires a photographer to take photos every year at the Christmas service to make them look like they're religious or conservative or something. It's more about their political image than us. He'll probably take some photos of us to sell and make a little money for himself, but I doubt he's exclusively just here for us."

JC pursed his lips. "OK, but that doesn't mean I have to be cool with it."

"I never said you had to."

After the sermon, those who had gathered at the church herded into the hall for a Christmas Eve post-service pancake breakfast. Ellie carefully placed Charley into JC's lap as he tried to wipe his hands with a paper napkin.

“But my hands are sticky,” he said as he balled the napkin up,

“I don’t care,” she replied. “There’s an urn full of coffee sitting over there all alone and I’ve been eyeing it since we came in here. There’s wet naps in the diaper bag.”

“Do you really think I can hold a baby whilst I fish out a diaper bag from under the table?”

“Coffee. Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee.”

He sighed. “Fine, go.”

“Yay.” Ellie set off between the folding tables towards the hot drink urns on the opposite wall of the hall, beating her hands in a happy rhythm as she continued “Coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee” under her breath. She paused when she came to the table where Miles and Molly Sue were sitting, waving to Izzy in her stroller as she asked for someone to move it slightly out of the way.

“Excuse me.”

“Sorry,” Miles said with a hint of sarcasm as he pulled the stroller back.

“Thank you.” Before Ellie could continue on, she heard the all too familiar sound of Miles whispering followed by Molly Sue’s evil giggle. She turned to look at them in their little powwow. “If you’ve got anything nasty to say about me, you can say it to my face.”

“It’s nothing, really,” Miles replied.

“Look you little spatchcocked runt, if you can talk shit about me, you can do it to my face.”

“What did you call me?”

“A spatchcocked runt. I was going to call you a cunt, but vaginas are too beautiful to be compared to the chicken ass you call a face.”

Miles stood up to face her directly. “Well, if you’re going to be like that, I was just saying to my beautiful, thin wife that I wouldn’t have to move Izzy if you weren’t so fat.”

“Don’t you think it’s rather lush for someone with the same dimensions and fat percentage of a box of macaroni and cheese to call someone fat?”

“Don’t you think it’s a little lush for a fat, gold-digging whore like you to be in a house of God?”

“OK, firstly,” she pointed out, “don’t even pretend you know what the word lush means, you dumb fuck, and secondly we both know you don’t give a shit about either gold-digging, being a whore, or God. You’re only here for appearances.”

“You used to be such a nice girl, Lizzie. It’s just amazing how much that carpetbagger has changed you for the worse.”

“My name’s Elizabeth, not Lizzie.” She scratched her nose in frustration. “What kind of pretentious redneck uses ‘carpetbagger’ as an insult in 2006, and I stopped being ‘such a nice girl’ when you fucked your boss’s daughter from behind on her desk when we were still engaged.”

He angled his jaw. “I’m not quite sure everyone heard you.”

She raised her voice so their private conversation became public. “I said I stopped being such a nice girl when you cheated on me! Or more correctly, when I finally met someone who cared about me enough to tell me to dump your cheating ass.” She gestured around the room. “I am completely, completely, surprised that all of you are confused as to why I barely want to spend any time with y’all when I know most of you know how he behaved towards me and none of you told me what he was doing—“

“I told you, but you wouldn’t listen,” Claire interjected.

“Or even considered that maybe you shouldn’t help him cheat on me by sleeping with him yourselves. Do y’all still allow him to do this whilst he’s married and attempting to build a political career? Or are you just going to sit in silence like y’all are doing now?”

“Did y’all hear how she and her Backdoor Boy husband fucked up on make out point instead of going to a charity ball?!” Miles rebutted.

“Again, buttweed, *NSYNC, the talented ones, *NSYNC. Secondly, the only charity that ball is going to is your wife and her minions’ pockets for planning the event and wine spritzers for wet t-shirt competitions. Thirdly, I still paid for the tickets even if I didn’t attend and finally, yeah, maybe I did, but he’s my husband…” She paused. “Not my husband’s supposed best friend, or sorority sister, or teacher’s aide, or cousin, or my cousin—“

He slapped her across the face. Without a moment to register what had happened, she punched him, sending him to the ground. “HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!”

He got straight up off the ground. “YOU’RE SUCH A DUMB BITCH OF A STUPID WHORE! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”

She pursed her lips, lowering her voice to a defensive growl. “I’m not scared of you. You only managed to break my heart because I let you. But I know now that you’re a nothing little shell of a man who will never get any higher than where you are now, the shit wallowing in the swamp you were born from. I never loved you…I could never love someone with a three-inch penis.”

“If you’re so much better than us, why isn’t your HUSBAND coming over to defend you?” Molly Sue quipped.

Ellie looked back at JC. He watched attentively as he picked at the plate of pancakes before him as he held their now sleeping baby. She turned back to Miles and Molly Sue. “Because he knows I’m the one who throws the punches.”

Ellie turned on her heel and marched out of the church hall, JC, her family and Claire following behind. They found her staring at her own reflection in the window of John’s truck.

“Are you OK?” Claire asked.

“I’m fine. I just want to go home,” Ellie whispered meekly, avoiding eye contact.

Everyone was silent most of the way home, the tension only being interrupted on occasion by Charley cooing in her sleep. When they got home, Ellie unclipped Charley from her car seat and lifted her into her arms. “I’ll be upstairs,” she muttered before she disappeared into the house.

Emily checked her watch. “I have to…” She pointed towards the stables. “…Horses,” she said before quickly walking off.

The tension in the air thickened between JC and John. John turned to enter the house, stopping on the second highest front step as JC followed him.

“Look, boy: I know your people, Mennonites, don’t…are against violence, but why didn’t you defend her?”

JC thought a moment before answering, “You saw her up there; she can hold her own. Plus you know she prefers to fight her own fights. I didn’t think there was anything I could’ve done, plus I was holding the baby.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little…emasculating or something?”

JC scratched his head. “No. I know you’re probably thinking about your daughter’s honour or whatever, but we both know it wouldn’t have helped if I stepped in to defuse her or defend her. I would’ve only made her angry at me.”

“So you would’ve preferred him to assault her than make her pissed at you?”

JC fell silent. “I don’t know what to say to that. I thought I did what was best at the time. I’m sorry if that wasn’t enough for you. But you raised your daughter to be able to defend herself.”

Ellie was lying with her back to the door as she watched the snow start to lightly fall when JC came up to the bedroom. He took his jacket off and climbed into bed, spooning her as he softly kissed the back of her neck.

“It’s OK. I still love you,” he tried to reassure her.

“I want him to die. I want him and this whole buttfuck of a hellhole to drown in acid.”

He rested his chin on her shoulder. “I don’t know how to answer that.”

They lay together in a warming silence. “Is it OK if I didn’t come to your rescue?” he asked. “I know he hit you—“

She cut him off as she turned over to face him. “He just does that sometimes, when he gets frustrated at me or I get too out of line. It’s why Daddy taught me my famous right hook.”

“But you of all people should know it’s not OK that he did that, even if you can fight back.”

She played with the buttons off his shirt through the fabric of his sweater. “You accept the love you think you deserve. Miles and I are both emotionally volatile people. He always told me that he didn’t like my outbursts or anything. He made such an issue about it that he was able to use it as one of his reasons why he could treat me so badly and I would still love him. He always said that me going off on him was why he did those things, why he cheated on me, why he sometimes hit me, why everyone secretly hated me behind my back. Why he would pressure me into having sex with him…”

“That doesn’t mean he was right.”

“That’s what Craig said. You know, I almost think he begged Maurice to give me a job so I wouldn’t go back home to Miles.” She sighed, laying her head in his arm.

“Are you OK with what I did?” he asked her.

“You were holding the baby. I prefer that you stayed behind and protected her then came to my rescue or whatever.”

“I’m sorry that I did what I did, or didn’t do what I didn’t do.”

“It’s OK.” She lifted her head and softly kissed him. “Make me feel better, make me feel good again.”

He rolled them over until he was lying on top of her. He kissed her as he slipped his hands under her sweater, lifting it up over her head. He started to unbutton her blouse, running his fingers across her stomach.

“Is this what you want?” he asked.

She nodded and bit her lip. “Yeah.” She licked her lips as he kneeled and took his sweater, shirt then undershirt off. He undid his belt and kicked his pants and briefs off.

“Socks,” she whispered.

“Yeah.” He dropped his socks off the side of the bed and climbed underneath the covers, throwing them over her. She sat up and silently peeled off her shirt and bra, taking off her pantyhose, skirt and underwear. She lay in his arms, gripping his shoulders as her kissed her arms, chest, and belly.

He paused for a moment as he hovered over her belly button. “You’re not fat, you know.”

“I know. He's just an asshole.”

He pressed his face to her stomach, where their baby once was. “I wish I kissed your stomach more when you were pregnant. I wish I told you how much I loved you more and how beautiful you were. I’m a bad husband.”

“Considering my first option, I think you’re OK.”

Tears welled up in his eyes. “I should’ve fought for you. I should’ve thrown him across the room or pummeled him or something. I never should’ve let him say those things to you or let him touch you."

"Baby, baby..." She sat up, holding his head in her hands. "Everything happened so quickly that I don't think you could've prevented anything from happening. Plus, you were holding Charley."

"But your dad said I basically emasculated myself by not doing anything."

"Think of it this way, how much better is he if he didn't do anything himself."

She looked between their bodies. "Anyway..." She reached down and started to stroke his cock. "I don't think anyone who's been emasculated has such a big, beautiful cock."

He wrapped his hand around hers, guiding her as she stroked him. She let go of his manhood, cupping his jaw as she deeply kissed him. She wrapped her left arm around his shoulders as she pulled him down to lie on top of her, her hand starting to rub her pussy. He opened her legs slightly and slipped inside of her, pressing his thumb to her clit as he pleasured her. She placed her other arm around his shoulders as he slowly thrusted into her as they kissed. She pressed her mouth to his as she came.

She gasped, whispering, “Baby…” as a lump formed in her throat and she started to cry.

“Are you crying?”

“No.”

“You’re starting to tear up.” He stopped. “Am I hurting you?”

“No, the moment’s just a little emotionally intense for me right now.”

“Am I hurting you? Do you still want this?”

“No…I mean, yes…No, you’re not hurting me, and yes, I still want this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just shut up and finish. You’re ruining the moment.” She huffed.

He withdrew, turning over. “I’m not into this anymore. What’s wrong?”

“Oh my God! Nothing’s wrong!”

“Then why are you yelling?”

“I’m not yelling.” She sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. “Anyway, why do you assume that I’m the one with the problem? You’re the one who stopped.”

“OK, firstly, I’m not going to fuck you if you’re yelling at me, and secondly, you literally told me to ‘Shut up and finish. You’re ruining the moment.’ Excuse me if I’ve lost my boner.”

She looked down at his still engorged penis. “Really?…Really?” She sighed. “It’s not like it was any good anyway.”

He angled his jaw. “You still came.”

“Just because you come, doesn’t mean it’s still not lacklustre.”

He pushed his hair back. “You’re not making any sense.”

She sighed again. “You know that time back in June where we spent the night at the beach house? I haven’t had truly amazing sex since then. OK? Maybe it wasn’t the best decision to have sex right now, but something happened during the end of my pregnancy where it feels like something just fizzled out. Then I gave birth and the whole ‘physical trauma to my vagina’ thing fucking happened and even though we’re starting to have sex again, it’s not as good as it was before. We used to have a very, very physical relationship even though I appreciate that our emotional relationship has grown stronger. I just want you to shut off that part of your brain where you have a newfound respect for me or whatever and just fuck me like the animal you are, like the animal I am. I thought it was going to happen on Thursday night, but that butthole interrupted us and then it felt like everything had to be rushed.”

“I get what you’re saying, but I was only trying to be considerate of how you felt.”

“I know.”

“Do you want me to…Do you want us to finish the way that you want?”

“Do you want to?”

“If you want.”

“OK.” She nodded.

“Is it OK if I be rough?”

She nodded again.

He leaned over and pulled her until she was lying face down on the bed. He arched her pelvis up off the bed and spanked her, slipping his hand underneath her to make sure she was still wet. He spanked her again, biting her ass before he rammed himself into her, increasing the speed and force of his thrusts as his grunts became louder. She dug her fingers into the bed sheet, whimpering as she reached back and placed his hand on her clit, begging him to make her come. With his free hand, he grabbed her hair and pulled, asking her to rise to kneeling position. She grasped his thigh with her left hand as she buried her head into his neck, letting off a silent gasp as she came. She pressed her right on his. “Don’t stop until you come.”

“I don’t know how long that might be.”

“Just keep going. Let it build up.” She turned his head so their lips could touch, kissing him as his thrusts became slower as he finished. He stopped everything he was doing, only softly kissing her shoulder.

Emily’s ears perked up as she heard a car drive down the road of the ranch.

“Funny,” she commented as she checked her watch, “Josh’s family isn’t due until ‘round 5.”

“Might be someone to wish some holiday greetings or some shit,” John suggested gruffly.

A thundering knock sounded on the door. “POLICE!”

“Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap,” Emily whispered under her breath as she went to answer the door. “How may I help you sirs?”

“Mrs. Argyle.” A portly man in his sixties greeted Emily with a nod. “My name is Lieutenant Ward and this is Senior Trooper Paisley. We’re here to speak with your daughter Elizabeth.”

“Um…OK. John!” she called out. “Can you please retrieve Elizabeth from upstairs?”

“But—“

“But, what?” Emily responded.

He nodded his head towards the stairs. “You heard them.”

“Is there anything wrong, ma’am?” Travis asked.

Emily paused. “We think that Elizabeth and her husband…may have been having…marital relations not too long ago.”

Lieutenant Ward sighed. “That’s all nice and dandy, ma’am. But we cannot let awkwardness interfere with police business.”

Emily motioned upstairs. “Alrighty…I, I guess I’ll just go get her then.”

Emily winced every time the stairs creaked as she climbed them. She knocked lightly on the door of Ellie’s bedroom. “Ellie, honey…are you decent?”

“What’s wrong?” Ellie called from inside the room.

“There’s two policemen here to talk to you.”

Ellie’s eyes widened. “Is everything OK, Mama?”

“I don’t know, baby. They say they want to speak with you.”

Ellie rose from her position of lying on JC’s chest, scattering around the room for whatever clothes she could find, picking the sweatsuit JC had worn to bed the night before.

“Is there anything you want me to do, call a lawyer or something?” JC asked.

“Just stay up here with the baby.”

“Are you—“

She cut him off nervously. “Look, look, it’ll be fine. If I just cooperate, it will be fine.”

Ellie made her way downstairs, taking in a deep breath before she pulled open the door.

“Good afternoon officers, what is the matter?”

“We received a call this morning reporting that you assaulted a Miles Henderson,” Lieutenant Ward explained. “We’re here to question you regarding this claim.”

“Is Miles pressing charges?”

“Do you think he has a case?”

“I did punch him at a church function.”

“The thing is, Miss Argyle..?

“Mrs. Chasez.”

“Mrs. Chasez, both of us were present at the scene this morning and we, as well as some others on our staff, witnessed him hit you first.”

“Yeah.”

Travis pulled out a notebook and started to question her. “How long have you known Mr. Henderson?”

Ellie thought for a moment. “His family moved to Baton Rouge from Lafayette when we were in the seventh grade, so since I was around 12, 1990. 16 years.”

“And do you and Mr. Henderson have a relationship outside of attending school together?”

“Yeah, we dated for around five years when we were in high school and college.”

“And you were engaged?”

“For about six months from Christmas 1999 to mid July 2000.”

“And why did that relationship end?”

“He left me for his current wife.”

“We thought that Molly Sue was his first wife.”

Ellie shrugged. “You can’t tell with these things.”

“So there was adultery at the end to the relationship?”

“Constantly throughout.”

“Mr. Henderson says that this is a lie and that you’re only saying it to gain publicity for your husband’s CD.”

Ellie sighed. “Officers, before I had my baby, I was writing for a nationally published music magazine owned by a publishing house that owns thirty-one publications that are not only distributed nationally, but are also distributed in over twenty-three countries around the world. Out of the seven publications, the four tabloids and three political and financial magazines, whichever ones that would be interested in a senator’s assistant from Louisiana’s fucking around back when he was in high school and college, all of which is nearly either a phone call or email away to leak those tips. Do you really think with my connections that I would bring him down through yelling at him in front a community that either knows or has heard the gossip pertaining to his fucking around?”

“After you made the claim that Mr. Henderson slept with his cousin?”

Ellie made a tight lipped smile. “It’s the South; country folk do country shit. If you got both Miles and Annette under oath, both would admit to losing their virginities to each other at their great-grandpa’s 95th birthday.”

“OK, and has he hit you before?”

Ellie exhaled a short breath, rocking on the balls of her feet. “Sir, Miles is a spoiled brat. He’s used to getting everything. When something doesn’t go his way, he gets frustrated and lashes out. He hit his nannies, his parents, his brothers and sister, his friends, anyone—including his girlfriends. Some brushed him off; my daddy taught me to hit back.”

“Then why did you stay with him, when he was treating you so badly?”

“Because I was scared of him. You don’t fuck around with someone who claims he can shoot a deer square between the eyes.”

“And why did you did you end your relationship?”

“His wife and I were supposed best friends growing up.” She smiled again. “And the knowledge that he would most likely get the death penalty if he murdered me.”

Travis made a forced smile. “Can you recall the series of events?”

“Well, we and our families were at the breakfast this morning. I was heading over to the urn to get a cup of coffee and I walked past Miles’s table, so he had to move his daughter’s stroller out of the way. I heard him talking shit to his wife about me, so I said, ‘If you’re gonna talk shit to me then you can say it to my face,’ then when he wouldn’t reply, I called him a runt, then he told me that he had told his wife that I was fat, then I called him short and fat, then he called me a gold-digging whore, then I said he was stupid and religiously hypocritical, then he said that my husband was a carpetbagger, then I called him a redneck and I not only made a point that he cheated on me, but also that I wouldn’t be surprised if he cheats on his wife, then he brought up the public indecency rumour that’s been going around about my husband and me and that I didn’t go to his wife’s stupid ball. I told him why his wife’s stupid little ball is stupid and listed pretty much every girl he slept with whilst we were together and then he slapped me, then I punched him told him he has a three-inch dick.”

Travis finished writing out his notes. “Is that all?”

“Pretty much.”

Lieutenant Ward placed his hat back on his head. “I think that’s everything.”

JC emerged from inside the house, wearing a heavy black jacket and a pair of jeans. He was carrying Charley in her infant car seat. “Hey.”

“Why have you got the baby?”

“You told me to watch her and my dad’s texting me about picking my family up from the airport. I thought that I would bring her if I had to watch her.”

Travis kneeled down. “Is this your daughter?”

“Yeah.”

“Me and Caitlyn, you know my wife Caitlyn?”

“Yeah,” Ellie replied.

“We’re waiting to be blessed ourselves.”

“Try the full moon,” Ellie and JC said in unison.

Travis chuckled. “It was nice to meet you Mr. Chasez.”

“JC.”

“JC.”

“Well, thanks.” Travis waved as he made his way down to the patrol car.

“Thank you for your cooperation, ma’am.” Lieutenant Ward tipped his hat.

“When will we know what’s happening?”

“I wouldn’t get too anxious. We’ll need to file a report and go over it with our captain, but the fact that he struck you first basically says that you retaliated in self-defense and that he has no case. We’ll let you know as soon as we can.”

“And what if she’s in the wrong?” JC asked.

“We’ll check her record and go from there. A first-time offence would only result in a hearing and a fine; anything thing else would depend on your history,” Ward explained.

“And about the…mishap on Thursday night?”

“Travis! About Thursday night?!”

“What?” Travis called back.

“When you saw them on Thursday night?”

“It was Friday morning, sir!”

“Is there anything to worry about?”

Travis shook his head. “No! I didn’t see them doing anything!”

Ward shrugged his shoulders. “See, nothing to worry about.” He walked down the stairs and opened the driver’s side door of the patrol car. “Merry Christmas, you two.”

“Merry Christmas.” Ellie gave off a half-hearted wave. JC lifted the infant carrier.

The two of them watched as the patrol car drove off.

“I’ve got to go get my parents.”

“Don’t tell them.” Ellie said, repeating herself, “Don’t tell them. I’ll tell my parents not to say anything, but we’ll just keep this between the four of us until we know what’s going on, OK.”

“OK.”

“Are you still taking the baby with you, ‘cause I could really do with a bath?”