It’s been an adjustment, being back here. I haven’t been home enough, I’ve realized. Not even before the kidnapping. I was working too much, and I think I forgot how laid back everything can be. Life is simpler, nothing like Los Angeles. That’s all work, and while I love what I do, I know that nothing can really beat kicking back with a cold beer on the front porch of my mother’s house. Tarin doesn’t get it. She’s too used to LA. She keeps telling me how she can’t imagine how people survive living here. She says there’s nothing to do and I keep telling her I’m gonna show her everything, but shit, the woman is so damn impatient sometimes.
It doesn’t change the fact that I love her, though.
Meeting Tarin’s parents, while it was something I knew had to be done, wasn’t what I really wanted to deal with immediately following Justin’s party. I’d dealt with so much when Justin and I were forced to talk and I knew I’d be better off if I was able to recuperate the following day. But Tarin had already told her parents that she was coming over to introduce me into the family, and I knew backing out of it would make her look bad. So I had a few beers before she woke up that morning, and straightened out my mood. I’d done it countless times in the past when Justin needed me to be the strong one while we were out on tour or before a major event. I was professional Trace who always had a smile and a great sense of humor. That was the guy she needed me to be, and with my baby inside of her, I wasn’t about to give her parents the wrong impression since she was so insistent on telling them about her “condition” that day.
Tarin grew up in Burbank, and her parents still live there in the same house she grew up in. It’s a nice house, in a nice looking neighborhood. It’s the kind of place that I’d like my kid to grow up in, and I found myself asking Tarin when she wanted to go looking for a house as we neared her parents place.
“A house?” Her eyes got wide and a brilliant smile spread itself across her face. “Really?”
I smiled and rubbed her thigh a little bit. “Yeah well...the condo isn’t exactly the ideal place to bring up a baby. I thought once we got back from Memphis we could start looking.”
“This is so exciting!” She exclaimed, and once I pulled the car into her parent’s driveway she proceeded to wrap her arms around me and plant a long kiss on my lips. I loved when she got excited, like I could give her everything and make her the happiest woman alive. It gave me a sense of purpose, made me feel like I was doing everything right in a time when I was nervous as hell. I really needed that boost then. I tried not to let onto it, but I was scared shitless of meeting her parents. I had no idea what they were going to say about the baby, or about me.
We got out of the car, and Tarin walked slightly ahead of me as we made our way up to the front door. With one knock it was opened, and a girl that had to be Tarin’s sister stepped out and looked at the both of us. She was very conservative, much different from her sister, and I immediately thought that she had to be the nerdy one in the family. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun and the pants suit she was wearing just...wasn’t what you usually wore to a family barbeque. “Hi, Tarin,” she’d grunted before allowing her eyes to drift towards me. “So this is him?”
“Trace, this is my bitchy sister, Annie.” Tarin said it quickly before her sister could say anything else and flashed me a tight smile at the same time. “She thinks she’s somebody special because she went to a fancy school and looks through microscopes all day.”
“Oh, and how is it being the office whore, dear sister?”
My eyes widened and I felt my stomach drop. It wasn’t good, and I knew...i just knew the moment her sister found out what was going on she would use it against Tarin to make her feel like shit. I didn’t like Annie, and I had only just met her, so to save us both from an unneeded squall, I simply took Tarin by the hand and pulled her through the doorway, without giving her sister a second glance.
“Is she always like that?” I muttered to her the moment we were away from Annie.
“At least around me,” Tarin sighed. “I told you.”
I just rolled my eyes and would have made another comment about the girl, but then a woman came out of a side hallway, who I knew to be Tarin’s mom from the pictures that had been shown to me.
“Tarin!”
“Hi Mom!” Tarin walked over to her and they hugged tightly for several moments. Then Tarin let go, and motioned me forward. “So...this is him,” she grinned.
Her mother studied me with a look of concern for several moments before a small smile appeared on her face, and I didn’t know how she felt about me. “Hello.”
“Hi, Mrs. Sommerville.” I stuck out my hand and she shook it. “It’s really nice to meet you. Thanks for having me.”
“He’s so cute, isn’t he?” Tarin wrapped her hands around my upper arm and rested her head against my shoulder. “All gentleman like,” she giggled.
I felt the urge to roll my eyes as I felt my cheeks grow hot, but knew it probably wouldn’t be the best thing to do in front of her mother. Instead I just smiled and waited for whatever was coming next.
“Well, your father is out back,” her mother finally said after several moments of looking me over again. “It’s probably best if you go talk to him, honey. He’s been asking about you all morning. I’ll bring out some sandwiches in a while.”
Her mother smiled but I could tell it was forced. I felt a strange vibe coming from her. It was as if she was being extra careful around me...as if Tarin was prone to bringing all sorts of men home to meet her parents. I wondered what number I was, how many other guys she’d dated since we’d broken up besides David. I wasn’t the type of guy that liked to discuss that sort of thing of course. It made things awkward. But I could just tell by the way her mother was looking me over, that she didn’t trust me. That too many people had screwed around with her daughter in the past and she didn’t feel like being dealt that blow again. It made me feel bad for her, and I didn’t have a clue how we were supposed to tell her about the baby. I was sure that once we did, she would completely hate me.
But I had bigger people to worry about.
Tarin walked me through the rest of the house, showing me around a little bit, before pulling me out the back door. There was a really nice looking garden, filled with just about every type of flower I could have imagined. It was beautiful, and I figured it must have been her mother’s creation. My mother had never gotten into gardening. She liked to read and do the occasional cross stitch pattern. I hired a fancy landscaper to come to mom’s house a couple of times a month to make the yard look really nice. He does a good job, even cleans up the mess my dad makes when he pukes into the rose bushes without complaining. I’m sure if I was getting paid five grand to clean up puke I wouldn’t complain either, though.
“Your mom likes to garden, I guess,” I chuckled as we walked through the garden and out to the patio. “It’s nice.”
“Yeah, she tried to teach me but I never had the patience. Annie likes it. She helps fertilize the garden every Spring,” Tarin informed me. “It suits her, you know...playing with shit.”
I just laughed a little bit. “What’s the deal with her anyway?”
She paused and turned to me. “She’s just uptight.”
I raised an eyebrow, not really buying her excuse. “She seems to have some kind of grudge against you.”
“Hey, I can’t help that she’s a little jealous of me,” Tarin giggled. “I’ve always been the pretty, popular one. She’s always hated me for it.”
“Tar, she called you a whore.”
“Oh please,” Tarin rolled her eyes and let out a disgusted sigh. “She’s called me worse, and I’ve called her worse too. It’s just how we are, that’s all. It’ll never change, so don’t worry about it. It’s my parent’s opinion that counts anyway.”
She leaned over and kissed my cheek before continuing to lead me through to the table that her father was seated at. While she hadn’t reassure me much, I knew I couldn’t dwell on it. I had to force my best smile for her father, because as we drew closer I realized that her father seemed to be bigger and more muscular than the pictures I’d seen of him prior to my visit. He donned a cowboy hat, and sat there in his muscle tee shirt, probably to show me just how powerful he was, and the lengths he was willing to go to protect his daughter.
“Hi Daddy!”
He turned around to face us, and immediately smiled at Tarin, but didn’t bother to look at me. “Hey baby.” He held his arms out to her and she flew into them automatically. The first thing I realized was that he was southern, and Tarin had never mentioned that to me before. I thought her whole family was from California. I shoved my hands in my pockets because my palms had started to sweat at this news. A southern man was much different in my eyes. In Memphis, a man would kill the kid who impregnated his daughter before he even met him. I wanted to hide, to get away, but I knew there was no way I could.
“Daddy,” Tarin released her arms from around his neck and positioned herself on his lap with one arm around his shoulders as she smiled at me. “This is Trace.”
She smiled at him like she’d told him so much about me, when in reality she probably only told him the bare minimum. “Hello, sir.” I said it quietly and stepped forward to shake his hand. “Good to meet you.”
He shook my hand, but didn’t smile at me. “I hear a little accent in your voice. Where you from, son?”
“Memphis,” I nodded.
“I’m from Kentucky myself,” he told me. “Why don’t you have seat?” He motioned to the chair directly across from him. “We can have a little chat while we wait for lunch.”
I sat, and Tarin seemed to take it as a cue to hightail it into the house, reassuring me that she would be back out when lunch was ready. I wanted to tell her to come back so I wouldn’t be alone with her father who I didn’t know at all. But it seemed to be Tarin’s intention to do it, and I wanted to kill her. I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t comfortable, but I didn’t have a choice.
“You got a job, Trace?”
I stared at the man for several moments, and he was staring right back at me, daring me to say the wrong thing. “I um...yeah, I work.”
“Well what do you do?” He chuckled. “Some kind of assistant thing, by the way Tarin tells it.”
“I...” I paused and let out a breath, feeling the sweat rolling down my forehead as I stared at the guy. “My friend is in the music business. I help him with his career, and he pays me.”
“Hmph.” He shrugged a little and sat back in his seat. “Well, as long as it’s somethin’ decent. Don’t need Tarin gettin’ herself involved with a half employed moron. She’s like her momma, high maintenance, needs to be catered to, know what I mean?”
“Yeah, of course.” I nodded my head rapidly, hoping like hell I was getting on the guys good side. I eyed the magazine lying on the table top, and realized it was an issue of my favorite hunting magazine. Knowing it was a golden opportunity to get him on a subject other than my girlfriend, I immediately pointed it out. “You like hunting?”
“Hm...” He glanced at the magazine lying on the table and picked it up. “Oh, yes. Well, when the wife lets me out of the house anyhow,” he laughed. “You like the sport much?”
“Yeah.” I smirked a little. Tarin hated hunting. She said it was barbaric, so I didn’t bring up the subject with her. Justin didn’t really mind it, but he wasn’t into the sport either. Try as I might, I’d only been able to get him on one hunting trip our whole lives, and even then he just complained the whole time. When I was fifteen I taught Kerri how to shoot a rifle, but she never wanted to go out and shoot anything other than a tin can. I guess she was too timid for the real thing. The only time I ever got to go hunting and enjoy it was when I was at home with my brother, and it had been a long time since I’d been there and in the mood to do it. “When I’m home I usually go hunting with my brother. I might get a trip in next week when I go there. All my good guns are at home with him right now.”
“What kind of equipment are you usin?”
“I like Berettas. I saw some of the new ones recently, but I haven’t had the time to buy anything,” I told him, leaving out the reason why I’d been much too busy.
A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “You wanna see the new one?”
I almost fell out of my chair. “You have it?”
“Come on.”
I was so excited that I nearly forgot the reason I was at the house or that the man was Tarin’s father. It had been so long since I’d thought about anything other than my friends and all the drama that came with them, that I forgot about my hobbies. About the things that made me happy and helped me to relax. Tarin’s father, who at that point told me to call him Rick, led me downstairs to the cellar, which he had turned into a hunting room. The kind of room I’d always dreamed of having but never been able to. He had deer heads and bear heads mounted on the walls, along with racks of rifles and various hunting and shoot trophies. My mouth watered. “Whoa.” I hadn’t realized I said it out loud until I heard him laughing, and I quickly snapped back into reality.
“You’re taking my daughter to meet your family, that correct?” He asked, as he placed his best rifle into my arms.
I studied the thing for several moments, making a private note to myself that I absouletely had to have one of them before the month was out. “Uh well...” I took a long breath, almost afraid to tell him the truth with all those guns surrounding us. “Yeah.”
“How about when you get back, the two of us go up to the huntin’ grounds and have some fun?”
My eyes widened a little. “You’d...you’d want to? With me I mean?”
He laughed heartily and slapped my back, causing me to cough a little bit. “Course son. My little girl loves you and the only way for me to tell how much of a man you really are is by seeing you shoot some real equipment. Once you get back you just come see me and we’ll make some plans, got it?”
“Yeah,” I smiled. “Thanks, that’ll be great.”
I handed the gun back to him and we shook hands.
“Now come on,” he said, as he put the gun back up on the wall. “Some of the food’s bound to be ready, and I’m starved.”
It was so easy. So fucking easy. He liked me right away just because we came from the same culture and shared the same interests. I felt filled with hope then, until I met up with Tarin again. Then I remembered what she was going to tell him, and I knew how much he was going to hate me. It sucked, but there was nothing I could do about it. By the end of lunch though, the most that had been discussed was the fact that Tarin had just gotten a promotion. She didn’t bring up the baby at all, and I started to get really pissed at her. She had berated me for not wanting to tell my sister and my mother about it, yet there she was, keeping it from her parents too.
“Hey.” I pulled her into the house after lunch, while her parents and sister continued to talk about some family issue that was none of my concern.
“My parents love you!” She squealed and kissed me. “God, I’m so relieved, babe. I thought my father was going to haggle you until you broke.”
“You didn’t tell me he was southern.”
She just shrugged. “I don’t see why it matters. I mean, he hasn’t lived in Kentucky since he was thirteen. The accent just never left him.”
“It usually doesn’t,” I sighed. “Look, he was showing me his rifles. He really likes me and I saw your mom...she’s been smiling at me for the past half hour. They really like me, so what’s going to happen now when you go and tell them?”
“Well...I mean,” she paused and looked down at her feet. “Maybe we should just wait, you know? Just until we come back from Memphis.”
I laughed, a little too loudly because she quickly looked back over her shoulder as if somebody had been eavesdropping on our conversation. “You’re fucking kidding right? You...you fucking crucified me for not wanting to tell my mom, and here you are putting it off with your own family?”
She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Trace, look. I thought...you know, that my dad was just going to hate you. He hates all the guys I bring home,” she explained.
“So if he hated me it would be easier?” I scoffed.
“Kind of,” she whimpered. “I mean if he already hated you, the baby couldn’t make it any worse. Now it’s just...harder. I mean, I know he thinks you’re a good guy, Trace. Anybody would find that out after talking to you for a few minutes. I was...I was wrong. I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell your family.”
“Wait...” I trailed off and cupped a hand to my ear. “Say that a little louder.”
She swatted me. “Oh, fuck you, Ayala.”
“Not so easy when the pressure is put on you, is it babe?”
She wouldn’t look at me though, and I realized I wasn’t making the situation any easier on her. She realized her mistake, and that was all that should have mattered at that point. “Hey, Tarin, it’s fine.” I put my hands on her face and smiled. “We’ll go to Memphis, tell my mom, and then we’ll come back and explain things to your parents. We’ll deal with whatever happens, okay?”
She just nodded, and I could tell that she was worried about it for the first time since she realized she was pregnant. It was harder than she thought it would be, telling the people closest to her, and I was happy she was realizing that we needed to be in it together or it wasn’t going to work. I felt things were going to start to flow a little bit smoother, since she seemed to be able to feel my pain just a little bit more.
We were back at the doctor’s office early the next morning, as planned. It was awkward for me, being at that first true appointment. I noticed almost all the other women in the waiting room were much farther along than Tarin was. They all looked pretty miserable too. I started to wonder how irritable Tarin would be by that stage. There were so many things that could happen involving mood and appetite, that I had no clue what life would be like for her or the baby then. It was freaking me out just thinking about it, but I knew I was jumping the gun just a little bit. Tarin’s physical appearance hadn’t even started to change. I still had some time to get things in order and get my head together. I guess seeing what I would be dealing with in six months time sort of jolted me a little bit. It seemed more real to me and I was really tempted to ask one of the women what they were going through, but I figured Tarin wouldn’t like it. So I kept my mouth shut, and sat there and waited for the nurse to call us into the appointment.
It was a pretty routine appointment at first. The nurse had Tarin change into a hospital gown and took her blood pressure, weighed her, checked her pulse, and asked how she felt since her last visit. It was only when she had Tarin slide onto a special seat that propped her legs up in a way where they could be spread apart easily that I started to feel extremely uncomfortable.
“Wait...” I spoke up as the nurse chatted with my girlfriend. “What are you..um...”
“Trace,” Tarin laughed. “It’s just the stirrups, don’t worry about it.”
“Stirrups?” I felt my face scrunch up into a confused expression. “The only stirrups I know about are the ones you use on a horse. What’s this thing for?” I said it to the nurse, and while I feel really lame about it now, at that moment I was actually a little frightened because I had no idea what they were about to do to my girlfriend.
“Well the doctor needs to...examine her,” the nurse told me with a soft smile. “It’s normal procedure just to make sure everything is working like it’s supposed to.”
It finally hit me what they were about to do and I didn’t like it. “You mean he’s...”
“Baby.” Tarin laughed. “You can wait outside if you don’t want to watch.”
“Hell yes I’m going to watch,” I scowled. “Some guy is gonna be touching you...down there.”
“God, it’s the doctor,” Tarin groaned and slapped a hand to her forehead. “It’s not like he’s going to be enjoying it.”
“I don’t care.” I crossed my arms.
“Please excuse him,” Tarin told the nurse.
“Believe me honey,” the nurse chuckled as she made her way over to the door. “Twenty five years working in this office, I’ve seen every type of man. I wouldn’t worry about it.”
She walked out the door and I gave Tarin an annoyed look. “This is fuckin’ weird.”
She wouldn’t look at me. “Well they have to look up there, Trace. I mean, the baby has to come through there.”
“I know that.” I snapped. “I just...I mean, I wish it was a woman doing it.”
“You’re way too high strung. You need to get some sleep, baby. You look like hell.”
I took a seat in the chair next to the door, knowing she was right but not really caring. I’d had a hell of a weekend, and sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. “I have too much going on. I can’t sleep.”
“If I can sleep so can you,” she snapped at me, and probably would have continued on if it hadn’t been for the doctor walking through the door just then.
“Hello, Tarin,” Doctor Taylor smiled brightly as he made he way over to her. “How are we today?”
She smiled warmly at him. “Better than before.”
“And....Trace, right?” He said while he pulled his surgical gloves on.
I nodded. “Right.”
“You might get to see a little bit of the baby today when I do the ultrasound,” he smiled at me. “At this point the fetus is about the size of a peanut but it’s still exciting for most fathers. Makes it more real, you know?”
I shrugged, still irritated about the stirrup thing. “Yeah, great.”
He seemed a little bit put out, but didn’t ask me anymore questions. He just started talking to Tarin as he reached his hand up her hospital gown and began to feel around.
“Hey, that doesn’t hurt does it?” I asked her immediately. “Tarin?”
“Trace, really?” Tarin huffed. “What’s going on with you?”
In truth, I was scared shitless. It was all starting to hit me so hard...that I was going to be the father of this child inside of her and didn’t know the first thing about doing being one. I guess I was trying so hard to figure it out so Tarin didn’t have to worry, that the littlest shit was setting me off. Of course I wouldn’t admit that, so I just crossed my arms and leaned my head back against the wall. “I’m fine,” I muttered and closed my eyes. “Sorry.”
Tarin didn’t say much to me as the doctor continued to work with her. I kept my eyes closed while he talked to her and I wished that he would move faster and finish his examination. I wanted to get out of there, prepare for Memphis and move on to the next part of my life. Of course, things couldn’t be that simple. The moment Tarin called me over to view the ultrasound with her, my life took an even more drastic turn.
“I think I may have a reason why Tarin has been so sick. Most women only experience light morning sickness, and when you first came here last week I had my suspicions about this. Now after feeling the womb I think I was right.”
I looked up at the man quickly, and then at Tarin, who seemed to be just as clueless as I was. “What’s going on?” I whispered, the fear that something may have gone wrong inside of Tarin grabbing hold of me all too quickly.
“Oh it’s nothing to be worried about, son,” Doctor Taylor smiled at me warmly as he spread some kind of clear gel over Tarin’s stomach. “I think you two may be even more excited after we watch the ultrasound.”
Tarin grasped my hand as the monitor came on, and sat up a little bit, her smile growing a little bit wider as the doctor moved a device over her stomach and pointed out a small spot at the bottom of the screen. It was so weird...seeing it. To think that the spot was going to become my kid in nine months was uncanny, and all I kept wondering was how the hell it was possible. How I could make something like that come to life inside of Tarin. I wasn’t a miracle worker. In the past year I’d screwed up so much shit I couldn’t even keep track anymore, but I’d still managed to create a life despite it all.
“If you look closely here,” the doctor continued and pointed to something on the screen. “You can see clearly that there are two fetuses.”
I peered at the screen closely, but everything was so tiny I could barely understand what he was saying. “So what’s that mean?” I asked him. “Is the baby okay?”
“What I mean is...you have two babies growing in there, not just one.” Doctor Taylor chuckled.
Tarin gasped and threw her hands over her mouth, her eyes immediately flying to me in utter shock.
“Two...” I trailed off. “You mean....”
“Twins.” The doctor smiled. “Surprised?”
I just stared at the guy and waited for something to snap me awake. I felt like I could have been dreaming but when Tarin shrieked and clapped her hands together I knew I wasn’t dreaming. We were having twins. Twins and I was barely prepared for one kid as it was. “I um...”
“This is incredible!” Tarin continued to cheer. “Oh, baby! Twins!”
She held her arms out to me and I made sure to hug her tightly to me without seeming scared out of my fucking mind in front of her. Then I sat down, because I had to or else I might have fallen to the floor due to my nerves. Doctor Taylor went on to tell us a bunch of shit that I can barely remember right now. With twins there’s a lot more involved I guess, because the minute we get back from Memphis we have to go back to his office for another appointment. There’s also this whole diet regimen that Tarin is going to have to follow. The doctor told us that if Tarin doesn’t eat right she could develop something called Anemia due to both of the babies sucking all the nutrients up inside of her. I have no idea what it all means, or how I’m going to handle it for nine months. Tarin is pretty excited though, so I guess that’s something. She didn’t want to tell Justin and Mel on the flight down here, though. I guess she wants to wait until we’re settled, which is fine with me. The less baby talk for me the better. Although, holding the news back from our friends is probably the reason I snapped at Tarin on the plane.
I know she didn’t mean to bring up my dad or try to pressure me into talking about him. She doesn’t really know, and I was so stressed out that I kind of lost it on her for a minute. Then I went into the bathroom, calmed myself down, and took her to the back of the plane so we could talk in private. Justin and Mel didn’t seem to mind. In fact, I know that they probably wanted their own private time together before we landed. Justin’s been stressed out about so much shit when it comes to Melanie, that I know he wanted to talk to her alone. Whether or not he’s going to discuss Shane with her on this trip, I can’t really say, and I don’t have a place trying to pressure him into it. We had that conversation shortly before we left, and I told him my opinion. I said Melanie could handle learning about the rape, because she was strong and she loved him. I think he may have believed it more than he was letting on...but I’m going to leave the rest up to him.
I have too much shit to worry about now, and I can’t fight his battles for him anymore.
Amidst everything else going on, I nearly forgot the promise I made Kerri about getting Lakers tickets for her boyfriend’s birthday. It was only the text message I received the day after the doctor’s appointment that made me remember. Kerri had asked me about getting Siobhan and Scott tickets as well, and I guess I was a little relieved to be thinking about something else. I spent the morning calling my contact at the Staples Center, since Tarin was at the station and I had nothing else to do. Sure enough, the guy came through, but I never doubted him. He’s the VIP liaison for the Lakers, and since Justin has been to so many games, he and I have been on a first name basis for years.
“I think I’m gonna go to the Lakers game next Monday night,” I told Tarin that evening over dinner.
She shrugged as she chewed her salad. It was a known fact that Tarin wasn’t a huge sports fan, and I figured she would be thankful that I wasn’t asking her to come along. I mean, it wasn’t like I didn’t want to spend time with the girl, but there were a couple of things I needed to talk to Kerri about alone, and I didn’t think I’d get the chance to if Tarin was around. I was nervous about that too...telling Kerri what I needed to tell her. Originally I was supposed to fly with her down to Memphis, and I knew I promised her. But then things happened with Tarin, and Justin asked me to fly with him. I knew Tarin would be a lot more comfortable flying down with Mel instead of Kerri too, since they’d become pretty close. Yeah, it was probably a crappy thing I was doing and I knew Kerri wouldn’t take it well, but at the same time I didn’t think I had a choice. I talked to my sister about it, and she agreed to help me out and take my place on Kerri’s flight, which made me feel a little bit better. At least the girl wouldn’t have to fly home alone, which I knew was part of the reason Kerri wanted me around in the first place.
“You mean you’re actually getting Justin out in public?” Tarin chuckled after she’d swallowed the food in her mouth. “How’d you pull that off? Bribery?”
I smirked a little bit. “Actually, I’m not going with Justin.”
Her smile quickly faded. “Then who?”
I sighed a little bit, because I’d known all along she wouldn’t like the idea of me hanging out with Kerri. Ever since that day at the station, she hasn’t wanted us alone together at all. It’s kind of annoying, but at the same time I don’t blame her. She doesn’t get Kerri, and Kerri doesn’t get her. They just clash and it’s easier if I don’t spend so much time with Kerri if I can help it. “It’s Kerri’s boyfriends birthday. She asked me if I could get some tickets for them and a couple of their friends. I figured I would go too. She wants me to meet this guy.”
“Wow, you mean her boyfriend isn’t some figment of her imagination?” Tarin grunted.
“Tarin, come on, okay? You gotta give her a break once in a while,” I said gently. “She’s messed up but she still has good days.”
“Why should I?” She said with disgust and leaned back harshly in her seat, crossing her arms sternly for added measure. “Number one, she tried to keep us apart in the very beginning and number two, she tries to drag you back into her problems whenever she sees you.”
“Well what do you want me to do?” I exclaimed. “I already said I’d be there, I’m not going back on my word. I’ve done that with her too many times lately.”
“Then you better get me a ticket too, because you’re not going out with her by yourself,” she grunted.
“What?” I laughed. “You’re being ridiculous, baby...”
“I’m being ridiculous!” She pointed to her chest harshly. “You should have assumed we’d go together from the beginning! I mean, am I your girlfriend or just some bitch you knocked up?”
I just stared at her for a minute, my expression stern, but she wasn’t going to back down. She stared right back at me, waiting for me to come up with some brilliant explanation. She was being controlling then, and I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t just point it out to her. I was too afraid of stressing her out with the babies inside of her. “You know that’s not true,” I whispered.
“Fine. Then either we go together or you don’t go at all.” She looked back down at her salad after that and began to pick at it.
“You hate basketball,” I grunted.
“I’ll survive. Any more excuses you’d like to throw at me? I guarantee I have a come back for all of them.” She shook her head roughly and looked back up at me, allowing her fork to clatter onto the table at the same time. “I really fucking wish you’d let this friendship drop, Trace. You know...it’s really not worth all of this. I mean Melanie and Justin have been great to hang out with so far, and you have Marty and Jason too. You don’t need Kerri. You really don’t. She’s bringing you down more all the time and you don’t even realize it.” She reached across the table and gave my hand a gentle rub before continuing with her meal.
“She’s my best friend, Tarin. I can’t just drop her,” I said with annoyance. I really didn’t get her. I didn’t exactly love the group of girls she spent time with, but I never ordered her around and told her to drop them.
“A friend supports you,” she snapped. “That girl only supports herself. Justin may be arrogant a lot of the time but at least he’s there for you, you know?”
I wanted to tell her everything then. Everything about the kidnapping, Justin’s rape and cutting and how much it changed Kerri. But I knew I couldn’t. That meant Tarin couldn’t understand, and it sucked. I should have stood up for myself though, not let her order me around like she was. I just couldn’t do it though. I loved her too much, I cared about the babies, and I wanted us to be happy. “Fine, Tar. I’ll get you a ticket.”
We dropped the subject after that, and I figured I would just try to get Kerri alone during a moment where Tarin was distracted so I could tell her about the change in flight plans. It was really the only reason I needed to talk to her by myself anyway, and I figured I would be able to use the night as an opportunity to have some stress free fun with my girlfriend before we were forced to face reality in Memphis.
I found I didn’t have time to dwell on the conversation anymore over the following week. Tarin left the condo early in the mornings so she could be on the air with JoJo, and at times she’d be asked to stay and fill in for one of the other DJ’s. There were a couple of days where she didn’t walk in the door until after six, and by that time she was too tired to talk to me about much. I found myself busy as well. While Justin wasn’t to be pressured about work before his trip to Memphis, as his assistant, it meant I had to suck up the pressure for him. I found myself in Johnny’s office several times that week, going over plans to reschedule a massive European tour starting in January. It stressed me out just a little bit because that would mean Justin would have to start rehearsing almost immediately after we arrived back home from Memphis, and since I had no idea what was going to happen when we were there, I didn’t have a clue if Justin would be mentally prepared for that when we got back.
He didn’t have much of a choice, though. He’d already postponed the European leg once, and millions of dollars had to be paid back to the tour promoters. It meant I would have to make sure Justin built up his stamina, according to Johnny. I almost laughed, almost told him that I didn’t have to because that was Melanie’s job, but quickly remembered myself. Nobody knew what Melanie really was to Justin, and I promised to help him keep it that way until he was ready to say something. I just didn’t know how much longer we could keep it a secret. Eventually, it would come out whether Justin and Melanie were ready or not. It made me wonder if Mel was ready for all of that. For Justin’s career. I mean, she knew he had one, but it had never really stood out to her before because Justin hadn’t been working. I wondered what would happen the first time she was approached by the pap’s, the first time somebody snapped a picture in her face. She seemed too timid for all of that, but she would have to put up with it if she wanted to be with Justin. It was just part of business.
I prayed it wouldn’t be the one thing that drove her away, because she was my friend, and I loved her a lot.
I was thankful to be at the game Monday night. Tarin had been a little sour on the way to Cooper’s house, but she seemed to slip out of the mood once I introduced her to Siobhan. Even though the girl was friends with Kerri, Tarin seemed to like her right away. They were a little bit alike of course, really into fashion and hair and makeup, and I was glad they’d hit it off. It meant that Tarin wouldn’t be focusing on how much she disliked Kerri the entire evening, and I could get some peace and enjoy the game. Thankfully, my introduction to Cooper went smoothly as well. He didn’t seem to hold any hard feelings against me due to our first meeting, and I had decided long ago to drop any negativity I felt towards him as well. He seemed to be a really decent guy, and when I saw him look at Kerri, I could tell how much he cared about her. It gave me every reason in the world to support their relationship, and I found myself believing that Kerri was on her way to a better life as we left for the venue.
It was only when we were alone, that I knew she still hadn’t gotten Justin out of her system. I introduced Cooper to Kobe Bryant during halftime, and he was invited back to the locker rooms soon after. I thought Kerri would have jumped at the chance to experience something like that with him, but when she simply kissed him and told him to have a good time with Siobhan and Scott, something clicked inside of me. She’d been waiting for the opportunity to get away from him, and when Tarin went to the bathroom soon after, she seized the opportunity to ask me about Justin. I wanted her to drop it, to be happy that she had a great guy in her life that cared about her. But it was like she was blind to that. All she could seem to focus on was Justin, so I let her go with it. I was prepared to let her dig her own grave, because I was tired of trying to talk her out of having feelings for him.
When I was finally able to get myself alone with Cooper, though, I didn’t hesitate to warn him. He seemed really naive, lost in her, and I didn’t want to see him get burned when Keri made a stupid decision. He was just too decent of a guy, and I felt a little bad for him. In a way, he reminded me of myself when I felt a certain way for Kerri. How I was always fighting for her focus, only coming second best to Justin every single time.
“Hey man,” I smiled a little when we bumped into each other in the mens room a little bit into the third period. “Did you have a good time meeting the team?”
He began to use the urinal and I did the same. “It was incredible. You really didn’t have to do all that, you know? I really appreciate it.”
“It’s not a problem,” I laughed. “Kobe and I go back a little bit. He owed me a favor, so I hope it made your birthday a little more fun.”
“You have no idea,” he smirked as he flushed the urinal and made his way to the sink so he could wash his hands. “I wish Ker could have been there, but I know she’s not really into all this stuff.”
I sighed a little bit. It was far from the truth, because I could remember more than one time in our lives where Justin and I had gone to a game and Kerri had tagged along to meet the players in their locker room. “How are things with you guys anyway?” I asked him once I’d finished washing my own hands. “I don’t get to hear much, because Kerri and I are usually too busy to talk.”
“Oh...well, things are okay.”
He was lying, and it was more than obvious. “Hey, you can talk to me,” I told him softly. “I mean, if anybody knows Kerri, it’s me.”
He just shrugged. ‘I dunno, we have our moments, but we’re okay right now. She went out of her way to make this happen so...you know, everything is okay.”
I leaned against the sink, and ran a hand through my hair. “You know, when she first started dating you and told me all this shit about you, I was like ‘what the fuck’, because Kerri was really unstable then. I’ll be honest, I wanted her to end it.”
He bit his bottom lip, and nodded a little. “Yeah, I guess I can understand.”
“It’s different now though,” I pointed out quickly, afraid I’d made him feel like complete shit. “I can see it now, you know? You’re fucking good for her. You’d be so good for her in the long run.” I sighed, and looked at the ground for a moment after I said it, knowing I needed to make a point with him, but hating to upset him at the same time. “But I just...I mean, I hate to say this to you tonight. It’s your birthday and everything, but I have no idea when I’ll see you next. I just want you to know that you will always, always be second behind Justin in Kerri’s mind.”
He cocked his head to the side and snickered just a little. “What’d you mean?”
“I’m saying if Justin walked in here right now, and asked Kerri to come home with him, she’d do it and she wouldn’t even give you a second look,” I nodded. “It would be like you never even existed.”
“Hey...” He shook his head and laughed a little. “Come on, man. I don’t know about all that. She’s not that kind of girl.”
“Shit man,” I continued gently. “I’ve been there. I’ve been second to him my entire life when it comes to Kerri, and it’s not the best place to be. I don’t want to see that happen to you too.”
He shot me a dark look. “I dont get you...it's like you want me to reconsider being with her or something.”
"It’s not that, I just want you to be careful,” I defended. “I love Kerri to death, I always have and I always will, but she’ll ruin you without even realizing it. I just...I guess I dont want you wasting your time, if this is something you aren't dead set on fighting for."
What I said hit him hard. I could tell because the most he could seem to do after that was look at the floor and shove his hands in his pockets.
“Do you love her?” I asked him next. It was a test. A test to see how much he cared about her, because while I liked the guy, he was still dating Kerri, and I didn’t want him to be with her if all he wanted to do was fuck her.
“Yeah. I do,” he said, finally looking back up at me again. His eyes were a little glossy and his tone was so raspy I knew I’d gotten the truth out of him.
“Then don’t worry.” I pat his shoulder a little bit. “If you’re willing to fight for her, I won’t stop you, because she needs somebody that’s going to care about her like you do. I really hope everything works out.” I began to walk past him after that, back to Tarin who was probably wondering what was taking me so long, but stopped when I heard him call back to me.
“Would you do me a favor?”r32;
I looked back at him, unsure of what he was about to ask, but still willing to listen. “Sure.”
“Keep an eye on her for me in Memphis,” he said softly.
And I knew...I knew he’d had his suspicions about Justin being there all along. “You don’t need to worry about something going down,” I reassured him.
“Why’s that?”
I just laughed a little bit. “Trust me.”
“She won’t tell me what she went through, you know? I mean, the kidnapping and everything...she just refuses to discuss it, and I know it still terrifies her.”
I sucked in my bottom lip and nodded a little. “I know it does,” I whispered. “But that’s something she has to talk to you about when she’s ready. It’s hard for her...she blames herself for some things and she shouldn’t.”
Then Cooper nodded, and gave me his thanks again before rushing past me and out of the bathroom. I didn’t really know what to make of our conversation, but I hoped it made him a little bit wiser, and helped him realize what he should have expected from Kerrigan.
Siobhan’s fiance, Scott, suggested we go to a club after the game was over to celebrate the Lakers victory. I was waiting for Tarin to whisper in my ear that we had to get up early the next morning, but as it turned out she was the one who begged me to consider it. We’d been spending so much time with Mel and Justin though, I guess she figured we were due for a night of partying, even if it meant we would be tired the next day. I knew we both needed to get some stress out of our system before our flight, so I called ahead to a bouncer I knew and he reassured me that he would escort our group inside.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
