Chapter 19

JC, sat in his seat pretending to read over the magazine he had in his hands.  He was trying very hard to fight off the urges to ask Lance, what he and Zoë had talked about.  He’d been listening intently to their conversation, but had only been able to hear bits and pieces of it.

He wanted to know so badly what was said.  He was upset with her for not leaving with him the night before, just as Chris had accused him.  But there were other reasons involved.  He was jealous.  He was actually admitting it to himself as well.  He was one hundred percent jealous.  Not to mention the fact that the whole idea of Zoë hanging out with Emenim of all people.  Well, that just made it even worse.

He was so out of Zoë’s league.  Nothing like anyone Zoë had ever been around.  He was sure of that.  And he was actually concerned for her.  He had only heard a lot of bad things about him.  How hateful he could be.  And how he seemed to have very little to no respect for women at all.  Which just added fuel to the fire.

Chris, was also right that he’d been acting like an ass so far that day.  He was mad a Zoë because she hadn’t left with him last night.  And he was giving her the silent treatment.  He knew it was immature, but he just couldn’t help himself.  It was either stay away from her for a while so he could sort out all the thoughts running through his head.  Or be around her and try to pretend like nothing was wrong, which he knew she’d see right through.  Which would undoubtedly result in some form of an argument about him being over protective of her.  Either way he would lose.

JC, let out a long sigh.  Finally, deciding her couldn’t ignore it any longer.  He was just gonna have to break down and ask Lance what she said.

He lifted his head up, starring straight ahead.  Thinking over a way to form his question so it didn’t sound to desperate for information.  He looked at Lance out of the corner of his eye to try to gauge his response.

“Go ahead and ask.  I know you’ve been sitting there stewing over it for the past half hour.” Lance, said out of nowhere.

“Huh?” JC, said a little surprised, but also trying to cover.

“Don’t play stupid with me, C.  I know ever since I sat back down from talking to Zoe, you’ve been aching to ask me what we were talking about.  And what she said.  I’m not stupid, I know you too well remember!”  Lance, said looking over at him and smirking.

“I don’t know what….” he, paused.  “Ok fine!  You’re right!  So what were you two talking about?”

“Are you sure you wanna know?  Cause I don’t think you’re going to like it in the least!” Lance, told him seriously, although he was cracking up inside.  He couldn’t resist messing with JC’s head at a moment like this.

“What do you mean I’m not gonna like it?  Tell me what you were talking about!” JC, demanded growing somewhat frantic at Lance’s suggestion that he wouldn’t like what they were talking about.

“Wellllll….” he, drew out.  “She pretty much told me that she’s got a thing for Emenim.  I mean I guess you could call it a crush, I don’t know.”

“WHAT?” JC, said a little louder than he meant to, and several people turned to look at him.  He smiled at them apologetically, and waited until they all turned back around in their seats before he went on.  “What do you mean she likes Emenim?  Did she actually say that?  There’s NO WAY Zoë, would like him!  That’s CRAZY!  Did she really say that?”

Lance, held back his smile as long as he could.  JC, was reacting just the way he knew he would.  It was just too funny.  Finally, after a moment he just busted up laughing in JC’s face.  He couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“What’s so fucking funny about that?” JC, asked angrily growing annoyed.

“You ARE!” Lance, said still laughing.

Justin, looked over from his conversation at Trace, trying to figure out what the heck was so funny.  “What’s he laughing about?” he, asked.

“Hell if I know!” JC, responded shaking his head.

Justin, turned back to his conversation with Trace, and Lance finally regained his composure.

JC, glared at him.  “Are you serious?  Did she really tell you that?”

“No, of coarse not!” Lance, chuckled.

“Well, then what did she say?  What were you talking about for so long over there with her?” JC, asked now thoroughly annoyed.

“If you wanna know what she said then you need to go ask her.  We didn’t talk about anything that you NEED to know.  It was a private conversation.” Lance, said turning his attention back to the movie that was playing.

“Lance, tell me what you two were talking about.  I need to know!”

“JC, you don’t need to know anything!  Why do you need to know?” Lance, questioned.

“I just do!”

“Yeah, that’s a real good reason!” Lance, chuckled again.  “Could it be because you’re jealous?” he, eyed JC for his response.

“What do you mean jealous?”

“You know exactly what I mean.  Like Chris, said you’ve had a stick up your ass all day long.  Ever since last night actually.  All upset about seeing Zoë with Emenim.  And you’ve been pouting like a little kid.  I know you are very protective of her.  We all do.  But I really believe it’s more than that.  I see the way you look at her.  And I’m pretty sure the other guys do too!”

“What about the way I look at her?”

“The way you look at her man!  You don’t look at her like just any other woman.  I could be wrong, maybe you look at her that way because she’s Zoë, and you’ve known her forever.  But I honestly believe it’s more.  There’s this longing look in your eyes when you look at her, or talk about her.  You are ALWAYS watching her.  Actually, starring at her is more like it.  You get jealous at the drop of a hat.  If she mentions another guys name, your face gets all screwed up in a look of disgust.  There’s something there.  And I’m sure it’s not just friendship.”

JC, didn’t respond to Lance.  He turned his head back around and starred off in thought.

Lance, happy with making JC think about his feelings, turned his attention back to the movie that was playing and put his headphones on to listen.
 

JC, sat for the next half hour to hour thinking about what Lance had pointed out to him.  He knew that he cared about Zoë.  And he’d already admitted to himself that he was defiantly jealous that she was with Emenim last.  Heck, he’d be jealous no matter who she was with.

Thinking back to the day after Christmas when he’d dropped Zoë off at work.  When he seen Link run up and hug her that day.  He was jealous then too.  And he was more than jealous when she was at the New Years Party with him.  He also quickly admitted he’d been jealous of all of the men she had been around since she had gotten to Florida.  Including, Justin.

He was worried about her getting hurt.  But all the excuses he’d made up about her not being ready for a relationship, and he didn’t want her to get hurt all because of her parents passing was just that.  Excuses.  That was his way of keeping Justin away.  Even though he knew full well, Justin was just being a flirt and was with Britney.  But still he didn’t like Zoë dancing with him the way they were that night they’d went out.  He didn’t like her being alone with him.

And then when he’d seen her on the beach the day before in her swimsuit.  And when he was rubbing that lotion on her.  Touching her sent sparks of electricity all through his body.  And when he’d seen her in her dress for the AMA’s.  She was so beautiful.  She was amazing.  Everything he’d ever wanted in a women.

She was pretty, smart, funny, full of life.  She knew him better than he knew himself.  And more importantly she accepted him for who he was.  To her he wasn’t JC Chasez, of Nsync some big time celebrity.  To her he was Joshua Scott Chasez, her best friend, just a normal guy.  She was Zoë!  The girl next door.  The girl he’d known for what seemed like forever.  His family loved her.  His friends loved her.  He loved her.

He loved her!  He really did love her.  More than anything in the world.  Thinking back on the night when all that stuff went down with Link.  The thoughts of her never talking to him again.  Or the thoughts of her dying and him never seeing her again.  He couldn’t spend the rest of his life without, Zoë in it.  And he couldn’t go another day without Zoë, by his side either.

He had to tell her.  Regardless of weather she felt the same way or not.  He had to let her know how much he loved her.  On the chance that she would feel the same way.  He had to tell her.  He was tired of hiding his feelings for her.  He was tired of pretending like it was something else, and lying to himself about it.  He wanted to shout from the roof tops that Joshua Scott Chasez loved Zoë Nicole Grant.

JC, stood up from his seat suddenly.  He had to do it right then and there.  He couldn’t wait another moment longer.  He just had to tell her.

Lance, looked up at JC oddly at his sudden movements.  “What are you doing?”

“I have to talk to, Zoë!” he, stated and then scooted past him.

Lance, smiled to himself as he watched JC scoot past him and walk over and take a seat next to a still sleeping, Zoë.
 

JC, sat there for a moment trying to gather his thoughts.  How was he going to say this?  Should he just blurt it out?  Should he beat around the bush and drop hints?  Suddenly, he found himself very nervous.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

“NO!” he, told himself.  “I have to do this now before I lose my courage to do it at all.”

He took a deep breath, and then proceeded to reach over and gently shake Zoë, to wake her up.  “Zoë, wake up please.  I need to talk to you.” he, said softly leaning over to her.

Zoë, stirred a bit before finally opening her eyes.  She looked over at JC sitting next to her, and grew immediately annoyed.  Why couldn’t he just wait until she woke up to talk to her?  Why did he have to wake her up now?  When she’d been sleeping so well?  Especially, since he hadn’t had anything to say to her all day long.

“What do you want, JC?” she, asked angrily.

JC, winced at the tone of her voice.  She was upset with him.  Oh well, he had to get this out here and now.  It couldn’t wait.  “I want to apologize.  I’m sorry, I was an ass!  A real jerk!” he, started to go on but Zoë, cut him off.

“Yes, you were.  But I really don’t wa…….” she, started but JC cut her off this time.

Holding his hand up for her to stop.  “NO!  For once, I’m gonna talk.  I want to get my feelings heard first before you go off on me.” he, said looking at her for her approval to go on.

When she only looked at him and didn’t object, he continued.  “Like I was saying.  I’m sorry for acting like an ass.  I guess I have been for a while.  But especially today.  You didn’t deserve the silent treatment from me.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  It’s just, well to be honest Zoë I was jealous.”

“Jealous?  Of what?” Zoë, asked.

“I was jealous that you were hanging around Emenim last night.  And I was upset that you wouldn’t leave with me last night, that instead you chose to stay with him.” he, paused and took a deep breath before he continued.

“And I don’t care if you call me over protective…cause I guess….maybe I am…but it’s because…because….I love you, Zoë….and not only in the friend way…but MORE….and I want….I want to take things a little further….I want a relationship…I want us to be together.  And when I say together, I don‘t mean together as friends…I mean together…as a couple!” he, finished setting back in his seat to await her response.
 

Zoë, sat there for a moment.  Everything JC had just said going over and over in her mind.  She wasn’t sure what to say.  She never thought in a million years that this moment would be happening.  That JC would be sitting in front of her, professing his love of all things.

She knew he loved her.  But never in her wildest dreams.  Ok maybe a few of them, if she was completely honest with herself.  Did she ever think that he would actually be saying this to her.  Saying that he loved her.  That he wanted a relationship with her.  That he wanted to BE with her.

She thought back to the day before.  When they were at the beach and all of the overwhelming feelings she’d felt while he was applying her suntan lotion.  All of the electricity that was sent through her body at his touch.  How she had gotten some kind of satisfaction out of his response to seeing her in her bikini.  How proud she was of him at the award ceremony.  And how disappointed and jealous she was when she had seen him dancing with that girl at the after party.

These were not normal reactions to just a friend.  And here was JC telling her that he was feeling the same way.  That he was jealous of her being around other guys.  That he loved her.  The same way she loved him.  More than a friend.
 

JC, just studied her.  The expression on her face.  He could practically see the wheels of thought spinning in her head.

“Zoë?” he, finally said after what seemed like the longest silence in history.

“Huh?“ she, said snapping out of her thoughts.

“Do you have anything to say about what I just told you?” he, asked.

“Wow!  I mean…I don’t know what to say.” she, finally managed.

OK, so he didn’t exactly know how to take that.  She had a completely blank expression on her face, so he didn’t know weather to prepare himself for something he was neither prepared nor wanted to hear.  Or if she would reciprocate his feelings.  This was like the first time in history where he couldn’t read her.  He was coming up completely empty here.

“Well, you could start by either telling me I’m way ahead of myself.  Or you could tell me you feel the same way.” he, said still watching the expression on her face.

“Well, it’s not that simple Josh.  I mean you just told me you love me.  That you want us to be a couple.  And…and….hell I don’t know what I mean!” she, fumbled through her words.

JC, chuckled a bit at her fumbling of words.  “She is completely adorable.” he, thought to himself as he continued to star at her.

Zoë, scowled at him when she seen him laughing at her lack of being able to respond.  “Is this some kind of joke, Josh?” she, asked somewhat annoyed that he found this whole thing amusing.

At that question, JC got a very serious look on his face.   Why did he have to laugh at her.  Now she thought he was joking around!  ‘stupid, stupid, stupid’ he, thought to himself.

“Of coarse not!  I wouldn’t joke about something like this, Zoë.  Everything I just told you is completely true.”

“Then why were you laughing at me?” she, asked still annoyed.

“I’m sorry, Zoë.  I should not have laughed.  It’s just that you looked so adorable fumbling with your words.  I couldn’t help it.”  he, smiled.

‘Oh GOD, why did he have to just smile at me like that?’ she, thought as she looked away, and down at he jeans.  ‘This is anything but fair.  How am I supposed to give him a logical response when he’s smiling at me like that?’

JC, continued to smile as he watched her.  He couldn’t help it.  Suddenly, he was so smitten with her, he couldn’t peel his eyes off of her.  And he just could not stop smiling.

Zoë, looked back up at him.  ‘Man, he’s still starring at me with that crazy smile on his face.’ she, thought.  “Would you quit smiling at me!” she, finally said.

“Sorry, I can’t.  You bring a smile to my face.”

“Oh, now that’s just plain cheesy, Josh!” she, laughed.

“Well, then I guess I’m cheesy, because it’s true.  Now are you going to answer me or what?” he, asked as he continued to smile at her.

“Josh, I don’t know what to say.  Honestly, I don’t.  I mean I love you.  You know that I love you.  But you’ve caught me completely off guard here.  I was never expecting this.  NEVER!”

“That’s fair.  I guess I shouldn’t expect a response right now.  It is a lot to take in.  But do me a favor will you?” he, asked.

“What’s that?” she, asked.

“Will you think about everything I’ve said.  EVERYTHING.  And think about this and tell me you don’t feel what I do?”

“This what?” she, asked confused.

“THIS!” he, said and then leaned in and placed a sweet, soft, delicate kiss on her lips.