May 12th 2003

"Stop overreacting," JC rolled his eyes, trying to reach for the door knob on the door her body was covering.

"I'm not overreacting!" Jess insisted, standing in front of the closed door. She kept moving from right to left and left to right whenever JC would try to get past her to get into the nursery. "I'm being serious about this!"

"Just let me hold him already!"

"Not until you get vaccinated."

"I'm not getting that fucking shot."

She punched his arm. "Stop swearing. And stop being such a baby! It's just a little needle. It isn't going to kill you, sweetheart."

"I don't care. I'm not getting it."

"Then you're not going near that baby until the spots dry up."

"Jesssssss," JC whined. "You're being ridiculous. It's been almost four days!"

"You flew back in from Orlando last night," Jess pointed out. "It's only been less than 24 hours for you. It only lasts a few days for babies like him."

"Even if I did get the shot, that STILL wouldn't make me 100% resistant to the chicken pox! C'mon, let me just help you out with him."

"I don't need any help right now. He's asleep in the crib. Everything's fine."

"What if he starts itching? He could be clawing at his own face right now and we're-"

"I trimmed his finger nails and I applied the Calamine lotion and I put little mittens on his hands as well as little socks on his feet. He's okay babe, I promise. The spots are already drying up and the doctor says to just give it another day or two."

"At this point, I don't care whether I get it or not. C'mon baby, let me see him. He's my son, I miss him."

"I just don't want YOU to have any chances at getting the chicken pox. I know you've been flying around for a while now and I don't want something like that to keep you away from work. And besides, if you get it, then I am going to have two babies to look after."

"My mom told you I never had it, didn't she?"

Jess shrugged. "I called her yesterday."

"Fine," JC heaved a sigh of defeat. "But tomorrow I want my turn with him whether those spots dry up or not!"

"Yes, sweetheart, you'll get your shift at being the good parent," Jess smiled. "How about I play good wife tonight and make you something to eat while he's asleep in there, huh?"

"I'm not exactly hungry."

Jess raised her eyebrows. "You? JC Chasez? Turning down my cooking? Did all that airplane food they served you steal your appetite?"

"I said I'm not hungry for FOOD... You know the kind of stuff that satisfies my appetite." JC winked at her.

Jess laughed, coming off the door and taking his hand. She headed toward their bedroom.

"I'm a little tired though, Jace," she said to him. "I mean, I was up all night with Ian and then I haven't showered since this morning and... I don't think I'm in a sexy kind of mood right now."

JC shrugged, walking into the bedroom and closing the door. "So, we'll take a shower together. If you're too tired we won't do... Too much. I just want some alone time with my wife... I haven't had you like this for days."

"You poor, poor man," Jess teased.

"If I can't spend time with my son tonight then at least lemme spend some time with you."

"Well since you put it that way then I-"

She stopped mid-sentence when a loud cry sounded from the baby monitor on their bedside table. They always kept it turned on so they'd know whether or not Ian was crying if they were both in the room with the door closed.

"Go get him," JC sighed. He kissed her forehead. "Calm him down and come back so we can have-"

"-Our alone time," she finished for him. "Just gimme a couple minutes with him."

"Call out if you need me to bring you anything for him, alright?"

She smiled and nodded an ‘Okay' before leaving the room. JC turned around and turned off the baby monitor. He then sat at the foot of his bed, just sitting there, waiting for her to come back into the room.

He had started humming along to random songs that popped into his mind and a minute or two had passed until he finally heard something.

"Josh!" he heard her voice call out.

 He sat up straight, frowning. "What?" he yelled back.

"Come in here, QUICK!"

At the tone of her voice JC practically leaped off the bed and flew straight out of the room before stopping outside the nursery where Jessica had left the door halfway open. He could already hear Ian's screaming and cries drowning out all other possible noises in the house.

"You sure you want me to come in there?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes, just get in here!"

JC pushed the door open and entered the room, only to find Jessica holding and bouncing around with the crying baby, that was wrapped in a soft blanket, in one arm and she was trying to read off a thermometer.

"What's going on, babe?" JC asked, stepping closer to where she kept bouncing around.

She turned around quickly to look at him with a panicked look on her face. "I think something's wrong with the baby."

JC frowned. "What'd you mean? What's going on with him?"

"He was crying so I picked him up to check his diaper but I thought his skin was feeling really warm so when the diaper was clean, I checked his temperature. Jace, his temperature is 106!"

"Shit," JC muttered. He walked up closer to her and she tried to stand still.

"Here," he put out his arms. "Give him to me."

She hesitated for a long half second before agreeing and handing him over to JC.

She rubbed her forehead as she watched JC try calming him down, but nothing was working.

"Isn't a fever common to have when one has the chicken pox?"

Jessica bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head. "It's not supposed to be that high."

JC looked down at the screaming and squirming baby in his arms and realized that his skin was oddly and really hot.

"S-Something's wrong Jace," Jess said. She walked closer to where he stood and JC could tell from the way she was starting to stutter, her heart rate was increasing and from that, he knew that she was getting scared.

"Look, just... Call the doctor right now and ask him if we should go down to the ER tonight."

"A-Are you sure you're okay there with-"

"I got him, he's okay. He's going to be okay."

Jess opened her mouth but no sound came out. It was the first time Ian was even showing signs of seriously being sick and as a first time mom who had never exactly dealt with sick babies, her head was starting to spin.

"Hey," JC told her, snapping her back into reality. "You're scared, I know. But we need to get his doctor on the phone now so we'll both know what to do in this situation. It's okay, don't worry. Just hear what the doctor says and we'll go from there."

With a final glance at Ian, who was still crying in JC's arms, she nodded and ran out the room to get to the nearest cordless phone.

JC sighed, resetting a bouncing rhythm to try and calm his son even in the slightest way. Looking down at him, he couldn't remember the last time he had felt so helpless.

"It's okay buddy," JC said softly. "You're just a little sick, you're going to be okay. We're not gonna happen to you." JC kept bouncing. "I'M not going to let anything happen to you."

--- "I spent the last almost two years of my life trying to prevent something like this from happening," JC sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I didn't talk to him enough about what to do in situations like this. He didn't hit the other kid too hard, did he?"

Ms. Jordan, the principal of the elementary school Ian was going to, shook her head.

When JC had gotten the call from the ‘principal's office' to come down to the school because Ian had been a part of a small incident, he imagined an old, short, mid 50s woman with her hair in a bun and dark brown attire to be the one he'd be speaking with. Instead, and he was thankful, the woman he was conversing with was seemed to be in her mid 30s and wore a smile. She looked like one of those fun loving pediatricians you'd see on those baby medicine commercials.

"Just a punch to the stomach and of course, that triggered a lot of tears and accusing but just because it wasn't serious, we don't condone child violence in elementary school."

JC sighed. "I know. And I thought Ian did too."

"Usually, I'd have handled it myself and disciplined Ian the way I thought fit but when I heard from his teacher what the circumstances over the bickering was, I thought it'd be best if I just talked to you about it and see what you could do, seeing that in a topic as sensitive as this one, Ian would feel more comfortable talking to you."

JC nodded. "Thank you, for being so kind as to do that. This was actually his first incident like this since his mom passed away and he hasn't been exposed to dealing with it around people outside of our family and friends and, well... Me."

"We didn't yell at him nor did anything too harsh toward him verbally or physically, of course, but we separated him from the rest of that class."

"Where's he?"

"He's in the classroom three doors down. I talked to his teacher and you're free to take him home for the day."

"Do you mind if I just take a few minutes with him in there before we leave first? Just to talk to him and hear his side of the story? See what he's feeling..."

"It's not a problem, go ahead."

"Thank you," JC nodded with a grateful smile. He turned around and walked toward where Ms. Jordan had said Ian was.

Opening the door and lightly knocking on it, JC peeked his head into the empty - except for Ian - classroom.

"Hey," JC said gently.

Ian looked up with a sad face. He sat on a plastic chair that was a bit high so he was just kicking his hanging legs melancholy. "Hi daddy."

JC walked in and closed the door behind him. He sighed, walking up to where Ian sat and he took a seat cross legged on the floor so that he could face his son.

"Someone's glum."

Ian nodded and kept his head down.

"I heard what happened today."

"Are you gonna yell at me?"

 "I'm not going to yell at you bud," JC sighed. "I just want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me."

"I didn't do anything," Ian mumbled.

"Yes, you did," JC said sternly. "You know that it's wrong to hit. We had this talk before, didn't we?"

"Uh huh."

"Then tell me what happened today. What happened in class? I want to hear it from you."

Ian was silent for a few moments before looking up at his father. "It was in Art and Crafts..."

"Go on..."

"My teacher brought out paper and markers and she said we were going to make cards."

JC swallowed. "Make cards for what?" he asked gently.

"For Mother's Day tomorrow," Ian said, hanging his head and JC felt a pang of hurt in his chest but he let Ian go on. "I told my teacher that I wanted to make a card for my daddy instead and she said okay... But, when I started, the other boy made fun of me because I didn't have a mommy like him and then... He kept telling me that having a mommy was better than having a daddy and I told him that he was wrong."

"And you punched him..."

"Yea..."

"Ian..." JC sighed, shaking his head, unsure of what to say.

"It's mommy's fault," Ian mumbled, looking down and swinging his legs.

"It's not your mom's fault this happened, bud," JC said.

"Yes it is!" Ian cried out, startling JC.

Ian had always been so understanding and calm about the fact that he only had a dad and that his mom had gone t heaven so JC had never seen this side of him. The only time Ian had ever shown emotion in Jess' passing was around the holidays but that feeling passed quickly after he got in the company of family and whatever new toys he had gotten. Not even on his birthday last year did he get too upset.

This was completely different. And JC assumed it was because he was slightly older now and because he was around more people, he understood the situation a little more.

"She was MY mommy and she left me! Other kids have a mommy and a dad!" Tears had started streaming down his cheeks but Ian looked more angry than anything. "It's not fair!"

‘She left me too' was what JC wanted to say but he knew that wouldn't help the situation. "It's hard for you, isn't it buddy?"

Ian nodded, sniffling. "It's not fair... I miss her."

"I miss her too," JC agreed. "And no, it isn't fair to you that you have to grow up like this with only one parent. I know it's hard for you. It's hard for me too, sometimes."

"Why'd she leave us?"

"It wasn't her fault, Ian. You know that."

"I wish she was here..."

"Me too."

"You could have stop her?"

JC shook his head with an apologetic smile. "I couldn't... I tried. Many doctors tried. We just couldn't. God wanted her that badly."

"Still not fair."

"You still have her in your heart Ian... I know I do."

"I want a hug from her... I remember her hugs."

JC opened his arms. "Would a hug from daddy do the job?"

Ian nodded, getting up from his chair and falling into JC's arms and holding on tightly.

"I'm still here with you bud," JC told his son quietly. "And you don't ever have to worry about questioning that."

"Promise?" Ian sniffled into JC's shoulder. "For real?"

"Yea, for real. I promise."

JC straightened his legs out and Ian ended their embrace to stand in the middle of them.

"I love you daddy."

JC smiled. It never ceased to amaze him how good it felt to hear those four words come from his son. "I love you too buddy."

"Is it bad that I love mommy too?"

"Not at all," JC shook his head. "Of course not. She's always going to be your mom, whether she's here or not. Love her now and love her forever. And she loves you too."

"Good."

JC chuckled but turned back serious a short while later.

"Now, Ian, you know what you did earlier was wrong, right? Losing your temper like that? That can't happen again, alright? Never. Whatever anybody tells you, you know what you feel and you know how you are. If anyone ever disagrees with you or tries to change your mind, stay strong on what you know and leave them be, okay? Kids like that, they aren't nice to you, stay away from ‘em. But if they're mean, that doesn't give you the right to be mean to them back, okay?"

"Okay...  I'm sorry..."

"Did you apologize to the other boy?"

"My teacher made me."

"Alright, good."

"Am I in trouble?"

JC sighed, scratching his head. "I guess not... Nothing extreme anyways."

"Can we go home?"

"Yea, let's go." JC got up off the tiled ground and Ian ran across the room to get his backpack and an open juice box.

"You got any home work?" JC asked, holding the door open so that Ian could pass through.

"I have to add two digit numbers together and I have to write the letters of the alphabet in common letters."

"I can help you with all that," JC smiled.

"Hey, daddy?"

"What?"

"Will you help me make a card for mommy? I know I can't give it to her, but will you help me?"

JC looked down at Ian's hopeful face and nodded. "Yea, we can do it when we get home. And I know a really great way to help you out on it..."