=Chapter Five=Nerves=

“I can’t do this.  I’m going to mess everything up.  This is going to be a disaster,” I said to my reflection as I stared at myself in the mirror.  My mascara was running down my cheeks from the tears that were running with it down my face.  I had snuck into the bathroom before the show to get some privacy.  Only moments after I walked into the bathroom I got sick.  My stomach was churning.  I have never been this nervous in my entire life.

I rested my hands on the sides of the sink and bowed my head.  I closed my eyes and sighed.  I took a few deep breaths trying to calm my nerves but it wasn’t working.  If anything it was making my stomach churn more.  I heard a knock on the door as it opened.  I looked over at the door and nearly began crying more when I saw Justin standing in the doorway.

“Kenz, what’s wrong?  Are you feeling all right?” Justin asked as he walked over toward me.  I shook my head and looked at the ground. “Nerves?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why, I’ve done this so many times I can’t count,” I answered.  Justin reached down and lifted up my head.  He smiled at me.

“Hey, I get nervous too.  I’m freaking out right now, I’m nervous beyond belief right now but I know how to control my nerves,” Justin said calmly.

I had no idea how he was able to stay so calm.  I was over here ready to puke all over his shoes and he was standing there trying to calm me down.  Telling me that he gets nervous too.  I don’t think he’s been nearly as nervous as I am right now.  This is a life or death situation.  Okay maybe not a life or death situation but it’s a really big situation.

“I don’t know how you can stand there so calm.  I’m about to die over here,” I said as I stared up at him.  He smiled and pulled me into his arms.  He rubbed my bare back as he held me in his arms.

“Everything’s going to all right.  You’ll do fine.  You’ve gone over this show a thousand times, you’re going to be fine.  You want to know a little trick?” I nodded. “Imagine everyone is naked.  It works for me.” I laughed and pulled away.

“Of course it works for you, most of the audience you have are girls.  I’m sorry but I don’t want to picture other women naked, thank you very much,” I said with a laugh. “Plus that never works and you know it.”

“I know, I was just trying to make you laugh.  Which I accomplished.” I shook my head and looked back in the mirror.  I groaned when I saw my face.  I looked terrible.  Half of my make up was gone or it was running down my face.

All of a sudden I felt extremely embarrassed.  Justin was seeing me as a nervous wreck.  My stomach began to churn more violently.  I covered my mouth and ran for the toilet.  Seconds later I felt Justin standing behind me, he was holding my hair out of my face.  After I was finished I looked up at Justin.  He had a grimace on his face.  I sighed and flushed the toilet.  I walked out of the stall and went over toward the sink again.  I leaned over it.  I heard a paper towel being torn off the roll and then the water being turned on.  I glanced over at Justin as he rang out the paper towel.  He handed it to me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I began wiping off my face.  The tears started to fall again.  This was embarrassing.  I’d only known Justin for two weeks and he was already seeing me puking.  That was not something I was proud of.

“Come here, let me help you,” Justin said softly as he grabbed the paper towel out of my hand.  I looked up at him.  He folded the towel in half and began wiping off my face for me.  I stared up at him and couldn’t help but smile.  He had his tongue sticking out as he wiped off my face. “Stop smiling, I’m trying to concentrate and you’re messing me up.” I began to laugh and Justin pulled away.  He shook his head at me. “Stop, I’m almost done.” I stopped.  Seconds later he announced that he was done.

“Thank you,” I said as I took the towel from him and threw it away.  I looked back over at Justin and he was smiling.

“Sure, it was no problem.  Are you feeling all right now?” Justin asked as he reached over and ran his hand through my hair.  I nodded.

It was funny, I had never thought Justin would be a touchy kind of a person but as the weeks went by I realized he was.  At least to all the women that he encountered.  At first I thought that there was something going on between my sister and Justin that she wasn’t telling me about but I began to notice that he acted the same way with the others.  I guess it was his southern heritage that brought the touchiness out.

“Thank you.  You don’t now how embarrassing this has been,” I said with a small laugh.  He just smiled and put his arm around me.

“Come on let’s get you back to make up.  You have to finish getting ready, you’re about to go on in a little bit,” Justin said as he started to guide me out of the bathroom.

“Oh thanks for reminding me.” He laughed as we walked out of the bathroom.

=

“Thank you guys, you’re the best crowd I’ve had.  Thank you guys,” I said into the microphone as I finished up my part of the show.  I waved to the crowd and ran off stage.  I was handed a towel as soon as I stepped off of the stage.

“Great job, Kenzie.  See I told you, you’d be okay,” Justin said as he put his arm around my shoulders.  I smiled and shook my head.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get cocky, Old Man,” I said as I gave him a nudge.  He laughed. “You better stop fussing over me and finish getting ready.  You’re about to go in a few.”

“Not for another half hour.  They have to change the stage and everything.  Come on let’s go get you something to eat,” Justin said as he guided me down the hall toward my dressing room.  I was beginning to think that something was going on between my sister and Justin that she wasn’t telling me.  I mean I know that he acts all affectionate with all the other women around him but how he was acting with me was different.

We finally reached my dressing room and walked into the room.  A large folding table had an assortment of foods.  All of it was there when I’d gotten to the venue.  It was stuff that Kenzie liked but I hated most of it.  She tended to eat a lot of health food and I tended to eat junk food.  I was lucky that I had a good metabolism.

“How can you eat this stuff?” Justin asked as he looked down at the food.  I just smiled and shrugged.  I was thinking the same thing.  I grabbed a small plate and grabbed a few carrot sticks, some apple slices and a spoonful of potato salad.  I grabbed a fork and began to eat as I walked over toward the couch.  After a few minutes of eating I was done.  I set the plate down on the floor next to the couch.

“You should be going on in a few, right?” I asked trying to break the silence the filled the room.  I rubbed the back of my neck and shoulders.  I’d been stressed all week trying to get everything just right for opening night.  I’d actually had a headache all week.  It wouldn’t go away, even with all the medication I took for it.

“Not for a while.  Your neck hurt?” Justin asked as he leaned closer to me.  I nodded and continued to rub my neck. “Come here, let me help you with that.” I stopped rubbing my neck but hesitated a little bit.  I shrugged my shoulders and turned my back to Justin.  He reached over and moved my hair out of the way.  He began to rub my shoulders and neck.  I could feel the tension melting away at his touch.

I loved the feeling of his hands on my shoulders.  His strong hands massaging away the tension that I’d had for the last week.  I got lost in his touch until he announced that he was done.  I groaned in protest.  He just laughed and patted my shoulder.  I shifted so I was facing him.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile. “You don’t know how much better that feels.”

“Sure, it’s no problem.  I’d do anything for you, Kenz,” Justin said as he stared at me.  I licked my lips and sighed.  Justin reached over and brushed some hair out of my face.  He ran his fingers through my hair which sent a chill down my spine.  Before I knew it his lips were inches from mine.  I closed my eyes and waited.

“Kenzie?” I heard Dreana ask as she knocked on the door.  I quickly opened my eyes and stood up.  The door opened just as I stood up and looked over at it. “Hey, I thought I’d find you…oh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I just stood there staring at Dreana.  My head was spinning.  Had I just almost kissed Justin?  Were we really that close to one another?  Why did Dreana have to show up at the moment?  God, I’m going to kill her.

“Oh, it’s all right, we were just talking,” Justin said.  I saw him look over at me from the corner of my eye.

“Kenz, are you all right?” Dreana asked as she walked into the room.  She started over toward me.  I just followed her and continued to stare.  What was I supposed to say?

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just a little tired from the show,” I lied.  Of course I wasn’t fine.  Just moments ago I was about to kiss Justin Timberlake.  Me, a simple girl, shy girl like me, was about the kiss Justin.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  Things were going way too fast.

“All right, Justin, Trace is looking for you.  He’s frantic.  You’re supposed to go on in a few minutes, he’s looking everywhere for you.  I thought I’d come see Kenzie and see if she knew where you were but I found you too.  So it’s all good but you’d better get out there before he gets mad.  We all know what Trace is like when he’s mad,” Dreana said with a small laugh.

“Yeah.  I’ll see you later,” Justin said as he turned his attention to me.  I looked over at him and gave him a half smile.  He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.  He said good bye to Dreana and left the room.  As soon as he left I looked at Dreana.

“What is wrong with you, Lola?” Dreana asked once she was sure that the door was closed and there was no one within hearing range.  She walked back over toward me.

“Okay, Dee, tell me the truth, is there anything going on between my sister and Justin?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.

“No, why?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed.

“Cause he just tried to kiss me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I would have loved it if Justin had kissed me but I need to know if there is something going on between them.  Are they a couple?  Did they date once?  What’s going on?”

“There’s nothing going on between them.  They kissed like once or twice a year or so ago but other than that nothing happened.  For a while they wanted to date and stuff but Kenzie called it all off before anything could happen.  She said that she didn’t want to get into a relationship right now.  That was it.”

I eyed Dreana.  I couldn’t tell if she was telling me the truth but then again why would Dreana have anything to lie to me about.  She was trying to help Kenzie.  She was trying to help me be Kenzie.  I had no reason to think that she was lying to me but I still got the sneaky feeling that there was something more going on between Justin and my sister.  That no one other than my sister and Justin knew about.