=Chapter Twenty-One=Over=

My heart sank when I closed the door behind me. I kept my hand on the door knob for a few more seconds; I didn't want to let go for the fear that I would crumble down to the ground. That tiny handle was holding me up; keeping me from loosing it completely. My throat was tight and I could barely breathe. That was it. Justin and I were through. No more. We were done. The tears started to well up in my eyes again as I tired to take a step but my legs wouldn't budge; they felt like they were going to give way. Like I was going to tumble to the ground but yet at the same time they were almost cemented to the ground. I stood there for a moment as I tried to regain my composure. I took a few deep breaths. They did little to help but it was enough that I could finally move my legs.

As I took a step my heart cried out in pain; I didn't want this to end. Especially the way it had. I didn't want to break his heart like that; I really didn't care about how I felt. I was going to be miserable either way; one way or another. The thing that I couldn't take was him being miserable and I knew that I was the one that caused him to be that way. I could see the hurt and anguish on his face when I looked at him; I could hear it in is voice. That voice that I had always loved but I could tell that all of the love and trust had now been replaced by hate and distrust. I had turned him against me.

I didn't expect him to love me anymore. Not after everything that I had just put him through. I didn't expect him to come running after me. Of course I begged and pleaded that he would but I knew that would never happen. I'd caused too much damage and there was no way that I could fix it.

I slowly made my way to the elevator down the hall. The walk seemed to take forever. Every step was torture. Every step took all my effort to make it. I knew once I made it to the elevator that all of this was over; there would be no turning back. Second chances would be out of the question, we would cease to exist as a couple. We had the moment that I told him who I was. I took one final step and reached the elevator, I caught my reflection in the shiny surface of the elevator; a gasp escaped my mouth.

I looked terrible, my hair was a mess. I was a mess, emotionally and physically. My hair was sticking out in different directions and parts of it were dried to my face from the sticky tears that had been pouring from my eyes the last two hours. I had very little make up on my face anymore, it had all come off from either the tears or the burying my face in the blankets in our hotel room. I was emotionally drained, I physically hurt from all the crying and torture I had put myself through. I had fallen asleep not long after I had first reached the room but I had woken when I heard voices in the room. I laid there listening to see who it was and to my horror and pleasure it had been Justin and Tiny. I started to cry again when I heard all of the hurtful things that Justin had said.

I didn't blame him; I probably would have said all those things as well. He had every right to say the things he did. The only one to blame was myself. I had put all of this on myself; there was no way around it. I could have easily told him from the beginning what was going on; or I could have told Kenzie no from the very start. But I had agreed and I had brought all of this on myself. So I didn't blame him for a single thing; he had done nothing wrong. I was the one that had started the lies and continued them.

I reached up and wiped what was left of my make up off with my hands. I wiped my hands off on my dress. There was no need for the dress anymore anyway; I might as well ruin it. It was probably going in the trash when I got back home anyway.

Home.

That word didn't sound right, at least not without thinking of Justin. Everything that I had been the last several months had involved him, he was my home. Now I was going to have to start all of over again. It was a relief to be going back home, I needed to be there get out of the limelight. I shouldn't have left in the first place, I should have stayed in school. I heard a disgruntled laugh come from my lips. The old adage that everyone always said, stay in school. I'd even said it several times when I was with children. And here I was telling myself that I should have done the same thing. That I would have been better off if I had.

I jumped a little when the elevator made a dinging noise once it reached my floor. I stepped back slightly as the doors opened; I prayed that no one was in the elevator. My prayers were answered when the door finally opened and the elevator was empty. I slowly stepped in the doors; I took a ragged breath as I looked down the hallway of the hotel. My hands were shaking as I reached for the button for the lobby. The circular light lit up once I pushed it and the doors slowly started to close. Tears started to build again but I tried to fight them back.

=

I groaned as I slowly woke up; the bright sun was shining in from the open drapes. Damn it why hadn't I closed those last night? I threw my arms over my face and kept my eyes closed. The pounding in my head caused me to groan again. I rolled over onto my side and buried my head into the cushions of the couch that I had slept on the night before. I wasn't about to sleep in that bedroom; there was no way I was going anywhere near it. I didn't care or need anything that was in that part of the room, I would survive without out it. Everything in that room reminded me of her and her scent was the most prominent in the room. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I walked into that room and got rush of her perfume in the air.

How could she do this to me? After all this time; after everything that we had been through. I told her I loved her; I wanted to marry her. I thought she was going to be the one that I'd spend the rest of my life with. I thought we were truthful, told each other everything. I sure as hell did. Even if she didn't want to hear it I told her but obviously she didn't tell me a damn thing. Everything she said to me was a lie.

She told me she loved me last night. Told me that if I didn't believe anything else she said that I should believe that but I'm still not sure if I should believe it. How am I supposed to believe her?

I took a deep breath and instantly regretted it. The cushions smelled like her; everything in this damn hotel room smelled like her. I needed to get out of here. I jumped up off the couch and instantly regretted it. The room started spinning and I struggled to regain my balance. Luckily, I caught myself just before I fell face first into the hard ground. My eyes were burning from the bright sun that was making it's way in through the window. I snatched up my phone that was lying on the ground next to the couch and stuffed it into my pocket. I'd have to tell Tiny to get me a flight because there as no way that I would be able to deal with people at the moment. My head was throbbing.

I made my way slowly to the front door and leaned against it for support for a moment. The coolness of the door felt good against my warm skin. It was helping my hangover a little bit. I made a quick scan of the room making sure that there wasn't anything that I wanted anymore. The only thing that I saw was my sunglasses, I knew I'd need those especially today. I walked over to the glass coffee table and picked up my sunglasses. I slipped them on and the room dimmed; the darkness instantly made my headache lessen, plus I knew they were a good investment. They would hide my tears that I knew would come eventually, and the redness in my eyes that I knew was there already.

Question after question raced through my throbbing head as I walked toward Tiny's room, he was just down the hall from me and I was sure he was waiting there for me. I shook my head slightly to get the questions to stop racing, I didn't want to think right now, I wanted to be numb. Shaking my head didn't seem to do anything other than make myself even more nauseated. How as I going to function anymore? I'd had my heart broken before but nothing like this, this was beyond the worst feeling that I had ever felt. This was worse than being cheated on and in a way I had been cheated on; just a different way of cheating I suppose. I had been cheated out of knowing the truth.

I hadn't even realized that I was standing on front of Tiny's door until I saw the door to his room open and him say my name. I looked up at him and thanked god that I had my sunglasses on, I knew I looked like shit. Tiny didn't say anything he just continued to walk down the hall toward the elevator. He knew that there wasn't anything that he could say to make any of this better and I thanked him silently for not saying anything. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle it if he had said anything, I knew I was on the verge of breaking down at any second. I knew the tiniest little thing could set me off. I feared that I would crumble to the ground and curl myself into a little ball and remain that way for a very long time all the while crying to myself.

I followed Tiny into the elevator and leaned against the wall as the doors closed behind me. I shut my eyes hoping that it would help but it only made the feeling of the elevator going down worse. I felt like I was going to get sick but to my relief the ride was not very long. We stepped out of the elevator and started for the front doors, I hadn't looked up from the ground until we reached the doors. To my horror there were photographers everywhere. I groaned loudly, I didn't need this right now. This was the last thing that I needed.

Like routine Tiny put his arms around my shoulders and slowly guided me through the crowd of photographers. I cringed as we started to walk through them, their yelling was deafening it made my head throb even more. I tried my hardest not the listen to the things that they were saying and for the most part I couldn't understand them but every once in a while a few of the questions jumped out at me.

"Is it true that you and Kenzie have called it quiets?" One photographer yelled.

"Where is Kenzie? Is it true that she broke up with you last night at dinner?" Another yelled. I felt my hands starting to burn, it was until I looked down at them to see what was making them burn that I noticed that my fists were clenched so tight that my knuckles were white. Tiny seemed to noticed my slight hesitation and quickened out pace. I knew he was trying to get me out of there before I did anything that I regretted. We finally reached the car and I quickly climbed into the backseat. I slammed the door shut wanting to be left alone, to be lost in my little world of feeling sorry for myself.