=Chapter Eighteen=Complications=

"Kenzie," I heard Justin say as he rubbed my leg. Everything came back into focus. I looked over at him. He had a worried look on his face. "Were you spacing out there for a second, babe?" I smiled a little.

"I guess so, I'm sorry," I said softly. I heard someone clear their throat. I glanced over at the sound and saw a young woman sitting in front of me and Justin. She had a small pair of glasses propped up on her face. I then realized what was going on. Justin and I were at an interview. Our first one together since we'd announced that we were dating.

I guess this was a big step of some kind. My mind wasn't really on the interview at all. My mind was on the fact that I needed to break up with Justin. I was going through different scenarios. Ways to make it less difficult on both of us but I wasn't coming up with anything. I was having trouble finding something that wouldn't destroy Justin. I was having trouble finding something that wouldn't destroy me either. Nothing was working out for me.

"Kasie asked you a question, baby," Justin said. I looked back at Justin. Then back at Kasie. That's right, I'd been interviewed by Kasie before. She was the one that had pestered me about the pictures of Kenzie in rehab. I suddenly got a terrible taste in my mouth. I didn't want to sit her and have her question me right now. All I wanted to do was go somewhere I could be alone. Where I could be myself. Where I could sit and cry for as long as I wanted without being interrupted.

"I'm sorry, what was the question?" I asked politely. I knew I couldn't just sit there staring at her. That would only draw more attention to myself.

"I asked how your family is doing," she answered a slightly annoyed tone in her voice. I stared at her for a long moment. Why was she always asking questions about my family? Did she suspect something was going on? Could she tell that I wasn't Kenzie? How am I going to answer that question without setting myself up for more questions?

"They are doing just fine, thank you," I said with a fake smile. I wanted to get out of here. I needed to get away. I needed to get away from all of this. Fuck, I just needed to tell everyone the truth. I needed to get all of this off my chest and tell the whole world what is going on. Tell the world that I'm not Kenzie Stevens. I'm actually her twin sister, Lola Stevens.

The rest of the interview went by painfully slow. I answered my questions carefully. There were several times I could see Justin out of the corner of my eye looking at me with a confused look on his face. And occasionally a displeased look on his face. I ignored the looks and continued to pretend.

=

"What is wrong with you, Kenzie?" I heard Justin ask. I came out of yet another daze and looked over at him. He stared at me as he waited for me to answer his question. I sighed.

"Nothing," I said. I knew it was a stupid answer and I knew it was going to drive Justin crazy. I knew he hated it when I answered his questions like that.

"You're lying to me, come on, Kenzie. Tell me what is going on with you." He put his hands on my shoulders. I shrugged out of his grasp and backed away from him. I didn't want to be close to him at the moment. It would only make things worse.

"Nothing is going on, all right. I'm fine," I answered as I started to turn and walk away. I was just about out of Justin's reach but he grabbed my arm and turned me toward him. I stared up at him.

"You are not getting away with that kind of an answer, McKenzie. Tell me what is going on. I'm worried about you, baby. You've been so distant. You've hardly eaten anything in the last week. You're scaring me." I could hear the concern in his voice. He was genuinely worried about me. But why I wasn't sure. Yeah sure, I had been a little distant but that was because I was trying to find out ways that I could break up with him with out hurting either of us. But I was beginning to find out that that was never going to happen. And deep down I was partly hoping that me being distant was going to make him break up with me. I was hoping that he would get fed up with the fact that I wasn't talking to him and he'd just do it for me.

"Justin, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine," I said. It sounded more like I was trying to convince myself more than him. He shook his head. He didn't believe me and I wouldn't blame him. I wouldn't believe myself if I was him either. "Justin, please, let go of my arm." Justin did what I asked.

"Kenzie, does this have to do with our little pregnancy scare we had a while ago? If so, you don't need to worry. We're going to be more careful from here on out."

"This has nothing to do with that," I answered as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Then what is it? What is going on in that little head of yours? I want to know. You won't talk to me anymore, Kenzie. I'm worried about you. You mean the world to me. Tell me what is going on. It's killing me not knowing what is hurting you. And don't say you're not hurting because I can see it in your eyes right now. You're scared about something. I don't know what because you won't tell me. I want to help but you won't let me."

"It has nothing to do with you, all right? Will you please drop it," I snapped. I hadn't meant to snap at him like that. It just came out. All of my frustration was starting to bubble up over the edge. If he provoked me anymore I was going to go off on him and I didn't want to do that.

"No I will not drop it, McKenzie. Talk to me. I'm going to make you talk one way or another. If that means I have to pin you up against the wall and hold you their until you talk then so be it I'll do it. But I don't want to."

"I want to see you try." I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth. I really didn't want to see him try. I knew he could pin me up against the wall. He'd done it before but always in a playful manner. Not when he was upset. I didn't want to experience that when he was upset.

Justin grabbed my upper arms and started to push me back. I fought with him as he eventually pushed me up against the wall. He held me there as I struggled with him. I was starting to get really upset. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to leave me alone before I said anything more that I regretted. Before I got so frustrated that I told him everything. I didn't want to do that right now. Especially right now when both of us were in the state that we were in. I wanted it to be months after I broke up with him. Actually ideally I didn't want to tell him at all. I finally gave up on fighting him and just stood there waiting for him to let go of me.

I glared up at Justin. He did the same. A few long moments later Justin let go of me. I stood there staring at him. He looked angry with me. I knew he was upset with the fact that I wasn't talking to him. But this wasn't something I could just come out and say to him. I couldn't tell him that I wasn't who he thought I was. I was just a phony and a fake. I was not for him. He deserved much better than me. He deserved someone that wouldn't keep a secret from him. Someone that would talk to him, tell him the truth. Tell him everything. Even stuff that he doesn't want to know.

I know keeping all of this is going to kill me one day. I know once Kenzie comes back I won't be able to say anything about this. I'll just have to keep it a secret for the rest of my life. The rest of my life without Justin. It will either kill me or I'll just break and confess everything to the wrong person. Then they'll tell someone and then it will get to the media. And there goes Kenzie's career. It will be shot to hell. And all of this will be done for nothing. I wouldn't want to be there when Justin finds out about all of this. I just pray to god that he never finds out.

"Damn it, McKenzie, why won't you fucking talk to me?" Justin demanded. I jumped a little when I heard him talk. I wasn't expecting it.

"I won't because it doesn't concern you. I don't want to bother you with my problems," I answered. He snorted.

"Baby, your problem is my problem. You are my life. Everything that concerns you should concern me too. I love you, baby." Justin's voice had softened and his angry fell from his face. He reached up and brushed his hand along the side of my face.

"Justin, can we please...just drop this right now? I have to get ready for another interview," I said just above a whisper. I was scared what his reaction was going to be. I wasn't sure if he was going to be upset with me for asking to drop it. He sighed.

"Yeah, sure but don't think that this is the end of it," Justin said as he stepped back away from me. I pushed myself lightly off the wall and stared down at the ground. We both stood there for a few moments not making eye contact. Then I looked up at Justin. He looked like he was about to cry. At the sight of that I almost started to cry myself but I turned my head before I could. I turned and walked out of the room. I left Justin standing there wondering what the hell was going on.

=

I carefully opened up the door to Justin's room. I didn't want to wake him up. It's nearly two in the morning. I'd been crying for the last hour over the fact that my grandmother, whom I was very close to, had just passed away. I'd gotten a phone call from my sister telling me that she had passed. Kenzie and I had both sat on the phone crying and telling stories about our grandmother. Crying, laughing and more crying.

I can't stay angry at Justin anymore. I know it has to do with the fact that I'm an emotional mess right now. I don't care if I'm angry with him. All I want is for him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. That it's not the end of the world. That everything will eventually go back to normal. That I'll stop crying soon.

I finally make my way to his bed. He's fast asleep. I hate to wake him up. So instead of waking him I carefully lift up the blankets, just enough, for me to climb in. I lay there watching him sleep for a moment then the tears start to come again. I buried my head into the pillow to try and muffle my cries. As I continued to cry I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"Baby, what's wrong? Are you all right?" Justin asks frantically. He holds me for while as I continued to cry. I shake my head. I can't speak. "Kenzie, tell me, what's going on." I slowly look up at him. It's hard to see his face because of the darkness but what I can see he's worried. He's trying to figure out if this has anything to do with what had happened earlier in the day or if this is something new.

"My...grandmother passed away," I managed to get out in between tears.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," Justin whispered as he pulled me closer. I buried my face against his bare chest. He didn't say anything more, he just let me cry. After several long minutes of crying my eyes out. I finally sniffled to a stop. I pulled slightly away from Justin and wiped the tears off my face. Justin smoothed my hair and kissed me on the forehead. "Is there anything I can do?"

"All I need you to do is hold me," I answered just above a whisper. Justin nodded and pulled me closer. I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid there with him.

"When is the funeral?" Justin asked. I cringed at the word funeral. I hated that word. Well I guess it wasn't the word per say, it was the idea of the word. I hated the idea of being put in a box and being buried in the ground. While your body rotted. I know it's a harsh way of thinking about it but I know it's not something that I want.

"I'm not sure, soon probably," I paused for a moment. "I'm not sure if I'm even going to go."

"What do you mean, you're not going? You have to go," Justin said. I shook my head and buried my head into his chest more. "Baby, it's your grandmother's funeral. You have to go."

"I don't know if I should." I didn't want the media to get in the way of the funeral. I knew that they'd be there anyways, trying to get a glimpse but if I wasn't there then maybe there wouldn't be so many. Plus I didn't want someone to spot Kenzie and I together because that would totally mess everything up. Everything would be ruined. Not to mention my grandmother's funeral.

"Why shouldn't you go? I could always go with you if you wanted," Justin said as he rubbed my back. I shook my head. No, there was no way he was coming to the funeral. If that meant me not going then that was how is was going to have to be. If he came that would blow everything. He'd see Kenzie and me together and it would be over with.

"You know the press with be all over this. They'll want to get an exclusive pictures of my grandmother's funeral. I know there'll be photographers there anyway just because of who I am. But if I don't go I hope there won't be as many. I don't want to ruin my grandmother's funeral just because of who I am. That would be wrong. I couldn't do it. I'd just be better off not going. Plus if you go then there'll be ten times more photographers. You know that. That's why you and I can't go," I explained as I looked up at Justin. "Don't get me wrong, I want to go. I'd give anything to go but I just don't think that I should. It would be wrong to bring all the media there." Justin opened his mouth to say something then shut it. He knew I was right. He knew that the paparazzi would be all over the funeral.

"What if, you go to the funeral and I do anything I can to distract them. If that means doing something that I would never do then I'll do it. Just so you can have sometime alone with your family."

"Justin, I don't want you doing something reckless. I couldn't bear the idea of you doing something that could hurt you." Justin smiled and rested his hand on the side of my face.

"I would never, baby. I don't think I could stand doing something reckless if it meant loosing you. I love you too much," Justin whispered then kissed me softly.

"I love you too." I smiled and kissed him back.

"Now, go to sleep. You need your rest. You have a long day tomorrow," Justin said as he kissed me on the forehead. I nodded and laid my head on the pillow.