=Chapter Sixteen=Unwanted Surprises=

“What do you mean you think you’re pregnant?” Dreana asked me.  I chewed on my lower lip and stared at the ground. “It’s either you are or your aren’t.  And let’s pray to god that it is you aren’t.  Because if your are pregnant, Lola, I will have to kill you.”

“I’m not sure.  I haven’t taken a test yet.  I’m just late that’s all.”

“How late?” Dee asked as she stopped pacing and looked at me.  I could feel her hard stare on me even though I was still looking at the ground.

“A few days.  I mean it’s not that big of a deal.  Except I haven’t felt good for the last week.  I’ve gotten sick a couple of times.” Dreana shook her head and sat down next to me.  She put her head in her hands.

“Lola Rachelle, what am I going to do with you?  First you tell me that you’re in love with him.  Now you tell me you might be pregnant with his child.  Are you trying to kill me?” I just sat there staring at the dark blue carpet of the green room at the latest show that I was being interviewed for. “All right, here’s what I’ll do, I’ll go to the store during your interview and get a pregnancy test.  As soon as you’re done with your interview you take the test.  If it comes back negative then great.  If not…well, then we deal with it then.”

“Okay,” I said softly and nodded.

“But I do not want you to say a word to Justin.  Not one word about this, you hear me, Lola?” I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded lightly.  Dee and I looked up at the door when we heard someone knock. “Yeah?”

“I just came to tell you, Kenzie, you’ll be on in five minutes,” a young woman that wore a headset said as she peeked around the door.  I nodded.

Things were not going well.  I was scared out of my mind.  I didn’t want to be pregnant.  I didn’t want to bring a baby into the world like this.  Especially like this.  If I really was pregnant then I’d have to tell Justin everything because I wouldn’t be able to keep living a lie.  I’d have to tell him everything and I know that he would hate me for it.  He’d wouldn’t want anything to do with the child.

Or if he did he’d probably try to get custody of the baby.  Which I don’t think I could handle.  Not being able to see my own child.  That would tear me apart.  I just pray to god that I’m not pregnant.  I can’t take that on top of everything.  I would much rather die right now than be pregnant.  Well okay, maybe not but I would rather not be pregnant.

The more I thought about it the more scared I got.  The more my stomach started to churn.  I buried my head in my hands and began to cry.  I didn’t think I had anymore tears since I’d cried most of the morning after I realized that there was a possibility that I could be pregnant.

I felt Dee wrap her arm around my shoulders.  I leaned over onto her and continued to cry.  I didn’t want to be pregnant.  I didn’t want any of this to happen.  I just wanted to go back to being me.  The real me, Lola Stevens the med student.  Not Lola Stevens the liar.

“Hey, Lo, you need to stop crying.  You’ll mess up your make up,” Dreana whispered as she rubbed my back.  I nodded slightly but didn’t stop. “You need to stop, it’s bad for the baby…that is if you’re pregnant.”

The thought of me being pregnant terrified me.  The thought of telling my parents.  The thought of telling Justin.  The thought of telling everyone terrified me.  The thought of having to explain to everyone what was going on terrified me.  Everything terrified me at the moment.

=

“Kenzie, baby, are you feeling all right?” Justin asked as he rubbed my shoulder.  I glanced up at him and nodded slightly.  I then looked away.  I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore.  Not now at least. “You’re lying to me.  I thought we were past the stage where we lie to each other.” He let out a small laugh.

Oh god, he’s bring up lying.  Oh I could tell him a big secret that I know he wouldn’t like.  I bit my lower lip to keep myself from crying.  And also to keep myself from spilling the beans.

“I’m fine, really.” I continued to look the other way.  I felt Justin turned me toward him and I was forced to look up at him.  My eyes met his and I broke down.  Yet again the tears came.  Yet again I was an emotional wreck.  Actually I’d been an emotional mess since the day I agreed to do this for Kenzie.

“What is wrong, baby?” Justin asked as he pulled me in closer to him.  I wrapped my arms around his waist as I cried on his chest.  He rubbed my back as I continued to cry.  Then I thought of the baby.  I still wasn’t sure if I was pregnant.  Dreana wasn’t able to go to the store.  She had to go to a meeting with management.  And I didn’t dare go to the store and pick one up myself.  It would be all over the tabloids that I was pregnant. “What is the matter?  Please tell me.  I feel so useless.  I want to help.  Can’t I do something?” I shook my head.  Justin sighed and kissed me on the head. “All right.  I love you.”

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out before I even know that I had said it.  I slowly looked up at Justin.  He didn’t have any kind of emotion on his face.  I bit my lower lip. “Did you hear me?”

“Yeah, I heard you.  You’re…pregnant,” Justin answered as he looked down at me.  I wiped the tears off my face and looked down at the ground.

“Well…technically I don’t know yet.  I haven’t taken a pregnancy test yet.  Dee was supposed to get me one after the interview earlier today but then she had to go to the meeting.  And I don’t want to go down there.  So I might be pregnant, I might not,” I explained as I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt.  Justin remained silent for a long time.  I looked up at him.  He still didn’t have an emotion on his face.  I started to cry again.  I buried my head in my hands.  Justin instinctively wrapped his arms around me again.  After a few moments I looked up at Justin. “I’m scared.”

“I know.  I am too,” Justin said softly and kissed me on the forehead. “We’ll get through this.  Hopefully we’ll find out soon.” I nodded and rested my head on his chest.  I could hear his heart, it was racing.  As mine was too.

=

I stared up at the dark ceiling.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was wide awake.  I couldn’t even close my eyes.  I knew Justin was lying next to me wide awake also.  I sensed that he wasn’t asleep.

“Justin, what if I really am pregnant?  What are we going to do?  I mean…you really think either of us have time for a baby.  Hell we hardly have time to be alone together anymore.  How are we going to raise a baby?” I asked as I continued to stare up at the ceiling.

“I’m not sure,” Justin answered.  He hadn’t talked much since I’d told him that there was a chance of me being pregnant.  I hated not knowing.  I needed to find out whether or not I was pregnant.  I just prayed to god that I wasn’t.  That would mess everything up.  Even worse than what it is right now.  Which I never thought it could get much worse.  That is until the question of me being pregnant came into the picture.

“How are we going to tell our parents?  God, my mother is going to kill me, if I’m pregnant.  The media is going to have a field day with this.  What if we have more than one?  What are we going to do then?  Are we going to have to move in together?” I asked even though I knew he didn’t know the answers anymore than I did.

“I don’t know.” I turned my head and stared at Justin.  He was staring at the ceiling like I had been.  He was starting to frustrate me.  He wouldn’t talk to me.  He’d been almost mute since I told him about the possibility of me being pregnant.

“God damn it, would you say something other than ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I’m not sure’?” I practically yelled as I sat up in bed and turned toward Justin.  He looked over at me.

“Well, what the hell else do you expect me to say?  Fuck, Kenzie, you might be fucking pregnant.  You know damn well that neither of us have time for a baby.  You said it yourself.  I don’t know what to say to all the damn questions you’re asking me.  Hell I don’t know the answer to anything right now.  My head is so fucking screwed up right now,” Justin yelled as he sat up and got a few inches from my face.

“You have no idea what it’s like to have your head messed up.  Trust me,” I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away.

“What do you mean?” Justin asked.  I shook my head.

“Never mind,” I answered and threw the covers off of myself.  I started to climb out of bed but Justin grabbed my arm before I got out of his reach.  I tried to pull out of his grasp; he just tightened his grip. “That hurts, let go of me.  Don’t make me hit you right now.  Because I’m mad enough that I will.  Now let go of me.” Justin loosened his grip and I pulled my arm away from his hand.

“McKenzie, talk to me.” I stood up and turned toward him.

“Oh now you want to talk.  Well too damn bad, talk to your damn self.  I don’t want to talk to you right now.  Hell, I don’t even want to be in the same room as you right now,” I yelled as I grabbed my pillow and threw it at him.  I started to storm off toward the door.

“Why are you being such a bitch right now?” Justin asked as he climbed out of bed.  I stopped and turned around.  I stared at him.

“Why are you being such an asshole right now?  Just leave me alone.  I want nothing to do with you right now,” I answered and left the room.

=

“Come on, baby, I said I was sorry.  It’s just the stress off all of this,” Justin explained as he reached over and placed his hand on my knee.  I continued to look the other way.

“You called me a bitch.  I’m not a bitch.  I’m just a little emotional right now,” I said as I looked over at him.

“Hey, I think we’re even, you called me an asshole.”

“Well, you were being one.  You wouldn’t talk to me.  I felt like you didn’t care about me.  I felt like I had to force an answer out of you.  And I never got a real answer.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.  I love you.” I smiled.

“I love you too.” Justin leaned over and kissed me.

=

I walked out of the bathroom with the test in my hand.  Justin sat nervously on the couch.  He looked up when I came into the room and looked at me anxiously.  I sat down next to him.

“So?” He asked once I had sat down.

“I don’t know.  We have to wait for the little line to show up.  The box says it could take up to a few minutes to give us the results.” Justin nodded.

“Kenzie?” I over at him. “I love you either way.  If this test comes out positive we’ll take care of this baby together.  If it comes out negative then I guess we’ll just have to be more careful.  But I just wanted you to know that regardless what that test says I love you.” I sighed.

“I love you too,” I said just above a whisper.  Justin leaned over and kissed me.  I looked down at the test strip and waited for the little line to show up.  After a few moments the line showed up and I sighed with relief when I saw that it was the color that I’d hoped it would be.

“What does that mean?” Justin asked as he looked back and forth between me and the test.  I smiled and looked over at him.

“It means that I’m not pregnant.  We’re not having a baby.” A smile made it’s way across Justin’s face.  He leaned over and kissed me hard.  I laughed once I pulled away from his lips. “Wow, I never thought you’d be that happy about me not being pregnant.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have children with you but just not right now,” Justin explained.  I smiled and nodded.

He had no idea how much I understood what he was saying.  I would love to have children with him but I knew that would never happen.