=Chapter Eleven=In Too Deep=

Justin wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder as we entered the elevator of our hotel.  I smiled and rolled my eyes.  He had become ten times more affectionate since we’d started going out.  Now don’t get me wrong, I loved every moment of it.  I’m a hopeless romantic.  Always have been and I suppose I always will be.  But there were times that it got annoying.  I felt his lips on my neck as soon as the doors closed.  I squirmed a little.

“Stop that,” I said and gave him a little nudge.  I glanced over at Marty and Tiny who were standing on the other side of elevator.  I mouthed that I was sorry to them.  Justin stopped and just rested his head on my shoulder.  After about a minute we were on our floor.  Marty and Tiny stepped out of the elevator first then Justin and me.

“If you two need anything we’ll be just down the hall,” Tiny said once we reached mine and Justin’s room.  I nodded.

“All right, good night guys.  We’ll see you in the morning,” I said as I slipped the key into the lock.  The little light flashed and indicated that we could go in.  I turned the knob and opened up the door.  Almost as soon as we were in the room Justin began attacking me with kisses.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  I knew he’d had a few drinks and he was a little loose.  I’d only had one and a half.  I didn’t want to drink too much because I knew it would keep me up.

Justin kissed my neck as we moved closer to the bed.  I really didn’t want him to stop but I was too tired to play with him like this.  His hands run up and down my skin.  Before things got too hot and heavy I had to stop it.

“Justin, baby, please stop.  I’m too tired.  All I want to do is go to sleep,” I said softly.  Justin stopped and rested his forehead against me.  I smiled.  He did the same then kissed me on the nose.

“Nothing like a mood killer,” Justin said then laughed lightly.  I shook my head and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I told you all I wanted to do when we got back was go to sleep.  You knew this hours before hand.  So don’t think that kissing me and groping me is going to change my mind,” I said as I tapped him lightly on the chest.  He laughed and kissed me on the forehead.

“All right, all right.  You can go to sleep,” Justin said but didn’t let go of me. “But I just want to tell you, that you were pretty damn sexy tonight.”

“Oh, and I’m not every night?” I asked knowing that I’d gotten him.  He smiled.

“Now, I didn’t say that and you know it.” I laughed and smiled.  I kissed him and pulled away from his grasp.  I walked over toward my bag and grabbed my pajamas.  I stepped into the bathroom and changed my clothes.  I washed off my make up and put my hair into a ponytail then walked back out into the room.  Justin was lying on the bed watching television when he looked over at me. “Damn it girl, how do you do that?”

“Do what?” I asked confused.  I had no idea what he was talking about.  I stood there looking at him.

“Look so damn sexy in just a tank top and shorts?” I bit my lower lip and looked down at the ground.  I hated it when he told me things like that.  It always embarrassed me.  I heard the bed creak as Justin got off the bed.  I looked up as he approached me.  I smiled and shook my head.  When he reached me he slid his arms around my waist and kissed me hard.

I instantly wrapped mine around his neck and pulled him down toward me.  The kiss started to get more intimate the longer we kissed.  I felt Justin pick me up and carry me over toward the bed.  But trying hard not to break the kiss.  He gently laid me down on the bed and reluctantly pulled away.  I opened my eyes and stared up into his blue ones.  He reached down and brushed a few strands of hair behind my ear.

Then he leaned down and kissed me again.  I didn’t realize that my shirt was off until I felt the cold air on my bare skin.  I wanted to stop but at the same time I wanted all of this to keep going.  I knew Justin could feel my conflict because he stopped kissing me.  He opened his eyes and looked down at me.

“Are you sure you want to do this?  We can stop if you want,” Justin whispered.  I bit my lower lip and looked away for a second.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this.  I knew if I did, it really would be the end of me.  I’d have to confess everything to him and I knew that I’d get rejected.  And he’d resent me for keeping such a big secret from him.  But being the selfish person I was, I was going to go through with this.  I wanted to.

“I want to,” I whispered just enough for him to hear me.  I stared at him and continued to chew on my lower lip.

“You’re not a virgin are you?” Justin asked.  I knew he was asking me that to make me laugh, which he did.

“Of course not,” I answered.  Which wasn’t a lie.  I’d slept with two other people.  One was a major cliché, my senior prom night.  The other had been a boyfriend that I’d broken up with six months before I agreed to pretend to be Kenzie.

“All right, well I was just checking, you never know anymore.” I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful smile. “Then what’s wrong?”

“It’s just that…it’s been a while,” I answered.

“Well then, you just sit back and relax.  I’m going to take care of you,” Justin whispered in my ear.  I nodded.  He leaned down and started kissing my neck.

Several minutes later of kissing and groping each other we were both down to nothing.  I looked up at Justin and licked my lips.  This was it.  There was no stopping it now.  My heart started to race at the thought of me sleeping with Justin.  Justin kissed me as he slowly entered me.  I moaned softly against his lips.  We remained that way for a few moments then Justin continued.  We took it slow and easy.

Several minutes later Justin collapsed on top of me and rest his head on my chest.  We both laid there trying to catch our breath.  My head started spinning with all the scolding’s I was giving myself.  I shouldn’t have done this.  I was in way too deep and I was going to drowned myself if I didn’t get out soon.  But then that would seem wrong.  My thoughts were interrupted by Justin kissing my neck.  I came out of my daze and smiled.  Justin kissed me a few more times and moved off of me.  He laid down next to me and kissed my shoulder.

I stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath.  I had to stop acting like this.  Justin was going to suspect something if I didn’t start acting normal.  I rolled onto my side and faced Justin.  He smiled and brushed a few strands of hair out of my face.  He leaned over and kissed me.  Then he laid on his back and looked up at the ceiling.  I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his bare chest.  As I closed my eyes I took another deep breath and tried to figure out how I was going to tell Justin.  Within minutes I was fast asleep.

=

I woke up the next morning with the sun in my eyes.  I brought my hand up to shield my eyes.  As I shielded my eyes I looked around a bit.  I smiled when I saw Justin’s hands around my waist.  I looked over my shoulder and saw him fast asleep.  I watched him for a little bit then released myself from his grasp and got up.  I looked down at him and couldn’t help but smile.  He looked so cute.  I grabbed one of the loose blankets on the end of the bed and wrapped it around me.  I grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom.  As I shut the door I let out a loud sigh.

I leaned against the door and began to cry.  I wasn’t sure where the tears had come from but I knew that they had come and there was not way of stopping them.  I slid down and sat on the floor.  I brought my knees up to my chest and cried on them.  After several minutes the tears stopped.  I sat there for a few moments staring at the wall. 

This was not good.  Not good at all.  I was in way too deep and I had no way of getting out without hurting someone.  Whether that be me or Justin.  Dee was going to kill me if she found out about this.  But I knew there was no way of avoiding the subject.  I knew it would come up sooner or later.  My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.  I scrambled to my feet and stared at the door.

“Kenzie, baby, are you all right?” I heard Justin ask.  I nearly broke down in tears again when he called me Kenzie.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I’m just going to take a shower,” I answered as I slowly backed away from the door.  I held the blanket tightly around myself.  I reached over and turned on the water.  Watching the door the whole time for some reason.  I guess I just didn’t want him to come in and see me crying.  I knew if he saw me crying that he wouldn’t stop pestering me until I told him what was wrong.

Soon the water was warm enough and I climbed in.  Almost as soon as I was under the water the tears started to fall again.  Things were getting more and more complicated by the second and I wasn’t sure that I could handle anymore of it.