Justin stared out the window from his bunk into the black abyss. He sighed and brought his hands behind his head. Another night of driving. He didn’t know how much longer he could take it. He couldn’t stand being on the road anymore, he had to go home. He needed to be on a break. He felt like he was slowly losing his mind while on tour and it didn’t even feel fun anymore. It felt more like a job and that was one thing that being in *NSYNC never felt like to him. But it was becoming tedious and boring and he was tired of it all.

He wanted to go home to relax, sleep. Play golf. Ride his ATV and hit up the local barbeque joints. It was only five more days but they were five long days of hell. He wanted, no, needed , to be out of the spotlight. It was frying his brain and he felt like a bug trapped under a magnifying glass. He needed to be normal and the only way to be normal was to go back home.

His heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he heard a sort of knock on the side of his bunk. He pulled back the curtain and looked up into JC’s infinitely curious blue eyes.

“What?” Justin asked as he lifted his headphones off of his ears.

“Wanna talk,” he replied.

“I don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Bull.”

“I don’t, JC.”

“Come on, Justin. You know something we don’t. It’s why you’ve been acting weird. The fans have started to notice as well and I can only pretend that nothing’s happening for so long.”

Justin groaned. “Why do you care?”

“I’m worried,” JC replied simply. “We all are. And as your honorary brothers you owe us. Now come on.”

“Fuck,” Justin grumbled, swinging his legs around. He knew he wouldn’t be left alone until he talked to them and the sooner he could leave the better. Just five more days. He hated the way the others were looking at him. They had smiles on their faces but pity in their eyes. He didn’t want to be pitied; he wanted to go home so he could finally have someone to talk to about everything.

He sat down in an empty seat on the long couch. He tossed the pillow out of his way and nailed Chris right in the face. On instinct Chris was about to fire off a comment but he caught the look in JC’s eye and deflated.

Chris bit his tongue to keep himself from exploding at Justin. “J, you need to talk,” Lance started when no one else said anything. “Keeping everything bottled up inside is going to slowly eat at you until you go crazy. Talk to us, we’re here. We know what you’re going through.”

Justin snorted. “Really? Has every single girlfriend you’ve ever had cheat on you?” He asked bitterly.

“Come on, J, every one?” Chris asked.

“Yes. Every single damn fucking one!” Justin hissed. “What, is that what you all wanted to hear? ‘Cause if that’s it—“

“Sit down, Justin,” JC ordered him. Justin held JC’s stern gaze for a bit before he fell back into his seat. “You’re tired. We get it, we all are. You’re tired of being on the road and not being able to be “normal”. We’re going through the same thing. We don’t get to see our families either but we’re going through it together. Stop pushing us away, we just want to help.”

“You can’t,” Justin replied, his frustration growing. He wanted to be left alone, couldn’t the others see that? But of course they had to form a support group for him. It’s not what he wanted. He didn’t want to talk to them, he wanted to be able to talk to his Mom, face to face.

“Talk to us.”

“You want to help?” Justin asked. “Go back in time and stop Wade from being…from being her choreographer. Stop him from falling for her. Better yet, stop her from auditioning for the fucking Mouse Club. I wouldn’t have met her and have gone through this.”

“You really want to forget about your relationship, just like that?” Joey asked quietly. Justin didn’t say anything. “I know it hurts, J. Hell, I’ve been through many breakups—“

“They were all Kelly, Joe,” Chris spoke up.

Joey brushed off his words with a wave of his hand. “No difference. I know it hurts, loving someone so much and then they hurt you. But can you honestly sit there and blame her for it?”

“She fucking cheated, Joey!” Justin yelled. “Of course I can blame her.”

“Were you two close?”

“What kind of a fucking question is that?”

“Justin, come on, answer the question,” Lance sighed, rubbing his eyes. He knew Justin wouldn’t go through this willingly. If it were Lance he would’ve felt like he was being interrogated and he would’ve jumped ot of any window to get away. That’s what Justin must’ve been feeling, but Lance was hurt. They always went to each other with their problems, why not now? Why was Justin hiding from them? Lance didn’t want to admit it, but it hurt. They were supposed to be brothers, weren’t they? Where did the tight brotherhood go?

He guessed that’s why the needed the break.

“Yes we were close,” Justin said through clenched teeth.

“So why would you just drop her?” Joey asked slowly, gauging Justin’s reaction. “We understand that you’re hurt and confused and upset and…a mix of emotions but what we’re trying to say is that you can’t let it take over your life.”

“SHE WAS MY LIFE, JOEY!” Justin exploded. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. This was the first time any of them had a taste of what Justin was feeling or how their relationship worked. They knew that Justin cared about her a lot but they never really understood how much he cared. “She was my entire fucking life in the past…four years. She’s all I cared about. Fuck, I was…I was going to ask her to fucking marry me and then she pulls this shit just because she felt like we weren’t communicating well. How’s that for fucking communication? I got that fucking message loud and clear!”

“When were you going to ask her?” JC asked quietly. He clenched his hands into fists to keep from jumping into “Big Brother” mode. He couldn’t help it, he’s known Justin since he was a kid. Hell, he was even asked by Lynn personally to watch over Justin. It hurt him to see his little brother hurting.

“Does it matter?” Justin grumbled, biting his thumbnail.

Chris figured he was distressed. Justin only bit his nails when he was nervous about something or over thinking. He was probably over thinking the “what if”s. Chris sighed. It was weird, seeing Justin like this. Like…a little kid. He looked so young right now, despite having the body of a twenty-one-year-old.

“I want to go home,” he whispered, the little kid in him coming out.

“We know, Bounce,” Chris said softly. He hated the atmosphere. He really wanted to crack a joke, burp, fart, something to make Justin laugh but it was as if he had curled in on himself. It’s only five more days. You can toghj it out.”

“Guys, you don’t understand,” Justin groaned. He stared out the window into the black abyss as the bus carried them down the road. “I love being in *NSYNC, it’s my life, you all know that,” he started. “But, I’m going to be 100% honest with you guys; I hate what it’s taken away from me. I missed everything!”

“We missed a lot of things too, J,” Lance told him. “We know how you’re feeling.”

“No you don’t! You didn’t miss Homecoming for Prom. You didn’t miss hanging out with friends at football games. You didn’t miss out on your childhood,” Justin replied. “I just…fuck! I missed my brothers growing up. I missed seeing Trace and Rachel graduate, high school and college.” He let out a long breath. “I love you guys but I’m glad this break is coming up.” He let out a little chuckle. “I need to get away from your ugly mugs.”

“It’s no picnic dealing with you either,” Chris snorted. “Even without hair you still take forever in the bathroom.”

“Whatever. Your memory’s slipping, Old Man.”

The atmosphere had lifted a bit but something settled on JC’s chest wrong. Justin was smiling again but it didn’t reach his eyes. He was still holding something in, something that he wasn’t going to willingly dish out. So JC would just have to pull it out.

“Justin, why’d Mack leave?” JC finally asked him straight out. Justin’s smile instantly faded. “You know, J and now she won’t talk to us because of you.”

“But he means that in a less harsh way,” Joey jumped in.

“No, I don’t. I want answers.”

“And so do we but you don’t have to jump down his throat about it.”

“How else do you expect to get it out of him?”

“I slept with her,” Justin said calmly. A little too calmly. It managed to stop Joey and JC in mid argument and the two turned to look at him. “What?” He asked as if they were shocked that he just said he had curly hair.

“Dude!” Chris was the first to speak. “Does the rug match the drapes?”

“Chris!” Lance scolded.

“What? You want to know, too. Don’t even try to deny it.” Lance rolled his eyes while Chris elbowed Justin. “So, does it?”

“What, do you think she’s a closeted blond or something?” Justin grumbled, shoving Chris’s arm away.

“Wait, wait, wait,” JC said waving his hands. He blinked rapidly as if that would clarify what he just said. “You…you…” he couldn’t even get the sentence out of his mouth.

“Yeah, we slept together, no big deal,” Justin said with a shrug. He rubbed his stomach as soon as it let out a loud growl. “Hey, do we have any cereal.”

“Why? When?” JC spluttered. “Wait, so you cheated too?”

“No, that was after Brit and I broke up.”

“Why?”

Justin shrugged. “Lonleyness, I guess. Look, it’s not that big a deal. People suspected that we’ve done it anyway, we just made speculation a fact.”

“Was she any good?” Chris asked.

“Chris!” Lance, Joey, and JC cried out simultaneously.

“Oh, come on! You guys want to know too!”

“Well, he must’ve been bad if she ran off,” Joey commented. Justin flipped him off and he grinned, lightly nudging him. He paused and a thoughtful look came to his face. “You don’t think she was, like, in love with you or something, do you?” He asked. “Maybe that’s why she left? That she couldn’t deal with how torn up you were about B—her.”

Justin snorted. “All I know is she won’t talk to me and I’m pretty sure I haven’t done anything this time.”

“This time,” JC repeated with a small eye roll.

Justin let out a breath and rubbed his eyes. “I can’t take this much longer.” He didn’t even have to say what he was thinking, the others knew.

“Justin, everything will be OK. You’ll be in Memphis soon and you can talk to everyone and everything will go back to normal,” JC told him. Justin made a scoffing sound. “It’s just five days. What could possibly happen in five days?”

“In Memphis? Plenty.”