Days ago

“Please…”

The door slammed behind him. The walls and the window panes resonated. Her body jumped, startled and fearful. Her arms fell to her sides, and her shoulders sagged in defeat. She felt the tears begin to cloud her eyes, threatening to spill over and down her face.

It was her one last desperate and frightful plea for him to feel. This scene replayed in her mind, repeating itself like a sick joke. She couldn’t pinpoint when it had all began, but she could draw a picture of when it would all end. It would have her standing in this foyer with high vault ceilings, marble floors, and picture frames on every wall. She’d draw herself with sagging shoulders that bore the weight of a heart-aching burden, her eyes tearful, her skin paling, her lips chapped, and her heart bleeding on the floor at her feet.

Her mind screamed at her that it was all over, but yet, her heart spoke different words. In her heart, she held onto a juvenile and cynical hope. If only he could feel what she felt, then maybe he would walk through that door, back into her life.

A shaky sigh escaped her parched lips, and she knew the gates would crack at any given moment. In a feeble attempt to hold her sobs at bay, she bit at her bottom lip. Eyes darted from the front door to the kitchen entrance to the dinner that still sat on the table and back to the front door. In passing, her eyes caught sight of the broken glass on the floor by the door. It must’ve shattered with the slam of the door. Something else by the front door caught her eye.

Squinting, she recognized it.

“Oh God…” she sobbed, her hand flying to cover her mouth. There, the gates were cracked. The floodwaters were freed. One, two steps back and she felt her body slide down to sit on the second step of the staircase.

Through her tears, she could see it. Sitting there, it taunted her. It taunted her with memories of the past five years and of this surreal reality. Taking her fragile heart in its grip, it squeezed and it tugged. Like plucking petals from a rose, it tore one by one pieces of her heart. Her heart that he’d one day vowed to hold and to protect.

Looking down to her lap, her lithe fingers toyed with her heart’s torment. There, it was sitting pretty on her left hand. Her engagement ring symbolized so much more to her than an upcoming wedding or a wedding dress or an elegant cathedral. No, it symbolized his vow. He was the eternal bachelor; people always mused, saying he was the George Clooney of music.

In the past, when life was simple and all her own, she repelled the idea of marriage. Her mind and her heart were too independent to be dependent. Growing up, the mantra in her house was an echo of Abraham Lincoln’s wise words, “Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.”

It’d always been her mother and herself. She’d never known the importance of family. When she thought of her family, her friends came to mind. She’d never known a father, but she’d had many men in her life that had pointed the way for her. She dreamt of one day having a family. But, she didn’t believe in the institution of marriage. One day it would be her and her children, and if there were a man to love her than great.

He, too, had seen divorce early in life, and he couldn’t fathom raising a family in Hollywood – ever. Could he be the father that a child deserved or would he be like his own father? Could he ever find a woman that could a mother to his kids the way his mother was to him? Instead of dealing with those demons, he settled on the reality that it would always be him and his dogs, surrounded by family, friends, nieces, and nephews.

But, two non-believers fell in love.

Their first date, every lock and bolt on their hearts had been unlatched. Like lifelong lovers, they laid everything on the table and never looked back. They talked about everything – torments, successes, aspirations, and failures. And at the end of the night, when she’d shared the story of her absent father, he took her hand and he said, in the most calming, peaceful, and loving voice to ever infiltrate her senses, “I beg you to never let him and his mistakes define you and your choices. Instead, thank him for giving you strength, perseverance, and an open heart. A family is not about a father and a mother; it is about love overcoming emotional torture. When you see past that, you will see the family that has always been there.”

And, she believed him and let him in.

And, his vow sat on her finger.

And, his house key sat on the mahogany foyer table.

And, an earring she did not own lain by the front door.

And, her heart crumpled and bled on the marble floors.

****

Four years ago...

 “You know I have no problem with you bringing girlfriends home for us to meet, but you should’ve warned the poor girl. I mean, just look at her,” his mother lamented, her hand motioning out the kitchen window that overlooked her expansive backyard. Justin stood beside her, with his back against the counter and thus turned away from the window. Cocking his head to the side, he turned his body halfway to look at what had his mother in a trance.

 What he saw tickled him beyond words, “Oh she’ll be just fine, mama.” He continued to laugh as he switched positions, fully facing the window and keeping an eye on his girlfriend. She stood covered in mud from head to toe at the edge of the grass, where the woods began. His best friend, Trace, was beside her, equally as muddy and sitting on an idle-engine four-wheeler. Unlike Ginessa, he was dressed in riding clothes so the mud didn't matter. From where he stood, he could tell she was giving Trace an earful and this overjoyed him. She was no sucker and no princess, but she also wasn't as wild as he was. She was more calculated, but never boring.

 With only a day in the Tennessee countryside under their belts, Justin knew she still had a lot to experience and grow to either love or hate. Already, he knew that Trace was growing to enjoy her company. The night before, they'd invited her to take a ride out to the lake with them. Climbing into the old red Ford pickup, with the leather seats cracking under their weight and the doors creaking on its hinges, she'd settled in the center of the bench seat. He'd taken over the wheel, loving the engine's roar and the tremble in the steering wheel. It was great to be home.

 After stopping by the General Store to pick a couple of bottles of Jack and some beer, they'd rode through town towards the lake. It was summer, the nights were either cool and refreshing or they were muggy and miserable. Last night had been muggy and hot. But, not once had Ginessa complained.

 "Troll, toss me a refill," she'd demanded from her seat on the gate of the truck. Smirking, Trace tossed her a beer can and she didn't hesitate popping the top and chugging the beverage. With the radio tuned to a local country station, she became a honky tonk. He had watched her dance around, all the while with a beer in her hand, without a care in the world. With her shorts-and-tank ensemble, her naturally pale skin shone with the moonlight and water's sparkle. In just one day, the glorious Tennessee sun had kissed and caressed her skin.

 "Go out there, and save that poor girl," his mother interrupted his daydream. Nodding, he walked out of the kitchen and out into the backyard.

 "You done riding or are you up for another spin?" he yelled, catching both their attention. The smile on Ginessa's face when she turned around was enough to jumpstart a dead man's heart and warm his blood that had ran cold all-too-soon.

 "Stupid question, asshole," Trace replied, a smirk on his ever-mischievous face. Smoothly, Justin flipped him off and turned to his girlfriend.

 "You wanna ride?" he asked her, and she nodded excitedly.

 "Rachel got the other 2 ATVs this morning," Trace announced, climbing off the quad and walking towards Justin. Disappointment ran through Ginessa, but she hid it.

 "That's ok, Gin can just climb on behind me. Is that ok?" Justin suggested, and Ginessa smiled. Opening her mouth to reply, a distinguish sound hushed her. Looking all around, she looked around for the source.

 "What is it?" Trace asked, watching her emerald eyes grow large and begin to sparkle. Looking to Justin for explanation, he saw the same look of confusion there.

 "Horses, I hear horses!" her voice shaky, and they both looked at one another - scared. Was she terrified of horses? Did she have an accident involving a horse?

 "Well, yes, I have a stable right over that hill there," Trace replied, pointing over towards the east. No building could be seen, only green open pasture.

 "Can I ride? You two on the quads, and I on the horse," she asked, hopeful and excited.

 "You ride?" Justin asked, completely unaware of this little fact. He looked to Trace for explanation, but all his friend of short stature could offer him was a weak shrug of his shoulders.

 "Since I was 5, used to compete when I was younger too," she confessed, a smile brightening the day. And, with that small piece of information, Trace had deemed her qualified to hang tough in the Tennessee boondocks. While Justin got his quad from the garage, Ginessa and Trace rode over the short distance to the stable to pick a horse for her.

 "She's riding Renegade, with no saddle," Trace announced, stupified, as he walked out, where Justin waited on the quad.

 "Will she be ok?"

 "Fuck yes, Renegade saw her and the motherfucker laid down for her."

 "What can I say? My girlfriend is badass." They watched her and Renegade trot out of the barn, and watched in silence as she leant over the horse's neck and spoke softly to it. Her hand caressing his dark mane, and her legs hugging his back tightly.

 "Ready?" she lifted her head to speak to them, and the beauty of her mounted on the horse with the sun shining behind her and the slight summer's breeze dancing through her hair was regal and breathtaking. She didn't wait for an answer as she coaxed the animal to a slow and graceful gallop around the greenery. And still, Justin and Trace sat there mesmerized by her. In jeans, long sleeve shirt, and cowboy boots that Justin had given her, she was far from the Hollywood norm that they were usually surrounded with. She wore no makeup, and her long, loose tresses were kept somewhat under control by a baseball cap.

 "She's the one, huh?"

 "I think so. Come on, let's go," two engines roared to life, and together they led the way through the endless open fields. The gallop and thump of hooves were drowned out by the roaring engines of the quad. But, to Ginessa, the pounding hooves invigorated her and fueled both her and Renegade.

 ****

Present day...

The low murmur of the air conditioner cradled the silence. The slight breeze from the ceiling air vent raised chill bumps on pale skin. The sunlight beaming through the sheer curtains brightened a gloomy bedroom. The weather outside was no indication of the storm brewing in the souls of two people. It was a beautiful day in Los Angeles. The sun shone bright, high in the sky, warming the endless pavement. Windows rolled down and sunglasses perched high on the nose, life was great in Los Angeles.

 Life was not great in these four walls. There was one, two feet between them. Yet, there were miles of tension, of heartache, and of fear that separated them. If they reached a hand out to one another, their fingertips wouldn’t reach. It was like that moment in a movie when the suspension cords on an elevator slowly unraveled. It was inevitable – the elevator would soon plummet to its grave. There was nothing to do.

 With every passing silent moment, the truth shouted louder.

 It'd all began with an earring. An earring that didn't belong to her, and that she would never wear. She was demure, simple, and classic. Extravagant jewelry didn't exist in her jewelry box nor did she ever wear it. And, so, she'd asked him about it and he'd denied everything. She had come to him composed and calm, and all she'd done was asked him about it.

 And, he had gone mental. He couldn't explain his reaction. He'd felt hurt by her distrust, but he'd given her reason. He'd felt angered and cornered, but he'd been his own fault. His reaction screamed the answer she never wanted to hear. It spoke the truth in volumes. In a fit of undeserved hurt and anger, he'd left the house and left her shattered.

 From the corner of his eyes, he watched the tremble of her lips, rose-colored pouty lips that he once longed to taste. Lips that once drove him to the edge of insanity, and that had once tormented his dreams. But, now, he couldn’t find a trace of hidden desire for the woman seated beside him. He sat in one corner at the foot of the bed they’d shared at his Los Angeles home, and she at the opposite corner. Backs turned towards each other, he leaning his elbows on his knees and she sitting rigid with fiddling hands in her lap.

 “I never wanted to hurt you. I should have been man enough to come to you, no bullshitting,” he replied in a soft voice followed by a sigh. He prayed that this wouldn’t end badly like all his other relationships. It was déjà vu. Except, this time, he’d been the fuck up. He’d betrayed her. And, he knew what she was feeling. Too many times, the very same emotions had strangled his heart, body, and soul.

 “My love wasn’t enough to keep you. It happens. You can’t apologize for your heart,” her voice was weak. Her normally deep and raspy voice was unrecognizable.

 “I never meant for this to happen, but we’re hurting each other and ourselves here, and I can’t continue to do that to you. You’re my friend, and I don’t hurt my friends,” he couldn’t find the right words to say. She should be laughing and screaming at him. In this moment, five years were disappearing and that was all he could offer her. But, he needed to save their friendship. She was a once in a lifetime friend. She was wonderful.

 “You’re right. I never want you to hurt. I could never forgive myself for causing you pain. I’m not too sure where we lost our way, but it happens, right?” she replied while turning her head towards him. A smile teased the corner of her lips, but he knew her. It was a forced smile. It was her smile that said “I’m not sure what to do, can you help me?”

 She was a prideful one. It took a great deal for her to ask for help. And it was both endearing and frustrating for him. But, he’d never been able to resist her. He needed to protect her, to keep her safe from harm. Even now, when he was the harm.

 Turning his head to meet her tear-filled crystal blue eyes, he slowly nodded his head before letting a small sad smile grace his face.

 “Right.”

 “I really did love you, Justin,” she, too, smiled a sad smile.

 “I know it. And, I thank you for loving me selflessly. Every day I thanked the Lord for bringing us together,” he replied while extending a warm hand towards her. She smiled at his hand before placing her smaller delicate hand in it. He can’t say it. Knowing that he couldn't return the sentiment and that he hadn't simply said it to mend her heart, it felt right to smile. If anything, at least he was being just and honest with her. Pulling him to his feet, she stood nearly eye-to-eye with him.

 "What is it?" her tender voice questioned, seeing his eyes squeeze shut and his dry lips part gasping for air.

 "This, all this hurts," he revealed, his eyes opening to flooding pools of sapphire.

 "It hurts more knowing what I know," she couldn't sympathize his pain, when the torture in her body was numbing. The truth made its way through her body in the ache in her chest, the thump of her broken heart, the tears of her throbbing soul, and the blood of her bleeding reality. There was regret in his eyes, the measure of her words falling heavy on his chest. He had caused this.

 “I’ll come get my stuff later, but can I just ask you for one thing?” she spoke softly all the while looking at their joined hands which she toyed with. Her fingertips traced every line and crevice of his hands in silence. It was almost as if she seemed to be trying to remember his hands for one last time.

 “You can ask me for anything,” the sincerity in his voice mended her heart a little bit.

 “Don’t call me,” It wasn’t a question. It was a plea. He deserved that. She deserved to have her wishes respected. Althought her words broke his heart, he managed a small smile. Lifting her chin, he looked her dead in the eye.

 “I’m going to Memphis for a bit, so the house is all yours,” he replied wiping the one lone tear that managed to escape her eyes.

 “It’s not the house I want,” she gave a small smile as she raised her lips to his for one last goodbye kiss. In the softness and tenderness of the kiss, he was able to taste the saltiness of her tears that now flowed freely.

 “I’ll always be here for you. Please, know that,” he replied as they pulled apart. She nodded her head in understanding before heading out the bedroom door. He stood there, frozen with regret and pain, listening to the thump of her footsteps down the main staircase. He couldn’t just let her go like that, could he?

 “Gin!” his voice stopped her as she was setting foot outside the front door. Turning around, she looked at him as he stood leaning on the rail from the upstairs landing. Without saying a word, she smiled and understood.

 “I love you too, Justin.”