"Higher, Aunt Caroline!  Again!"

Caroline's arms ached but her nephew's screams of delight were enough to motivate her to keep pushing.  "There's only so high you can go, Rex."

"Please!" Rex shouted over his shoulder.  "I'm gonna jump all the way to Gramma Cathy's flowers this time!"

Caroline frowned; her stepmother was a semi-retired realtor who really had nothing better to do with a lot of her time than manicure a perfect line of multi-colored rosebushes in the back and front yards of her imitation Cape Cod home.  She may have been a great step-grandmother to the boys, but she had never had any children of her own, and thus wasn't quite immune to the destruction two little boys could cause.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, buddy," Caroline suggested, reaching up to pull on the swing's chain and slow the boy's speed slightly.  "First of all, you'll get thorns in places you don't want them.  Second of all, you'll probably make Gramma Cathy cry."

"Oh."  Rex seemed to accept this response and instead jumped off the swing at a much safer distance from the flowerbeds.  "Ta-da!"

Caroline offered a compulsory clap.  "Very nice."  Someone tugged at the hem of her shorts, and she glanced down to see three-year-old Jack smiling up at her.

"My turn!"

Caroline obligingly lifted Jack onto the swing in question, starting him off on a much slower rhythm.

"Aunt Caroline, watch!" Rex shouted, doing a tumbling flip over the grass.  "Did you see?  Did you see me?"

She gave Rex a thumbs-up just as Cameron appeared.  "Need a break?"

"Maybe."  She stepped back to let her brother take over the swing-pushing.  "Although I am getting a killer workout on this thing."

"How do you think I got these guns?" Cameron asked, flexing his bicep dramatically before he reached out to keep Jack moving.  "The boy never stops," he remarked, nodding out to Rex who was in the process of cartwheeling his way across the spacious backyard. 

"And he's only five," Caroline said, sitting down on the adjacent swing.  "It's just gonna get worse from here."

"Don't remind me," Cameron muttered.  "Megan still wants a girl, but I keep telling her it's a bad idea.  If these guys are anywhere near as awful as we were to you..."

Caroline laughed, leaning back in the swing and enjoying the cool sea breeze as the sun warmed her legs.  "I'm just glad you're finally admitting how much you tortured me."

"It worked, though," Cameron pointed out.  "Now nothing can phase you."

She nodded slowly, not sure if she fully agreed.  Of course, Cameron hadn't seen how spotless her apartment was - she'd spent the entire week deep-cleaning and organizing and rearranging.  She'd even re-painted her bedroom.  Sure, she hadn't cried at all, but she was starting to suspect that she had a deeper problem.

"Speaking of which."  Cameron slowed the swing down as Jack hollered to get off, seeing that his brother had discovered a better source of fun in the giant-sized foam blocks that Cathy had surprised them with earlier in the day.  "Are you doing okay?"

"Do I seem like I'm not?" Caroline asked, avoiding the question.  Cameron cocked his head at her.

"No, but that doesn't mean anything.  You're a Reed, we're bred not to reveal our true emotions."  He sat on the swing next to hers, facing the opposite direction so that she couldn't avoid looking him in the eye.  "Not many people can handle getting dumped and laid off all in the same week without losing their shit a little."

Caroline stared at the ground, feeling more than slightly guilty for her lie.  Not wanting to reveal the true reasons for her unemployment, she'd told her family that her position had been cut for financial reasons.  (Which, if course, had led to her brothers jokingly speculating about JC's lack of funds.  "Apparently making sucky pop music doesn't pay as well as it used to," Cameron had cracked.)

"So."  Cameron kicked at her ankle and Caroline scowled at him.  "Are you really okay or are you just pretending to be?"

"I'm...pretending to be," she admitted, knowing that Cameron would see through her fib.  "But, you know.  It'll pass.  I object to the term ‘dumped', by the way."

Cameron raised his eyebrow.  "So it was mutual?"

"Well..." Caroline scraped the toe of her sandal into the exposed earth below the swing.  "Kind of."

Her brother thankfully chose not to pick at the wound.  "Either way.  It's been a busy week.  Remember, if you need anything..."

Caroline nodded and shifted uncomfortably in her swing - she wasn't used to Cameron being so caring, at least not outwardly.  "Yeah, yeah."

Before Cameron could embarrass her any further, Megan's voice drifted over from the back deck.  "Cam, are you even watching our kids?!"

Caroline turned in time to see Rex take Jack to the ground with an impressive running tackle.  Cameron was halfway across the yard before Jack started wailing, and Megan hurried down from the deck, shaking her head as she passed Caroline. 

"Don't ever have kids," she muttered.  Caroline laughed and got off the swing, heading for the porch to give her brother and sister-in-law some private disciplinary time with their children.

Cathy's make-your-own pizza idea had actually been a hit - each person brought their favorite pizza ingredients to share, and she'd provided the crust and various sauces.  Caroline could hear the party still raging inside - it was just family and a few close friends, but from the sounds of it, an intense video game battle between Seth and their 14-year-old cousin Daphne was still on.

She made it up to the top of the deck stairs in time to see her dad and Cathy canoodling in a wooden Adirondack chair, and winced.  "Jeez, guys."

Cathy giggled, an odd sound coming from a woman of nearly 50, and climbed off Mark's lap.  "Sorry.  Are you having a good time, honey?"

Caroline shrugged one shoulder, leaning against the deck railing.  "Yeah, actually.  It's a really nice party, Cathy."

Mark nodded in agreement, and Caroline didn't miss the little smack he gave Cathy's rear as she moved to head back inside.  "It really is, my dear."

Cathy giggled again before disappearing inside the open French doors.  Caroline rolled her eyes and shook her head at her father. 

"Dad, for real.  You're turning fifty-eight, not twenty-one."

Mark just chuckled.  "You'll understand when you're older."

She held up her hands before he could continue.  "Okay.  No lectures about our changing bodies and maturing libidos, please."

"You got it."  Mark patted the arm of his chair, moving his bottle of beer out of the way.  "Come here."

Caroline obligingly perched on the edge of the chair, allowing her dad to wrap his arm around her waist.

"How's my little girl?" he asked.  "Hanging in there?"

She sighed - everyone asking how she was doing was starting to get a little old.  "I'm fine, Dad."

"Of course you're fine, you're my daughter, aren't you?"  Mark gave her a little squeeze and Caroline crossed her arms over her chest with a sigh.  Here it came, her dad's macho "suck-it-up" version of a life pep-talk.  "You'll bounce back, Caroline.  I don't want you to worry about anything, okay?"

"I'm not," Caroline mumbled, picking at a stray thread from the hem of her tank top.  "I've already got a couple of interviews lined up next week, anyway."

"Is that right?"  Caroline nodded - Kevin had returned her email to let her know that he'd forwarded her resume on to a handful of companies.  Two of them had already called her to come in the following week for preliminary interviews.  Oddly enough, she wasn't entirely cheered by the thought.  "Good for you, Care.  Good for you."

Mark shifted in his seat, gripping her elbow the way he used to when she was a kid and needed a pick-me-up during softball games that she was failing miserably at.  "Listen.  Don't sell yourself short this time.  You've got plenty to offer."

"Like my fancy USC degree?" Caroline asked, only half-teasingly, and to her surprise, Mark shook his head. 

"No, Caroline, more than that."  He sighed, turning in his seat to look out at the sun beginning its descent in the sky.  "You're a smart, capable person.  And you're determined.  You don't just give up on things you're passionate about.  That could never come from a degree."

Caroline stared at her hands, knowing that she should feel complimented, but instead just felt ashamed.

Before Mark could continue, Cathy stuck her head out the door.  "Darling, it's time to cut the cake!  Come blow out your candles!"

Mark grumbled as he got to his feet and motioned for Caroline to stay seated.  "No, I don't want you to see this.  She probably put all 58 candles on the cake...demoralizing."

Caroline smiled and lowered herself into her dad's vacant chair as he disappeared inside.  She picked at her nails and stared out at the dying sun until her eyes burned.  You don't just give up on things you're passionate about.

What a load of shit.

Her dad's words still ruminating in her head, she didn't notice her mom step out onto the deck.

"Hello, Caroline." 

She glanced up to watch see Janice taking the chair next to hers.  "Hey, Mom."

For an interesting twist to the day, Janice had been quite an unassuming presence at the party as yet.  Maybe the brief brush with death had calmed her down, but Caroline had never witnessed her mother being so...affable.  She'd drifted along inside, talking with guests, not complaining about anything or making any kind of a scene.  It was a nice change, but Caroline would be lying if she didn't admit that she was waiting for something, anything to set her off.

"Nice weather out today," Janice remarked, motioning towards the sunset. 

"Yeah, it is."

"Such a lovely party too," she continued.  "So nice of Cathy to invite me."

Caroline nodded slowly, watching her mother's expression carefully.  It seemed she was trying hard to be extra gracious for some reason.  "Yeah, definitely.  It was nice of her to get that gluten-free crust, too, huh?"

Janice nodded.  "Yes, yes it was."

A few moments of silence passed and Caroline started to feel thirsty, wishing for something to drink, but for some reason, she knew not to interrupt this moment that had started between her and her mother.

"Cathy is a kind person," Janice said suddenly, looking thoughtful.  "She's a very giving spirit."

"Yeah, definitely," Caroline agreed, unsure of where the conversation was going.

"I think that, perhaps, that is one thing your father saw in her that he never saw in me," Janice continued.  "I'm afraid I was rather argumentative and selfish throughout our marriage."

Caroline thought about trying to protest for politeness' sake, but instead, she just listened.

"I've been thinking a lot lately.  Since I was able to come home from the hospital, in fact."  Janice clasped her hands together in her lap as she spoke, looking out at the sunset rather than at her daughter.  "And it seems to me that I have not been much of a mother to you, Caroline."

"Mom-"

"No."  Janice held up her hand.  "It's true.  We've never gotten along as much as I wanted us to.  Caroline, did I ever tell you how I wished and prayed for a daughter when your brothers were young.  And when you finally came," Her face took on a wistful look, "oh, you were so beautiful, with that dark hair and those big, expressive green eyes.  But... I hardly knew what to do with you.  You were so like your father, hardheaded and practical.  I loved you so much, but I felt that I could never reach you."

Janice reached across the small gap between the chairs then, holding her hand out towards Caroline, who reluctantly placed her own hand in her mother's.  "I thought maybe it would get better when you got older, that you would understand me more.  But then your father and I divorced, and it was like you grew even further away from me."

She reached up to wipe her eyes, and Caroline looked away, embarrassed.  She had seen her mother cry quite a bit over the years, but it had never been this genuine.

"You were always such a little enigma to me," Janice admitted.  "You still are.  But I want to try harder, Caroline.  I do.  Give me a chance to make up for how difficult I've been with you?  Please?"

Caroline glanced at her mom, at the desperate look on her face.  "Okay.  We can try."

Janice squeezed her hand with a smile.  "Thank you, darling."

"Yeah."  Caroline pulled her hand back to her own lap and chewed on her bottom lip.  Sure, her mom's speech was touching, but there had been others over the years.  She'd learned not to get her hopes up too quickly. 

"Now, won't you tell me what's bothering you?"  Janice turned in her chair to face her daughter fully.  "I can sense that you're not feeling restful."

Caroline bit back a laugh.  That was one way to put it.  "It's nothing, Mom.  It's just been a rough week."

Janice didn't take her placation like the others had.  "Caroline, please.  You have to meet me halfway."

Caroline sighed.  "Mom, I got dumped.  Life sucks.  What do you want me to say?"

To her surprise, Janice shook her head.  "No, that's not what's truly bothering you.  It's a man, yes, I can tell that much, but it's not Brandon."

Caroline tried not to convey how shocked she was - firstly, that her mom even knew Brandon's name; secondly, that Janice had seen through her half-assed façade. 

"I don't..."

She caught her mom's pleading gaze and the excuses seemed to fade away.  Caroline leaned back in her chair heavily, resting her forehead in her hand.  "It's really...not even worth talking about."

"Tell me, Caroline," Janice suggested.  "Sometimes just talking about it can cleanse your spirit."

Caroline didn't know if she wanted her spirit cleansed, but somehow, without really knowing how, she started to spill the story.  She told her mom how she had more or less despised JC at first, with all of his annoying habits and his tendency for rudeness.  She told her  about when the playing field had seemed to shift somehow, after their trip to Vegas, and how Brandon had seemed to sense the changing tides even before she had.  As she retold the story, it was easier to see the things she had missed - the way her relationship with JC had evolved, as naturally as ever.  In fact, she felt kind of stupid for not seeing it before.

When Caroline finished, she was drained, but maybe her mom was right about the whole spirit-cleansing thing, because there was a definite air of relief, of refreshment.  Sure, things were still a shitstorm but at least she'd told someone about it.  She rested her head against the back of the chair and waited for her mom to start shooting a bunch of spiritual advice at her.

Instead, she asked one question, one that rocked Caroline to her core.

"Are you in love with him?"

Caroline sat up straight, like someone had jabbed her with a hot poker.  "What?"

Janice looked unconcerned by her reaction.  "It's a simple question, and I think a very good one, given the circumstances."

Caroline frowned, shaking her head.  "That's not even...that's really not what this is about.  I mean, I'm attracted to him, yeah...but that's really...I mean, it was more physical than anything else...it wasn't like a...romantic thing."  She hadn't stumbled over her words this badly since her freshman year public speaking class, and Caroline rubbed her forehead.  Janice watched her, looking tranquil.

"Did you sleep with him?" she asked casually.  Caroline gasped.

"Mother!"

"Well?  Did you?" she repeated, and Caroline shifted uncomfortably.  She had never had any sort of sex talk with her mother - she'd taken the obligatory sex ed in school, and her dad had once tried to sit her down and explain uncomfortably what condoms were, but Caroline had figured most of it out on her own.  She'd never discussed any kind of intimate subjects with her mom - Janice must have known that she was having sex, she'd lived with a guy, after all, but...this was crossing the line into uncomfortable territory.

"Caroline, it's a simple question," Janice said.  "I'm not going to judge you."

That's a first, Caroline thought, but answered the question anyway.  "Yes, I did.  But it doesn't matter, it didn't change anything . I'm still fired, I'll probably never see him again."  She shrugged.  "Case closed."

Janice frowned.  "Since when do you give up so easily?"

Mark's earlier words repeated themselves in her head and Caroline squirmed.  "What do you mean?"

"You're a stubborn girl, Caroline," Janice clarified.  "You always have been.  I guess I just don't understand why you've chosen to walk away from something like this, someone that obviously means quite a bit to you."

Caroline shook her head.  "It's not like that."

Janice pursed her lips.  "Say what you will, but I've lived many years.  I can see it in your eyes."

Caroline didn't want to know what "it" was, so she didn't ask. 

"Just do me one favor."  Janice took Caroline's hand again, holding it tightly this time.  "Ask yourself something, and I mean really ask yourself.  Is this something that you can live with?  Is this something you can give up on and just forget about, or are you going to spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had just tried?"

Janice didn't wait for Caroline to respond, just squeezed her hand once more and stood up to head inside.  Caroline listened to her footsteps fade away and stared out at the twilight, sitting alone in the fading night.  

She didn't know how long she sat out there, but Seth was the one to finally track her down.

"I thought you snuck out or something," he remarked, leaning against the railing opposite her chair.  "Jesus, are you okay?  You look like you just saw a ghost."

Caroline realized that she did indeed feel rather clammy, and shivered.  "Just cold, I guess.  I didn't realize how long I'd been out here."

"You missed cake.  Cathy even got a little vegan one.  Mom said it was good."  Caroline nodded, not really caring.  "Was she out here with you?" Seth asked.

"Yeah, for a little bit."

Seth sighed.  "What'd she say this time?"

Caroline shook her head.  "Nothing, actually.  It wasn't...she wasn't too bad."

Seth's eyebrows raised.  "Huh.  That's a first.  Hey, did you hear Daph creaming me at Guitar Hero?  I'm way outta practice."

She forced a smile.  "Yeah."

"Alright, you're freaking me out a little bit, but I know you don't want me to keep pestering you about being okay."  Seth pushed off of the railing and headed for the door.  "If you want a ride home, I'm leaving in like fifteen minutes."

Caroline made her way back inside to say goodbyes.  Her dad gave out his perfunctory side-hug and a kiss on the top of her head.  Cathy embraced her fully, leaving Caroline awash in the scent of Estee Lauder.  Janice, on the other hand, held her daughter a bit longer than normal and gave her a meaningful look after pulling away. 

"Stay in touch," she urged, squeezing Caroline's hands.

Once in Seth's car, he turned to look at his sister strangely.  "Okay, what was up with that?"

"With what?" Caroline asked, buckling her seatbelt.

"You and Mom.  That was weird.  She gave you like, a look.  Seriously, what happened?"

Caroline sighed and turned to stare out the window.  "She gave me some advice, that's all."

"Oh."  Seth turned the car on and waited until he'd pulled out of the driveway to speak again.  "About, uh...everything?"

Seth didn't know the real reason for her unemployment, either, but Caroline had a feeling he'd inferred more than she'd wanted him to about the details of her relationship with JC.  He'd kept his mouth shut though, which she could appreciate.

"Yeah.  Everything," Caroline said softly, watching streetlamps pass by as Seth headed towards the freeway.  Now both her father's and mother's words were echoing frustratingly in her head.

"So?  Are you gonna take it?" Seth asked, glancing over at her.  Caroline didn't answer for a few seconds.

"No, I don't think so."

Seth's heavy sigh filled the car.  "Alright, Care.  Do what you want."