I was actually grateful to be at work today. Tina's shop was a haven compared to her place across the street. Her kids were driving me a little crazy and it wasn't helping matters that the AC broke in the living room, leaving me sweating on her couch all night. I didn't sleep at all and I felt it even more as my body relaxed in the coolness of the beauty salon; my eyes feeling heavy.

Despite all that and the fact that I had spent half my day running around her modest shop, coloring and sweeping and curling my ass off, I was still happy to be busy. I couldn't just blame the heat for my lack of sleep. I still wasn't used to sleeping alone just yet. Shit like that took time to get accustomed to when you're used to being held all night.

I frowned at the thought as I secured the towel around the neck of my current customer. She was some young blonde girl. I had heard from Irene at the gas station that she was Lindsey something or other. She had also mentioned it herself when she came in, smiling at me weird as she shook my hand. I wanted to smack the Bubblicious out her mouth as she continued to chomp on it like a poorly mannered Valley girl.

"How do you want this cut?" I asked, looking at her reflection in the vanity mirror that was identical to the ones in all ten of Tina's salon booths. All the stations were working today; apparently that rich Caldwell kid was throwing a party and every college age kid left in the town for summer was going, so all the ladies were here getting primped. It almost made me smile. I remember how excited I got for unsupervised house parties. I wasn't much older than these girls, maybe five years...maybe six. I felt so long ago when I was that young and bubbly; that carefree.

Life was never easy, but it wasn't this mundane and dreadful. I used to have dreams and aspirations. I used to be determined and excited for more things than a shot of whiskey and a nap.

"Not too short, just really the ends," Lindsey said between chomps, smiling brightly at me through the mirror. She was a pretty girl, I observed. The chunky black lashes around her eyes were too strong, I felt, for her baby face, but she still was attractive. Her long blonde hair was wet and nearly halfway down the back of her chair. I used my flip flop-clad foot to pump her up in her seat so I could get a better angle. I observed how the blue of my shirt brought out her eyes when I glanced up at the mirror to catch her eyes. She was already staring back at me, looking as weird as she did when she first came in.

"You know what you're wearing to this party?" I asked, making small talk to get a bigger tip. Lindsey beamed as I combed her hair down all around.

"I have a real nice fitted dress that's this hot little pink color," she gushed, "But I also wanted to wear this blue top I got from Sandy's shop last week...Oh, it's got ruffles and stuff; like it's real fancy!" I laughed lightly at her enthusiasm.

"You should go with the blue," I said, grabbing my scissors off the cluttered counter of my booth, "Your eyes would pop with blue on." I gave her a wink as she blushed at her reflection.

"You think so?" she inquired and I nodded, leaning down a bit to cut off the first even amount of hair.

"I know so, girl," I said confidently, making her giggle, "You'll be getting all the guys with those eyes and a little smile..." She squealed with delight as I snipped along.

"Well, actually, Miss. Crystal -"

"Crystal, please," I corrected even though I already did so a thousand times since she came in. The girl was going to make me feel older than I already did.

"Well, Crystal," she smiled, "There's just one guy..." I raised a brow, clipping halfway around.

"And what lucky boy is this?"

"He's more of a man, I'd say," Lindsey said mysteriously, further causing my brow to arch.

"Is he cute?" I inquired. She blushed and glanced away uneasily.

"I'm sorry, Mis-Crystal, I mean," she rambled, suddenly looking as flustered as one could. I had to stop cutting because she was fidgeting. What the fuck? I thought, watching her ramble. "Oh, I'm just stupid for even saying anything. I almost forgot - nevermind." She fell silent, pulling at the hem of her black and white polka dot sundress. I was glad she was done moving though I was thoroughly confused as I started layering her hair again.

"What are you talking about child?" I asked, "Why do you think you're stupid?" I asked gently, parting the hair at the side of her face.

"I mean...'cause you know him and I don't want you to feel mad or anything." I snipped some layers away, pushing down the pressure rising from my gut, telling me to end the fucking conversation, but I wanted to know. I needed to know if I was crazy or not.

"Who?" I asked simply, focusing on the layers, but my hand was starting to shake again like some damn crack addict. I struggled to snip an even layer of hair off.

"Well...I don't think I need to say his name or nothin'," Lindsey said, making me cut my eyes at her reflection. She stared back at me through the mirror, watching me watch her. I could see the fear in her bright blue eyes. I could see the guilt. I felt nauseous. I felt like fucking this girl up because I knew she didn't have just a crush on him. Justin wouldn't let her just crush on him. No woman got that kind of gleam in her eyes because of just a got damn cute man existed.

"Can I ask you something, Lindsey?" I said lowly, leaning closer to her because my co-workers were already glancing at us. I felt their eyes and saw some of their reflections out of my peripherals.

"Y-yes, ma'am," Lindsey said softly, looking like a beaten child. My palms itched the way they did when I wanted to smack somebody - more specifically Justin. I felt my whole body heating up.

"Did you fuck him?" I asked and her face flooded with a feverish blush that even colored her neck.

"I don't think -" I cut her off, not needing that bullshit.

"I know you did," I told her, my voice changing on me. It was harsher than I intended it to sound as a pressure inside me built up. Suddenly Lindsey didn't look so scared. She was looking kind of smug.

"That's not your business," she mumbled, "He said y'all ain't together." I felt a tear in my chest at the fact that he was gloating about that; like he wasn't really missing me. But why was I surprised? Why would he say we were still together? It would slow down his fucking, I'd bet.

"We ain't," I confirmed, even though it hurt to. Lindsey seemed to relax at the news, "That doesn't matter though. Justin ain't interested in you. I know him Lindsey; you were a one night thing." Lindsey turned in her seat to face me suddenly, making me flinch back because of how close her face was. I stood up, scissors in one hand, comb in the other.

"Maybe you don't know him," Lindsey argued, making me roll my eyes at her. If anybody knew Justin, it was me. "He likes me." He was supposed to love me and it didn't make a difference, I wanted to tell her, but I figured that wouldn't help.

"Believe what you want, Lindsey, he's never speaking to you again," I warned her, despite her arguing.

"We spoke for hours by the lake," Lindsey cried, "We talked about stars and stuff and he told me about fishin' out there-" I held my hand up to silence her. Lake? Fishing?

"What lake?" I asked, knowing that Millington had only two lakes in the whole town. One all the way up by Memphis and the other closest to Justin's parents' place.

"The lake where he grew up at," Lindsey said, smiling at me like she won. "I bet he ain’t ever take you to that lake. He said it was real special to him." I felt my heart sinking. He desecrated our spot. He fucked this infant bitch by the bench where he said he loved me. Of all the spots in this town.... Of all the places he could've done his shit...Why at one of the few spots where something good happened to us? Why at one of the spots where things used to make sense? I still went and sat on that bench sometimes so I could feel him; the real him... Now all I would see was Lindsey digging her nails into his fucking back.

"Get out of my chair," I said as calmly as possible, but I felt myself getting worked up. I felt like couldn't breathe right. I was breathing so hard I felt like I was hyperventilating. I was pissed. I was so fucking angry because he took that little bit of happiness from me. He knew I'd find out; I always find out.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Lindsey whined and I dropped the comb, the scissors still in my hand as I looked down, shaking my head. I tried to count to ten, backwards and forwards, but the numbers didn't make sense to me. They wouldn't stop being interrupted by the thought him enjoying that moment as much I knew he did. He probably fucked her on that got damn bench. He probably begged her to let him have her, right there as the sun set.

My eyes started burning with tears. Lindsey was still in my chair, asking me what my problem was. She kept screaming at me. She kept saying I was weird... and then the next thing I knew, she was screaming. I felt what I was doing. I saw it. I saw myself grabbing her hair, long as it was, pulling it until she yelped, my co-workers rushing to me, but not fast enough. I had grabbed a fistful of blonde locks and the brought the scissors to it, snipping off a chunk. The room fell silent as everybody gasped.

I was horrified when Lindsey turned to the mirror, her eyes falling on the reflection of my balled up hand where her hair stuck out from in-between my fingers. Her eyes fell on mine and I saw how young she was; how naive. She wasn't like the malicious whores Justin fooled around with. She really thought he liked her. She really had a crush and did something he wanted to do because she wanted him to like her more. I had been there. I had done that.

"My hair..." Lindsey whimpered. I dropped the scissors, letting them fall with a clank against the tiled floor. I saw Gina rush from her booth beside mine to get them. I didn't move from where I stood; I just stared at Lindsey, knowing that I had lost my mind again.

"I should go," I announced, knowing Christina would have my ass when she came into shop to find this out. All the girls would tell her; Lindsey would tell the whole town... I didn't have time to worry about that now though. I just needed to get out of the salon.

I ripped off my apron, letting it hit the floor, fumbling for my keys in my pocket as I walked swiftly out the door, leaving the salon in stunned silence.

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"Thank you so much for that shit, Crys," Tina barked at me as she balanced Dylan on one hip and picked up Jason's truck when she nearly tripped over it. There wasn't enough room in Tina's duplex. Katelyn's play pen was behind the sofa and I felt her kicking it through the mesh net surrounding her. Katelyn was just here for the week since Jenna, her mother, was off on some anniversary trip in New York with her husband. I told Tina she was crazy for volunteering to do that. She had enough shit to deal with, but Jenn and her were best friends since pre-K, so there was no doubt in her mind.

I didn't know how she did it alone when I was at the shop and she was running late. Jason was making so much noise with his cop car, vroomin' and zoomin' on the coffee table despite the fact that it left scratches on everything. I was getting irritated just listening to that in the moment, let alone every minute of the rest of his life.

"I'm sorry," I said, sounding as unremorseful as I felt. Lindsey was a minor upset. I had to pay for the complimentary hairstyle Danielle gave her to fix the chop I gave her. That was an extra forty bucks I had no business spending. I had just gotten an oil change the other day and Tina got her rent out of me. I didn't have much money and I was feeling it every day here. I never realized how much I was depending on Justin. Living with him didn't cost me anything - at least not financially. Plus he refused to let me contribute, even when I wanted to. I cleaned and cooked and stuck money in his wallet when he wasn't looking, but he'd buy me small gifts or take me out to eat... He even bought me these real nice flowers and a bottle of wine just 'cause...

"Jason, knock it off!" Tina yelled. Jason pouted fiercely, dropping down onto the floor as he ceased his cop noises. Katelyn started crying from her play pen as Tina sighed, pushing her long, brunette hair from her face. Dylan was giggling and pointing at Jason who stuck his tongue out like any five year old would. I glanced back at Tina who looked like she was going to burst into tears at any moment.

"Jas, can you go get ready to wash up? Get Dylan a towel," I asked, smiling at him as he blew air from his lips and tossed his head back dramatically. His bowl cut was getting longer and I smiled as he pushed his bangs from his face.

"I don' wanna wash up," he whined, "I wash up every single day!"

"And you should," I said, "Now go on and get; I ain't telling you again." He narrowed his green eyes at me, but stood, dropping his cop car against the rug as he stomped off. Katelyn's crying had turned down to whimpering as I heaved myself from the sofa, walking around it to pick her up. I hugged her warm body to mine, letting her rest her cheek against my shoulder as I bounced up and down. She calmed down to silence, letting me know she was just getting tired. It was almost nine, so I wasn't surprised.

"I dunno what I'mma do," Tina finally spoke, sounding exhausted. I suddenly felt guilty about Lindsey. I didn't realize how much it stressed Tina out to have to even deal with a complaint. She had too much already. I was just a fourth child she had to worry about.

"I'm sorry, Tina," I apologized, for real this time, "Look, I'll wash up Dylan and Jason. You just put Kate down to sleep and then go lay down yourself." Tina shook her head as she placed Dylan down on his feet. He instantly went for the cop car on the floor, plopping down so hard that his sandy brown curls bounced. I walked over to hand her Katelyn, who easily slipped from one shoulder to the other, sighing in content when she wrapped her little arms around Tina's neck.

"So you got Dylan and-"

"You have the one year old and I have the demons," I said simply, waving her off as Jason came back into the room, wrapped in a towel, "Go on."

"I'm ready!" Jason announced, just as the door sounded. A light knock, but a knock that still made my heart jump. Tina wasn't expecting anybody by the way she stopped halfway towards the bedroom, glancing back at me expectantly. I shrugged and there was a knock again. Jason started for the door, but I yanked him back, giving him an annoyed look. He pouted and looked away from me.

I rolled my eyes, making my way to the door, leaning up against it to see through the peephole. All I saw was the little foyer Tina shared with her neighbor, lit by the outdoor light. The person obviously didn't want to be seen or was terribly short. I highly doubted the latter.

"Who the fuck is it?" I called out, Tina shushing Jason as he went to correct my cussin'. I turned to see them all huddled up together, Tina looking like she wanted to run. She didn't like living alone. Without Mitch around she basically lived in fear. Having me here was a bit of a comfort, I saw it in the way she slept without the light on anymore. It made me want to punch Mitch in the face for being such a selfish ass.

"Should I get the gun?" Tina whispered, covering up Jason's ears. I rolled my eyes, wishing she never even got that thing.

"No," I said simply, "Just get the kids-"

"Crystal, it's Justin." The voice hit me like bricks and we all jumped at the sound. They did it out of surprise and I did it out of shock.

"Justin?" I called back, just to be sure. I leant back on the door, standing on my tip toes to see through the peephole. Now he was standing there, glancing around. His big head looked even bigger with the obscured view.

"Can I come in?" I glanced back at Tina who was rolling her eyes and ordering the boys towards the bathroom. I waited until they were out of the living area, Tina turning to give me a look that said 'he better not put in a toe into my house', before I sighed.

"Justin, you need to go," I said, my anger and hurt from earlier returning quickly. My palm was itching again. I almost ripped the door open just so I could smack him.

"Open the damn door, Crystal," Justin said, kicking the door for emphasis. I jumped back, not expecting such a shift in his emotions. "This is bullshit!" I scoffed. I had some nerves getting frustrated.

"No, what's bullshit is you fucking with underage girls!" I spat, my voice rising with every word, "How old was she? Like five? You have to be kidding me, Justin!"

"Why does it matter? You left this time, not me. I can fuck who I want!"

"Don't blame me leaving for you sticking your got damn dick-"

"Crystal!" I turned my head in the direction of the voice. Tina looked like she wanted to murder me as I pushed myself off from the door. I could hear the water running from the bathroom, Jason and Dylan laughing together.

I forgot that this wasn't my house and Tina had a strong distaste for Justin anyhow, so cussin' at him while her kids could hear me wasn't exactly ideal. The motherly glare she was giving me told me to get him to leave or to take it outside. I felt like the first was impossible and the latter was unfavorable.

"He won't leave," I tried blaming him, but Tina rolled her eyes and stomped over to me, brushing my body out the way to unlock the door. I quickly put my hands over hers when she went to unhook the latch. I gave her a warning look. Opening that door to Justin was like unchaining an angered pit bull. Tina didn't look the least bit worried; probably because of that gun tucked in her nightstand.

"Justin, you listen to me," Tina spoke calmly, but firmly. I could hear Justin groaning from the other side, not wanting to deal with her, but what the fuck did he expect when he was banging on her door? "I'mma open this door and you're gonna tell Crystal what the fuck you want so you can go. I got my kids in the tub waiting on me and a baby that's tryna sleep. I ain't got time for your bullshit." It took a second for Justin to speak, his voice shaking.

"Fine, I'll speak my piece and go," he promised, but his tone wasn't as sincere as I would've liked. Tina glanced over at me before I removed my hands from hers, letting the door be unlocked. She pulled it open just a crack, enough for her to stick her shoulder through so she was halfway in and halfway out the door. I couldn't see Justin through the crack, just his silhouette.

"I'm serious Justin," Tina warned one last time, "No bullshit."

"All right, all right," Justin whined as Tina backed up, making me step back as well. Justin slowly moved forward in the door, pushing it open to let himself in. His eyes were on mine. Seeing him made my whole body tremble. He looked different every time; better. I looked down his face, now covered in a bit of stubble. His hair was buzzed and his white t-shirt was fitted. I could see his jeans were light denim and a little loose on his slim waist. I could also see his tan work boots weren't laced up which meant he raced from wherever it was he was from to get here. Didn't make any sense to me.

"I'mma leave y'all alone," Tina announced after I shifted my gaze back to his face. He was still staring down at me, not bothering to turn to shut the door, but reaching back blindly to do so. "Crystal, call me if you need me. I'll be right up the hall, ya hear me?"

"Yeah, I hear ya," I replied, not breaking our gaze on each other. I could see Tina walking up the hall behind Justin's shoulder, glancing back with an uncertainty she always had about us being alone. Shit, I was uncertain about us being alone.

Justin broke the staring contest, his eyes scanning my body without any shame. I suddenly felt underdressed in my gym shorts and tank top, but I wasn't expecting company - especially his. I was about to lay my ass down on the couch and watch some TV until I fell asleep to something on Nick at Nite. I crossed my arms over my chest, wishing I were wearing a bra.

"What?" I asked, already annoyed that he was just checking me out. Did he expect me to fuck him in a house full of my children? Did he come here to gloat about his Lindsey conquest? "I'm fuckin' tired, Justin."

"Well, I'm tired too," Justin snapped back, making me roll my eyes.

"Maybe if you'd actually try sleeping instead of resting between some skank's legs -"

"Yeah, I tried that too," Justin said, cutting me off, "Whether I'm sleeping alone or not sleeping at all, I still spend the whole night thinking about you." I turned away from him, staring off to the side. My leg was bouncing up and down because I didn't want to hear that fucking shit. It was just a distraction, his words. He'd say anything to get me soft.

"Don't act like you care about me," I said distastefully. I ignored the pang of hurt in my chest. "You know I'm fine. I'm with Tina for fuck's sake. Why do you need to worry anyway?"

"Because you're not with me and that's enough to make me worry," Justin shot back, "You don't even want to be here, Crystal. Why are you torturing yourself?"

"You don't know what I want," I said, cutting my eyes at him, "I thought you were never going to ask me to come back to you again." Justin rolled his eyes at the reminder. I knew it was stupid to even bring up. We constantly went back on our words.

"Yeah, I did say that..." he mumbled off, "But I'm here because I didn't mean it."

"You don't mean anything that comes out of your damn mouth," I chastised. Justin momentarily twisted up his face like he was going to cuss me out, but a second later decided against it. I watched as he took a deep breath.

"I've got work early," he said randomly. I shrugged him off.

"Good for you."

"Crystal!" Justin yelled before swallowing it down. He even gave a glance behind him to make sure Tina wouldn't come running down the hall to shoot him. "What I meant to say is that I don't want to be here all night fightin' with you. I take good care of you -" I snorted a bitter laugh, much to Justin's annoyance.

"I'm sorry," I said sarcastically, "Please go on." Justin took a huge step forward, closing in on me. We were close enough to make me uncomfortable, but not enough for him to tower over me. I looked away because I wasn't expecting that smell of his soapy skin to be so strong. I felt my whole body relax in the sense of familiarity and nostalgia.

"Look at me," Justin demanded, but I kept my head facing towards the wall. "Fine, don't look at me." I felt myself ready to face him just to spite his words, but I knew that's what he wanted. The way he chuckled when I didn't move confirmed my thoughts. "You're good."

"I'm not going back to your place so you might as well go," I told him sternly.

"You really like sleeping on that thing every night?" Justin said and I could see him out the corner of my eyes nodding towards the couch. My pillows were propped up against one side, so I couldn't even deny that I was sleeping out here. It made me mad that he using that as a reason to go back with him.

"It's safer than lying next to you," I shot back. He took another step forward and I took a step back, knowing he was loving the fact that I couldn't stand being that close to him.

"But is it better?" he asked softly. My whole being said Hell no! But I kept my lips shut. Justin sighed heavily when I didn't respond. "I'm sick of holdin' my pillow, Crystal. I just want you home," he said, sounding pathetic as all get out. I was glad not to be looking at him; I knew he was getting those big, glassy eyes and I was fighting myself. I felt the kid in me relishing in the mention of home. I never had one of those. I never felt like home existed...until Justin. Until we moved in together and decorated the way I always wanted. He let me choose every color and bedspread. He painted with me and he let me sell half his shit so all of mine would fit. I thought it was going to be perfect. I thought it was going to be so right.

"You need to go," I cried, my voice cracking despite my efforts. I whipped around because I felt my tears break free, sliding down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them away even though it was obvious that I had gotten emotional. I hated doing this shit. I didn't even like to cry with myself, let alone with him standing there. He didn't even yell or grab me. I was just crying because I was stupid.

"I didn't come here to make you cry," Justin spoke softly, sincerely. If there was any indication that Justin did give a shit about me, it was when I cried. He couldn't stand crying women. It made him feel all weird. If I weren't so embarrassed, I'd be happy about making him uncomfortable, at least.

"Then what the fuck did you come here for?" I barked, turning back to face him because, shit, he already knew I was crying. The moment he saw my tear stained face, he looked away, taking in an uneven breath.

"I saw Lindsey," Justin said, "She told me that my crazy bitch ass girlfriend cut half her hair off...And that's a direct quote." Justin looked completely amused while telling me the news. I tried not to find it funny that she was so mad about it, but in the back of my mind, I knew I'd laugh if I weren't in such a sour mood.

Justin glanced back at me, raising a brow as he waited for me to respond. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to laugh or say it served her right or tell him I did it because she fucked him and it made me jealous....but I kept my face hard, unwavering narrowed eyes in his direction. He smirked though and leaned down a bit so his face was leveled with mine.

"That wasn't very nice, Miss. Crystal," Justin said tauntingly. I stared at him still, my face softening a bit because his eyes were so much nicer up-close. You could see all the grays and blues in them. But then I remembered how hard it was to look in those eyes when he told me he loved me. I remembered how many nights on that bench we spent staring at each other or kissing in the grass out by that lake. Our lake.

"It wasn't very nice of you to fuck her by that lake either," I said, my voice shaking. I saw the flash of recognition in Justin's eyes. He stood tall again, glancing away from me.

"She lives near there," he tried to defend, looking back at me. "Right by my mama's house."

"Well you should've fucked her at her place," I shot back.

"She lives with her parents," Justin admitted, reluctantly. I laughed, surprising myself and him. Of course she'd live at home!

"Maybe you shouldn't fuck around with children," I scoffed.

"She's nineteen," Justin defended weakly. I stared at him, wondering if he really thought that was helping his case.

"Great, that changes everything," I said sarcastically. "Well, I know you enjoyed that shit. Fucking her there. You'd piss on your grandmother's grave if you knew it would bother me any."

"Oh come the hell on, Crystal," Justin complained and I felt a little guilty. The woman had died just two days shy of his twenty-sixth birthday. He still couldn't eat a piece of cobbler because it reminded him of her.

"I really don't know why you bothered coming here this late," I said, even though it wasn't late at all. I just wanted the attention off my comment.

"I came here to let you know that my locks haven't changed," he said, turning around, finally giving up. I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time when he turned open the doorknob, yanking it open before turning back to me. His eyes sucked me in because I could see he really wanted me to go with him. He really did miss me. He had asked me twice already. I felt myself calling me, telling me that nobody else in the world wanted me, so I shouldn't push him away, but another part told me he just wanted a warm body and a familiar face.

"Are you going or what?" I asked, looking away. I heard Justin sigh.

"I'm going," he told me, waiting. I rolled my eyes and looked up at him. For a moment he just stared back with the same soft eyes. "By the way, Steve's home, in case you're wondering." I was wondering. I had even considered going to visit him, but I didn't want to run into Justin. I didn't want to spend time with his family because I already missed them enough.

"That's good," I said simply, "I'm glad he's better." Justin nodded, glancing over me one last time before quietly stepping out and shutting the door behind him.

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I was cussing myself out for the entire twenty minute drive up here. Then I cried for a half hour when I parked and cut off the ignition. It was real dark and nearly two in the morning, so I was safe to let it out, to scream and punch my steering wheel because I was so fucking stupid, but I was tired. I was weak.

The buzzer didn't even work at this crap building, so I was heading up on the elevator within seconds. I didn't remember pushing the button or walking down the hall, but the jingling of my keys echoed in my ears as I sighed to myself, halfway not believing it, halfway always expecting it.

It was dark when I crept inside. I tripped over boots I couldn't see and I angrily kicked them over as I peeled off my hoodie, letting it fall on the floor. I locked the door behind me, soundlessly. I slipped out of my flip flops as I walked to my left, down the narrow hall. The floor creaked despite the carpet, and I listened for movement, but heard none. Only my heart was pounding in my ears.

The door at the end of the hall was barely cracked as I placed my palm against it, slowly pushing it open. I winced at the obnoxious noise it made, desperate for some oil. My eyes instinctively fell on the bed I had dreamt of sleeping in since I left, but the body I had expected to see was nowhere in sight. There was just a mess of twisted sheets and a box fan humming in his window. I felt my disappointment flooding in.

"Jesus Christ, Crystal!" I jumped, turning around to face the direction of the voice. I stumbled back when Justin appeared from behind his door, pushing it closed. I glanced down at the steel bat in his hand and then up at him, taking in the view of his milky chest against the moonlight streaming into his bedroom. He dropped the bat to the floor haphazardly, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Sorry," I whispered, feeling foolish for even being here.

"It's okay," he assured just as softly. We stood in silence for a moment, staring at each other. We weren't good with saying everything we were feeling, but it was right in our eyes, especially me. I would never say that I missed him so much it hurt so I had to come back. No, I would never say that, but Justin knew that I was creeping into his apartment trying to slip into bed with him quietly so we could just pretend these last couple of weeks never happened.

"The AC's broke at Tina's," I said, trying to make that seem like an excuse. Justin gave me a soft smile, something you would've missed if you didn't know him. He knew I was full of shit, but didn't call me on it. He knew I'd deny it if he did anyway.

"I've missed you too," he said, just to be smart. I didn't respond, but I took the initiative to unbutton my shorts, cutting through the bullshit. I watched his eyes fall when I yanked them down and kicked them off. My lacey black boy shorts didn't match my red and white striped bra when I pulled off my tank, but Justin didn't care as his eyes slowly traveled up my petite frame before stopping at my face.

He walked towards me and I didn't move. I let my heart pick up speed again as he did, taking in a breath before he slammed right against me, wrapping his arm around my waist and the other around my shoulder to hold my neck in place when he kissed me.

Damn it to hell if he didn't kiss me.

My whole body sighed and I fell against him, my limp arms coming alive to pull him closer, rubbing over his shaved head and freckled shoulders. My heart jumped when he grabbed the back of my thighs to lift me up around his waist so he wouldn't have to bend so low to kiss me. Our mouths meshed together and his lips were so soft and warm as he stumbled towards his bed, moaning against my mouth when I slipped my tongue against his.

I fell deeper into the kiss, tasting him and feeling his hands all over my back and ass before we pulled apart to breathe for half a second. We fell against his cool sheets sideways, fall forcing us to break our kiss. I placed my hand against Justin's chest, feeling the rapid pace of his heartbeat. I backed up from him, never breaking from his line of vision as I got on my knees against the mattress, reaching to hook my bra. Justin crawled into the bed after me, peeling the straps from my arms to toss the material across the room somewhere.

He grabbed my waist, flipping me down onto the bed like I weighed nothing. I yelped in surprise as he chuckled, making me giggle despite myself. He took that moment to cup my cheek, searching my eyes for too much before I propped myself up on my elbows to kiss him. My leg wrapped around his hip and he ran his hands against my thigh and down my calf, settling between my legs. His lips left mine, traveling down my cheek and chin and neck as he pressed himself against me. I welcomed his weight and the feel of his skin against mine, chest to chest. He was so warm and hard against my soft flesh that I felt overpowered by him in a good way.

He was caressing all over my body as he ran his tongue over my collarbones, looking to go slow, but I had waited too long. I wanted him now when I wasn't thinking about anything else but his skin and his strength.

"Justin," I moaned as he kissed behind my ear, "I can't wait." He shifted halfway off me, reaching between us to pull down my underwear. I used my feet to get them all the way off when he got them halfway down my legs. I went to yank off his boxers, but he grabbed my wrist gently, groaning against my neck.

"Slow down, baby," Justin breathed, coming up to kiss my mouth slowly, running his tongue across my bottom lip, but not deepening the kiss. Even in the dark I could see the light in his eyes, making my chest feel weird.

"I want you," I admitted, desperate to just ease the pull in my gut, "Now." Justin moaned at my words, his hand sliding down my stomach until I felt the feather light touch of his fingertips against the wetness between my legs. My eyes fluttered closed when he slipped his fingers over my clit, circling it.

"You want me?" he asked teasingly, his lips moving against my own. I groaned in frustration and pleasure when he pressed harder against my clit, moving faster, but I didn't have time for his freak games, no matter how good his fingers felt.

"Fuck me," I moaned, feeling heated all over as I reached down for him, grabbing him through his boxers. The feel of his warmth through the fabric was enough to make me come right then and there. I watched as his lids lowered and he pressed his mouth to mine, this time with a passion that matched what I was feeling. Slow was out the window now and his boxers were gone before I could tell how.

He lied on top of me fully, adjusting himself at my entrance. I grabbed the sheets on either side of me, bracing myself, and with good reason.

Justin slipped into me swiftly; one stroke was all it took to have him stretching out my walls, filling me up into the depths of my stomach as we both called out, arching ourselves against one another. Justin grunted in satisfaction when he pulled back nearly all the way and slammed right back into me, making me forget about the sheets so I could rake my dull nails against his back instead as he continued to move in me at a hard and moderate pace. Every thrust had me making a whimpering sound that did nothing to justify the extreme fire in my veins.

"Look at me," Justin demanded; hand against my cheek as I forced myself to look at him through heavy lidded eyes. He rolled his hips seductively into mine, coercing me to moan loudly at the feel of him. "Do I feel good to you, baby?"

"Fuck yes," I panted, grabbing his ass for emphasis. "Faster." I barely got the request out when his hips were slamming back into me, quicker than I was prepared for. I couldn't stop his name from slipping from my lips as he placed his forehead against mine, breathing heavily.

"Damn, Crystal," he called out to me, making me shiver at the sound of my name, "Nobody's better than you." I believed him. Feeling him like this, wrapped up in me and moaning every which way without hesitation, made him believable. I knew Justin wouldn't say half this shit to those other girls. He was all about getting himself off - being in control. With me it was different. He wanted to please me. He wanted to see that I wanted him, even when I claimed I didn't. Even when I said I hated his fucking guts. I was the only woman he could never say no to; the only woman who he wouldn't get bored with.

I felt the pressure from my core boiling over as I grinded up against him, trying to reach my peak. Justin's hand steadied my hips as he slowed his pace a bit.

"Crystal, tell me you love me," he called and I looked just looked at him, "Say it," he persisted, hands firmly pinning my hips to the mattress so I couldn't move when I tried to grind against him to distract him. Those eyes; those sweet blue eyes on that innocent face that could've fooled the devil into going to church, were looking down at me, waiting.

"Justin," I breathed, my voice exciting him enough to make him pick up his pace.

"Yes, baby," he groaned, "Tell me." I felt the warmth doubling over as I hugged him to me, feeling him trembling in my arms, knowing he was close too.

For a moment I considered allowing him to pound into me until I came, never saying what I felt. It would happen. Justin was at a point where he needed to get off, regardless of what I said. But he was holding my gaze, watching the faces I knew I was making because of him. Because nobody else ever made me feel this damn good.

"Oh, damn it," I moaned, not knowing if it was from pleasure or from giving into him, "I love you, Justin." That was all it took to make him ram into me harder and faster, making his bed frame creak. I felt bad for his neighbors because the scream that ripped through my throat was unstoppable like the rush of heat that ripped through me. I was convulsing; clamping down on him with such force that he crumbled at the feeling. I felt his warmth inside me as mine took over my entire being. Even my hair felt like it was on fire before I came crashing down, my body spent as I tried to catch my breath.

For a moment it was just my heart beat and his and then my head cleared and the noise of the fan and the breeze it provided against my sweat slick skin took over my reality. Justin was lying over my body, still inside me as we tried to get his breathing right. My hands continued to rub along his back as he buried his face into my neck, kissing sweetly along my pulse. He purred against my skin, sounding content as ever. The feeling was mutual because my body was at ease and in a very happy place.

"Damn, girl," Justin mumbled into my skin, chuckling at himself. "Took you long enough." I wasn't sure if he was referring to the sex or the 'I love you', but either way, I couldn't stop the smirk on my face as he rolled onto his side, pulling us apart. We both whimpered at the loss, but he hooked my knee over his waist smoothly to keep us close.

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed, closing my eyes as the weight of the long day came over me. I hugged him to me, snuggling into his nook beneath his jaw. "Time for sleep." Justin 'mmm'ed in agreement, hugging me to him. I was halfway asleep when he said my name.

"Crystal?" I grunted in response, waiting for him to speak. I felt his lips against my forehead as he rubbed the small of my back soothingly, "I love you too, by the way." I tried to ignore how good it felt to hear it, but my insides felt like jelly every time. Justin's bullshit was tiring, but the need for his sincerity was an overpowering vice of mine.

I didn't respond. I just held him a little tighter and let the first peaceful night's rest I had in weeks take over me.