His leg bounced the entire time we were in the waiting room. Josh couldn't calm his nerves. He kept glancing around at the other people in the room.

"Relax, you're not going to get a shot!" I whispered eventually. He just threw me a glare.

Finally they called us back and we followed the nice looking man down the hall to his office.

"Richard Konkoly," he introduced himself, holding out his hand for Josh to shake.

"Joshua Chasez," he said, shaking the counselor's hand.

"Samantha Chasez," I said as I took my turn. He took his seat at his desk, spinning the chair to face us as we sat down on the couch.

"So, how long have the two of you been together?"

"Seven years," Josh answered.

"And a half," I added. "What?" I added when they both looked at me.

"Nothing," they both said quickly.

Konkoly wrote something on his pad. "Okay. And how's the sex life?" when neither of us answered immediately, he looked up to find us both staring at him.

"It's a routine question," he assured.

"It's fine." Josh huffed.

"Not lately," I answered. He looked over at me. "You can sing about our sex life, but you can't talk about it to someone who can't say a word about it?"

"That's different. Those songs could be about anybody," he protested.

"True, but you did tell me once I was your muse. Don't think I didn't hear me in those songs, because I did."

"Some were just for fun though."

"Not all of them. Come on, Josh. 100 Ways was completely about what was essentially our honeymoon."

A cough interrupted us, and we both faced the man in front of us.

"So, uh, more recently?" he asked.

"Oh. Well, we kind of put it on hold once we agreed to seek some counseling," I answered. Josh nodded, looking down at his hands.

"Hmm. Joshua, anything to add?"

"It's good."

"Okay. How would you describe your relationship?"

Josh and I stared at him. "Like how?" I asked. He crossed his legs.

"Well, how did you two meet?"

Josh got all squinty eyed, trying to remember. "We met at a mall in Ohio. His band mate bumped into me," I explained.

Josh's head snapped up and he looked at me. "You remember that?"

I looked over at him. "Of course I do, I went and added it into my journal months later, so I would remember. You guys had a gig, and I think it was between sound check and performance, and one of you guys decided to play a joke on Lou and bought new outfits or something for the show. Lance was," I frowned, trying to remember. "I don't know what he was doing but he literally ran into me. Spilled my drink on the floor and all. Then the rest of you came out of the store."

"Ohh, now I remember it. We offered you tickets to the show that night and you turned us down!" Josh smirked. "Probably the only girl to ever do so, I think."

I laughed. "Yeah, and look where it got me." I sighed wistfully. "That was my last weekend out as a kid."

"Oh?"

"I finally gathered up the courage to take a pregnancy test the following week, and I knew for sure then." Josh offered me a small smile.

"Okay, and this was when?" Konkoly asked. I rested my head against the back of the couch, thinking.

"Oh, eleven years ago now, I think. Yeah. Eleven years ago this week, actually." I brought my head up again and stared right at Josh. "I've known you for over one third of my life." The sudden realization hit me like a bag of bricks. I glanced over at Josh and saw him doing the math.

"Wow," was all he said. I nodded.

There was a long moment of silence while Konkoly finished writing his notes.

"Okay, so what brings you two here today?" he asked, looking from me to Josh and back again. I looked over at Josh.

"You want to tell him?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I don't know how to word it," he said.

"Okay.," I turned to Konkoly. "I kept a secret from him for three years and now he doesn't know if he can trust me."

"Does that sum it up, Joshua?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"So what was the secret then?"

"Well, we were going through IVF for our last child, since I couldn't conceive normally, kind of a one-off try, we were talking about adopting if it didn't work," I paused and Konkoly nodded for me to continue. "And we had decided before hand that we were tempting fate enough already by doing the IVF, but when we went for the procedure, I had the clinic make the odds more favorable for a boy."

"I see," he said, writing on his pad. He turned to Josh. "How did that affect your relationship?"

He sighed. I took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I don't know," he frowned. I leaned over to him.

"Want me to leave for a few minutes? I could go to the bathroom and you can talk," I whispered. He shook his head.

"I'm fine," he murmured, squeezing my hand.

"You sure?" he nodded once. "I wouldn't mind stepping out if you need me to."

Josh faced me. "I'm sure."

"Okay." I squeezed his hand again. "But this will only work if you talk too," I pointed out gently.

"I know."

We all sat in silence for a few moments, watching him. Finally he looked up from his lap and looked at Konkoly.

"If she could keep something like that for all that time, she could be keeping a worse secret."

"Is that really what's been bothering you?" I asked. He nodded, finally looking over at me and meeting my eyes. "I'm not hiding anything from you."

"How am I supposed to believe that, when you've conveniently haven't mentioned you picked our son's gender for three years?"

"I said I was sorry!"

"Yeah, that you neglected to mention it to me, not that you did it in the first place."

"We were trying for a boy, I wanted to give it everything to make it worthwhile."

"We weren't trying for a boy. At least, I wasn't trying for a boy. We were going to give it one shot before talking about adoption."

"You wanted a boy though," I frowned. "You never said it, but I know you were thinking it."

"Oh, so you're a mind reader now," Josh spat out.

"No, I'm not. But I've had years to learn how to read you. I know you were very happy with the girls, and I know you love them, but there was a voice in your head telling you that you wanted a boy. I could see it on your face back then. That's what pushed me to do it."

Konkoly coughed, and we both turned to look at him, remembering suddenly he was there.

"I think I get the idea at the moment," he started. He glanced at the clock. "Our hour is almost up anyways." He spun around to face his desk and rummaged through a drawer and pulled out two journals, with little locks on the side. Real honest to goodness diaries. "I want you to take these- There's no need for those looks, really. And I want you to think about this issue and what bothers you about it. Your fears, your wishes, your take, it doesn't matter." He handed them to us.

"But I already have a journal," I protested.

"Got your thoughts written down in it about this issue?"

"Not...exactly. More like a summary of it happening while it was happening." I said. Konkoly hummed.

"Try writing out your thoughts, your feelings on this issue, why you think it's an issue. Or your thoughts on Joshua. Whatever crosses your mind and you want to talk about. Same for you, Joshua," he added. We nodded, taking the books.

"Schedule your next appointment on the way out. And if you need to talk before then," he handed us each a card, "Feel free to call any number on that. If I don't answer, just leave a message, I will call back."

We nodded, gathering our things and leaving the windowless room, blinking a bit at the bright sunlight of the hallway. We made our way down to the reception area, scheduling our next session before leaving.