I rolled my eyes as the front door slammed. I hurried down the stairs in time to catch Josh sulking into the kitchen

"They're all finally asleep, and if you woke any of them up-" I let my threat drop as Josh glanced up at me from behind the fridge door.

"Alright, what happened?" I sighed as I leaned against the island.

"Nothing happened," Josh said, opening a bottle of water. "We met, we talked, the contract was terminated," Josh mumbled the last bit around a sip.

I blinked. "Wait, what? You left them? Or did they dump you?"

He looked a bit sheepish and studied his water intently. "A bit of both."

"So the album you've been working on for the past three years..."

"Isn't getting made. For now. I can still shop around for another company to do it with though."

I studied him for a moment, mind racing in a hundred different directions.

"Where did we lose each other?" I asked.

"What?"

"We used to be so in tune with each other. I can't....looking at you now, I can't even fathom what you're thinking."

"I...is this the right time for this?"

"Oh, the great and powerful JC Chasez had a bad day, huh? Doesn't want to deal with the fact that his wife just might feel like she needs some attention from someone over the age of nine for once. Obviously. He didn't even want to ask her how her day's been. You know what? It's been just as peachy as yours. Three kids home sick, as well as a toddler and an infant that are not sick but will be probably within the next day or so, along with the rest of the house. She's been vomited upon multiple times, and between coaxing the sick ones to drink and sleep, keeping the younger ones away from the sick ones and washing bedding all morning long, she hasn't had the time to take a breath yet alone even think about the shower she knows she probably needs," I turned and walked out of the room, leaving Josh to stare after me. I headed back upstairs, checking to see if we had woken any of them up. Luckily they were all still sleeping and I retreated into the master bath for a much needed shower.

I sighed as the hot water washed away the funk I was in. When I emerged, I felt a little better than earlier. There was no sign of Josh in the house, but I noted his car was still in the drive when I checked on Olivia, who was awake. The two of us headed back downstairs and I set her up with a dvd while I finished the load of bedding from that morning. Josh re-emerged from wherever as I was putting the clean sheets in the closet.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"What?"

"What do you want from me?" There was an edge to his voice.

"What do you mean by that?"

"What do you want? Money?"

"I...where did you get that idea?"

He raised one shoulder while keeping his gaze on mine.

"See, this is exactly what I was talking about! All I said earlier is we seem to be losing touch with each other, and now you're asking me if I want something from you?" I closed the closet door and stared at him. "What on Earth are you thinking?"

"That we don't have a prenup."

I felt my mouth drop open, and I quickly closed it.

"You want out," It was more of a statement than a question.

"Sam, neither one of us has been happy for a long time. And we did rush into this," he said.

"And you think that I'm just going to roll over and let you pay me off?" I shook my head. "No. I am not going to just let you shove me out. I still want to work it out." I unfolded my arms and poked him in the chest. "Something you were still willing to do last time I checked."

"And when was the last time you checked, Sam? Sure as hell hasn't been lately."

I felt my face heat up. "Maybe because I've been focusing on our son. Maybe you forgot that I was having a difficult pregnancy and he was ultimately born two months too soon? You could have checked just as much as I could have."

"First off, you kicked me out of our bed. You made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me. Secondly, you were having a hard time. I didn't want to add stress to an already stressful situation."

"I was hormonal, just because I didn't want to be cuddled all the time and that I needed some peace, quiet and space didn't mean I want out."

"Could have fooled me, Samantha."

I stared at him.

"You know what? Maybe you are on to something. I mean, we had it so easy since the beginning. The nights I got to spend with you guys on tour when the others went out clubbing and we just chilled out in the hotel, acting like the young idiots we were. Oh, let's not forget taking our relationship from best friends to lovers. I should have seen it then. It was too easy. We'd never last! Don't know why it didn't. Oh yeah, because I was too busy enjoying the mind-blowing sex with my best friend," I paused, trying to let the sarcasm that had laced the end to ebb away.

"Mind-blowing?"

"It was for me," I admitted. Josh smiled.

"Oh, don't get all cocky on that. You realize the only people I had been with before you were a teenage boy and a gay man. By default, that makes you the best one of the three," I turned and left the hallway.

Josh followed me into the kitchen. I turned to face him finally.

"Is it really that bad for you that you want out of this relationship?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

I looked down at my feet and nodded.

"Okay," I started only to be interrupted by a horn out front. I glanced at the clock noting that school was out. "Shit!" I murmured and jogged to the front door and down the drive to meet the school bus.

I waved to the driver as Scottie and Zara got off and joined me in the driveway.

"Light load today," the driver commented.

"Yeah, the rest have been keeping me on my toes all day. Thanks for waiting."

"Anytime, Mrs. Chasez," She said as she started closing the door. I waved again as she drove off. I walked with Scottie and Zara back into the house. I made them a snack while Scottie started on his homework.

I checked on the sick kids, refilling glasses of juice and turning the portable tv on in the boys' room to keep them occupied. I noticed the light above the studio door was on as I passed, and I knew I probably wouldn't see Josh the rest of the afternoon.

I called Jen and asked if she'd mind coming over for a few hours and ordered pizza for dinner. Jen arrived after I put Harry down for the night.

"Thanks so much for coming over on such short notice. I just need a few hours to myself," I explained.

"Oh, it's no trouble, really."

I smiled. "Alright, Celine and the twins have got what's going around, they've been doing alright this afternoon, so I don't think you'll be cleaning up after them much. Just make sure they've got liquids nearby," Jen nodded. "And the other three have their normal routine. I'll have my phone on, so don't hesitate to call if something arises." I picked up my purse and paused at the door. "And if Josh comes out of his studio, it'd probably be wise to stay out of his way."

Jen's eyes widened a little. "You guys okay?"

I sighed. "I don't know. It's been a long, hard day for both of us and he's in a bit of a mood. He's harmless, but still, best idea would be to stay out of his way tonight."

"Okay."

I quickly left the house and drove towards town, not knowing what I wanted to do. I just knew I needed a few hours to myself and I didn't want to think.

I ended up at the movie theater. I bought a ticket for the next movie, not caring what exactly I was about to see. It turned out to be the latest testosterone-happy action flick. I watched the action on the screen, not really following the story but letting the explosions and sirens and yelling wash over me as I struggled not to think about the argument earlier that afternoon.

I checked my phone as I left the theatre and there were no messages. I got back into my car and after a stop for a milkshake, I headed back towards home.

Jen's car was still in the driveway as I pulled in, and the lights appeared to be out through out the house.  I let myself in quietly and listened. The tv in the playroom seemed to be on and I headed that way to find Jen sleeping on the couch. I covered her up with a blanket and turned the tv off before heading upstairs.

The kids were all sleeping peacefully and I was slightly relieved to see that our bedroom was empty. I changed in peace and after checking the doors one last time and setting the alarm system, I climbed into bed and let the tears come.

It wasn't until the next afternoon that I saw Josh again. I glanced up at him as he paused in the doorway of the playroom before turning around and leaving again. I put down the game controller and followed him out.

"Joshua," his name escaped more like a plead than I meant it to. He turned and faced me. I searched his face, looking for something, but I didn't find it and I felt myself deflate a little bit.

"I'm sorry," I said and watched as he didn't react for a moment before heading back into the playroom. I picked up the controller and started chasing after Scottie's character on the screen.

Josh joined us for dinner that night and we acted cordial to each other, both of us focusing on anything but the other through out the meal.

The evening passed without much trouble, and he decided to stay home that night, giving us the chance to talk.

I set my tea cup under the small appliance that boiled water quickly and got out a tea bag as the water heated up.

"Tea?" I asked him.

"No, thanks." He went to the fridge and pulled out a beer. I put the tea box back and pressed the button when the water was ready. I sat down across from him at the table when my tea was ready.

"So," I said, breaking the silence that had built up. Josh took a sip of his beer and watched me.

I sighed. "I miss you. I mean, you're here in front of me, you sleep next to me every night, but we don't.." I paused, gathering my thoughts.

"When was the last time we stayed up all night, just talking? When was the last time we went out together, just the two of us, without it being a Hollywood thing? We're losing each other, Josh. We're too laid back and settled into our ways," I watched him for a moment before continuing in a whisper. "I don't want to lose you."

"I don't know if we can get past this, Sam. We've been slipping for a long time. And we didn't really date to begin with."

"We've never been on an honest to god date in the what, eight, nine years I've known you. We hung out as friends, we hooked up, we married, we've done the red carpet thing, but we've never gone out together just for fun," I pointed out.

Josh was silent. I sat back, sipping my tea and watched him.

"Even if we worked on it, I don't think we'll ever feel how we felt when we got married again."

"We won't. I know that. We were drunk back then. New passion and possibilities. But the love was there. It's been there longer than I'm sure either of us cares to admit. Relationships change, yes. The initial excitement passes, replaced by comfortableness and companionship. We were lucky, our initial buzz lasted for years. And we haven't been trying to spark anything new. We're like that old married couple that sit at the park day after day, not talking because there's nothing new to say to the other," I realize the last bit as true as I say it.

We slip into our own thoughts and the silence stretches out.

"I've never doubted marrying you," I whisper, watching him.

"Never?"

I shook my head. "Even when I was dating Lance, I always thought of you as my best friend. I was always drawn to you. Maybe it was because you were the mature one. And being a teen mother and on my own for the most part for a few years, I had grown up pretty fast."

Josh nodded, thinking it over.

"It's not going to be easy, fixing us."

"I'm not expecting it to be. I want to at least give it everything before even thinking of calling it quits," I answered.

Josh gave me a small smile, changed the subject and we stayed up late that night, talking about anything that came to mind.