"We need to talk," I said, and Josh nodded. We went out to the patio, sitting at the table and stared at each other.

"I...We...I think..." I blew the hair out of my face and rubbed my eyes. "This is so hard!" I took a moment before looking at him and just blurting out what we needed to discuss.

"Are you still in love with me?"

Josh's mouth opened a few inches for a second before he caught himself and he looked down at his water bottle.

"I don't know."

I nodded and turned my gaze to the pool, watching the ripples along the bottom from the sunlight.

"Me either," I admitted. "I mean, I still have feelings for you, I still love you, but I don't know if I'm still in love with you."

"Yeah. Same here."

We were quiet for a moment, neither of us looking at the other.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked, finally looking at him.

"What do you want?"

"What I want, right now, is to know what you want. And to discuss it as civilized adults, if only for the sake of our son."

Josh finally looked at me when I mentioned our child. I raised my hands in surrender.

"I'm not dragging him into it, I promise. You heard what the doctor said the other day."

"I know, I know. As easy as you can take it. Why you want to discuss this now, instead of waiting a week for the house to clear out for the summer-"

"Because I don't know if we can wait for that long!"

"We could, Sam. We really could. We're not going to implode if we wait a few days, until the kids are out of school and off to their respective destinations for the summer. Which is a first, I might add."

"I meant acting like we have it together, like we've always been for that time. I don't want them going off to their grandparents' houses wondering if we'll still be a family when they come back."

"We still will be. If that's what you want."

"Stop putting it on me. Damn it JC, you're half of this marriage!"

Josh raised his eyebrows. "JC? You haven't called me that in private since....."

"September 20, 2001. Quit changing the subject," I glared at him. He sighed and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand.

"I don't know, alright? I don't know what I want right now. I need time to think about it."

"Alright then," I answer. I start to get up.

"Sam," Josh pleaded. I stopped and faced him. There was a sadness in his eyes that pulled at my heartstrings as he continued. "I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either. But I think we need some time apart," I bit my lip, nervous suddenly about what I was about to ask.

"Do you want our bedroom or the spare room?"

"You're kicking me out?"

"No! Well, just from the same bed as me. And not today, but once the kids are gone. I think the summer will be a good amount of time for us to think."

"I suppose. I'll take the spare, I think you need a bathroom closer to the bed than I do," Josh said.

"Okay. So we'll be back to this topic in August then, I guess."

Josh nodded.