I relaxed into the chair after putting the girls down for their afternoon nap. I turned on the tv and put my feet up, determined to have just a few hours to myself on my birthday.

 After flipping through the news channels, I settle on TLC and watched a part of "A Baby Story", not really paying attention to it. The birth happens and instead of the burst of happiness for the family on tv that I normally felt, I felt more sad than anything else. I flip the channel again, thinking about what I was feeling.

Something made me get up and go into the bedroom closet and start shifting things out, getting the step stool and getting up into the attic space. I rooted around as quietly as possible, searching for something I wasn't sure exactly.

I pulled out the box labeled "Samantha; college 2001-3" and put it on the bed, opening it and shifting through it until I found an old notebook.

The notebook my old English professor made us keep. We were free to write whatever we wanted, as much as we wanted, as long as wanted and would never collect it - as long as that's what we were doing on the days she gave us time in her class to do so.

Upon finding the notebook, I sat down and skimmed through the story that I had been writing. Story being a bit loose. If I were to be true to myself, it was more like a fan fiction - an alternate version of the guys and a girl. Truth be told, it had a lot of things in it I wished had happened to me. Like Josh being my first and only. I don't regret Scott or Lance really because then I wouldn't have the older kids. But a tiny tiny part had wished I waited for Josh.

"Ah, Melody. I think I need to finish your story." I comment quietly to the notebook. I set it aside and pack the box back up and start putting everything away. I take the notebook out with me to the living room and started reading it through again.

While reading, the phone rang and I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Sam?"

"Hi Scott."

"I've got the job."

"That's great!"

"Yeah. So, um, what do you think we're going to do this fall?"

"Josh and I were talking about perhaps moving out west."

"Oh? How far 'out west'?"

"L.A."

"L.A.? You?" Scott started laughing.

"I know, right?" I laughed. "But seriously though, we are talking about it."

"That's cool."

"Yeah. Listen- I think the girls are awake so I better go."

"Alright. Call when you've got a moment, we need to discuss some things."

"I know. I will."

We hung up. I sighed, thinking for a moment before dialing Josh's number.

"Happy Birthday," Josh answered.

"Thanks hon." I smiled.

"So what's up?"

"Scott called. He got the job."

"That's cool."

"Yeah. I kind of let it out that we were moving."

"We are?"

"I don't know yet. We need to talk to Scott about this. He's involved too."

Josh sighed, "I know Sam. I'll be back by the end of the week, we can all get together then and talk."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

We hung up and I settled back in to reading my notebook, trying not to think about the sad fuzzy feeling from earlier.