I was sitting on our bed, knees up against my chin, staring at the floor when Josh sat down next to me.

"Happy anniversary Sam."

When I didn't respond, Josh waved his hand in front of my face.

"Oh, sorry." I said as I looked up at him.

Josh's smile vanishes as he looks at me. He scoots closer and pulls me close. I sniffle against his shoulder.

"She's dying, Josh." I whisper. Josh rubs my back.

"Who is?"

"Gabby." I answer. The truth of it sinks in and I start sobbing uncontrollably.

"Oh Sam." He holds me, unable to do anything else but console me.

I cried myself to sleep, and awoke a short time later to find that Josh had gotten me settled in bed and was stretched out next to me, reading.

"Sorry." I say quietly. He puts his book down and looks at me.

"For what?"

"Ruining tonight."

He shrugs. "There will be others." He leans over and kisses my forehead. "You look exhausted. Go back to sleep."

I smiled gently at him and snuggled close to him and drifted off to sleep.



The next couple of days it started to become apparent to everyone that I was right. She stopped eating unless I coaxed her into it. It wasn't long before Zara started asking about what was happening, and I was crying myself to sleep just about every night.

Josh quietly cancelled his work schedule for the month and stayed home to keep an eye on the girls when I was caring for Gabby or too emotional to do what needed to be done.

"Sam?" Josh asked one night after the girls were in bed. I looked up from the TV I was staring at.

"Do you want me to take the girls to Lance's for the time being? It might be easier for you if they weren't around all day."

I shake my head no. "I need you here." I laughed lightly. "I know it seems like I care more for her than you guys right now, but it's not true."

Josh sat on the arm of the chair. "I know. She's a member of the family to us too."

"She was there for me long before you guys were. She was there the night I lost Celine and Scottie. She was there when Lance and I fell apart. I mean, you were there that day, and Mel let me move in with her, but Gabby was the one that would let me hold her when I needed
it." I was quiet for a moment before continuing in a voice just above a whisper, "It feels almost like I'm losing you, watching her go through this...."

Josh rubbed the back of my hand while I spoke. When I finished, he leaned over and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm not going anywhere. If you need me here, I'm here."


The morning of October 13, she started to have trouble breathing. I called the vet and piled everyone into the van and off we went to have her checked out. They weighed her (she lost ten pounds in the past two weeks), checked her over and took her in for x-rays. I heard her yelp as they were doing the x-rays and I quickly wiped the tear that fell at the sound of it.

They returned her after the x-rays were taken, and we waited for the images to develop and the diagnosis.

The diagnosis came - congestive heart failure. The vet was very sympathetic and while writing out prescriptions said that she'd seen some turn right around and live a few more years. I looked at Gabby and knew it wouldn't happen to her, that I didn't want it to happen to her. She had lived a very long life, and has been well loved not only by me but the family I had built up around me, around us. All I wanted at this point was a way of making her final days more comfortable.

We thanked the vet and filled the prescriptions and headed back home.

Once home, I mashed up the pills with one of Gabby's favorite candies - Smarties - to help them go down for any bitter taste the pills would have. She swallowed the powder pretty well and thus set up the routine for the next few days.

The following days saw her breathing improve enough that she seemed to be comfortable. She quit going outside, and instead was spitting up clear and foamy liquid. It saddened me to clean up after her, but I tried to keep in mind that she was acting comfortable and relatively pain-free.

The night of October 18, she made up her mind to go outside and make it to her favorite spot in the backyard. She made it out there, and after pleading with her, she made it up to the patio before lying down and just looking at me. I called Josh over and he held the door for me as I went out barefoot onto the cold concrete and picked her up carefully. Josh held the door as I carried the feather-light Gabby into the house and took her into our bedroom, where I placed her gingerly on her bed, freshly lined with old blankets. I knew the end was coming soon, and that it was the last time she would go outside on her own willpower. I gave her her nightly dose of medicine and got Zara into bed.

The past few weeks had seen a change in my sleeping pattern. I was awaking multiple times throughout the night, sitting bolt upright and looking down at Gabby, checking on her. I knew Josh had noticed, and I was sure it was getting to him, especially on the nights when I would inadvertently throw him off me as I sat up. But he never said a word. 

The morning of October 20, 2004, I awoke to find Gabby lying at a 45 degree angle to the bed, facing me. I knew instantly that the day had come. I spent the day in a haze, waiting for the moment that I knew was near.

It was after I made a quick meal of soup and had eaten it in the bedroom that it happened. I was sitting on the floor next to her, flipping through a magazine when she rolled over onto her side.

"JOSH!" I hollered as I moved instantly to my knees, petting her and reassuring her that I loved her. He came running to the door, phone against his hear.

"Shit." He mumbled before turning back to the phone. "I'll call you back." He hung up and after a quick glance at the living room, joined me on the floor across from Gabby.

"She's gone." I whispered as he sat down. He was up and around Gabby in an instant, holding me as I sobbed. I only stopped when a small voice came from the hall.

"Mommy?" Zara asked, looking unsure of coming into the room. I wiped my tears and beckoned her over.

"Gabby sleepin'?" she asked, looking at Gabby.

"Yes, honey, Gabby's sleeping. She's going to take a very, very long nap and we need to say bye-bye to her now."

Zara nodded and waved at her friend. "Bye, bye Gabby." I broke down into tears again and Josh quietly took Zara out of the room while I removed Gabby's collar and pet her one last time.

"I'll miss you, old friend." I got up, putting the collar on the dresser as I left the room to start making calls.

We made arrangements to have her buried in my parent's back yard, near the gravestone of my other childhood dog. The arrangements made, Josh put the girls to bed as I got into gear, wrapping the body and taking it out to the car for the trip the next morning.

Everything settled, Josh made me a cup of coffee and sat with me as I sat in the living room, staring at our bedroom, trying not to think of having to sleep there that night.

Josh eventually got up and retrieved some Nyquil for me. I took a dose and let Josh lead me into the bed, where I climbed in, fully dressed and he followed, holding me as I let the medication  take hold and for the first time in nearly a month, I got a full night's sleep without waking up once.

The next day was one of the hardest days I had ever gone through. When I looked over at Gabby's bed for the first time, the tears started flowing again. I eventually calmed down enough to get through breakfast and changing clothes before we headed over to my parent's house.

When we arrived, I was surprised to find Mel and Nicole waiting for us.

"Sam, we're so sorry to hear about Gabby. She was an awesome dog. Need any help?"

I glanced back. "Think you could watch the girls? They don't really need to be a part of the hard part."

They nodded and I unlocked the house, letting everyone in. Josh headed for the garage, getting shovels and a wheelbarrow.

We met up after I got the girls settled with a video and toys and we quietly moved Gabby's wrapped body from the trunk and into the wheelbarrow and onto the far back corner of the back yard, where Freckles was buried. I marked off a spot and we started digging.

We worked quietly and efficiently, and soon the hole was deep enough. Josh gently laid Gabby in it, and we covered her with a sheet of plywood to keep animals from digging her up. The tears fell freely as I started shoveling the dirt back into the hole, covering up one of my closest friends. 

When the dirt and grass were back in place, I found four rocks and marked the corners of her grave with them.

I don't remember much of the rest of the day, but Josh told me I pretty much looked like a zombie on autopilot. That he had to talk me into a shower while we were still at my parent's house, and that he joined me to make sure I didn't slip or something. And that once we were home, he had to coax me out of my clothes and into bed, where he held me as I cried myself to sleep again.

The day after the burial, I started to come back around, the shock seeming to start to wear off.

I really owe him one.