The two words I wanted to hear from my longtime boyfriend were sure not the ones I got. I would think I deserved more than two words and I specifically didn't deserve the two words he chose to relay to me. I was stunned by his words. I was hurt by his words. I was heartbroken by his words.

"Fuck off." He said with complete hatred in his voice. "That's exactly what you can do."

I felt my entire heart shatter into pieces. "Why do you do this to me?"

"I haven't done anything to you." He said trailing off.

"Yeah, I'm quite aware of that..." I have never in my entire life been so sexually frustrated while in a relationship. Most relationships have the problem with the woman not wanting sex, but it was the opposite in our relationship. I was an addict for it and he just seemed not interested at all.

"Well I'm not sorry that you have chosen to spend all your time with Justin Timberfuck."

"Stop it." I demanded. "You have all the chances in the world to spend time with me. I have made sure we would have time in between things to see each other. You chose to take one of the greatest moments of my life and miss it. He is a... friend, a writer of a song on the album and was invited to the party. He chose to celebrate this milestone with everyone that was at the party but you chose not to even show up."

"A friend?" he laughed, "He is an overprotected worthless piece of shit in this industry that people seem to praise over. If someone with actual talent could be in his position with all his perks this industry would be a better place. Seriously he is an asshole that just wants to get in your pants. That's what he always wants from women."

Only if he knew, the option was there and he said no. He didn't want to be that person. "He is talented beyond words and you know it. I'm not going to listen to this, from you of all people... I have things to do today. I have to work."

"What, is that a dig at me as well... god Malia... I'm sorry I can't be god almighty himself. Maybe if my name was Justin you would show me some respect."

Click.

I hung up the phone. I wasn't going to listen to him bitch at me for the next hour about something that I was simply going to be pissed about later. I would be the one that had to deal with his insecurities and I wasn't going to do it. When the phone ring just seconds after I hung up the phone I was pissed, "WHAT?" I answered it.

"Malia." His sweet voice said softly in the phone.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry. I thought you were... never mind it's not important." I felt like a bitch. I should have looked at the caller id. I shouldn't have just snapped like I did.

"Is there something wrong? I can call back later." He sounded like he was in a studio and the sound was echoing through the phone. "Or not at all..."

"No. Actually it would be nice to talk to someone that isn't going to tell me to fuck off." I moved around the food on my plate, shoving most of it to the sides of the plate. So much for eating today, Aaron makes my skin crawl and the last thing I want to do is eat.

He snapped back quickly, "Who said that you to?"

"My wonderful other half." I rolled my eyes, whipping the tears from my face.

"I'm sorry... Are you okay?"

"No," I said shaky, "But I will get over it."

"You shouldn't have to just get over things." He was irritated by Aaron's entire being.

"I honestly don't have the time or the energy to deal with him and his issues."

"Is today a bad day? We can reschedule lunch."

"No." I said bluntly. "I have the Letterman show to do around eleven then I'm off for the rest of the day. Sadly you're stuck with me today!"

"That's perfectly fine with me. I'm in the studio right now. Do you want to meet me there when you're done?"

"Sure." I said wondering what he was doing in the studio? Hmm...

"I'm in Tribeca, I'll text you the address..." he pauses, "Malia. He is trying to stress you out. Don't let him. Put the frustration into the performance. Show him that you don't let him bother you."

"Thanks... I'll see ya soon."

I hung up the phone and flooded the scene with tears. The part of me that wanted to make things work with Aaron was getting smaller as the days grow. I would rather be lonely alone than be alone and emotionally broke down every day. I would eventually get over a broken heart. The love that was once there, is no longer apparent. I didn't want to give up but I knew there was also only so much I could handle.

I wipe the tears away from my face as I open the door of my hotel room to find Sam standing on the other side. He had stacks of CD's and pictures for me to sign. He didn't ask any questions about the redness that resided in my eyes or the fact that I was super quiet. He only asked if I was ok. When I nodded my head and said I was fine, he left it at that. He knew me enough to know that I didn't care to talk about things that were bothering me. I would deal with it and get my work done.

He stacked the album covers for me and I signed each one, placing them in the box as I went. "I wanna do an acoustic performance today." I said out of the blue and in the complete silence of this hotel room.

"Of the current single?" he asked.

"No. I have done the single on every moment of promotion. I want to do something else. Something that is personal today, I think it could help me a little..."

"Which song are you thinking about doing?"

I look up at him, "Heavily Broken."

He nods his head as if he agrees, "Call Joel. Get him in here to work on it with you. You have about an hour before we leave." Sam looks down at his phone, "The office. This can't be good." He picks it up and starts talking to someone...

Joel arrives with his acoustic guitar in hand just moments later, all smiles. He must have run down the hallway of the hotel to get here so quickly. "I love that I get to use this today. It's been so long."

"I'm a sucker for the acoustic guitar so you will get to play it a lot on the road."

"Let's get to this." He starts to play the opening chords, tapping his foot on the floor to the notes. "Is that the right ones?" he asks.

"Yes. Sorry I was listening I should have started the lyrics. I should warn you I may very well break down singing this song today."

"I'll keep up with you. I understand sometimes the lyrics just hit hard. I got your back."

He restarts the song from the beginning. I tap my foot as I make my count into the song. I had to focus on the lyrics of this song. I had to focus on what needed to get done, not what has happened to make my heart feel almost no existent.

 "Malia..." Sam asks from the other side of the room, "Did you purchase anything this morning?"

"Breakfast." I said laughing. "Well what I ate of that twenty dollar breakfast."

"Your credit card company is on the phone and wants to authorize a charge." He seems as confused as I was. I don't think I have ever had them call to authorize a purchase before. I guess I never spent over the limit that needed an approval.

"I haven't used it today... how much is it for?" I asked surprised.

"$150,000 ... did you buy a car or anything?"

"$150,000?" I yelled. "I would not spend that much on a car. Where is the charge from?"

Sam asks her about the charge as he looks down at the floor. "Mechanical Head Studios."

"WHAT? Fuck no. Stop that charge. I don't approve it." I jumped out of the chair, launching across the room.

"I'll take care of it." He demands the charge be stopped, they tell him he needs to have me sign a waiver and it will not be charged to the account. I was furious. I knew exactly who was charging that to my account. I tried to calm myself. I had to rehearse this song. I couldn't let him ruin this for me. My fury was too much. I walked out onto the balcony and breathed in the fresh air of Manhattan. The loud sounds of cars and noises of downtown weren't helping.

"Malia, who is using your credit card."

"Aaron." I said shaking my head. "He has a card that he uses for stupid shit. Food, clothes, whatever he needs... I just..." In at that moment became clear to me. "I need to go back... I need to go back and check the charges on that card. I have no idea how much money he has been spending. How long has he been charging his studio sessions to my credit card?"

"I'll get them back on the phone and have them email me the account records."

I finally relaxed enough to finally nail the song down. I was ready to perform it live for the first time. We rehearsed it a couple more times at the sound stage at the Dave Letterman show and watched as we walked back stage the crowd begin to fill the venue. "They are all here for you" Joel says pointing out the ones that have an outfit on that is very similar to the one I wore in the video. They all had their signs and their album covers. It single tingles up my body. They were here for me.

I had missed eight calls from Aaron. He must have gotten the memo that his credit card was not only declined that he card had actually been cancelled. I ignored every call. Pressing that fuck you button each time his name came across the screen was a great feeling. Silly as it was, it made me feel good. I needed to get through this performance and the interview before I talked to him.

Joel took his place on the stool in front of the microphone and I sat down next to him. We both were a little giddy to be singing this very song, acoustically. I closed my eyes as I heard Dave introducing us. "Ladies and gentleman, here to perform a different version of a song from her newly released self titled album, Malia."

The partition in front of us lifted and the soft lights turned on, causing everything to turn shades of purple and blue. Joel strummed the first cords of the song. I gripped my hand around the microphone, pulling it closer to me and began to sing the first lines of the song. "Every day I sit here waiting... Everyday just seems so long... And now I've had enough of all the hating... Do we even care, it's so unfair... Any day it'll all be over... Everyday there's nothing new... And I'll just try to find some hope... To try and hold onto... But it starts again, it'll never end..."

                    The guitar picks up its pace, my voice starts to climb as I start the chorus. "I'm heavily broken... And I don't know what to do... Can't you see that I'm choking... And I can't even move... When there's nothing left to say... What can you do?... I'm heavily broken... And there's nothing I can do..." I tap my foot to the chords as he plays a small solo on the acoustic guitar.

                    I felt the lump in the back of my throat begin to make wave. I knew the lyrics that were coming were the hardest part to get through. "Almost giving up on trying... Almost heading for a fall... And now my mind is screaming out... I've gotta keep on fighting... But then again, it doesn't end..."

                    I stand in front of the stool, remove the microphone from the stand and place it in my hands. "I'm heavily broken... And I don't know what to do... Can't you see that I'm choking... And I can't even move... When there's nothing left to say... What can you do?... I'm heavily broken... And there's nothing I can do... Feels like I'm drowning... I'm screaming for air." I start the next line, belting at the top of my lungs, feeling every line of the song. "Louder I'm crying.... And you don't even carrreeeee..." I felt the tears coming, I knew they were there for the entire world to see. I lowered my tone, almost in an unbearable tone, "I'm heavily broken... And I don't know what to do..." The crowd was silenced, the guitar had stopped and I stood there looking at everyone look back at me. "Thank You." I mouthed. I watched a few faces as they let go of the breath they were holding in and they said, "Wow." I wiped the water that resided on the corner of my eyes and listening to the crowd erupts in applause. Each and every person stood on their feet.

                    Dave stood on the side of the stage in awe. "We will... be right back... to talk to Malia."

I hugged Joel and thanked him for an amazing job. Exactly the way I imagined that performance, was how it turned out.

                    I walked across the stage and up to the seat next to Dave's desk. I was nervous; he was after all David freaking Letterman but before I could get to nervous we were back from the commercial break. The red light turned on the camera in front of David, "In all the years I have done this show I have never been stunned by a performance. I was honestly taken back by that. What an amazing job."

                    My face started to turn warm, I was slightly embarrassed. "Thank you. That's probably the best compliment I have ever received. Thank you."

                    "That song is... heart breaking. Did you write it?"

"It really is. I wrote that song a while ago and I initially wrote it for someone else to sing and I couldn't find the right person for it. So it was put on the back burner and I remember I had gone through a time when I felt like the world around me couldn't see the pain I was in and this song came back into my head. It just happened to be at the time when I was recording this album."

                "So it happened just when it was supposed to."

"Right." I laughed.

We talked about the upcoming tour, the album, relationships, Justin, and oddly enough we talked about a secret love for cheesy movies. With each interview it seemed to get a little easier to talk to random people that really didn't know me. Each step was a new task to overcome.

I walked into the dressing room, removing items of clothing. I was overdressed for a lunch with Justin. I threw on a ruffled top and jeans, tossed everything in my bag and headed to the car. I was going to attempt a conversation with Aaron on the way. I walked out of the soundstage door and there was fans lined around the building, each one waiting for signatures and pictures. I stayed as long as I could before security pulled me away. It surprised me that there were actually people that wanted to meet me. There were actually people out there that were fans, of me.

Talk about a buzz kill. My phone started to vibrate in my hand. "Aaron Calling" the screen said. I bucked it up and answered the phone.

"Hello." I said nice and calm.

His tone was not so nice. "I have been trying to call you all day."

"I have been busy. There's a lot going on in NYC." I lied. Today wasn't as busy as yesterday but he didn't need to know that. "Is something wrong?"

"There is something major wrong. My credit card got declined today. I didn't think there was a limit on it."

I laughed to myself, "There's not a limit on my cards. However when it's a purchase over $50,000 they call to verify that it's an actual purchase. What were you trying to purchase for that much money?

"I was trying to pay my studio bill." He says running right into the next line, "I found the perfect sound for me and they came in and said that the bill needed to be paid in full or we had to leave."

I pull the stack of papers out of my bag that Sam handed me back at Letterman. "Tell me how you could have spent nearly $800,000 of my money in a record studio? What have you accomplished?"

He started using his tough, I'm the biggest producer in the world speech. "Malia you know how it works sometimes. Sometimes it takes days to figure out the sound for a track."

I didn't care what he thought; I had already made up my mind. "When I go into a studio I normally don't waste six months and almost a million dollars to find my sound. As a producer, I already have the sound in my head... so tell me Aaron, how many songs do you have done? How long are you going to work on this so called new album of yours?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you. You need to get the credit card fixed. I need to get back in the studio today." He demanded.

                    It took everything I had but I did exactly what I needed to do. "I will not front the bill for you and your posse to chill in the studio. I'm done being the one to pay for them to record in the studio. My funds are cut off, completely."

                    He was quiet for a moment.  "What the fuck are you talking about?"

                    "You shouldn't speak to someone you supposedly love like that. I have let you live the high life that you're so very comfortable with that you don't see what's wrong with the entire situation. Have one of the guys in your posse, who are recording tracks on my dime, to front the bill."

                    "You have got to be kidding me. You are unbelievable Malia. Un-fucking-believable."

                    I exhaled deeply then I let it flow. "That's fine. I honestly don't care what you think of me anymore. I have actual work that needs to get done, so I have to go." I paused for a second, "By the way, don't try using the card at all, it's been cancelled all together." Click. I hung up the phone. Screw him.