My eyes flutter open with a heavy heart and a heavy head on a pillow in a bed that was not my bed, in a house that was not my house, wrapped in the arms of a man that is not my boyfriend. The long fingers of a man I had become close to very quickly are intertwined with mine, locked and tucked against my stomach. His chest is pressed against my bare back.  What had I done? The three quarter empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the side table was a sure sign that I had not made the best of choices last night.

Ice cold hands against the cold steel of the freezer... Boiling hot flesh against each other...  His lips on mine...

How the hell was I going to get out of this bed without waking him up, was the only thing I could think. I start to wiggle my way to the edge of the bed before I felt his grip get tighter, pulling me back close to him.  He moans at the idea of being awake. The clock on the nightstand said, 10:14am.

"Fuck" I said out loud. I jumped out of that bed quickly before I found myself sitting back down on the bed. The room seemed to be spinning a little. "Oh my god, I feel like shit."

"Oh Miss I can handle anything doesn't feel too good." I hear him mumble as he stretches out of the bed.

"I think I missed my flight." I ran my fingers through my hair, gripped my hands over my head.

"What time is the flight?" He asks, still asleep.

I look back over at the clock, "About twenty five minutes ago. Sam is going to kill me."

"Sure looks like you missed the flight. Did you have anything scheduled as soon as you got there?"

"No. I think it was just an evening photo shoot and a club show tonight." I stood finally with both feet planted on the floor and I look down and see that I still had on my bra and my panties. I was sure that if I was as drunk as I know I was and had sex with him I wouldn't have put any clothes back on. That was kind of a relief. The room seemed to stay stable enough for me to find my dress that was lying wrinkled on the floor. I bent down to pick it up and Justin sat up firmly on the bed. I guess the vision of a woman bent over in just panties did wonders for him.

"You... can't... do that." he said shaking his head trying not to look at me but he couldn't help but continue to look.

"I can't do what?" I turned back to look at him.

"You need to put that dress on..." he flipped over the side of the bed, looking at the other side of the room. "I can't... I can't look at you like that."

"Well now, I didn't realize that I looked that bad without clothing on." I said as I rushed into the bathroom. I knew what he meant but I couldn't let him know that what was running through my head at that moment was exactly that he was thinking.  I sat down on the side of the giant Jacuzzi tub and dropped my head. Why was it that a part of me wished that I would have slept with him? I wasn't sure if they made me a horrible person or human. I had never in my life even looked at another guy in that way while I was with someone.

There was a light knock on the door as it opens, "I'm sorry about last night..." he says.

"No, I'm sorry. I was way over the line. I shouldn't have pressed you against the wall..." I rub my hands over my face, remembering the way it felt to just overtake all those feelings and go for it. "I screwed up."

"You didn't screw up... it's not like that." he said.

"I know what I did was wrong I shouldn't have forced myself on you like that..." I trailed off.

"I wanted to take you into my arms. I wanted to feel your body against mine... I wanted you" he closed his eyes, "I wanted every piece of you, but I couldn't be that guy for you. I have had my heart broken from someone cheating on me... Even though Aaron is a douchbag I still can't be that guy...  I want to make you happy... I don't want to be a one night stand. And if that's being the best friend that I can be for you right now, then so be it."

"I can't believe that you are so amazing..."

"Is that a compliment or a low blow of some kind?"

He must not realize what kind of person he really is. "Complete compliment. I didn't expect anything from you in my entire life. You're just this person I never thought I would ever have the chance to get to know and you're much better than I ever imagined."

He steps over to me, bending down to me at my level putting his hands over mine. "What's funny is, the real prize... is you. I don't think you see how truly amazing you are."

"I don't want any of what happened or what didn't happen last night affect us."

He continued to caress the side of my hand, "I want you to call me when you're having a bad day. I want you to call when you have a melody or lyrics stuck in your head that you can't get rid of. I want you to call me just to say hello."

"I will. I promise." I stood and wrapped my arms around him, the embrace of his hug lingered as I walked out of his bedroom and down the hall. Looking in every room for Janelle and the guy she brought with her... Jared... I think that was his name. I knocked lightly on the fourth door and she says "Come in."

I opened the door and there she was naked, walking around the bedroom. "Janelle. Clothes."

"I'm looking for them... they seem to be scattered a bit." She picks up her bra, latching it behind her back. "What time is our flight this morning?"

I bent down and picked up her dress that was sprawled across the floor near the door. I should be glad she made it this far into the room with it still on. I tossed the dress to her. "We missed our flight."

"WHAT?" She stopped in her tracks. "Shit Shit shit... I have to be back in NYC tonight."

"Yea, me to. I need to call Sam and find out what he wants me to do. My phone is dead and I don't have my charger with me."

"My phone has some life left in it, his number should be in there."

"I'm going downstairs, I need coffee. I will call him but we have to go very soon."

I walked down the staircase looking around at the magnificent style and class the house had. It was nowhere near the bachelor pad I expected him to live in. The marble floors were the perfect touch to the entry way. I always thought the first glance you have at someone's house should be very important. And this entry way had the perfect touch of class and elegance. It was a sample of what the rest of the house looked like. I rounded the bottom of the stairs and walked into the kitchen, right into the aroma of coffee bean. He not only was a gentleman, he was a great coffee maker. If I was out of bed, I wanted my coffee, and by the looks of things, so did he. He stood at the counter in his boxers, which hung very low. I stopped, collecting my thoughts and controlling my urge. I can do this.

"Coffee?" he asked handing me a cup.

"Oh thank you so much. Coffee is a must."

"Have you talked to Sam yet?"

"No. I'm going to call him now. I needed coffee first."

He pointed over at the counter need the back door. "There's a phone right there if your cell is still dead."

How did he know my phone was dead? Maybe I said something last night about it.

I have never been one of those people who get really drunk and black out everything that happened the night before. Strangely I was good at remembering every detail of the night before. I didn't like the feeling that there was a lot of the night missing from my memory. I don't remember much after the cooler incident. I know that Justin and I argued about sleeping in the same bed. He said no, and I demanded it. I won the argument of course; he didn't fight it once I told him there wasn't any other option. Selfishly I wanted to feel someone near me. I haven't had that kind of comfort in quite some time.

With the blankness of the night before I had to focus on what was ahead. I had to talk to Sam. I picked up Janelle's phone and scrolled down her contacts. Sam was indeed in there. However the blinking red light on the battery icon was a sign that I couldn't make it through a phone conversation without it dying on me. The last thing I wanted was Sam to know where I was, where I had spent the night. Suck it up.

The phone rang twice before he picked up, confused. "Malia?"

"Hey Sam, its Malia." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Shouldn't you be on a plane, not talking to me from a landline phone number?"

I dropped my head. "Yes, I missed my flight. I overslept. My phone died and the alarm didn't go off."

"We have a private flight going to NYC at 12:15 can you make it to the airport by then?"

"Yes, Janelle has to come as well."

"That's fine. Don't be late. We'll talk about everything on the flight."

Fuck. I knew it was too easy to be over with. "I'll see you then." I hung up the phone. "He so knows." I mumbled to myself as Janelle walks into the kitchen, fully clothed this time. She picks up my coffee cup and takes a sip.

"Hey. That my coffee." I smacked her hand.

She looked at me, giving me a dirty look. "I just wanted a sip."

"We have to go. I need to run by the condo and change my clothes and get my luggage. The flight leaves at 12:15."

"We have to get moving then."

I turned to Justin who is standing leaning against the counter.  He sips on his coffee looking over the edge at me, smiling behind the cup. "Thanks for everything. I'll call you later."

"You're very welcome... just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Would you like a ride?" he asked with a cocky smile planted on his face.

My eyes became about four times the size they normally are, but the smile still waved across my face. "What?" I said as if I didn't know what he was talking about.

"A ride... you know vehicle on wheels, it typically gets your from point A to point B..." he laughs, "You didn't drive here last night."

"Oh shit. Of course." I totally had the dirty thoughts running through my head that I shouldn't have once again. "Would you please?"

Thankfully the ride to my condo was just a few minutes and was not excruciating silence, and when we pulled into the driveway Aaron's car wasn't there. A wave of sadness comes over my mood. I didn't think I wanted to see him. It was better this way, I could literally grab my things and go but it still wasn't easy knowing he didn't come home again, and that he didn't come celebrate the release of my album. I took a deep breath and reached for the door handle when Justin places his hand over my knee. "Keep your head high."

"Thank you." I mouthed to him before climbing out of the car.

I walked into my condo that seemed untouched. Not a single light was on, not a single thing moved in the last twenty four hours, he hadn't been here at all. My luggage sat in the very spot I left it yesterday morning. I jumped in the shower, threw on jeans and an oversized t-shirt, and a hat and headed back out the door. The car we called for was waiting for us as we came out the front door. The blistering sun of Los Angeles shined brightly in our faces, I placed sunglasses over my eyes and climbed into the car. The driver loads our luggage into the car and we were finally off and on our way.

"Airport correct?" he asked.

"Yes, we have a private flight. So we need to go to the other entrance."

"Ok."

I threw my head back on the seat. I was tired. I was slightly hung-over, and I wanted to disappear. Janelle reached her hand over and placed it on top of mine. "Are you okay? She asked.

"Yea. I'll be fine."

"We can talk about it."

"There's nothing to talk about." I said knowing there was absolutely nothing to talk about. I had a boyfriend that has become so distant that it's hard to remember his face at times. I damn near slept with another man last night, that was probably the best guy I would ever meet in my life and he turned me down as well. I felt my wall crashing down around me. Tears start to stream down my face behind my sunglasses.

"Malia..." She says.

"I can't... I just can't." And she was the best friend who sat there holding my hand and said nothing else. She knew me; she knew there was something wrong and that it would boil over at some point.

Listening to Sam preach to me for the entire flight was exactly what I wanted. I knew that I screwed up, but I was the only person that was going to suffer because of my screw up. I was the one that was literally going to go from the airport to the photo shoot and then to the club show before I even got to my hotel. I knew that my actions have repercussions. When he brought up Justin I knew at that moment he knew where I had ended up that night.

"Justin is..." he paused. "He is a media magnet. That man is hounded more than anyone ever has been. Just be careful. They are only out to get a story... Don't give them one."

I got very defensive. He wasn't going to tell me I could not be friends with Justin, he just wasn't. "They are going to write stories whether I give them something or not. It's not going to prevent me from spending time with him or anything..."

I stepped off the plane at JFK hoping for some clarity. Even four thousand miles couldn't help me now. The longest ride in history came when I climbed into the town car on the way to the photo shoot. I could have sworn it took two hours, tick by tick to get to the point we were at right now and it wasn't even at the location yet. My phone began to vibrate in my bag, it caught me by surprise. I clicked on the phone and there sat a message in my inbox, it was Justin.

"I hope your flight went well. I'll be in New York the day after tomorrow if you are still there. I would love to have lunch." His text message was just what I needed to hear.

I sent back quickly, "Lunch sounds amazing. I will be in NYC for four days."

"Is your schedule getting kind of crazy yet?"

"Sorta. They are doing great at spreading things out but the only thing is I start tour rehearsals soon as I get back to L.A."

"I always loved tour rehearsals. The long hours suck but it's so nice to just play around and put the pieces together."

"I'm very excited to see what my team can bring to the table for this show."

"Make sure the show is about YOU. Don't do something bc everyone thinks it's what should be done. The show needs to represent you."

"Thanks. Good advice." I typed back.

I threw the phone in my bag and stepped out of the car. A couple assistants for the director met me at the door and starting rambling about the ideas he had for the shoot. To be honest, the day I was having, I could care less. Just let me get it over with. I sucked it up though. I put on the makeup. I put on the smile and stepped in front of the camera attempting to give all that I had.

I ran from the photo shoot to the club show. We drove around the front of the building and I saw the crowd that awaited me. They were lined up around the block. I suddenly got nervous. I turned on my phone to take a picture when I saw this message in my inbox from hours before.

"Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. I can tell there is something going on with you. We are very alike; sometimes you can't hold all of that in. Put a little bit of your faith into me."

His simple words were enough for me. There was someone in this world that cared about my sanity. I snapped the photo and sent it to him along with a message, "How is that in the very moment I needed to be reassured about everything, you manage to come through? Thanks :)"

The crowd was amazing. It was my last chance of seeing a small crowd. I was lucky enough to have sold out all eight of the shows I had done. It was a stepping stone to what was about to happen. The crowds were going to be bigger, the venue was going to be enormous, and the pressure was going to be ten times worse.