Tossing and turning in the echo of the silence.

I rolled over for the hundredth time in the bed of this hotel room. Last night, it was the most comfortable thing in the world, but today it was like a cement slab with a pillow. Frustrated with myself I climbed out of bed and pulled back the blinds to see the night sky staring back at me. As I watch the waves crashing into the sand, the image of his handwriting on the white sheet of paper was embedded into my brain. His words were taking away from the scenery I loved to see. His actions were taking away from a great moment in my life.

The more I thought about it, the angrier I was at myself. I was letting him do it all over again to me. I was allowing this person to enter into my conscious and make me second guess every choice, every decision I ever made. His words were taking over my thoughts.

"You took everything from me. You might as well finish me off completely."

The hotel door opened slowly as I turn back to see Justin placing his bags quietly on the floor, closing the door easily, preventing any noise. He was trying to not wake me, but he wasn't aware that I was awake.

He turned and glanced across the room. "Hey!" he said rushing across the room. His eyes were filled with tiredness and his curls were flattened by the hat upon his head he must have slept in on the plane.

I wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his scent, feeling his warm embrace, his fingers lightly caressing my back. "Hi." I released.

"Why are you awake?" He asked tightening his grip, running his hands up threw my hair, wrapping his fingers around the strands, pulling ever so gently.

I smiled at him. "I couldn't wait to see you." With him being here, it was sanity in itself. "How was your flight?"`

He kissed my neck pulling me into him, "I hate redeye flights... but I am here with you right now. I missed you."

He released his grip, but I held on tight. I didn't want to let him go. As his lips made their way to mine, I found a way to put my focus on something other than the events of the day before. I didn't want Aaron to control any part of me, I was trying to push it out of my thoughts, but I couldn't. No matter how much I tried, his words, his actions, were affecting me.

I climbed in bed next to Justin, looking at him, examining the man I had fallen so desperately in love with. The man that made me feel like I could take on the world, and he would still be there, right behind me with support. He didn't need to have the attention, the job, or the love of another.

My fingers trailed along his jawline.

All he needed, was me.

He brushed the strands of hair out of my eyes, exposing the dark circles and sleepless orbs. "What's wrong babe? You seem off somewhere else."

I longed for this moment for days... just to be here in his arms, in his presence. And here I was, living it, but not being able to enjoy it. "I had the most amazing moment last night and he managed to take that away with his stupid actions." I finally confessed.

"Who did?" He laced his fingers into mine. "What's wrong babe?"

I lowered my head as I laid out the details. Justin couldn't believe the words, and I couldn't believe I was even saying them, with truth behind them.

"This isn't your fault babe... that was a choice he made. His owns actions."

"He wouldn't be at this state if it weren't for me... I destroyed him."

Justin's voice started to climb and take on a firm voice. "Malia. You cannot control his actions. He has to take the blame of his own actions."

"I've moved on, I'm happy and rubbing it in his face." I felt guilty, "I made..."

Justin interrupted me, "Suicide is selfish. If he chose that route, it's all on him. He can't blame you or anyone else."

He was right and I knew he was but the feeling of being the blame of someone taking their own life was a feeling I couldn't shake.

I snuggled up closer to him and managed to shut the thoughts off long enough to get some rest.

*

Justin was sleeping peacefully and instead of waking him I showered, hoping that it do something for the mood that I was in. Letting the hot water pour down over my skin, I felt the weight of his words seeping into my being rather than be washed away.

"Your actions destroyed my being."

I covered my face with my hands, letting the water run over the tears that had begun to run down my cheeks. In a moment when I felt the empty, Justin finds the way to make me whole again. His hands began a slow and steady move up the sides of my body. His large hands covered as much skin as he possibly could touch. Finally making his hands to my neck, he pulls me into him, taking control of my every emotion, and every piece of control I had left in me. He took it over and showed me how much he loves me.

His lips grazed the side of my ear as he whispered, "Mi Amor."

An eruption of butterflies filled my senses and I gave myself to him, time and time again.

*

"Come...." Justin took my hand and nearly pulling me across the room towards the door. "I wanna take you somewhere."

 "Justin we can't go anywhere together right now... the press is everywhere." I exhaled heavily, "They have been camped outside since the story broke last night..."

Justin dropped the keys into his pocket. "Screw the press. Screw that dickhead of an ex-boyfriend that seems to think he has the upper hand. Come." He takes my hand again and drags me through hallway and onto the elevator. He placed a kiss on my temple, "Trust me."

I closed my eyes, feeling the power in those two tiny little words. I trusted him with everything. "Justin I have sound check in a couple hours... I need -"

"Hush. I will have you back in time." He beamed with happiness just as the elevator door opened, and we were rushing out the hotel lobby and into his rental car.

The twenty minute drive north made me continuously wonder where he was going to end up. He was going off the beaten path. The tourist area in Virginia Beach was typically the only place people seem to visit, after all the reason for going to the beach is to stay close to the ocean and the sand. But here we were driving through a suburb community and finding ways to get away from the ocean. He pulled into the empty driveway, throwing the car in park. A smile waved across his face.

 "Come on!" he opened my door. He took my hand and led me through the yard of someone's house.

"Where are we going?"I asked.

"Trust me." he says. "Just trust me."

            Walking along the pavement, he continued to lead me through someone's front lawn before finally seeing the peacefulness that surrounded us.

"This place is bittersweet for me..." Justin breathed in the air that surrounded him, looking at the view, he turned back to me. "I wrote most of my first solo record right here." He pointed down the wooden dock, "I'd sit for hours, watching the boats come in and out of the docks of the homes... watch the interaction between loved ones..." I knew that he had dealt with a broken heart around the time of recording that album. I could only imagine the pain he was dealing with. He continued, "I let myself pour the heartache out of me and onto a sheet of paper..." he handed me a small notebook with a pen attached to it. "Write down your thoughts. Write down exactly how you feel. Heartbreak is the worst kind of pain. Being let down is the deepest wound. Having your trust broken may never be repaired... write down your every pain. Write away the pain he caused you..."

And just like that I sat in his spot, swinging my legs off the dock of that bay. Pen to paper, I let loose the words that ate at me. The pain, the heartache, the let downs, and the trust. Between the lines, I felt the world lift off of my shoulders. Aaron would no longer have any hold on my heart or my life.