The afterglow was even brighter the morning after. The show was good, at least I thought so anyways. I was still tired but Justin was moving around in the bed. He was ready to get up and moving around. "Ugh" I kept saying. How on earth can he not still be tired? I was sure that we were both up pretty early into the morning hours today. I stretched out over the bed and found him gone. I sat up looking around the room and out the bedroom door. "Ugh" I said again throwing myself back into the pillow. Where did he go? I hate being in bed alone.

I heard him humming from the kitchen, as he got closer to the door the louder his voice seemed to get. He entered the doorway, stark naked, with a tray in his hand. He started to sing, "Good morning beautiful... how was your night... Mine was wonderful with you by my side..." the smile on my face was wider than I had ever imagined it could be. "Good Morning!" he said, still cheesing.

Of everything going on in that moment, I could see what was below the tray, "Good Morning to you as well!" I saw his member standing upright. I cocked my head sideways, looking under the tray for a better view, nodding my head, approving of it.

"What? Like you have never been served breakfast in bed by a naked man before?" he placed the tray down on the bed.

"Well... no actually I haven't." I pulled him down close to me, "But I could get used to it."

"I like to outshine others, so that's a good thing." He pulled himself back, placing a stack of newspapers and printed sheets of paper on my lap.

"What is this?" I said confused.

He placed his hand on top of the stack. "Reviews."

"Of the show last night?" I asked, swallowing the words.

"Yes." He sat down on the bed, still naked, sitting Indian style.

"Have you read any yet?"

"No, this was something I want you to do. I think it's nice to know what the critics think but you also need to be aware that their job is to be critical." He continued to ramble; he was the classic supportive boyfriend. Boyfriend.... "If it's something negative, it's not something personal about you."

There had to be twenty reviews already for the show. I stared at the stack before looking over at him sitting in front of me. I couldn't concentrate on the fact that there were reviews in front of me, and the fact that I let that fateful word into my vocabulary, let alone into my thought process. "What was your favorite part of the show?" I blurted, attempting to not even think about that any longer.

"Seeing you smile. Seeing pure happiness in your eyes." He says that and my eyes filled up with water. I was going to cry. "But as in the show, when you were sitting on that black grand piano singing, ‘My Immortal.' Wow. Just wow. I didn't know you were doing that. I know you had said maybe but decided against doing it." he reaches down and rubs his arms. "Just thinking about it again gives me goose bumps. Your voice was flawless and it fit perfectly in the show. It was an incredible moment."

Flabbergasted would be the word I believe I was looking for, because that's how I felt in that moment. Those were intense words coming from someone I vastly respected in this industry.

Justin was antsy sitting on the bed. He was bouncing around. "Come on... read them... Now I'm anxious..."

I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what they said. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what anyone thought. The fans seemed happy, that is all that matters.

He picked up the newspaper on my lap, flipping through page by page, trying to find the entertainment section of the Los Angeles Times. He couldn't wait any longer to know what they thought. "Oh Shit." He said not thinking about it before he said it, sending me into panic mode. "You would get the toughest critic at the Times..." He cleared his throat, "I arrived at the show expecting the stereotypical popular bombshell to stand on that stage and sing half the set and the other half will be a track that she will pretend to sing to. To my surprise she sang every song live. Live vocals are always the biggest perk to a live show, I doubt I'm the only one that thinks that." he continued to read the words of the critic in his serious tone as I sat and worried what the next thing this guy would say was. "...She wailed out songs from her album and I was impressed, but singing your own songs that you can change what you want to are one thing, covering someone else's song is the challenge. When she took to the stage early on doing a medley of Kelly Clarkson songs, I was impressed. She chose the right songs for her vocal ability and songs that she personally could have written for herself. The unlikely cover came from her friend, Justin Timberlake. She sang a version of "SexyBack" that I'm sure Justin is even jealous of." He smiled, "I am jealous." He joked and continued reading back in his serious tone, "... the biggest moment came when the lights dimmed down, I expected her to be standing with a microphone on the stand and her to sing a ballad. But as the light slowly glowed brighter she was sitting on top of a black grand piano with a single spotlight on her, bare feet and a pair of jeans, singing a bone chilling cover of Evanescence's "My Immortal".  Every piece of hair on my body stood up when she opened her mouth and those notes rolled out perfectly."

When he lowered the paper and looked back over at me, I was flooded with tears. I couldn't believe that the review was good. The achievement was greater than I had ever expected for myself. This was a difficult business to earn any kind of respect in. I would be lucky to get respect from a fellow artist in the industry, getting that kind of positive respect from a critic was speechless.

"Bone chilling cover... I couldn't have said it better..."

"Wow..." I exhaled.

I wasn't being modest. I was truthfully not expecting anything close to that good of a review. I had always expected the critics to be rude and not like the show at all. That's almost a given in this business. Rarely does someone get those kind of comments made to them about their shows.

I yawned trying to make the subject change. I was tired, I couldn't deny that but I was trying not to let the words of that review sink in too far. I threw myself back onto the pillow, pulling the covers over my head. Justin was not going to let me sleep or even lay there; he was pulling that sheet back, looking at me. I wouldn't look at him, I stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were overtaking what this moment was. I was supposed to be in a care free place in my life right now, but I couldn't stop thinking of the consequences of my actions or the decisions I wanted to happen. He swung his leg over mine, climbing to sit on my waist. His thumb was caressing the side of my face. I tried with all I had not to look him directly into his eyes, but I couldn't prevent it any longer. "When am I going to see you again?" I asked without thinking of the actual question. I didn't have any claim on him. I had no right to even ask that question to him but his eyes.

"I don't know. It could be a while." He said softly continuing to rub the side of my face.

Disappointment ran through my every emotion. I wasn't sure why I felt so disappointed.

"That's what I thought you were going to say."

"You sound... disappointed." The look of confusion took over his face. He sat up slowly. "I didn't expect that."

I think in that very moment, disappointment was an understatement. "I am." The empty pit in my stomach made me feel silly. I shouldn't have these feelings. I was simply lonely and it was only going to get worse. I was a complete mess on the inside and it wasn't right to involve someone else into this mess of mine. I couldn't admit it out loud in words, but I was sure I was shattered to pieces.

I climbed out of bed, hoping to dissipate this urge to hurl all over the bedroom.

His deep voice started to speak from behind me, causing the turning to begin again. Resting my hands on the counter to hold myself up, I closed my eyes and just hoped that he didn't see the confusion in my eyes. "You could always come see me... Myself, Rob, and the guys are going to a secret location and hiding from the world for a while to record..." he spun me around to look at him, "I could let you in on my secret."

I wanted to know. But I couldn't know. "Why are you going into hiding to record?"

"I want to record some tracks without the interference of life, with no distractions. Just myself and that booth. I want to feel the emotion I have for those tracks, right now at this moment..."

"Makes sense I guess..." I wanted to cry. I was an interference for him. "They will turn out great. I'm sure of it." I replied, telling myself over and over again to get myself together. This was what it was. This was nothing other than what it is.

"You could... come see me." he repeated.

"I will be on tour. It might serve as a challenge for me."

"Okay." He said irritated, walking back into the bedroom.

As much truth as there was in that statement, it was just as much of a cover. There was time to fly to wherever he ended up and fly back between shows. I was honestly doing him a favor. I was trying to help him out. "It just could be difficult with as much as the press is watching the two of us, wait for us to slip up and say something we shouldn't. Be seen somewhere we shouldn't together..." I knew that wasn't the right thing to say, I knew that isn't really what I was feeling but the scared logical part of me was speaking louder now.

I drug my luggage through the house before Justin stopped me, "I'll get it." He takes it out of my hand and places it beside the door, following suit with the others I had ready to go. He stood by the door with his hand on the handle of my luggage, "Malia... you just need to know that I won't stay your big secret. I can't be that person..."

"That's not what I'm trying to do Justin."

"Then what's the problem? You're single now..." His eyebrows flared up and his hands went tossing in the air, frustrated. "I thought..." he trailed off. "I guess it doesn't matter what I thought."

I took his hand into mine, once again not thinking before I did something. "It does matter what you think..."

"Then tell me..." he removed his hand from mine, waving his hand back and forth pointing at each of us. "Tell me what... is this? Because I think I am fa-"

I cut him off, he couldn't say those words to me. "I'm not what you want... It's not what you think... Inside..." I swallowed my words, "I'm trying to help you out... you deserve better..."

He closed his eyes, throwing his head back, before looking back at me, "You're wrong about every word you just said... I know you are going through some things... and for some reason you don't want to share them with me but you need to know, that you're wrong."

I looked at his eyes, full of pain, full of anguish. My tears flooded the surface of my eyelids, streaming down my face. I had hurt him. I never meant for this to get this far. I never meant for any of this to happen. "I'm sorry..." I mumbled out.

            He pulled me into his chest, placing his hand on my head, "Don't cry... there should be no tears of sadness today. Today is a great day. I'm an ass... I should have kept my mouth shut... I shouldn't have said anything..."

"I don't want to hurt you and I'm sorry if I have. I never meant-"

"Malia." He placed his hand on my face, wrapping his long fingers around my jaw. "This will all work itself out... I promise." How he could have so much faith in the unknown surprised me. I stood wrapped in his arms for what felt like a split second. Before he said, "I need to go..."

"I know... I don't want to leave your arms." I whispered. I guess a part of me knew that things could never be the same from here on out. Subconsciously I knew something was going to be thrown into the mix. I wanted to take in his scent. I wanted to remember what it felt like in his arms.

But I pulled away. I let him go. I watched as he pulled out of the driveway. His taillights becoming dimmer the further he got. I stared down the empty driveway to the empty street, yet it wasn't really empty. Neighbors were outside with their children playing in the early morning sunshine. The mother's seem to be full of laughter and joy running behind the pitter pat of little feet in the grass. It was the simple things that I wanted in live. It didn't have to be the dream job, the dream house, or the dream man. I would be content having a job I enjoyed, in a apartment, and a man that I loved with my entire heart.

I won't stay your big secret. I can't be that person...

His words hurt... it was my own fault, I knew that. But it didn't take that hurt away.

I didn't want to hurt him. I was trying to protect him. My heart was in no place to love him. I'm not who he thought I was. I would hurt him. I already had.

I tried to call Janelle again, with no answer. She left the show last night before I could talk to her. I tried several times to call her but there was no response from her. I wasn't sure what was going on but I was sure she was going to let me know, just in her own way.

            As I waited for the bus to pick me up, I sat in the living room, the television was turned down low. I had a scratch pad on my lap and a pen in hand. His words echoed in my head. I had hurt him. How could I have been the person to not only want to cheat on my long time boyfriend with a man I had just met? How could I have that situation leave me broken hearted? And then, involved the most kind hearted man into my scattered life... I knew it would hurt him. I knew I was in the wrong... sometimes the wrong things are what we want most in life.

Words flowed out of my head and onto that blank sheet of paper in front of me.

You see perfect or pretty damn close... You see beautiful, but I know... I'm not what you want... It's not what you think... Inside of me ...Inside of me

The words seemed to hurt more and more they were wrote in black and white.

I'm scared... Cause I know I'll screw it up... I'll let you down... I'm so afraid... So I walk alone... I'm trying to help you out...

            Tears were freely flowing down the side of my face and dropping onto the black ink on the paper.

 Things aren't as they seem... In my heart I have seen who I am... Don't get close... You don't want to come in... The real me, isn't what you're thinking...

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something familiar. I glance up at the television screen to see a picture of Justin... then Aaron... then myself... The words "Love Triangle Exposed... coming up next" splashed across the screen. I wipe the tears on my face, reaching for the remote and turning up the volume. I think my body went into numbness.

 "...Hollywood's golden couple has fallen and fallen hard. Reports that Malia had an affair with her producer/friend Justin Timberlake rocked the music world. After months of claiming that they were just ‘great friends' the truth finally surfaces in the form of a public statement from none other than, Aaron Steele.  Aaron claims he confronted Timberlake and asked him bluntly about the allegations and Timberlake admitted that he and Malia had a sexual and emotional relationship. He also claims Timberlake ‘fell in love' with Malia, crushing Steele's heart... No statements were issued from either Malia or Justin's camp. I guess they are trying to find the silver lining in this ‘situation' and continue to be in hiding together."

I guess the real me had consequences to pay for my actions.

 "I tried to warn you, I tried to tell you last night. I wanted you to be prepared..." I heard her voice, but the world around me was closing in. "They are releasing his single to radio tomorrow... I have to tell you, it's not going to be good for you. He is using the connection with you and using Justin's name to put this thing to radio. It's not going to be good." Janelle sat down on the couch next to me. "Malia, he is claiming you were having an affair with Justin..."