I woke up antsy. The world was at my fingertips and I was the only person that can make my dreams come true is me. In the days since my emotional breakdown in the hotel room, with Justin, our conversations have become more spaced out.  We went from talking four times a day, to three, to two, to maybe once. Justin had one question for me that he didn't seem to like my answer to. I didn't think it was a question as important as he seemed to think it was.

"What would make you happy again?"

When I didn't answer it the way he thought I would or the way he wanted that question answered, I saw the disappointment on his face. I had a strong sentiment Justin was in a different place than I was. He was ready to jump into a relationship and I wasn't. Sex, I was for, relationship, not so much.

 I told him I needed to focus on me. I needed to focus on the tour. My personal life had to be put on the back burner for a while.  I now know that is not what he wanted to hear, but I was in my dark and twisty place and I knew I couldn't even possibly love him. I couldn't love myself, how was I ever going to give love to someone else. I really did care about him, but I had been hurt and that doesn't just go away. In reality I didn't know how I felt about him to even think it could be this long drawn out relationship. I had only met him weeks ago, the sex was incredible and I missed him when he wasn't around, but is that enough for a relationship? Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe I simply thought he was wanting more. Maybe that was my crazy thoughts going wild. Maybe my intuitions were off.  Maybe, just maybe, he was content with just sex as well.

It's only been a couple weeks, twelve days to be exact, since I have spent any real time with him. His schedule with mine, didn't mesh well. He had been on the east coast for most of the time. When I did get to see him it was in the sound stage or out to lunch quickly. With no one around me knowing that I wasn't dating Aaron anymore, our time was limited and secretive. There was one night in those twelve days that I got to feel him lay against me, I got to feel his arms wrapped around me. The few short hours I got to sleep next to him, was the best sleep I had in weeks. He had flown in just for the day to film a commercial and was flying out the next morning to somewhere else, in some other state, across the country. After the filming had wrapped he arrived at my condo, tired and drowsy, and we fell asleep instantly. But those hours were short lived when he got for his flight.

It was good. I had some time to find pieces of myself again. It was time I had that let me focus on work, it was what I wanted after all, right? But I missed having him around, I missed talking to him. I missed the way his hands felt on the small of my back. I missed the warmth of his embrace. I have to admit I was a little giddy at the idea of seeing him today.

So here it was bright and early the day of my very first tour date. The sun was shining brightly through the windows in my bedroom and the world seemed to be on my side for once. I climbed out of bed, heading straight for the coffee pot. My feet tapped off the chilled wood floors with my bare feet, I seemed to always turn the air as low as I could handle it and climb under the covers, but the wood in the morning was cold to walk on. I watched as the pot began to fill up before I flipped on the television. I had a couple hours to waste before I had to be down at the venue for all the press that was going to invade me today. I was going to relax. I was going to do nothing. Ding Dong. I turned towards the door, did I just hear that? Who the heck would be here this early? Ding Dong. I guess I was going to answer the door. I guess I was going to have a visitor.

The sun streamed in through the door as I opened it, revealing the one person I have wanted to see today. "Hi" I said nervously. He looked tired, and by the suitcase attached to his hand and his car not in the driveway, I was sure he came straight from the airport.

"Hi." He said back, "I know I said I would meet you at the venue but I couldn't wait any longer to see you."

"Come in." I said to him as my heart began to race. I had those butterflies I couldn't get rid of. "How are you? It's been days since I've talked to you."

He rolled the suitcase in the door, shutting it behind him. He turned back to look at me, stepping closer, "I couldn't find the words to say to you... I ..." he stepped even closer, "...That's a lie, I know what I wanted to say but... there is something I have wanted to do for weeks..." he leans in closer, pressing his lips to the side of my neck. Kissing slowly up my jaw line, lifting his head up slowly to catch my reaction to what he wanted. My head was thrown back, rushing with excitement. "I think this is what you have wanted as well..."

"I wanted you... I just wanted you." I took my hands over his face and pulled it into mine, pressing his lips onto mine. Taking the moment for what it was. "But this, this will do for now." I ran my hands over his face again, trying to wipe the tiredness look out of his eyes. I removed his fedora dropping it to the floor, revealing the growth of his previously shaven head. I look my hands and rub them over the length of his hair, "You didn't cut your hair..."

"I'm letting it grow back." He says smiling, pulling me closer to him, wrapping his arm around my frame, holding on tight.

"I think it's sexy." I ran my hand back over his head and down over the side of his face. Everything about this man was sexy.

His hands run along the seam of my shorts, twisting the fabric in his hands, resting this thumps on the curve of my bottom, before moments later they were laying next to his hat. The quick shuffle began. He ripped off his shirt, tossing it across the room as we got closer to the bedroom door. He unbuckled his jeans, dropping them in the doorway. I tore my tank top up over my head, the cold air on my skin caused goose bumps to form and my upper body to shake. "Do you want me to make you hot? Take away those goose bumps..." he asked, placing his hand on my shoulder, pushing me on the bed.

"Make me hot... give me those goose bumps only you can give me." I said wiggling up the bed, only to have him pull me back down to the edge by my feet. Slowly trailing his fingers over my stomach, over my sensitive lips and down my legs, widening them so he had the access he wanted. His lips went to my upper thigh, kissing every inch, looking up at me with complete lust in his eyes. He didn't say a single word, an enormous smiled widened on his face as he was dead center about to make me experience a wave of pleasure. He pressed his lips down gently, kissing my lips, he looked up at me, smiled again then his tongue entered my opening, his focus was directly on what he was trying to accomplish. His tongue went back and forth, rough, then gentle, circling his tongue over my clit, making my body started to jostle around. My back arched off the mattress, moving away from him. My hands were twisted into the sheets, holding on for dear life. Not removing his tongue he sucks harder pulling me back down to the edge, returning to the forcefulness that his mouth had control of. "Oh my god.... Ohhh....uh....." I felt it coming, I knew it was going to happen, maybe quicker than he wanted it to. He loved this part of foreplay. A smile never leaves his face when he gets to pleasure a woman with just his tongue. "JUSTIN, Oh my god!" I screamed, "Oh my GOD!" My hands twisted back in the sheets as my entire body stiffened into an arched off the bed. Sliding back up the bed, his mouth followed me, not letting me get rid of that feeling of my body losing control. I could feel the smile on his face as he widen my legs even further, pressing his tongue in deeper. When his hands went around my ass, pushing my center into his face, the wave of sensation exploded, but that didn't stop Justin. He wanted more. He kept going, causing a second wave to not only begin but be just as full forced as the first one. He lifted his head smiling from ear to ear as my body still pulsated from the sensation.

 He went straight for my neck, "Hot enough for you?" he whispered as be began nipping on my earlobe.

"Ugh" I escaped out of my lungs. I could feel my center still pulsating, almost throbbing harder than I was breathing. I tried to shake the feeling so I could return him the favor. Watching how his tongue could bring me to such a level of ecstasy turned him on and he was rock hard. He reached over to the table pulling a condom down, ripping open the wrapper, tossing it to the floor. He wanted to use the rock hard flesh before it exploded.

"Me first" I said pushing his hand out of the way, dropping the condom on the bed. I rolled on top of him, crawling backwards down the bed, running my hands over his abdomen, placing my hand over his hardened cock, licking my lips and immediately dropped my mouth down over him. I began to take him all in, slowly releasing the hold I had around his cock with my mouth. "FUCK." He said grunting. I circled my tongue around his head and back down the shaft, inserting him into my mouth again, bobbing my head up and down at a rapid pace. I ran my tongue over his head again, licking my lips, tasting his release on my lips. "FUCK ME!" he said as I towering my mouth over him again, looking up at him this time I see his eyes roll in the back of his head. His eyelashes flutter rapidly before his ocean blue eyes were open again for me to see. I was intent on watching his face, watching his reaction watching every move he made. His body began to stiffen, rising up off the bed and before I knew it he was exploding into my throat. I knew it wouldn't take him long. He was well over half way there before I started. I released him, letting him rest for just a second as I rolled the condom down over his still rock hard cock.

"No way." He said moving quickly to get on top and in control. His lips went down on mine and slowly he entered me, adjusting himself inside of me he began moving his hips slowly, pushing himself completely in. He kept his lips on mine as he continued to keep up his rhythm.  The pace is much different than the foreplay was. He is more sensual this time. Slow and steady was his priority, he was savoring every second he had.

Making love with him was nothing like it has ever been for me in my life. I have had my share of great partners and I have had my share of not so good partners. I had experienced many things in my life, but never... ever in my life have I experienced this feeling. Everything seemed to be electrified times a hundred. Just the simple touch of his skin on mine sent shock waves through my body.

Staring at his chest raising and falling as he tried to catch his breath from exhaustion, I see the beauty that few ever get to see. The definition of his jaw line thrown back in the pillow was sexy. Words couldn't describe how such a simple thing could radiate so much sexiness. His eyebrows seemed to lift with every breath, it was a cute thing I have noticed he does after a strenuous activity. His face slowly turned towards me, "What?" he asked smiling. That smile was going to be the end of me. If anything was going to make me weak at the knees it was going to be that infectious smile.

"Nothing..." I snuggled my nose into his face, placing light kisses on his check. The stubbles, from where he clearly didn't shave this morning, tickled the side of my face. I climbed over him, resting my hands on the bed around his shoulders. "Just enjoying the beauty..."

He pulled my face down to his, taking my lips onto his, taking my breath away with his touch. "The beauty is you... the real beauty is what I'm staring at."

I stared into his eyes, seeing the most gorgeous blues eyes I have ever seen in my life. The color distinction was remarkable, each shade of blue blended so perfectly. My eyes rolled down over the bridge of his nose, to his lips, watching his tongue wet his lips lightly. He was gorgeous. "I missed you." I said softly, laying my head down on his chest listening to his heart rate begin to slow to a normal pace. I could listen to his heart beat all day. It has become one of my favorite things with him. I enjoy these moments, I enjoyed lying next to him, or on top of him after we had sex. I loved those simple moments.

"I missed you so much." He said back in a whisper, he wrapped his arms around me holding on tight, he wiggled like he was uncomfortable.

"Does this bother you? Me lying on top of you?" I asked, hoping I could stay right where I was.

"No... I'm enjoying it thoroughly." His grip got tighter.

"I'm not crushing you?" I laughed.

"Just my playboy image." He joked.

"Sorry Timberlake. I won't tell anyone you like to cuddle after having mind blowingly phenomenal sex..."

"Thanks. That helps!" I felt his chest and neck stretch into a smile. "If you were to slip up and say something, just be sure to use those exact words. It could be great for my future hook ups."

"Duly noted, I'll be sure to pass on the information to the next girl..."

"There isn't going to be a next girl." He said firmly.

I closed my eyes, what was I going to say to that? How do you respond to something like that? Before I could register his words completely and respond my phone starting ringing, scaring the crap out of me. I jumped at the sound of the ringer.

"Let's just lay here..." Justin said, brushing the hair out of my face. "Just a couple more minutes, I don't want this moment to end..."

I lay there, continuing to rest my head on his bare chest. When the phone rang two more times, I made the decision to get up. Either I had forgot to do something this morning, or something had happened. I needed to get out of bed. I reached to the table picking up the phone to see that I missed calls from my mother. "Shit. It was my mother..." I jumped off that bed quickly, as I read the text message.

Why is my key not working on your front door?? Are you not home?

"Shit. Shit. Shit." I bent down picking up my shorts off the floor, scanning the room for my tank top that seemed to be missing. "Justin, you have to get up... you have to put some clothes on..."

He stretched out over the bed, "Come back to bed... we can take a nap before..."

I cut him off, "My mother is at the front door. If you would like to meet her like that..." I motioned at him and his nakedness "That's fine, but she will be in this house in just a few minutes."

The smile on his face was ridiculous, "I'm good with that." I shot him the death glare, "Ok ok I'll put on some clothes."

Instead of thinking to myself, I was rambling out loud. "Shit. What am I going to say to her about why he is here? In my condo? At the crack of dawn? What excuse could I come up with? Shit. This is why I don't keep secrets. Fuck." I looked over at him when I realized that I had said it loud and clear. His face dropped, his smile was gone. "I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that..."

"It's fine. I understand." He said in a monotone voice. However his face said more than he did.

I walked over to him, "I'm sorry, she just doesn't know anything that's happen with Aaron..."

 He picked up his jeans off the floor, pulling them up onto his body as he walked through the living room, picking up his shirt. I passed him as he said, "Malia, you just need to know that I won't stay your big secret. I deserved more than that..."

I walked back across the room to him, "Can we talk about this later, please..."

"Yeah, whatever." He rolled his eyes picking up his hat, placing it back on his head.

I seem to make a mess, don't I? I placed my hand on the door handle, closing my eyes and took a deep breath. "Mom!" I said excited when the door finally opened. "Sorry, my phone wasn't near me... come in, come in..."

"Malia honey, why doesn't my key work anymore? Did you have a problem with break-ins?" And there she was, my mother, the over thinker. She was very well known for being over worried about everything before there was even a worry to think about.

"No, I just changed the locks. I got you a copy of the new one." I shut the door, listening to her ramble on more about the locks.

"There would have to be a reason why you changed them so quickly, you didn't even tell me..." She continued.

"Mom..." I stopped her. "Everything's fine. I just changed the locks. Not a big deal." We walked further into the condo, taking the extra key I had made for her out of the drawer. I handed it to her as I see Justin sitting in the chair at the table with his computer open. He didn't seem too happy sitting there. I had pissed him off, again.  "Mom, this is Justin" I said pointing at him, "Justin this is my mother, Kate."

He stood out of his chair, reaching out to hug her. "Hi, it's very nice to meet you, Kate. How was your drive in this morning?" he asked her.

"There is a reason I never lived in Los Angeles. I hate the traffic. I don't know how you all put up with it every day. And privacy, wow, this house is right next to the neighbors."

"I hate the traffic myself sometimes." Justin expressed. "But I don't live this close to the city, so I have a little more privacy. That's the biggest issue I have with L.A."

I watched as my mother and Justin had a civil conversation about every day things. They seemed to get along. His voice never rose in a disrespectful manor, at anything she said. Her eyebrows never flared at anything he said. The smiles on their faces as they spoke were genuine. She never spoke to him like he was ‘Justin Timberlake' or 'Mr. SexyBack' as she calls him. She spoke to him as a human. Not only did she talk to him, she enjoyed having a conversation with him. That wasn't something I had seen from her with Aaron for years. I don't think she ever spoke the way she is speaking to Justin.

She excused herself to the restroom leaving us alone.

Justin's head snaps over to look at me, he closed his eyes, dropping his head as he walked towards me. "I'm sorry. I was an ass about you wanting to... I'm just sorry. I understand, I really do know why you don't want to make a scene out of us yet but I... Just I'm sorry."

I leaned in and kissed him, talking to him right on his lips. "Thank you. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

 "You better believe you will..." He nipped down on my bottom lip. "I need to get going. I have some work to do before your show tonight. Things I should have already done today. Trace is on his way to pick me up."

I didn't want to let go of him, but I did. "You sure did waste a lot of time here this morning..."

"Time well wasted! No regrets." He shook his head smiling at me. He walked over to the door, dropping his laptop into his suitcase and pulling it behind him towards the door. His words should have made me feel good about myself. But in those words I only heard Aaron's hatred. "Are you okay?" he asked stopping at the door.

I met him back at the doorway. "I'm fine, just a lot going on in this mind of mine today." I saw the car pull up in the driveway through the glass panels of the door.

He leaned in kissing me again, "Stop thinking. Relax. I'll see you in a couple hours."

I watched him climb into the passenger side of the car. "Bye." I mumbled to myself. Trace nodded his head and waved. I waved back before going into the condo. I went straight for my bedroom. The day had to start at some point, I might as well be early to the venue and get it started. I rounded the corner, "SHIT!" I screamed. I put my hand over my heart, "You scared the crap out of me." My heart was racing. I knew she was here, I guess I just forgot she was here.

"Mia, where is Aaron?"

"Ugh." I said frustrated. "Not here." I walked past her, attempting to avoid the questions I knew she was bound to start throwing at me.

"Mia, do not walk away from me."

I turned quickly in my bedroom, turning back to see her standing right there. "Why are you calling me Mia again? I'm not five."

"I have always called you Mia, what is wrong with you today."

She was right. For as long as I can remember she has called me Mia. I was just irritated with anything she said now that I knew she wasn't going to let up. "Nothing." Nothing was wrong until she got here and started asking questions. Before she got here, I didn't have a worry about anything.

"There is something going on because you are not yourself today." She started pointing at the table, "Where is the photo of you and Aaron from Christmas? The one you always loved, the black and white one. It used to sit right here..."

                "They're gone. I took them all down."

                "Does that mean...?" she asked.

                "Yes, Aaron and I are no longer together. Your wish is granted mother." I began to drop all the things I needed into my bag. The suitcases were lined against the wall that I was taking with me.  I couldn't believe I was doing this all alone. I knew that Aaron wouldn't be on the road with me constantly but I didn't think I would be completely alone for this adventure.

"Malia, I want you to be happy..." My mother said stepping up behind me, placing her hand on my back.

                I turned to look at her. "Well, I wasn't happy, so I ended things."

                "And this Justin guy? Who is he?" She asked. She was good at trying to prey information, but this wasn't information she was going to get.

                "Justin is just a friend." The words swallowed hard. "Let's go. We have to get to the venue.

Camera lenses, lights, and people filled the space. All had questions and wanted answers. One by one I finally end the press interviews. The stress of everything started about two minutes into those interviews. When the first person asked if I was nervous I said no, but I had officially had the nervous bug running through my body at that point. It set in that I was going to headline a concert tonight and it was going to be all me. I was scared, nervous, and panicking. The backstage area had started to fill up with the crew, band members, friends and family. As the cameras started leaving the venue, the crew finished sitting up the chairs and they stage. I found myself sitting in a section about fifty five rows up from the floor. I watched them piece together everything that needed done. They didn't get the credit they deserved for the work they put into each show.

I was about to do this. I couldn't think about anything else. My foot nervously tapped the side of the chair in front of me. I had to pull myself together.

"MALIA!" I heard a male voice echo on the microphone and through the venue. "Malia, where are you?" He looked out over the seats, placing his hand over above his eyes. I stood and walked down the steps, one by one, inching closer and closer. "There you are." he said as I got steps away from the stage. "Are you ready for sound check?"

"Yes." I said not so convincing.

"They are going to bring in some of the contest winners in just a few minutes to watch sound check before they meet you."

"I'm ready."

Sound check came and gone. Meet and greet, gone. I was alone in my dressing room. Why today of all days was I so alone? There was people surrounding me at all angles, but I was alone. I had no one to share this with. I sat on that couch, collecting my thoughts and my emotions. I had to get them all in check. I had a show to do. I had to put my shoes on and get my act together.

I felt the warmth of his arms wrap around me and his face come down beside mine, snuggling his nose onto my shoulder, placing light kisses up my collarbone. "Miss me?" he asked.

I turned around on that couch, climbed on my knees, eyeing the door and the room around us. It was empty. I glanced into his eyes pulling his face into mine. I took on his lips as if it was the first time all over again. Our tongues danced together until we were out of breath. "I take that as a yes?" he joked.

"Thank you." I blurted out. He looked confused. "Thank you for just being you. Thank you for being a friend to me..."

"The pleasure is all mine, I promise you that." he said walking around the couch to sit on the table in front of me. He reached down and helped strap my shoes on securely. "These are smoking hot." He ran his fingers over the heels and up the side of my leg.

"To bad you won't be able to remove them later..." I winked at him. I needed some light hearted banter to calm these nerves a little.

He shakes his head no, "I'm not going anywhere, we will bring them home with us tonight."

I stood up adjusting the mic pack on the back of the elastic belt that blended right into the outfits. "Ha!" I laughed, "Who said you were coming home with me?" I ran my finger down over my chest, between the deep v of the first outfit.

My body was forcefully pulled into his, the rush of excitement made me forget about everything else going on around me. I wanted him. I wanted every piece of him again. My eyelashes flutter rapidly and my entire body shook. "Do I turn you on?" he asked in a soft, sensual tone as he hands ran down my chest, over my stomach and around to cup his hands on my ass.

I turned my face away from his. I couldn't let him have this affect on me. I couldn't let this guy in particular have this much control over my wants and desires. I closed my eyes, attempting to diminish the thing ideas of what I wanted to do with him at that very moment. Not seeing him didn't help because I could still feel his hands on my ass holding me against his body. I could still smell his overwhelming, ‘come and get me' scent. The door opened and I quickly stepped back, moving as fast as I could to be away from him. His touch. He lips. He hands. His fingers. There stood Janelle, suspicious face and all.

"Hold still." he said adjusting the belt with the mic pack. I stood still, playing his game. He must have been caught a time or two before and knew how to get out of the situation. That was not so comforting.

I looked up at her, "Hey! I didn't think you were going to make it tonight." I wiggled away from him rushing across the room to hug her. She stepped back giving me an uneasy feeling. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing." She said, however it was as convincing as a ‘I'm fine' comment.

"How was your flight?" I asked.

"Crazy." She kept looking over at Justin and back at me. Her suspicions were on high alert. "I need to talk to you."

My body tensed up, "Is everything okay?"

"Not really." She shook her head.

I looked over at Justin, giving him the get out look.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving." He threw up his hands. "Make sure that belt is secure before you go out there."

"I will. Thanks for the help."

The door wasn't even closed and she started barking at me. "What the hell is going on there?"

"Nothing Janelle. He was helping me get ready. I'm a nervous wreck." Guilty. I must have the details wrote on my face because I was sure at that moment she knew about everything. Every moment, every kiss, every touch. She knew, somehow she knew.

"It didn't look like nothing."

I was confused, wasn't she the same person that thought we were already together and wanted that to happen weeks ago? Wasn't she the person that was ticked off that I was still with Aaron, the last time she was in town? "You said there was something wrong? What's up?"

She still didn't believe me, which she had reasons not to. "Universal Signed Aaron today. I tried to say no, but they did it anyhow."

"I love you Janelle. But we are not talking about Aaron today." I walked over to the table, placing the mic pack into the belt. Shit. I thought, Justin was supposed to have already done this. Just be calm.

I watched her eyes, watching everything I was doing.

"Malia... we need to talk about this."

"After the show, please I don't need anything distracting me from what I need to do in just a few minutes."

"Please don't forget... after the show we need to talk. I need you to know something before... "

I cut her off and I started stretching my legs, warming my muscles up. "I will I promise." She didn't like that answer but it was almost show time. I didn't want to think about anything to do with Aaron.

"Five minutes to show" Sam yelled down the hallway. "Everyone needs to be out here and ready! Let's go!!"

This was it.

Everyone gathered in that tiny space behind the stage. I had to say something, but what I was going to say escaped my mind. Words left me. Matt reached down and grabbed my hand, nodding at me. Giving me the push I needed. "This is the start of a journey I never thought I would be privileged enough to get to do. It all started with a little forced push from Matt over here..." he reached out and pulled me in for a hug.  "Without his encouragement, this night would never have come into the picture. Everyone in this room deserves all my gratitude. You have all worked your asses off to make this show what it's about to be. I am glad I get to share this moment in my life with each and every one of you in this room right now. I love each of you.-Let's get out there and show L.A. what we can do!" Everyone closed in together, arms latched together; we form an enormous group hug.

The band leaves me, the dancers leave me, I was there alone and ready to hit the stage. I drop my head to say a silent prayer. I can do this.

I feel Justin's arm around my waist. He kisses my forehead. "I need to get to my seat. I want to see the entire show. Have fun out there!"

There I was, standing on my mark and everything around me is dark. The tiny little lights surrounding the venue, cell phones, camera flashes... the roar of the crowd gives me goose bumps. This is it.