The end of something should just be that. The end. Understanding the concept of moving on wasn't so cut and dry but when something needed to be over long before it was, there was no excuse. I wasn't stopping him from going; I am the one that wanted him gone. I could have been that girl. I could have let him do what he wanted and pretend I couldn't see it. But I wasn't that girl. I wasn't content. I wasn't happy. I was unhappy.

I took my hair down, running my hands through it only to pull it back up into a ponytail walking down the hallway. Hoping and praying no one notices the tiny details. Maybe they would think that I was still flushed in the face from dancing around the stage.

"I'm worried." Sam said the moment I sat down to talk with him, rubbing his hands over his face as he sat back on the couch. I wanted this entire situation to be over with. I didn't want to see or speak to Aaron again. I wanted it to be done. But from the tone in Sam's voice, this was far from over. "Aaron seems to think there is some misunderstanding. He says he still loves you."

Love. He threw that word around too often for me to even think he meant the strength of that word anymore. "There is no misunderstanding. He was fucking someone in my bed when I walked in that house... but that doesn't even matter, I haven't been happy for a long time. I just want to be done with this relationship and start over."

He sighed heavy. "I'm worried he is going to make a scene about this. He isn't going to walk away empty handed in a sense." He shuffled around in his seat, "I don't think your realize who you are in this industry. Your name... your name is out there and it sells tabloids. You have the number one album and single in the country... everyone wants a piece of you and Aaron knows that."

Why couldn't Aaron simply be the bigger person, be the man and walk away from this. I still had hopes that he would. "He doesn't have anything on me. I was the perfect little girlfriend for the entire time we were together."

He tilted his head downwards but looking right at me. "So, Justin..."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Caught. I took a deep breath, he knew nothing. "He has nothing on me, I promise you."

"As long as that's the truth, we are good to go. He is out of your condo, the locks were changed and the furniture company is delivering a new bad and mattress tomorrow..."

"Thank you. I really appreciate all you have done for me."

"I know you do... now get out there and work on that show." He waved for me to go away.

Walking down that long hallway, I had the greatest idea for the cover. I knew it was the song I wanted to do but it was the perfect way to do it. A light switch had been flipped on and my brain was actually working again. My pace became quicker, almost a run down the narrow hallway onto the stage. My legs and hands are fidgety as I wait patiently for Joel and Justin's conversation to be finished. My foot began to tap, "Malia..." Joel asked, "What are you clearly very excited about? Something that is causing your whole body to shake from excitement?"

"I figured it out." I expressed, "I know how to do that cover!"

His eyes widen, "And..."

Justin moves in on the conversation, "What song did you want to do?"

An enormous smile ran across my face. "SexyBack"

His face was both shocked and annoyed. "Please tell your kidding?"

"Actually I'm not. That song was an enormous song for you. It was a song that can never be created again but anyone. It's something that people can try to duplicate but it just won't happen..."

"I almost hate that song." he said rolling his eyes. He was annoyed by my choice.

"Why?" I asked, surprised.

He placed his hand over his chest, "Don't get me wrong. I love the song. I'm proud of it and everything it did but... I guess I just of tired of hearing that I was this overly cocky man who thought he was literally bringing sexy back."

I started to talk with my hands, like I always do. "But they were talking about you. That's what it's about. Everyone in the world had listened to the song. They all made it what it was..." I shrugged my shoulders. "And you did bring sexy back."

"You're funny Malia..." Annoyed Justin didn't seem to like my sense of humor as much as Sexy Justin did. "I know and I understand it. It's just a love hate relationship with it.... Why do you want to do that song? I have plenty of other songs... that is the last one I thought you were interested in."

"For all of those reasons..." My giddiness ran from my fingers to my toes remembering a specific day. "... The day I met you on Ellen, I called my mother and was telling her about everything that happened... I told her I met you and she instantly was like, you mean Mr. SexyBack? You got to meet him?... I laughed at first because my mother was calling you Mr. SexyBack but that song is how she knew you. She referred to you as that instead of your name... that says something. That one song could define a generation of music."

"Ok, that's going a little far. Plus the only thing it says is that women old enough to be my mother listen to my music..."

"No." I said trying to convince him I was right, "That song hit a spark with every generation. That song had no boundaries."

He nods his head, "... I see your point, but..."

I didn't let him finish. "Here's the twist. I don't want to just cover the song..." He was listening intently now. "I wanna almost tell it from the female's point of view. I want her to be talking to you as the male, and her telling him what she wants to do to him..."

He stands contently, shaking his head as if he agrees.

I continued to ramble. "The line that says, ‘So, turn around and I'll pick up his slack'... change it to ‘So, turn around and I'll pick up where she slacked' keep the chorus but change up some of the other lines..."

 "You are a freaking genius." Justin says as he is now hearing in his head what I have running through mine. "‘Let me make up for the things she lacked' it's the perfect spin on it."

"Joel?" I asked, turning back to him. "What do you think?"

"The original creator of that song is standing right here. It's not my song, I think he said it all."

"Do you think it will work though, from the music standpoint for my show?"

"Are we changing it at all?" He asked.

"I'm sure there will be some tweaking but no I think leaving the exact beat makes it what it is."

"I think it will work. I think it fits who you are and it represents the song as well..." He immediately went over to his keyboard and started playing with the sound. Bouncing his head to the sound of that song.

I turned back over to Justin who is off in some other place, staring straight ahead, bobbing his head, the jukebox in his head was pretty loud. He went off into his world. The look over his face became distant, but in good way. He was always happy in his music world. "Maybe you could record something to show up on the screen of you starting the song, then it scratches over and my band picks up the song and I jump out on stage somehow... and start singing a the slightly different version?"

He moved closer towards my space, closing in the distance between us, he hand went over the groove of my cheekbone, relaxing his hand over my face. He began to speak, but my heart was racing a mile a minute, the only thing I heard him say was, "Malia- you're brilliant."

"Yea, yea, I know..." I rolled my eyes, trying to relax myself. "Let's get to work." I bent down to pick up the notepad on the speaker.

Justin bent down with me as well, at eye level again he says, "I was thinking, we could get out of here, get some dinner... go back to the room..."

Still bent down, I look at him. I know this is what he wants, "Don't you think we should work on this song?" I looked over at the clock on the wall, it was only after seven in the evening. There were too many hours left in the day to bail out already.

He stood slowly, "There's always tomorrow... I... I can't be here anymore." He said turning not looking at me anymore.

"Are you tired?" I asked, trying to get him to look at me.

"No." He shook his head.

I took my hand and forced him to look at me. "Are you okay?"

"I can't answer that." His eyes looked lost again. There was a distance in them that I had seen earlier tonight.

I stepped closer to him, he stepped back quickly. He didn't want to be close to me anymore. "We can go." I said nervously. "We'll go."

                I knew everything that had been bothering him, was my fault. I was causing that emptiness in his eyes. I was causing the pain and confusion. I had to end that for him.

I drove back to the hotel alone. It was just a couple blocks over, but it felt like it would take an eternity to get there.  I wasn't even sure if he was going to return with me. When he climbed into his car I saw his head drop and the guilt return to his face. He had nothing to be guilty of. But he was wrong; the only person that needed to be guilty was me. I should have found a way to tell him, I should have not let him push the issue aside. I should have just said it. And that is exactly what I was going to do.

I pulled in the parking garage and he was no where around. I waited a couple minutes and decided I would go up to the room. The two men standing in the corner of the garage attempting to hide from me aren't hiding so well with that camera that has a red light on it, blinking. I didn't need to give them a reason to stay. If I went inside they would leave, hopefully.

The room was muggy and quiet. The message light of the hotel phone was blinking. It didn't matter to me who it was; I had to make things okay with Justin again.

Nervously I went through my luggage as I waited for him to join me. My head kept turning back to the door, waiting for it to open. Jeans, tanks and t-shirts filled my luggage. I had nothing to wear, nothing I wanted to wear anyways. I really should be able to go back to my own condo. I couldn't take that chance just yet. Twenty minutes go by and it sets in that he wasn't coming. A part of me was ticked off that he made this scene of wanting to get out of there. He should have just said he wanted to leave. I could still be there working out some details. But the other part of me was hurt. I had no reason to feel that way, but I did.

With a heavy heart I got in the shower. I stood under the steaming hot water, letting it run over my body. I guess I hoped it would wash away all the stupid choices I had made. I had hoped that it would clean away this mess I had caused. It didn't. I slide into my robe that I always traveled with, seeing a silhouette in the mirror, a reflection of myself should have been there but it's not what I saw. I saw the blurriness of my life, my relationship with Aaron ending, the friendship I may have lost with Justin, the mess I now call my life. My legs beneath me collapsed and I hit to the floor sobbing into my hands.

Crying was a sign of weakness, and I was as weak as they come.

These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase.

I could talk my way around things most times. I could convince someone I was fine, I could even convince myself for the most part. But alone in this hotel room I feel the pain of heartbreak. I feel the pain of loneliness. For the first time I have let myself feel pain of losing a piece of my heart. I felt the guilt of what I had done to Justin, what I continued to do to Justin. This wasn't the person I was. I wasn't sure what had come over me.

"Malia-" I heard Justin's voice, panicking and his footsteps getting closer, "Oh my god, Malia." He rushed into the bathroom, falling to the floor where I was huddled over on crying into my hands. I lifted my head slightly enough to let him know I was ok. He reached down, tucking his hands and arms under my body, cradling me in his arms, carrying me over to the bed. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I couldn't get a grip on the emotions that were running through my system. "Malia, I'm here..." he said rubbing the side of my face, wiping away the tears rolling down my face. "I'm here..."

"Please, just leave me..." I begged, pushing myself away from him. "Just leave, save yourself from me..."

"I'm not going anywhere." He curled up beside me, pulling my body back close to him.

I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't deserve to have the compassion of this man. "Justin, just go..."

"Malia I'm not leaving. Tell me what happened?" he pleaded.

I laid there in his arms, in arms I didn't deserve to be in. "I'm weak."

"Do I need to take you to the hospital?" he asked scrambling to get up on the bed, he was worried now.

I sat up slowly, feeling the weight become heavier as I pushed my body upright. "I broke up with Aaron." I exhaled a deep breath with those words escaping my lungs. I finally said it. The words were set free. Those words were like razors, cutting as they flowed out. The release from his worries was instant in his eyes. "I don't know why it was so difficult to say those words. I wasn't happy. I wanted it to end. I chose that decision..." My covered my face with my hands, crying tears I didn't think I had in me.

He leans in and takes my hand into his, "Just because it was something you knew you should do. Just because it was your choice, doesn't make it hurt any less. You ended a part of your life. It's ok to be hurting."

"I let you think... I should have..." My words were not forming any kind of sentences.

"Breath Malia, breath." He said lifting my chin up to look at him.

"I broke up with Aaron." I said it again. "I broke up with Aaron... yesterday."

"Ok..." he said in his understanding voice. I couldn't believe he was this amazing of a person and he was sitting next to me, comforting me.

"I broke up with him before we crossed that line... I tried to tell you... I tried so many times and either I couldn't form the words or you didn't want to hear it. I didn't want anyone to know... I didn't want to be that girl... but I can't handle seeing that pain in your eyes anymore. I can't handle seeing that guilt in your eyes... I'm not one to cheat Justin. I have never... I ... I know I crossed lines with you... -"

He cut me off, putting his pointer finger over my mouth. "Malia. Shut up."

My eyes widened, "I'm sorry... what?" I couldn't believe he just said that to me.

"None of that matters. Never think that you are at fault for anything I choose to do. I am a grown man, my own person, I make those choices. If I am guilty of something, let me feel the guilt."

"I don't want to lose you..." I confessed. I know we haven't known each other long but I feel like I have known you forever. I honestly don't know what I would do if you hated me."

"I could never hate you." He pulled me closer to him. "I was feeling guilty because I'm not that guy. I have never... but don't for a minute that it was your fault. We made choices."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I said trying to relieve my own guilt for holding that information to myself.

"I wish you would have, but I understand. Saying those words makes it real. Saying those words out loud is hard to do for the first time."

"Sam seems to think Aaron is going to make a scene."

"I wouldn't be surprised. That's the type of person he is." Justin said with such truth.

                Why had I not seen that this was the person he was? How could I have been with him for years and not seen what everyone else could see in him just minutes of knowing him. I guess love is blind. I chose not to see this side of him, maybe I didn't want to see that side of him. I wanted to believe that I had found a good guy and everyone around me seemed to judge him without really knowing him. But maybe I was the one wrong.

                Opting on ordering takeout food and have it delivered was the best and only option we had. From the window of this hotel room, I can see the lens of a camera every couple feet, through the blinds. The moment we stepped foot in this hotel the paparazzi have begun to swarm around the building. They must have seen Justin come in after I did. They were stationed in their spots and had no intentions on leaving. It still seemed strange to me that they would simply stand out there and wait, and wait for maybe nothing. Seemed a waste of a day to me.

                I cleaned off the coffee table in the suite, which was still covered in my clothing scattered all over the place. I had stepped out of the view of the doorway, I didn't need the delivery guy seeing me in next to nothing and Justin in only a pair of shorts. This random person did need to see the outcome of what we have obviously been doing the entire evening. Hopefully the guy wouldn't recognize Justin, hopefully the guy was oblivious to who he was. Not so lucky. "Oh fuck." The guy said the moment I heard the door open. "I'm sorry." He said, knowing how inappropriate that was.

"How much is it?" Justin asked politely, attempting to assure him that he was just like anyone else.

"I don't have a clue. I lost my train of thought. I didn't expect it to be Justin freaking Timberlake at the door."

Justin smiles and hands him money, "Keep the change."

"Thanks man. Wow, I can't believe I just delivered food to you."

Justin latched the bag in his hand. "You are going to be hounded when you walk out the doors of the hotel. They are going to assume you delivered to this room and make it quite difficult for you to leave."

"Thanks, I saw them out there when I came in. No worries man I won't say a word."

                Justin shut the door behind him bringing the food over to the table, joining me on the floor. Only we would rather sit on the floor at the coffee table than to sit at that grand table in the suite. Our white take out containers flipped open, filling the space with the smell of food. There was a weird silence in the room but it wasn't awkward. It was almost just an understanding between the two of us. He understood that and was amazing about it. A lot had happened today and I wasn't sure how tomorrow would turn out.

                "How is your heart?" Justin asked, reaching his hand across the table, placing it over mine.

"It hurts... for a lot of reasons."

"It's going to hurt for a while. I wish there was something I could say or do to take away that pain..."

A smile, lingered on my face. He was incredible. "I'm glad I have you here, even if it is just for a moment."

"I will be here as long as you need me to be here." His sweet smile spreads across his face, causing the flutter in my stomach to go crazy.

As much as I would personally love that, I couldn't let him do that. And I had an entire show to prefect; he would be a major distraction from everything that needed done. "I know your schedule is busy, I'm not going to keep you here."
"I want to be here." He lifted himself up on his knees, bracing himself on the table, leaning his body towards mine, kissing my forehead. "If I didn't want to be here with you, I would have left by now."

I looked down at my food, moving it around with the fork, not really eating any of it. There was more that I had to tell him, he needed the whole truth. I continued to move around the food, pushing it to the sides of the container. "When I left your apartment in NYC and flew home..." My words seemed to flow out easier this time. "I found Aaron in bed with another woman..." I stood up from that floor, walking to the glass windows overlooking Hollywood Boulevard through the blinds.

"Malia... why didn't you tell me." He said following me to the window.

The idea that I was the one that had been cheated on was mind blowing. Yes, I told him I was done but is that grounds for having someone in my bed that very same night? Who was I to judge though? Granted I was in the arms of a man in his bed but it was his apartment. Aaron was in my bed, in my condo with another woman. "I don't want it to be a big deal. I don't want to be the girl that was cheated on, I wanted to end things and be done." I was the fool who had been cheated on this time, I thought to myself.

He stood behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I closed my eyes, feeling the dam about to be burst again, "You know it's ok to be hurt and angry and pissed off. This was something that happened to you, you have that right."

I pulled myself out of his arms, turning to look directly into his eyes. "I wasn't that innocent Justin. I remember clearing being stark ass naked, sleeping in your bed, wrapped in your arms..."

"That was different." He attempted to clarify.

"No, it wasn't. We may not have had sex that night but we had all intentions of it. I have no right to judge him. I was just as much in the wrong as he was. In a way I guess karma got me..."

                This was karma biting me in the ass. This was what I deserved. All the guilt, the betrayal, the emptiness, the heartache, all of it, I deserved it. I had done some things that were questionable with Justin and Aaron did what he did. Neither of us were the innocent party. I am to blame for him cheating. I'm to blame.

"Stop-" he demands, "Malia, he fucked up, he cheated and you are hurting. It's ok to hurt. You can't put the blame on yourself though... I have been in your shoes. I understand that level of pain and confusion... I have been there."

Broken hearted wasn't something I thought was going to be an issue during this break-up but I was heartbroken. I didn't want to be alone tonight, but I also didn't want Justin to stay. I didn't deserve him. So as I lie in his arms and listen to his heart beat, I feel guilty. His words had truth in them but I didn't believe them just yet.