"Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to"

Song and Lyrics: "Goodbye To You"- Michelle Branch

I stood paused in front of door that led downstairs to the studio, my hand gripping the knob tightly. My heart was pounding in my chest. The last time I'd been down here was to clean up the mess I'd made when I'd finally figured out that Madison had indeed left me and was not coming back.

I remembered that day vividly now. It was also one of the last times I'd talked to JC. I had contacted him to find out if he'd heard from Madison and when he told me he had spoken to her and that she'd told him that she'd left me and wasn't coming back I stormed into the studio. I completely trashed the place, punching holes into the speakers, throwing the sound board onto the ground, my Mac computer smashed on the floor, sheet music and journals filled with years' worth of lyrics and chord progressions scattered all over. Looking back on it now, it had to have been one of my darkest days. The day that JC had come to find me sitting amidst the mess I'd made came in a close second.

JC clapped me on the back, shaking me from my reverie. "You ready, J?" he asked, giving me a careful smile. I puffed out the breath I'd been holding.

"Guess so." I responded, turning the knob and pushing the door open, staring down the steps into the darkened room. I walked down slowly, my pulse increasing the closer I came to reaching the bottom step.

I flipped the light switch on my way by, bathing the room in a soft light.

Everything was just as JC had left it. After seeing the damage I'd done to my equipment, he'd offered to replace the stuff for me. At the time I could've cared less. But JC, ever my best friend in the entire world, somehow knew even back then that I would someday be back at this point. Looking at it now, I didn't know how I could ever repay him.

"You ok dude?" JC asked, taking a seat in one of the leather chairs. I bobbed my head ‘yes' at him.

The room in front of me blurred, showing me a completely different time.

"Justin, are you ok?" Her soft voice barely invaded my consciousness. I don't even think I acknowledged that I'd heard her. Just kept staring at the controls in front of me, and the blank piece of sheet music that had been sitting on the console, mocking me; laughing in my face that it seemed I had lost it.

"Justin?" she prodded again, this time settling her hands on my shoulders, giving a gentle squeeze.

I flinched just slightly and she removed her hands from me quickly, as if I'd burned her.

"No." I whispered hoarsely out into the dark room. I could barely make out her figure standing behind me in the reflection of the Plexiglas that separated the recording booth from the sound board. She came to lean casually against the console, reaching out a hand to run it over my cheek. "You've been down here for hours. Come to bed already. It's late. You're not getting any work done by having a staring contest with the sheet music."One side of her mouth pulled up to half smile at me. I didn't return it.

I clenched my fists against the desk, the muscle in my jaw twitching. "No."

She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you want me to sit down here with you? Do you want to talk about it? Maybe bounce some ideas off me?"

The veins in my arm popped the harder I clenched my fists; I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms.

"No. I don't want to talk to you about it."I breathed out harshly. "Baby, maybe you need to talk to someone about whatever it is that you're feeling. Talking things out is healthy. Maybe if you do that, the ideas will start flowing."

"I don't need to talk to some fucking shrink about my problems." I growled out, fisting the papers in front of me into a ball and throwing them to the side angrily. "I know what the fucking problem is!" I pushed back from the sound board console quickly, the rolling chair crashing against the wall behind me with the movement.

"And that is?"she questioned, standing upright and cocking a hip out to the side.

"YOU!" I shouted, and she gasped. "You're my problem. Ever since you walked into my life! I gave up everything to be with you! You're the reason that it's all gone!"

I barely registered the shocked look on her face at my words. I was too far gone into this personal hell that I'd created to care. It was her fault. She made me walk away from it all. She was the reason that I was unhappy now. She was the reason that I felt like something was missing from my life since she made me quit doing what I loved. She made the music go away.

It was all her fault.

"I'm the reason?!" she yelled back, fiery green eyes ablaze now as she looked at me. Normally I liked it when she was all riled up. She was sexy. "Do NOT pin this on me, Justin Randall. No one else made you refuse to sign that contract extension with Jive. I never ONCE told you that it was me or your career. I TOLD you that you should keep going. I supported your career. I wanted you to sign that contract! If you're looking for someone to blame for all of this, look in the fucking mirror. You have no one to blame but yourself."

My eyes flared in anger. How dare she stand there and say that it was my fault! Was she delusional? If I'd never met her I'd still be out on that stage, touring, performing, and making music, doing what I loved. No, she was entirely to blame.

She turned on her heel to leave, climbing the steps back up to the main floor hastily. "Where the fuck are you going?" I shouted out, leaping in her direction, taking the steps two at a time as I followed her retreating form. I wasn't finished with this conversation yet.

She whirled around when I grabbed onto her wrist and for a second I thought she was going to take a swing at me.

"I quit, Justin. You want to blame it all on me? Fine. If that's what's going to help you sleep at night then, be my guest. But I'm not going to stick around while you throw accusations at me that are completely unfounded. You're so stuck inside your own head that you can't even tell which way is up anymore." She tore her arm from my grasp and continued her journey up the stairs to the second level and into our bedroom, retreating into the closet for a moment before coming back out, suitcase in hand.

I leaned against the doorframe, staring at her lazily. She wasn't really going to leave. We'd had similar discussions, (read: arguments), like this before. We always ended up making up. Tonight wouldn't be any different.

I watched as she threw piles of her clothes into the luggage, her flying about the room with frenzied motions. I moved to sit on the bed, she moved into the bathroom retrieving more of her belongings from there. "I tried to stand by and help you through this, Justin. I really did. I thought maybe it was just a phase you were going through but you haven't gotten any better. You're falling into this pit of depression that I don't think I can pull you out from anymore. And frankly, you seem to like it there. So, I'm done."

She zipped her suitcase up and put it onto the floor, dragging it behind her and out of the room without a second glance. I hopped up off the bed and followed behind, watching as the suitcase bumped down the stairs and rolled to the door that led to the garage.

She swiped her keys from the hook on the wall and grabbed her purse from the counter, slinging it over her shoulder before turning to me, her eyes glistening slightly with tears. "Justin, I love you more than life itself. I would've done anything for you if you had asked me to. But you're not the man I fell in love with. You haven't been for quite some time. I just can't do this anymore." Her voice hitched on the last word, one tear slipping down her cheek before she turned and opened the door and walked out. I heard the garage door go up and her car start, and I heard the garage door go back down.

I still wasn't convinced that she was really going to stay gone. She'd be back.

It wasn't ‘til a week had passed without any contact from her that I realized that she really was gone.

I sat down at the keyboard, fixing a few sound settings on it before I could start playing, and met JC's eyes through the window, showing him a nervous smile. I saw him reach for a button before his voice came on over the speaker. "You're going to do fine. Stop doubting yourself. I don't."

I nodded at him and placed my fingers on the keys, willing my heart to stop racing and pounding loudly in my ears.

"Whenever you're ready dude."

I played a note that sounded wrong and I winced. It definitely didn't make the sound that I wanted. I adjusted some levels, changing the settings before trying again.

Again it was wrong. I let out a frustrated grunt.

"You're over-thinking it." JC buzzed in. "Close your eyes. Just feel it. You'll know when it's right."

Right. Easy for him to say. He hadn't been out of the game like I had. Years ago, being in a studio had been like second nature to me. Came as natural as breathing, almost. Now, it was foreign. And the fact that I kept screwing things up was making it worse. My confidence that I could do this again and be any good what-so-ever at it was wavering.

Just feel it.

You'll know when it's right.

I kept chanting those two lines in my head, hoping that they'd ignite a fire in me and help me find what I was looking for.

My eyes landed on a picture of Madison and I that had been taped haphazardly to the wall one night in her effort to help me find inspiration for a song that I was writing with one of Johnny Wrights' new artists. It was taken at Chris' Halloween party the first year that we'd gotten together. She'd dressed up as the Queen of Hearts and I, the Mad Hatter. In it, she had my big green top hat on and her flamingo cane wrapped around my neck, both of us grinning like idiots for the camera, in love and completely drunk. The corner of my mouth twitched and I fought a smile.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and played the first chord that felt right, moving my fingers along the keys lightly, following whatever melody my heart was telling me to play. What was coming out now wasn't the song I'd been playing earlier, nor was it the song that had started this whole process to begin with.

A picture was being painted in my head and I could see the words to describe it perfectly. I knew exactly what note it needed to start on. So, starting from the first chord that I'd played moments earlier, I began again, the words tumbling out of my mouth, my fingers tinkering over the keys effortlessly, not missing a beat. The tempo swelled near the end, the melody rising with it. When I brought the song to a close it was all I could do not to shout out that I still had it. It just felt right.

I opened my eyes and angled my body to look through the window to JC. His expression was unreadable while the smile I had on my face was about to break my cheekbones. Why wasn't he as excited as I was? Had I completely sucked and just been too deaf to hear it? Too in denial?

He moved to press a button. "Dude, come in here." I frowned. Well that didn't sound too promising.

I rose from the stool I was sitting on and travelled the few steps into the production room where JC was.

"That bad?" I questioned, plopping into the chair next to him. He didn't even respond, just hit the playback button and reclined back in his chair. "Just...listen."

I wasn't prepared for the playback. To say I was surprised when I heard it was an understatement. I hit the nail on the head. I could feel how perfectly that song had turned out. The melody was running hot through my veins. And JC was thrumming with energy next to me. When the song ended he swiveled his chair to look at me, waiting for a reaction.

"Well?" I asked him, wanting to hear his honest opinion first. He scratched at the back of his neck. "Dude...I don't know why you doubted yourself. I also don't know why the fuck you ever stopped in the first place. That shit was brilliant. You could probably go to Johnny with just this cut right here and he'd throw you back into the studio right away, regardless if the label was backing you."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Really? You think it's that good?" I knew what I felt when I listened to it, but I was biased.

"Absolutely. You wanna do it again? Get the lyrics out real clean this time?" I nodded; grabbing a piece of paper and instructing him to play it back again for me so I could get the lyrics down.

STAY

It's hard to believe where we are now

Your hand in mine babe, feels right somehow

The night is so still, so don't make a sound

It's almost perfect baby, promise you'll never look down

We had our past, I know

Let's leave that behind

‘Cause none of it matters now, all that we have is tonight

You're not the only one

Who's ever felt this way

Don't let the world get in, tell me that you'll stay

Now that the pain is done, there's no need to be afraid

We don't have time to waste, tell me that you'll stay

Beautiful, one of a kind

You're something special baby

You don't even realize that you're my heart's desire

All that I needed and more

I know you're scared but I promise babe

I'm not who I was before

You're not the only one

Who's ever felt this way

Don't let the world get in, tell me that you'll stay

Now that the pain is done, there's no need to be afraid

We don't have time to waste, tell me that you'll stay

Tell me; tell me that you'll stay.

Tell me; tell me you're gonna stay.

After getting that first song recorded in a version that I liked, the others fell into place effortlessly. I had shown JC the two songs that I'd been working on and he helped out with lyrics when they didn't flow right and tweaked melodies to make the song better. I was in the middle of a haunting key change when my stomach grumbled in hunger. My fingers faltered on the keys and then I heard JC's laugh ring out in the booth. "Dude, the mic totally picked up your stomach growling." I threw my head back and laughed, turning to look at him. "What time is it anyway?"

"9."

"Call it a day?" I answered back. He nodded. Turning off the keyboard and the amps and I pushed back from the piano and walked out to sit down next to JC.

"I think you've got some badass material here, J. Pretty good first day back I'd say."

I sighed, rubbing a hand over the top of my head. "I'm glad you think so. You're opinion means a lot to me, Jayce." He smiled, tweaking knobs and pressing buttons, turning everything off. "You know I'll always give an honest one. Shall we go get some food?"

My stomach growled again before I could answer him with words. He laughed. "I'll take that as a yes."

Getting up, I followed him out of the room, looking over my shoulder one last time before I reached to shut the light off.

I smiled slightly when my eyes settled on a picture of Madison above the lights switch. This one had been taken in the studio. She was sitting at the keyboard, eyes closed, lips pressed together, blonde hair tumbling over her shoulders in  messy waves from sleep, and she was wearing one of my t-shirts-only my t-shirt. I had caught her down here in the middle of the night one night and she had looked so beautiful that I had to capture it. It was one of my favorite pictures of her. It was also the night that I'd found out that she had been hiding what an incredible voice she had.

My heart twisted in my chest and I sighed before flipping the switch to off. I looked up to see JC staring down at me from the top of the steps. "You still love her, huh?" he asked. I bounded up the steps quickly and shut the door behind me. "After those lyrics you heard down there, you're questioning me?" I joked, walking over go grab my keys off the counter. "What're you going to do about it?" he said, following me out the door to my car. I slid into the car and started it.

"I know I need to talk to her. To explain. Apologize. Even if she doesn't love me anymore, I at least need to fix things. Let her know that I never meant it when I said it was her fault. None of it was." I leaned my head against the headrest and looked over at him and he half smiled at me as he put his seatbelt on.

He was quiet for a moment.

He twisted his hands nervously in his lap.

I backed out of the driveway, waiting for his response.

"Justin, I..." he scratched at the back of his neck, "...I'm not going to pretend to know how she feels in her heart for you. We don't talk about you. The subjects always just been one that we avoid."

I snorted. "With good reason. I was such a dick. To you. To her. To everyone. I know you don't want apologies Jayce but, I really am sorry." He waved his hand through the air. "It's in the past. Now, what are we getting for food?"

I shrugged. "I don't care. I just want food and a lot of it."

"You need it." He joked.

I laughed. "I know. I'm all skin and bones dude. I'm hitting the gym tomorrow before I go into the studio again."

"I've got to film some stuff over at MTV in the morning but let me know when you're ready to hit the studio again and I'll come over." He pointed to the left turn lane so I signaled and got over, coming to a stop as I waited for the light to change.

"Sounds good."

We turned onto Sunset and discussed our food options before settling on a brewery/pub where I knew they had awesome food. Right now a giant order of pub nachos and a beer sounded good. It was time to celebrate the day anyway. I'd accomplished so much in the studio today and so much personally over the last two days that I felt like I owed it to myself.

The hostess seated us in a booth near the back and our waitress appeared at the table almost instantly. She flirted with JC shamelessly, ignoring the ring on his ring finger. When he didn't take the bait and flirt back she turned her expressive brown eyes on me, a wide smile on her face before falling away quickly. "Oh my GOD!" she shrieked. I winced, shooting a questioning look to JC. "You're JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!" I fought to roll my eyes at her outburst. Sure it was nice to know that someone still remembered who I was but...not like that. "Hi?" I said awkwardly, and her face flushed when I acknowledged her. "Oh my God I was your biggest fan! You haven't been seen around these parts forever! Where'd you disappear to? Are you making music again? Are you and JC writing together? Are you..."

JC put a hand over his mouth and stifled his laughter as he watched me take the verbal assault of questions from the girl. None of which I planned on answering. It just wasn't any of her business. I smiled at her slightly, thanked her for being a fan and then told her what I wanted to drink. The perky attitude fell when she realized that she wasn't going to get any information out of me and she walked away heavy footed. "You just killed that girls night." JC said, finally letting loose the laughter he been holding in. I shook my head. "Was it really necessary to scream out my name like that? I've been gone for what? 4 Years almost? Definitely no need for a reaction like that." I slumped down in the seat, getting comfortable.

A few minutes later our beers were deposited onto the table by a different waitress. "You probably made the first one cry." JC commented as he brought his glass to his lips. "Hey, this day deserves a toast."

I agreed and held my glass out to him. "To...an awesome day in the studio."

"And good food."

"And good beer."

"And starting over."

"To having my best friend back." I finished, clinking the glasses together. Ok so maybe that last part was a bit lame but it was true. And when had I ever not made slightly cheesy statements like that?

I was looking over the menu in front of me, trying to decide what to get when I heard something that caused the blood in my veins to start pumping quicker. A voice over my right shoulder that sounded oddly familiar and yet strangely different than what I remembered.

JC sucked in a breath across the table from me.

"Josh, is that you?" The voice asked, right over my shoulder now. I averted my eyes from the menu, my entire being now concentrated on what was taking place in front of me. He smiled apologetically at me before he answered. "Funny running into you here."

"Likewise! I had a long day at the office and needed to get out for a drink. You here with Amber or -?"

She stopped in the middle of her question and I hissed under my breath when I cast my eyes up to the woman now standing next to the table, her surprised dark green eyes slamming into my shocked blue ones.

"Madi..."