“Sometimes I’m a selfish fake,

You’re always a true friend.

And I don’t deserve you

Cause I’m not there for you…”

Songwriters: Culpepper, James; Mosley, Lacey Nicole; Seals, Kirkpatrick; Benson, Howard; Hartmann, Jared; Bhattachryan, Sameer

Song: “There For You”-Flyleaf 

I’m staring at the phone in my hand, willing my fingers to dial a number for a person I’ve known since I was twelve years old. But I can’t bring myself to do it. Can’t bring myself to admit that I was wrong. Not to him at least. Next to Madison, he was the one that I’d shut out of my life the worst. Would he even pick up the phone after all these years? I vaguely remember him saying to me the last time we talked that if and when I ever needed him, he’d be there. But that was three years ago. He was a good guy with a big heart, but maybe I was expecting too much.

I sighed out heavily, closing my eyes and letting my fingers press the buttons on my phone. I brought it to my ear when I finished, my heart pounding in my chest.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rin—“Hello?”

The breath I’d been holding in wooshed out of my lungs all at once. “Jayce?” I breathed out quietly, completely surprised that he’d even answered. But then again, it had been three years. He’d probably gotten a new phone since then. I doubt I was even still in his contacts.

There were a few beats of silence, then—“Justin?” he questioned. My throat tightened at the sincerity I heard behind his voice. I pressed my lips together and swallowed thickly. “Yeah, Jayce. It’s me.” The backs of my eyes were starting to sting.

“Wow. This is a surprise.” I could hear the slight smile in his voice. “Believe me, I know.” I responded, wiping at my eyes with the backs of my hand.

“Is everything alright?”

How to answer that question, I wondered. “Not yet…”

“Yet?”

“No. But it will be.”

He sighed into the phone. “So what’s up?”

“Are—are you busy?” I questioned, suddenly feeling like I had interrupted something. “Nah. I just wrapped up filming at the studios.”

“Oh ok. Cause if you are I can just…call you back or whatever.” I scratched at the back of my neck nervously. I didn’t know what to talk to him about. I didn’t even know how to broach the conversation that I needed to have with him.

“J, its fine.” For some reason, the casual use of my nickname made my heart swell.

“You still there?” he asked. “Yeah, uh, yeah. I’m still here. Just trying to…” I began, not knowing how to continue.

“You’re writing again?”

And just like that, he had handed me my way in. I slouched into the couch, propping my feet up on the coffee table in front of me. It was scary how much he still knew me, even after not talking for as long as we had.

“How’d you even…” I was baffled by his question.

“I know you, Justin. We’ve been best friends since before you hit puberty. We may not have been talking these past few years, but I can still read you like a book.” He replied.

I chuckled. He always did know me best. Sometimes it was a pain in my ass. But right now, it was a blessing. He took what would’ve been a hard conversation for me to start and turned it into something that I could glide into easily.

“Look, I don’t care that we haven’t talked. So save the apologies. I know you’re sorry. I’m just glad that you’ve finally come around.”

Once again he rendered me speechless. “But Jayce, I really am sorry. I was such an ass to you. And all you were trying to do at the time was be a good friend to me. And I shut you out because it was too hard. I don’t deserve to have your friendship.”

“I told you—no apologies. I’m hanging up if you keep going with this one.” He joked.

“Fine. Fine. Just…know that I am. We were best friends, Jayce. Through everything.”

“I know. And don’t say ‘were’. We still are. A few years isn’t going to change that. I told you that the day I left.”

I know I’m being a pussy about this, but how I’d gotten lucky enough to have him as my best friend, I would never know. The last thing I had expected when I called him was for him to be so accepting of everything.

“Thanks.”

“Mhmm.”

Silence.

“So you didn’t answer my question. Are you writing?”

I picked at a string on my jeans. “I’m not sure if you’d call it writing. But. I woke up in the middle of the night with a melody in my head and couldn’t get to the piano fast enough. I haven’t really stopped playing since.”

“You gonna lay it down?” he inquired.

“I might. Just to see if it sounds any good besides in my head.” I turned my head to eye the piano, already itching to get back to it. Lyrics were forming in my head to go with the melody. I needed to see if they’d fit.

“You know it does. They always do.”

“Lies. I’m out of practice. It probably sounds like shit.” I grabbed a piece of paper from the shelf under the coffee table and scribbled down the words.

“Well, lay it down. Send it over when you’re done. You know I’ll give you an honest opinion.”

I nodded before realizing that he couldn’t see me. I was already getting lost in the story that I was creating on the paper in front of me. “I know. Sometimes too honest. Maybe that’s why I’m afraid to record it. I don’t want to hear it if it sucks.” I flipped the paper over having filled the one side already.

“You sound distracted. Finally getting some lyrics down?” JC questioned. I shook my head. “Dude, it’s scary how in tune with me you are. Are you sure you’re not stalking me or something?”

JC laughed. “Like I said before, I know you. You and I always had a freaky connection thing that no one could ever explain.” I joined in and laughed with him. “Got that right. It is freaky.” I agreed.

“You gonna be in LA for a while?”

I bit my lip, erasing the last line I’d written to replace it with something else. “Yeah, I don’t foresee me leaving anytime soon. Unless my phone call with Johnny results in him wanting me to come see him, wherever he is. Why, did you wanna get together?” I asked.

“Read my mind. You free tomorrow?”

I laughed at him. “Dude, I have no life. I don’t do anything.”

“Well, let’s get to work on changing that, huh? Starting tomorrow.”

I stood from the couch, walking back over to the piano, running my hand along the edge of it. I needed to dust it. It had collected a lot since the last time that I’d played it. It was a gorgeous piano; a white Baldwin baby grand that I had to buy when I moved into this place. “Sounds good, Jayce. I’ll call you when I’m up.”

“Alright. And J, it’s good to have you back. It’s going to sound gay but, I missed you.”

My throat closed up at his admission and I felt the tears sting the backs of my eyes again. Dammit I’m such a girl. “Missed you too, C.” I choked out. “See you tomorrow.” He finished, hanging up.

I put the phone down on top of the piano and swung my legs around the bench to face the keys, settling my fingers on the ivories again for what seemed like the hundredth time since I’d awakened hours earlier. I couldn’t help it. The feeling that coursed through me was electrifying. And terrifying at the same time. Playing through the same melody that had brought me to this spot in the middle of the night, I closed my eyes and let the music take me over. And I saw her.  All golden hair and glowing eyes and long legs. My pulse quickened. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever known, inside and out.

Had I been dreaming about her when I’d woken up with this in my head, I wondered. It wouldn’t have been the first time that I’d had a melody come to me when I was sleeping. But it hadn’t happened since she’d left me.

I opened my eyes and stared at the phone in front of me. I had another phone call to make. But I wasn’t ready to do it yet. I needed to get my life back on track before I could even hope to bring her back into it.