"Oh, this will be your legacy, this will be your destiny
Yesterday does not define you..."

Matthew West-Family Tree

"...and next up on E!News, Justin Timberlake's new single is climbing the charts and melting the hearts of girls all over. But what new girl is melting his heart? We've got the scoop for you right after the break."

With a groan, I clicked the remote and turned the TV off. "Another one? Just how many girls did he have lined up?" I thought aloud, tossing the remote beside me on the couch, rolling my neck to the left to stare out the sliding glass door that led to the backyard where my Yorkie, Bella, was playing. My phone was vibrating on the coffee table and I leaned forward to retrieve it, opening the text message.

From: KIIS-FM Gossip
JT and his new girl caught cozied up in Hollywood

It took everything in me not to throw my phone across the room. If it wasn't on the TV then it was on the radio or coming to my phone. I couldn't get away from it no matter what I did. And the stories had been coming non-stop since the day his single released to iTunes. At first I thought it was some kind of publicity thing to get his name out there again but when it went on for longer than a week, I began to wonder.

Every story had been backed up with evidence. Picture proof that he was definitely going out with someone. Which made it all the more confusing for me since he'd kissed me and told me to "think about it". Last I checked, if you kissed someone and left them with that sentence that generally meant you were waiting for some kind of response. Granted, it'd been almost three weeks since that night and I'd barely said five words to him but-I was confused. And conflicted. My heart knew what it wanted but my head was so intent on going against it, it made it very hard to throw caution completely to wind and go after Justin and tell him what I wanted.

What I knew I always wanted, if I'm being honest.

It was always him. Even in the grocery store that night after so long, and in his house when he'd cried in my arms about how sorry he was-he was always the one I wanted. So why was it so hard for me to just...let myself have it?

Because of all the rumors flying around about him and his "girls". Maybe I had waited too long to give him a response and he'd given up. I'd never know for sure until I gave it a shot but I didn't want to go in blind. I needed to know for sure if I had anything to worry about. And the only one who would know for sure was JC. If I could count on anyone to give me a straight answer it was him.

*

I squinted my eyes against the glare coming off of the metallic tabletop as I watched JC approach the table. He pulled out the chair with a scraping sound against the concrete sidewalk and plopped down into it, the picture of exhaustion.

"Rough day at the office?" I asked with a laugh.

"You have no idea. Johnny has somehow roped me into being his assistant and I'm running around at Jive, putting finishing touches on Justin's album, along with producing some new stuff with a few other artists they've got. I had no idea that reviving Justin's career was going to do that for me as well."

"Well, you're talented and people see that. Take it as a compliment, Jayce." I slid my sunglasses back down over my eyes and opened up the menu to take a look. Griddle Café was one of my favorite places in Hollywood for lunch but rarely ever had time to eat at because the wait was always ridiculous. The "mental health days" I was taking for myself this week were paying off quite nicely.

"I do. I just never expected it. Anyway, enough about me. How've you been doing?"

I tried to mask my anxiety over this question by appearing interested in the menu. "Fine." I threw out casually, flipping the page.

"Madi, I know you better than that. Don't play me for a fool." He said in warning.

"I'm fine. It's nothing...just busy at work. You know."

He rolled his eyes. "Sure. And you're absolutely fine with how you and Justin left things? Or should I say, how Justin left things? Like you standing in the rain after he kissed you?"

My stomach did flip-flops at the memory. I would never look at rain the same after that night.

"I...you know...I was prepared to...but then he...and now there's all this stuff going on...and it's just..." I stumbled, not knowing how to explain what I was feeling. My insides were a mess.

"...you want to try that again?" He teased with a gentle smile.

I sighed. "I want to get back together with him. There's a lot that we need to talk about but...I love him, Jayce. But there's just so much going on with him right now that I don't know if it's the right time. And what if he's changed his mind since that night? I mean, what about those two girls he's been seen with?"

"Assistant and his PR rep."

I rolled my eyes behind my aviators. "Right. That's all they ever are in this town."

"I'm serious. He's not seeing anyone, Mads. Cross my heart." JC tried, attempting to convince me.

"But E! said..."

He interrupted me with a boisterous laugh. "-and you of all people should know that 99% of what they say on any of those shows is bullshit."

I felt my cheeks redden, a telltale sign that I knew he was right. I sighed, "I know. It's just - he kissed me, and I thought it meant something..."

JC reached across the table and patted my hand. "You're so naïve sometimes," he began, shaking his head. "Him kissing you was his way of saying ‘Hey! I'm ready to try again.' The balls in your court now...it's up to you to figure out what to do with it."

The backs of my eyes stung and he seemed as shocked as I was that there were tears in my eyes. I thought I was done crying. "He really hurt me, Jayce."

His expression softened and he switched seats to sit beside me. He threw an arm around my shoulder and tugged me close. "I know. And he knows that too. Trust me when I say that he wouldn't have made that move and taken that step with you if he thought it would happen again. He's 1000% sure about this Madi, and you."

I sniffled and wiped at my nose. "I'm terrified." I admitted.

"He is too, " JC started, squeezing my shoulder so I'd look at him. "...of losing you. It's worth the risk, you know. Love always is."

"How do you know?"

He smiled at the lost and confused look on my face, making me appear so much younger than I was at the moment. "Because Amber and I wouldn't be together if we hadn't taken the risk. You guys always saw the happy ‘us'-but we had our knock-down, drag-out fights too. I was scared, she was too. I couldn't imagine being with one person for the rest of my life and then she came along and changed all that. It's worth the risk, Madison. All you've gotta do is jump."

"But what if I can't fly?"

"He'll be there to catch you." He said with a sure smile.

"You sound so sure."

"That's because I've been around the guy enough years of my life to know. I've never seen him more sure of anything in my life. He's about to have it all again-the only piece missing, is you."

"Is it really that easy?" I questioned, butterflies suddenly filling my stomach at the thoughts he was putting in my head.

"It's never easy. But it's always worth it. You'll never know until you try and you can't live your life scared of it. That man loves you. I love you. And I love you enough to tell you that I think you'd be an idiot if you ran from this."

My bottom lip was worried between my teeth and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath taking everything in. I loved Justin. I wanted to be with him and to share in his successes and his happiness and his dreams coming true. I wanted to share my success and happiness and dreams with him. He's the only one I wanted by my side at the end of the day.

"So what do I do?" I whispered, picking nervously at the fraying plastic on the edge of the menu.

"Well, you can support his dream, to start off. His album's coming out next week and he's got that album release party at the Knitting Factory. I'm sure he'd love for you to be there."

I nodded my head in agreement. "Right. I suppose I could do that. Will he even want to talk to me? It's been almost a month since he was at my house."

"Don't you worry. It'd take a lot more than a few weeks passing for him to let you go. As much as you love him, he loves you more. He hasn't said it directly but I think you're the reason he's even gotten this far; that he had the motivation to even come back to this."

"How?"

"Because you were the one who never wanted him to walk away in the first place and were disappointed when he did."

"So he's trying to prove a point?" I asked, confused.

"Not at all."

"But I wasn't wrong to be disappointed. I wasn't the only one who was. He's talented. It oozes out of every part of him. When he walked away, the music world lost one of the good ones."

"But you were one of the only ones who actually fought with him about it. Passionately I might add, if I do remember correctly. Everyone else just kind of accepted it and let it go. I think there's a huge part of him that wants to thank you and the other part that just wants to show everyone who didn't fight him what they were missing all these years."

I smiled. "He'll show ‘em. No doubt about that."

"So you'll go?"

"I'm not-yeah. I always supported him before...I shouldn't stop now when he needs it the most. And besides, what do I have to lose in going, right? Like you said-I'll never know what could happen if I don't try."

The smile he gave me lit up his whole face. "That's what I like to hear. Now...can we order? I'm starving..."

*

"JC, I'm so sorry to do this but I can't make it tonight. I don't know if...well, I'm not sure this is the right time for Justin and I. He's got a lot going for him now and I don't want to hold him back. I know I'm being a coward by avoiding this but...I just can't...please let him know how proud of him I am."

JC sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Well that just sucks."

"What does?" Lance asked, coming up behind him and startling him.

JC stared at his phone in disappointment before sliding it into his pocket. "That was Madison...she can't make it. What do I tell Justin? He's been looking forward to this since I told him last week."

"Don't say anything. Just let him figure it out himself. He doesn't need the distraction before show time anyway. You can explain it to him after."

They made their way down the narrow hallway of the Knitting Factory's backstage and into the room designated as the artist's dressing room.

It was filled with people...family, friends, Johnny and a few people from the media that had been called to cover the event.

"Alright guys, you've got about 10 minutes for questions before I kick you all out. We'll have more time after the show for additional interviews if you need it." Johnny announced to everyone.

I greeted JC and Lance when they joined Chris and Joey and I, shoved against the farthest wall from the door, attempting to finish getting me ready and steeling my nerves.

"So, are you guys getting back together?" A DJ from KIIS-FM asked as he approached. The rest of the media in the room all turned to give us their attention. The five of us all exchanged knowing glances, sharing hidden smiles. Lance was the first to speak, his deep voice echoing in the small room that we were in backstage. "We're here for Justin." He said, patting my back. Chris jumped in, "yeah, we had to come support the baby."

"No reunion then?" someone else questioned, directing their attention to JC. He looked at me and I shrugged, and then he looked at the rest of the guys before answering. "It...could hap-at this point we're not ruling anything out. It's a possibility. But for right now, we all need to remember who we're here for. Justin's releasing a fantastic album on Tuesday...we're going to let him run with that for a while. We promise you though that if and when we decide to get back together, you guys will be the first to know."

"Glad to hear it. So Justin, this new album of yours..." they began, the attention getting directed towards me again. I answered the questions they asked and when Johnny came in a bit later to tell me it was almost show time, he ushered the media out to give me time to collect myself and reign in my nerves.

He wished me luck and patted my back, telling me he'd see me after the show and left, seemingly knowing that I needed a moment with the guys.

They circled around me, arms reaching around each other's shoulders and bowing our heads forward. "Guys..." I whispered, looking around at each of them, "...thank you so much. You all stuck around when you had no reason to and I'm so incredibly grateful to you for all the support. You're my brothers and I couldn't have gotten through this show tonight without you being here; hell I don't think I could be putting out this album without your seals of approval." I finished my voice thick with emotion that I was struggling to keep in check.

"You know we're always here for you, J. Just go kick some ass out there tonight." Joey said, squeezing my shoulder. "We were out at the bar before we came back here and it looks like a packed house, dude." Lance added with a smile. I breathed out shakily with the news, almost disbelieving. There was no way there were that many people there.

"So JC, about this reunion thing..." Chris began. JC looked up and met Chris' eyes with a nod. "I'm in. We're all in now." The grin that broke out across Chris face could've split it in half; the rest of us had similar looks. I had known ever since our time in Orlando that JC was on board for a reunion after I toured around with my new album, he had just failed to mention it to the other guys yet. "Is there going to be dancing? Because if there is, I need advance warning so I can go get my hips replaced. They aren't what they used to be." He joked around, and we all laughed as he attempted a few hip thrusts like we used to do in our old dances.

"Wouldn't be *NSYNC if there wasn't dancing, Chris." Joey interjected, adding in that he may need to be dancing around with a cane by the time they hit the road again.

"Hmm...I suppose we could work that into a routine. Pimp canes, top hats..." I said with a chuckle and the rest of the guys joined in.

"But seriously, don't think about any of that tonight Justin. Tonight's about you and getting you back out there to do what you love. You're gonna kill it." JC assured me with a smile, wrapping his arm tight around my neck in a chokehold.

"Break a leg, J." The four of them said simultaneously as they gave me a big group hug. The stage manager poked his head in and told me it was time to go so we broke apart from our circle and headed out the door, the four of them heading towards the side of the stage where they could watch and me heading the opposite way.

I stood at the edge of the backstage area, breathing in and out slowly to calm my nerves as a tech guy fixed the mic-pack to my belt. I met Johnny's eyes on the other side of the stage and he gave me a quick thumbs up and I smiled nervously back at him. I glanced at the stage, noting that Kevin, Jack (my drummer), and my bass player had already taken their places. K-Tunes threw me a peace sign while Jack pointed a drumstick my way. With them backing me, I felt slightly less nervous-they'd been with me since the beginning of it all. Always behind me and the guys. Even with that thought in mind, as I picked up my guitar and situated the strap around my neck, my hands shook slightly.

I seriously needed to get myself under control. I was never one to get nervous before so why on earth was I feeling so jittery now? I knew the question to that already. Because I was afraid--terrified that the audience wouldn't like my new stuff; scared that there wouldn't be much of an audience to even play to. The lights came up on the stage and Johnny walked out, microphone in hand and introduced me.

"We know he's been gone a long time and we know you all have missed him. But now he's back, with a new sound, and better than ever...give it up for Mr. Sexyback himself, Justin Timberlake!" he jogged off the stage towards my side and gave me a quick hug. "Kill ‘em, son." He said to me over the screams that I could hear coming from the audience.

I sucked in a breath and shook out my hands, giving myself one last quick pep talk before I went out to face the music. This was it.

I came out onto the small stage at the Knitting Factory, fully expecting to see the floor mostly empty, and was both shocked and humbled by the fact that the entire place was packed with people. People all waiting around to see me play again and hear the kind of music that I had been working on. The screams were every bit as loud as they used to be and the giant moths I'd felt flapping around in my stomach before I went on seemed to be instantly calmed, lulled back into their cages by the familiar sound of everyone cheering for me. I smiled and waved at everyone as I sat down on the stool, getting the mic situated in front of me.

I wasn't sure if she was there and I squinted my eyes against the harsh stage lights, scanning the crowd for her. JC had told me a few days earlier that he'd passed the word along that I was playing a show tonight and he said that he was pretty positive she'd be there.

"How's everybody doin?" I asked, leaning in to test the sound. More screams and yells erupted from the crowd and I felt my entire being catch fire at the rush of energy I felt from them; from everyone who came out to support me.

"Good to hear! Thank you so much for coming out. You have no idea what it means to me that ya'll are here and want new stuff from me. I think you're gonna like it." I said with a grin, noting how the girls that were closest to the stage nearly swooned from it being directed their way. I strummed a few chords on the guitar, looking at the set list at my feet. I turned around to give a look to Kevin on the keyboards and he nodded my way, the same smile on his face that he always had when we played together forever ago. At the sound of the keyboards coming in, the crowd noise increased and I felt goose bumps break out across my skin.

"Alright, this first song I'm going to play is called ‘Sing'...I hope you like it." I took in a deep breath, leaned in towards the mic and looked out at the crowd, making sure to take this moment in.

I want you to know,
it's not your fault.
What I've become
is all I own.

I lived inside my own machine,
but these clocks that keep me
will always

Sing, sing to me...

The audience erupted as the chorus came in and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face if I tried.

This was it. What I had needed all along. A guitar strapped across my chest, a microphone, and an audience of people all listening to and enjoying the stories I was telling through my lyrics.

This was the normal that I once clung to. This was the normal that I had been searching for during all those years that I felt so lost.

This was home.