This is critical
I'm feelin' helpless...

As the track played back through the system I felt goose bumps break out over my skin.

This was why I had decided to come back to music. This feeling right here. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins as I wait to hear the rest of the playback from the latest song that JC and I have recorded. So far, the album is coming along swimmingly. The same magic that JC and I used to be able to create in the studio hadn't left us...it was still very much alive and well.

Somethin's creepin' inside
everything is about to change
Gotta face the fact
that I can't walk away

That last line struck a chord in me, now realizing what a double meaning it held. This was a song that I'd written right after I came out of my haze...when I couldn't stop writing new songs. At the time, the lyrics were about Madison and not being able to live without her. Looking at it now, it could be taken as me not being able to live without my music...my one true passion in life that was always there for me when everything else faded into the background.

And it hadn't left. I was just ignoring its calls for a while.

JC bumped his knee against mine, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What do you think?" He questioned, pressing the stop button on the track so we could talk.

I nodded, fingers toying with my bottom lip as I thought it over in my head. "I think it's perfect. Stick a fork in it...it's done."

He smiled at me, clicking the mouse of the computer to save the file. "So that's...9 songs so far?"

"Yep. I'm thinking I'll do twelve and add a bonus track."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Do you even have twelve songs written?"

I gave him a shocked look. "I'm appalled that you even asked me that."

Raising his hands in defense he said, "I was just making sure..."

"Yeah dude. I've got like 20 something written. Some old stuff that didn't make the cut on FutureSex, a couple random ones that I wrote when Madi and I were together..." I trailed off, leafing through a notebook that was filled with lyrics. "Any of them good? Or happy? I know the theme on this one is all heartbreak and getting back to you but...it couldn't hurt to throw one in there."

I glanced at the lyrics in front of me, unsure of whether or not I wanted to share this particular moment with the entire world or even with JC. It was kind of personal on a different level than the rest of the stuff I'd written was.

Let me, let me make a memory
let me take you slowly...
let me go deeper

My entire body went rigid as I read over the lyrics. Images of tanned skin tangled in stark white hotel sheets flashed behind my eyelids like a movie. Eager fingers pressing into hipbones and hands gripping shoulders tightly enough to leave half-moon nail marks in the soft skin they were digging into.

Jesus. I was suddenly really thirsty. And hot.

"I think I've got one. I just...let's take a break. Take 10 and come back to it?" I suggested, rubbing at the back of my neck, unable to even take my eyes off the page for one second.

*

The faint orange glow of the sunset was poking through the crack in the heavy curtain in the hotel room and I stared in disbelief, trying to figure out how we'd managed to sleep so long. True, we'd partied into the wee hours of the morning with the newlyweds-Amber and JC-and we were both incredibly drunk when we finally tumbled into the hotels huge king sized bed; but I hadn't planned to sleep this late. I had made reservations at the hotel's spa for Madison and me and then we were going to go out for dinner in the city. Guess the spa would have to wait until tomorrow I thought as I rolled over onto my side to face the still sleeping beauty next to me.

I propped my head in my hand and stared at her, my eyes flickering over every small detail of her face. The freckles that sprinkled across her nose when she had her summer tan, the long eyelashes that rested against her cheeks, her full pink lips parted slightly as she breathed in and out evenly. She was stunning...and all mine. A fact that I still hadn't managed to wrap my brain around.

A strand of hair fell onto her cheek and on instinct I reached out to brush it away, not wanting anything obstructing my view when she decided to finally open those gorgeous green eyes of hers and settle them on me. My fingers grazed the soft skin of her cheek, and she must have been more awake than I thought because at the touch, her eyelashes fluttered open and with her look my heart stopped in my chest.

"Morning, sunshine." I smiled at her, brushing her hair back from her forehead and pressing a kiss to it. She smiled softly at me, eyes sparkling, and I wondered if I would ever get used to her looking at me like that. When she looked at me like that I felt like I could do anything in the world. She stretched her arms above her before curling into my side again, nestling her cheek against my shoulder. "I think it's way past morning, babe." She said quietly, her lips planting themselves against the skin of my neck.

"You're right. We slept a little late."

"You wore me out." She giggled, her fingers digging into my hipbone as she rolled over on top of me. I wound my arms around her waist to keep her pressed against me and smiled up at her when she began placing feather light kisses all over my face and chest.

"Seems like you're asking to be worn out again." I mumbled out, gripping her sides tighter when her roaming mouth took itself down my stomach to the waistband of my boxers. She pushed her fingers between the elastic of my shorts and my skin and looked up at me, eyebrow quirked. "Maybe I am."

Her hands pushed inside my shorts, attempting to slide them off, and when her fingers tickled the tops of my thighs, I growled and grabbed onto her wrists to stop her movements. She squealed when I flipped us over and hovered above her. "You're going to be the death of me, Mads." I told her with a wink.

I pushed myself up from above her and moved to stand at the end of the bed, pushing my boxers to the ground. She leaned up on her elbows and watched my movements, shallow breaths escaping through her parted lips when I dropped back down onto the bed at her feet. My lips found her ankle and I pressed a kiss there, switching to the other leg and mimicking the movement. She giggled and I assumed that it was tickling her.

I let my eyes travel up her body and smirked when I met her eyes, enjoying the look of desire I saw in them at our light play. I began kissing up the length of her calf, only stopping when I heard her breath hitch in her throat when I planted my lips behind her knee and let my teeth graze over her kneecap.

She giggled and I stopped my ministrations to look up at her. "Something funny?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow.

"Are you planning to do this much longer? ‘Cause I kind of want you."

I planted another kiss on her opposite knee before answering. "You're like a map baby...I gotta study you...learn all the peaks and valleys on your skin so I know how to navigate."

This time she laughed loudly, gripping at my shoulders and hauling me up her body. "You're such a dork." She said with a squeal as I pinched her side. I gave her a wide, cheesy grin as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me down on top of her. "But you love me."

"Hmm. I suppose I do." She teased, rubbing her nose against mine in an Eskimo-type kiss.

Stretching the extra inch or so between us, I captured her lips, moving mine against hers, my body igniting at the sigh she let escape into my mouth. I would never get tired of the way she tasted. Or the way she felt against my body. She was made to fit against me like this. I lowered my full weight onto her, crushing her chest against mine, feeling my heart beating faster in my chest as I thought about where this was heading. Even though I'd had her hours earlier...my body was insatiable with desire when it came to this woman beneath me.

She hiked her legs up around my waist and ground herself against my groin, a purring sound flowing out of her mouth as she did so. I tore my lips from hers, attacking the exposed skin of her neck, nipping at it.

"What'd you say about ‘maybe' wanting me?" I asked breathlessly as she swiveled her hips against mine again.

She didn't answer me at first so I pulled on the top of the cotton tank she was wearing to expose her breast, and leaned in to lick at the distended bud when it presented itself. She moaned, fingers diving into my shorts curls and gripping tightly, keeping my head in place.

I chuckled against her chest, raking my teeth over the reddened peak, and feeling the tips of my ears burn at the sounds she was making from what my mouth was doing to her.

"Did that maybe change to a yes?" I mumbled, licking across her collarbone and up to her ear.

"God yes." She moaned out, arching into me, offering herself to me. My fingers traveled down her sides to the elastic of her boy shorts and I peeled them off slowly, tossing them to the side once her legs were out of them.

"What do you want, baby?" I asked, fingers finding the warmth between her thighs, testing to see if she was ready for me. Her eyes opened and met mine, her normal dark green eyes near black with lust. "Please..." She begged, rotating her hips against the hand that was between her legs. "Please what?" I whispered into her ear.

"I want to feel you..." She admitted, the tone of her voice deep and husky.

"Your wish..." I began, removing my fingers from her and trailing them up her body. "...Is my command." I finished as I slid into her, my entire body breaking out in goose bumps when I felt her wrapped around me. "God, I love you." I mumbled, gripping her face between my hands and placing a bruising kiss against her lips.

"You don't even know..."

*

"Sure, we can take a break." JC's voice cut into my thoughts. I had completely forgotten what we were even doing right now.

"Good." I replied, my voice coming out a little bit strained. "I need some air."

He gave me a strange look when I stood up and retreated from the studio quickly. I made my way to our room, changing into a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, before heading out to the basketball court in Johnny's backyard.

I needed to get out of the house, get some air, and let the humidity fog my mind enough to forget about what seeing those lyrics again had made me remember. Not that I had forgotten, or would ever forget, for that matter.

Once outside, I shot around a bit, finding that playing wasn't helping to clear my head at all. If anything, the deafening silence of the outdoors made me get more inside my head.

Just what I needed, right?

Whatever the reason, I have no idea what made me get my phone from the bench next to the court, but here I was, contemplating calling her. It was probably the last thing that I should be doing right now. And even though I knew this, it didn't stop my fingers from dialing her number.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Four...and the voicemail finally kicked in.

"Hey this is Madison. I'm currently unavailable. If you need me, you know what to do."

I sucked in a breath to calm my nerves while I waited for the beep.

"....Hey Mads. It's me...err...Justin. I guess I don't really need you, exactly. Well, I do but...yeah. Anyway...I'm not even sure why I'm calling you. I just...me and Jayce are in the studio and I...I came across this song and it reminded me of that weekend after JC and Ambs wedding when we..."

My face flushed...what on earth was I even saying right now? I coughed. "Right...you don't really need me to bring that up. I'm sure you remember. How could you not." I almost smacked my forehead with my palm. I needed to hang up before this went on any longer. She was going to think I was drunk. "Sorry that was...inappropriate. But true. Dammit...I..."

...was interrupted by the beeping noise alerting me I was out of recording time. I listened to the options, having every intention of deleting it and recording something a little less rambling sounding, but instead of choosing that option, I pressed the button that sent it ASAP. The recorded voice let me know that my message was delivered and I growled into the phone.

Of all the dumb things to do...

I rolled the basketball under the seat on the side of the court and plopped down onto the pavement and laid back. Despite the sticky temperature's from it being the end of July, the pavement was cool and felt good against my skin.

I really wondered what even made me have the balls to call her like that. Maybe I had officially snapped and was just fooling myself into thinking that I was getting better when in reality I was only getting worse. Where was the good doc when you needed him? I could use a swift kick in the ass for what I'd just done.

My phone began ringing from the spot beside me and I picked it up without a glance at the caller ID.

"Something tells me you're drunk." She said with a nervous giggle.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly at the sound of her voice, caught completely off guard that she had called me back.

Shit. Now what am I supposed to talk to her about?

I returned the laugh. "I only wish I was. You weren't supposed to get that. I was trying to delete it instead of send it. And it somehow got sent priority. You know me and technology."

Another laugh. "I sure do. No worries. It was entertaining."

"Thanks."

Silence stretched. Not entirely awkward but not entirely comfortable, either.

"So...what prompted the call?"

I stared up into the sky, one arm stretched upwards, tracing patterns in the stars. "What I said in the message. I was thinking about JC's wedding weekend."

"And decided you needed to remind me of the...umm...events?" I could see her cheeks coloring even over the phone. "I figured I'd share the burden."

"What did JC say?"

"About?"

"The song?"

"Oh...he hasn't seen...at least he didn't...I sure didn't tell him anything." She giggled and I felt my heart skip a few beats. I could almost see her nose crinkle up the way it used to when she'd laugh like that; it was adorable. "And you don't think he wouldn't take a look at them after you left?" She pointed out. I smacked my palm against my forehead knowing she was right and I suddenly wished I had brought the notebook outside with me.

"Good point."

Awkward silence over the line...I swear I could hear the crickets chirping. Then again, I was outside so maybe they really were chirping.

I coughed, attempting to fill the silence.

She sighed.

"How's Florida?"

"How'd you--?" I began.

"Ran into Amber at the store the other day and she told me JC had gone out to Orlando to meet you and Johnny."

"Oh...it's...really good, actually. I think this may be my best stuff yet." 

A breeze blew, rustling the trees around me and I breathed in, realizing how content I felt in this moment. While my initial intent when I came out here was not to call Madison-it was turning out to be a pretty good idea.

"I got your text. About the song. I'd love to-dammit, can you hold on a second?"

I heard a male voice in the background and fought the urge to groan at his impeccable timing-way to ruin the moment, douchebag. What was his name again? Ty...Sky-something. Not that it was important, anyway. His name could've been Justin and I'd still think he was a douche.

"Sorry, Skylar-I'll be there in a minute." She said exasperatedly-and I could tell that she was annoyed by whatever he had been asking her.

"If you have to go it's..." I began, raking my hand over my face to mask my annoyance at Skylar and his rude interruption.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Justin. I'll-can we talk soon?"

Everything in me was screaming that it was probably a bad idea to keep in contact with her-that I just needed to finish the songs on this album, put it out for the fans, and let this whole part of me go. That was the healthiest route for me to go.

Leave it to me to go with my heart and ignore what my head was saying...

"Sure. You can give me a call whenever you're free, Mads." I let the nickname slip without a thought and tensed up when she was silent for a few seconds.

"I'd like that." She finally said, a smile in her voice which caused a smile to break out on my face.

"Me too." I admitted quietly. "Talk to you soon."

"Goodnight, J." With that she hung up.

I don't know how long I laid there with my phone still pressed to my ear, and it wasn't until I heard footsteps coming towards me on the blacktop of the basketball court that I even realized I was still in the same position.

"Dude, what are you doing on the ground?" JC appeared above me, bent over at the waist and looking at me upside down. I sighed, setting my phone next to me on the ground and pushing myself into a sitting position. "Making bad decisions." His head cocked to the side in question. "You didn't?"

"Yep."

"Aww, dude."

"I know. But it was a good talk." I tried to reason. "About what?"

I smothered the smirk I felt about to break out on my face. "Your wedding night." His eyes almost bugged out of his head. "My-oh God. Why would you bring that up?"

"You read my lyrics, right?" I asked, bringing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. He looked guilty. "I did when you took off."

"That night is where those lyrics came from."

"Oh."

"So it was kind of on my brain."

"I see." I let the silence stretch between us, going over my goodbyes with Madison. We'd ended on a good note-with a "talk soon" instead of the looming question of whether or not we'd be in contact again. "Well, when you're ready to get up off the ground-head into the studio, I laid down a pretty good melody to go with those lyrics of yours."

"Yeah?"

He pressed his lips together, fighting back a smile. "Yeah. Might've been reminiscing a bit about Amber and me." I grinned. "You miss her?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. I think this is the longest we've been apart from each other since we got married." Sensing I wasn't ready to go in just yet, he popped a squat on the ground next to me. "I can't imagine how we'll work things out when we go on tour."

"We?" I questioned, a bit confused.  "Sure...we're getting the band back together after you're touring with the album, right?" I was shocked into speechlessness. When had he decided he wanted to start the group up again? The other night out with Joe and Chris, he had seemed to just laugh it off. "You're serious?" I asked after he hadn't made a joke of it.

"Why not? It'd be fun" He replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "And besides, what else am I going to do once this season of ABDC is over?"

"Amber's going to flip." I chuckled, remembering back to my first meeting with JC's now-wife.

*

"Do you mind if I bring the girlfriend?" JC questioned. My eyebrows rose in surprise at my friend and the fact that he'd just used the word ‘girlfriend' to describe someone. "Don't look so shocked." He said with a chuckle.

"...I'm not?" I said, raising my hands in defense.

"Yes, you are." He replied, picking his napkin up from the table and swiping at his mouth with it.

"With good reason. The last time you called someone ‘girlfriend' was in song." I joked and he punched my shoulder, making me drop the French fry that was in my hand.

"Har har...well, I like this one; she seems worthy of bringing her around for an intro to everyone." My eyes rose from the bottle of water in my hands to meet his. "Oh God. This is serious." From the smile on JC's face to the small sparkle in his eyes, I knew it was. "You know you don't have to ask." I finally said.

He smiled at me after taking a sip from his soda. "I figured I would since it's your birthday party and all."

"Just tell her she owes me a shot."

*

"Amber, these are the guys-Joe, Lance, Chris...and the birthday boy." JC yelled over the heavy bass line playing in the club, introducing "the girlfriend" to us. She seemed to be frozen in place, statue-like. "Nice to meet you." Lance drawled out. Joey didn't bother to wait for a response and instead wrapped her up in a huge bear hug...typical.

When she still didn't say anything I looked at JC strangely. "Is she mute?" Chris asked with a chuckle. JC stood staring at her with the same look I had. "Amber, honey?" He asked, his hand on the small of her back. Her eyes darted back and forth between the five of us before she let out a squeal-high pitched and teeny sounding; one I don't think any of us had heard in forever.

"Ok, who let the teenager in VI--" Madison interrupted, coming to stand next to me, drinks in hand. "-P." She finished when her eyes landed on the seemingly star-struck girl in front of us. "Charity case?" she mumbled under her breath to me; I, in turn, elbowed her in the side. "JC's girlfriend." I supplied, and her eyes widened at me.

JC gave an apologetic smile to us before he muttered something into Amber's ear, and then promptly turned and disappeared into the crowd. "Oh God, he needs more help than I thought." Madison groaned out before lifting her glass to her lips to take a sip of the clear liquid in it.

"I think she's a fan." Joey laughed, plopping down onto the sofa behind him. "Definitely." Lance agreed, his arm resting on the back of the sofa behind his date for the night.

"Babe, why don't you go find JC and Amber? Maybe she just needs some womanly advice on how to handle being introduced to the sexiest men alive." I suggested, chuckling a bit, only half joking. She got up from my lap and turned to stick her tongue out at me. "Aren't we cocky?" She asked with a smirk, eyeing the rest of the guys. "I just don't see it." She said with a shake of her head, strutting off and leaving us.

"Ouch." Chris said, his hand clutching his heart. "She's only kidding. She really had pictures of us all plastered in her room."

"Even JC?" Joey asked. "That would just be weird. I don't think I'd like having to stare at my cousin all the time."

"Or maybe she just said it was me." I went on thoughtfully, taking a sip of my beer before setting it on the table.

"She's cute." Lance spoke up.

"Madison? Duh." I said with an eye roll and he shot me the bird.

"No. Amber. Despite the...minor squeal." He laughed.

"I trust C's judgment. If he thought she was worthy of bringing her around us then she can't be all that bad."

I nodded in agreement with Joey but tuned out the conversation after, my eyes instantly finding Madison in the crowd of people on the dance floor. A smile tugged at my lips when I saw her next to Amber and JC, laughing over something and clearly enjoying herself, and I felt myself being pulled towards them. I excused myself from the group and headed their way, maneuvering through the crowd until I was next to them. I wound my arms around Madison's waist and pulled her back tightly to my chest, my hips swaying along with the beat of the music. She looked over her shoulder at me, a bright smile on her gorgeous face, and she winked. "Justin-this is Amber. Amber-meet Sexyback." She introduced us, again, and this time Amber extended her hand and actually spoke.

"Hey!" She said cheerily. She lifted the glass of the pink colored drink she had to her lips and took a sip. "I am so sorry about earlier. I don't think it had set in that the guy I'm dating had been in my favorite band in middle school."

"That makes me feel so old." JC chuckled, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Did you forget he was in *NSYNC?" I questioned, fighting back a groan when Madison dipped her hips and rubbed against the front of me.

"Kind of. Ya'll have been gone so long it just slipped my mind." She joked, eyes lighting up when JC kissed the side of her forehead.

"Aren't they cute?" Madison whispered over her shoulder to me. I nodded-cute indeed. Watching the two of them, I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen JC like this with a woman-if ever, actually.

The song changed to one with a much slower beat and I spun Madison around to face me. "We're still cuter." I told her with a grin before dipping her dramatically. She squealed when she thought I was going to drop her and clutched onto my back tightly. "Justin Randall--" She threatened, her use of my middle name causing me to laugh. "So help me, if you dropped me...you could forget about your birthday present that's at home."  My brows furrowed. "Why is it at home?" I questioned.

She gave me a sexy smirk before she reached up on her tip toes to whisper in my ear. "Because I think I would get thrown out of the club if I tried to give it to you here." The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end and I fought everything in me not to drag her out of the club right then and there.

She caressed the back of my neck with her nails and I shivered from it; then she spun around to face Amber and JC, grabbing onto Amber's hand and dragging her away. I gave a look to JC and all he could do was smile back at me. "I think Mads just made a new BFF." I said with a laugh, eyeing the two of them as they made their way to the bar.

"What do you think?" JC asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he too watched the girls ordering their drinks from the bartender.

"She seems good for you." I told him honestly, throwing an arm around his shoulders in a friendly gesture. We made our way back towards the VIP area, picking up the girls on the way. "And, if you're happy, then I'm happy."

He looked over his shoulder at Amber as we neared our table and reached back for her hand. "I'm happy."

*

I watched JC's fingers type away on his Blackberry, the smile on his face giving away who he was texting. "You ready to go back in?" JC asked, getting up from the ground and stretching. I nodded, getting up as well. "You know, Jayce, I could just as easily record stuff back in LA as I can here if you're ready to head back."

He smiled sheepishly as he shoved his phone into his back pocket.  "You sure?"

"I've gotta go back sometime."

"Alright then, we'll finish up those last two songs we were working on and then head back this weekend."

We headed back inside to the studio and I plopped down in the leather chair in front of the soundboard, looking over the notebook in front of me with the melody JC had written down for the song. "I'm gonna head to bed, J." He told me, scratching at the back of his neck. I looked up from the pad of paper to watch him leave. "Alright. I'll be along in a bit. I don't know if I've told you lately but...Thanks for everything, Jayce. You've been awesome."

"Glad to do it." He said with a smile. "Just, when you sell a million copies of this CD, remember you owe me half of what you make."

"That'll be the day." I replied as he walked out the door. A million? Was he serious? I was hoping to sell even a quarter of that.

But, I could dream, right? 

******

Song credit: "Critical"-Nick Jonas

                  "Let Me"-Matt Morris