"And did I ever tell you, I'm better to have known you?"
Song and lyrics: "Did I Ever Tell You"-Nick Lachey

I never knew that five little words could hold such power. Power to break my heart, and power to give me hope. Especially when hope was such a deadly thing for me right now.

I don't know how long I sat rooted in my chair, staring at the text message, unable to find the words to say to respond. Unsure if I even should respond. What does one even say back to a message like that?

I missed her too. That wasn't hard to figure out. But I'd come so far since that night at my place when I'd decided I needed to let her go. Did I really want to risk losing all that ground just because she sent me a text in the middle of the night? It was Saturday night after all. For all I knew, she was drunk and didn't know what she was doing.

Realizing I wasn't getting anywhere doing what I was doing, I finally found the strength to just put my phone down and ignore it. Where the strength came from, I'm not entirely sure. But something in me was telling me to just let it go-that I'd be better off if I did because I didn't really want to know why she was sending me this random text message at 3am.

Shit. Was it seriously already 3am? I needed to get a move on if this was going to be in any condition to be handed over to Johnny on Monday.

In the middle of tweaking a song my phone vibrated again. You've got to be kidding me. I was almost afraid to look at it but my curiosity got the better of me.

I tweaked that song of yours, Stay, and put it on a CD so you could show J-man that one too.

I think the sigh I breathed out was of relief. Just JC. Deciding not to text back, but to give him a call, I dialed him up.

"What're you doing up, dude?" he asked when he picked up.

"In the studio, tweaking my own stuff. I wanna make sure it's right when Johnny hears it."

He laughed. "It doesn't have to be perfect."

"I know. But you know me. I'm a perfectionist."

"Like myself." JC agreed.

"Hey, could you do me a favor? If you have time, that is."

"Shoot."

"Can you swing by my place and pick up a few of my notebooks? They're down in the studio."

"Sure thing. What time do you get in tomorrow?" he asked.

Through a yawn, I responded, "5:30."

"Ok, cool. I'm in at 5:45, barring any delays. Just wait for me at the airport then and we'll hitch a ride to Johnny's together."

"Sounds good. I'm gonna let you go so I can get this shit done but, see you tomorrow?"

"For sure, dude. I'm preparing myself for the talk, already." He added in and I chuckled.

"I've already gotten part of it. The man is relentless."

"No doubt. Alright night, J. Get some sleep."

"Yeah, yeah. Night, C."

Thirty minutes later, I was struggling to keep my eyes open. So I took into account what JC had said about it not needing to be perfect and called it quits, driving home with the windows down, a/c blasting, and music loud to keep myself up. Morning was going to come too quickly.

                                                *

"Are you sure you don't want to come with?" I asked my mom again as she pulled up to the curb at the airport.

"I'm positive baby. You have a good vacation. Tell Johnny's wife that I'll catch up with her the next time around." She said with a smile, putting the car in park.

"Will do. Come out to LA soon and visit me, will ya?"

With a secret smile, she nodded. "I'll do that. Fly high."

I leaned over the center console and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, momma. For everything. You really helped me out a lot."

"I know I did. Mom's know best, right?"

"Most of the time." I said jokingly.

"Hey now! Love you, Justin."

"Love you too! I'll call you when I land." I closed the door to the backseat after retrieving my suitcase and stepped up onto the curb, waving at her as she pulled away.

                                                 *

The flight was pretty uneventful and we arrived right on time, JC's arriving shortly after I'd picked up my bag.

"So, good news." I started. "What's that?" he asked.

"Johnny sent us a car and said we could just borrow one of his while we're here. Since the man owns like fifty. But we've got tonight to do whatever we want. He's got to deal with one of his artists tonight."

"It's always something." JC said with a chuckle. "He's got his hands in everything."

"Well, at least it gives us time to prepare for the talk. And maybe finish tweaking some songs. I brought the masters with me for the songs that I recorded in Memphis so that I could work on them."

"You're ahead of the game, dude." JC said, watching the conveyor belt go round while he looked for his bag.

"I tried to be. Did you get a hold of my notebooks?"

"Yep. They're in my duffel."

"Thanks."

Spotting his bag, JC plucked it from the belt and slung it over his shoulder. "Ready?" he asked.

"As I'll ever be." I replied, following him out the door to find the car that was waiting.

We pulled into Johnny's house, well, compound as we all called it, in a short amount of time. Upon arrival, the housekeeper on duty showed us where we were staying and we got settled in. It was like being home again, JC and I both agreed. We'd spent so much of our lives at this place, it was hard not to feel at home.

JC was unpacking his stuff into one of the dressers and I plopped myself down onto my bed, taking a moment to relax and let everything sink in.

I was really going to do this. I was really going to start making music again.

"Hey, here's those notebooks." JC said, handing me the few he brought with.

"Thanks. I don't think there's much in here to work with but, we'll see what I find."

"Well, while you do that, I'm going to go find some grub." He said with a pat on his stomach. "We can go out and get something. It's not like the old days where we had to stay holed up here in fear of getting mobbed." I joked.

"Seriously. This is going to be different." He smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"What strikes your fancy?" I asked, flipping through one of the notebooks in my lap.

"Alehouse." He answered without hesitation.

"Well that was quick. I'm down for that. I miss those loaded chicken nachos." My stomach grumbled at me in approval. It was probably hungry; I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I had been too nervous to eat anything before I got to the airport. This whole thing had me on edge. I hated not knowing how Johnny was going to react. It only made it worse that he put it off another day.

"Awesome."

Not finding anything of interest in the one notebook, I tossed it aside and grabbed the next one to look through while JC finished his unpacking.

A few pages in and I felt time stop around me. I had stumbled upon the last song I'd written before my life had fallen apart. 

For Madison.

And it was a hell of a song.

"It's been too long
I want to sit down and write for you the perfect love song"

"Jayce, I may have a song I need to put down tonight and get it on a CD." I told him, my fingers tracing over the words on the page.

"Seriously? You found one you want on the CD?" he asked.

"No. I just...I need it on CD for something."

"Alright. We'll get on that when we get back from food." He agreed. "Ready?"

"Sure." I said absent mindedly, following him out of the room and through the house to where Johnny kept all the keys for his cars.

We decided on the Porsche and were speeding down I-4 in record time, reminiscing about taking this same kind of joy ride when we were younger. Only back then we were always trying to outrun our security team. Or fans.

Oh, how life had changed.

We ate quick once we got to the restaurant, both admitting to being tired and needing rest. I wasn't exactly tired but I was distracted. I kept thinking about finding that song in my notebook. And remembering a promise that I had made that still needed to be fulfilled.

When we got back to Johnny's that night, I was going to work on keeping that promise. Sure it was a few years too late but, better late than never, right?

                                                        *******

I leaned on the breakfast bar in the kitchen, observing Madi moving about the kitchen, getting things ready for the dinner party we were throwing.

Though how we were going to have people over and act like all was fine with us while we were in a fight was beyond me. All of our friends would see through an act; they knew us too well. Madi and I had always been that couple. You know the one. Can't keep their hands off each other and can't stop smiling or tear their eyes away from the other. The annoyingly, perfectly in love kind.

But lately we weren't. Ever since I stepped back from everything to focus on making my life with her, things have been strained. I've been stressed and restless from not having things to do, and I know it's my fault. I do. But I made my choice and I'm sticking with it. It's just a rough patch we're going through. Well, that I'm going through.

Most days Madi puts up with my moods but something must have set her off today. She wasn't speaking to me. Hadn't uttered a single word since we'd had breakfast. Tonight was most definitely going to be interesting.

I heard a crash of pots and pans and was pulled out of my thoughts as I rushed around to see if she was ok.

She was on the floor in the middle of a bunch of pots that had fallen around her, after her attempting to grab just one. She sat there unmoving, hands buried in the hair that had escaped from her ponytail.

"You ok?" I asked tentatively.

"No." she said back quietly, pushing herself to her knees to begin putting the pots back in the cabinet.

"Can I help?"

"No. I've got it. This cabinet needed to be reorganized anyway since I moved in. This was bound to happen."

"I'll do it. You just finish up whatever you were in the middle of doing." I told her, kneeling on the ground next to her. She didn't look my way, only picked up a few of the pots and went about her task.

"I've got it." She barked, clattering the metal pots together as she attempted to put them into the cabinet in a more organized fashion.

My shoulders slumped. "How are we going to get through a dinner with C and Amber and Trace and Bailey if you won't even look at me?"

"I'll fake it." She said through gritted teeth. "Come on, Mads. Let's just talk this out." I pressed.

"Talk what out Justin?" she asked annoyed. "There's nothing to talk about. It's the same damn fight that we've been having that never gets resolved. You're miserable but you won't admit it. And your pride is too fucking much to march yourself back into Jive or to Johnny and tell them that you made a mistake."

"You're right." I agreed.

"I know that. And you say that every time. But if you know that I'm right, then why not do something about it? You're the only one who can change the situation you've put yourself in." She said with a sigh. I'm sure she was getting tired of telling me the same thing over and over. And I know I was getting tired of hearing it.

"You wouldn't understand how this works unless you were in my position. Unless you had been in that meeting with Jive that day." I countered, frustrated.

Her eyes narrowed at me, perfectly manicured eyebrows scrunching together. "Justin, I own a record label. I do know how things work. And I also know that Jive would probably have no hesitation in taking you back on and sweeping the whole thing under the rug if you were to go back to them with material that you wanted to put out. They worshipped the ground you walked on when you were with them."

"Yeah, when I was with them. But not now. Now they're just pissed that their cash cow left."

"So then go to another label."

As always, same conversation, just a different day.

"We've been through all this before, Madison."

She crossed her arms over her chest in a show that she was just as exhausted having this fight as I was.

"Let's just drop it then, like we always do. Even though I'm only trying to help." She huffed with a roll of her eyes. She'd been doing that at me so much lately that I was afraid they were going to get stuck that way.

"I know you are. And I appreciate that you care, but it's something that I've got to handle on my own."

"Then by all means, handle it. Do something except get pissed off at me about a decision that you made all on your own." The tone of her voice had escalated, and she was yelling now. It really was one of those days in our relationship.

And when both of us got to yelling, it was time we both took a step back to breathe and get our emotions in check. Having a screaming match never solved anything.

"I'll let you get back to your cooking. Sorry I interrupted. I'll be downstairs if you need anything." I said calmly, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. She flinched away from my touch and turned towards the stove to get the cook top heated.

With one last look at her back, I turned and headed down to my studio. The same melody that I'd been thinking about the past week or so had returned and the desire to put down some lyrics was getting stronger by the minute-if only I knew what the lyrics were.

I flipped the lights on downstairs and went to the keyboard, opening the notebook that was sitting on top.

I played around with the melody, growing frustrated that nothing was coming to me. Then again, when Madison and I were fighting like this, it was hard to concentrate on anything but.

I knew that something needed to be done. We had to reach some kind of agreement or resolve this recurring fight somehow. We couldn't keep going like this or it would tear us apart. And that was the last thing I wanted.

I didn't want to think about what life would be like without her. Even on our worst days, I fell more in love with her. Hell, I left behind my career because of how much I loved her.  But with all the fighting that we'd been doing lately, she probably thought that I resented her for it.

I needed to apologize to her, try to figure out a way to get us back on track. I needed to remind her that the reason I gave up everything was because I didn't want to be apart from her.

Suddenly, an idea hit. Write her a song. I hadn't done that since we'd gotten together. She was my muse for a lot of things but I'd never written her a song that was strictly for her.

"And should you ever question the pain we're going through,
what I need to mention is that life just isn't living without you."

I scribbled down the lyrics, figuring out how it could match with the melody I'd had in my head. When I found the perfect fit, it seemed like the rest of the song came along perfectly.

An hour and a half later found me with a finished song that Madison needed to hear. Before our friends came over. Because we had some making up to do. That was about the only upside to fighting. Our making up was always incredibly intense.

"Madi, can you come here for a second?" I called out to her, hoping she'd hear me from down here.

"I'm setting the table. Can it wait?" she yelled back.

"No. I promise it won't take long."

I heard the creak of the steps as she came down into the studio in the basement. I looked up from the piano as she entered the room and gave her a small smile of apology. What I got back was a narrowing of her pretty green eyes at me.

"You're not dressed yet?" she asked with a glance at her watch. "They're going to be here soon, you know."

"I know. I had to do something, though." I told her, smile still plastered on my face in an effort to soften her up.

She rolled her eyes at me. "It couldn't wait?"

"It couldn't. Come sit down. I want to show you something." I said, patting the spot next to me.

She padded over towards me, ringing her hands in front of her, and sat down on the edge of the piano bench with me. Her eyes raked over the top of the piano, taking note of the notepad and pen with words haphazardly scribbled down.

"You wrote something?" she asked quietly. I pressed my lips together and nodded at her.

Putting my fingers to the keys, I started in on the song that I had just written. For her.

Did I ever tell you that I'm better to have known you?
I don't want to leave you with a shadow of a doubt.
Did I ever give you the strength you've given me?
And how can I begin to make each moment mean the most so you will see
I never loved you more than I do today,
Sometimes life just seems to get in the way.

It's been too long
I want to sit down and write for you the perfect love song.
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd.
I want to move you in a million ways.
I'll say it to you every day.
Did I ever tell you I love you that way

And did I ever tell you I'm better to have known you
I don't want to change you cause I'm proud of who you are
And should you ever question the pain we're going through
What I need to mention is that life just isn't living without you
You know that I want you more than anything
Sometimes I just forget to say what I mean.

It's been too long
I want to sit down and write for you the perfect love song
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd.
I want to move you in a million ways;
I'll say it to you every day
Did I ever tell you I love you that way

I never loved you more than I do today
Sometimes it's crazy, life just gets in the way

It's been too long
I want to sit down and write for you the perfect love song
I want to shout it out in a silent crowd.
I want to move you in a million ways;
I'll say it to you every day
Did I ever tell you I love you that way

I finished and turned to look at her anxiously. Her eyes were closed and silent tears were slipping down her cheeks. My heart broke. I'd been the cause of too many of those tears lately. She stayed quiet for a few more minutes but reached over to take hold of my hand. I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb in an effort to comfort her somehow and she drew in a shaky breath. "Did you just write that for me?" she asked quietly, turning teary green eyes to me.

"Yeah. I've had the melody rolling around in my head for a few days but couldn't find the words."

"It's...I'm...speechless. This is beautiful. It's all mine?"

I nodded at her, bringing her hand up to press a kiss to her knuckles. "I just wanted to apologize. I know that I'm the cause behind the fights that we keep having and I'm honestly going to make an effort to change things. But I needed you to know how much I love you and how head over heels I am. You are truly the greatest thing to ever come into my life and I am so incredibly lucky to have you. I know I may not show it lately, but it's true."

Tears slid down her cheeks and I reached up to brush them away. She smiled gently at me and sniffled. "You're forgiven. Though you may have to play that song a few hundred times now that I've heard it. Would you put it on a CD for me?"

"I think I can handle that." I replied, turning her body to face mine. "Are we ok?" I asked, eyes probing hers.

"Yes." She stated simply, tilting her face up towards mine. Recognizing the move I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers softly, brushing them across hers over and over, and conveying to her all the emotions that I was feeling. 

Her hands came up to rest on my chest and I let my hand slide from her cheek to the back of her head to tug the ponytail holder out of her hair. It fell out of the holder and tangled into my hands and I massaged her neck gently. She groaned into the kiss, parting her lips just enough to let my tongue slip inside the warm confines of her mouth. My heart dropped into my stomach at the touch, the feeling of losing my breath something that I had become accustomed to when I was tangled up in this woman.

When our tongues met, a fire was lit under me, and suddenly just making out with her on the piano bench wasn't enough. "Bed?" I mumbled against her swollen lips and she shook her head no, pulling back reluctantly.

"No time. They'll be here in ten minutes." She whispered, lips moving across mine with the words.

"Screw them." I replied with a grin. "Justin...." She hissed out when my hand pushed under the silky fabric of her tank.

"Alright." I withdrew my hand slowly, fingers tickling along her sides. "But you're mine after they leave."

She gave me a smile that stopped my heart before rising from the piano bench. "No complaints here, baby. I'll be waiting." She said with a wink.

I watched the sway of her hips as she retreated up the steps and back to her duties, swearing that she was going to be the death of me.

"Oh, and Justin?" she called out, stopping on the top step.

"Yeah?"

"I'm kind of head over heels for you too."

I grinned at her response, shaking my head at how up and down we'd been lately. God, what a rollercoaster.

Dinner seemed to last forever. I swore that our friends knew what was up and were purposely hanging around extra long as a form of torture. But finally, hours later, they all departed, leaving us with a sink full of dishes to clean up.

After closing and locking the front door, I meandered back into the kitchen, sneaking up on Madison at the sink by wrapping my arms around her waist and planting a kiss on her cheek. She dropped the plate she was washing off and leaned back into me, one arm reaching up to grasp my neck.

"These can wait ‘til later." I whispered into her ear, dragging my nose along the skin of her neck that was exposed by her tank. "I, however, can't."

She giggled at me, wiggling her butt against me, eliciting a growl from my throat. "Let me love you, Mads." At my words, she visibly shivered, turning herself around in my arms. "I'm all yours." She replied softly, arching her hips against mine. At feeling how turned on I already was from even thinking about making love to her, her mouth dropped open and she purred. "The counter looks pretty good right now." she said with a wink.

"I couldn't agree more." My lips descended on hers, capturing them roughly as I hoisted her up onto the countertop. She spread her legs to accommodate me and I stepped between them, pressing myself as closely to her as I could. "I love you so much, Mads." I murmured, fingers traveling up the expanse of her legs to massage her thighs. "Show me." She moaned out as I pushed my hands between the elastic of her underwear and her inner thigh.

"I intend to."

                                                             *******

"You ready to record this, J?" JC's voice broke into my thoughts, and I looked at him through the glass separating us in Johnny's studio.

"Yeah. I'm good." I replied, picking up the lyrics to "Did I Ever Tell You", anxious and excited to finally get the song recorded. Even though it would never see the light of day on any CD I ever put out, it meant a lot to me to keep my promise to Madison. To show that I did what she had asked me to, should she ever bring it up again.

Realizing I hadn't silenced my phone, I took it out of my pocket to put it on vibrate. Something in me made me open my text inbox and re-read the text that Madison had sent me the night before. Quickly hitting ‘reply' before I could second guess myself, I typed up a short message.

I've got a song with your name on it, should you ever want to collect on that promise I made you all those years ago. "Sometimes it's crazy, life just gets in the way..."