I don't know where Deja is. Not that I care…oh fine, so maybe I do…just a little bit. I don’t understand what set her off. Alright, so I acted a little cheesy in front of Joey. But why should that bother her so damn much? I mean, isn’t she the one who was so happy that I changed? Christ…she must be bi polar or something….I don't understand women. I don’t know how she expects me to act around other people. I mean, am I supposed to walk around, all serious and shit? No…I’m happy when I’m with her, at least I was, and I was acting accordingly. I’m corny? Nah Dej. You’re the one who’s fuckin’ corny.

I’m so pissed right now. I could really go for a blunt and a beer. But if I’m gonna play ball, I can’t be drinking. And a blunt? That’s definitely out of the question.

“So, Joey tells me your girls real nice.” JC guzzles his water, and plants himself on the bench beside me. “Where is she? The rest of us want to meet her too ya know.”

I barely acknowledge his presence. “She’s around.”

“Around?” he scoffs. “Wow Justin. That sounds like a healthy relationship.”

“Enough about me,” I say, meeting his gaze. “Tell me what’s been goin’ on.”

“You would know what’s been going on if you called once in a while. I mean, damn. I feel like I haven’t seen you in years.”

He’s right to say that. I don’t call. I don’t call anybody. Up until recently, I’ve been like this hermit or something. Yeah, a little hermit with a scruffy sidekick named Trace that just won’t leave me alone. Britney. She left me so miserable. But Deja came along, and after a few nasty fights (alright, really nasty), I finally got it in me to lighten up. “Sorry,” I say to him softly. “You know how things went down.”

“Don’t even start with the Britney crap,” JC groans, sticking his fingers in his ears.

I sigh, and look away from him. My, don’t I have great friends?

“So…” Lance says, leaning forward to see past JC. “You been thinking about the next record at all?”

I feel my throat tighten. My album…my solo album. Yeah, that was another thing I had on my to do list for the weekend. I think it said “stab friends in back”. “Uh…,” I stall. “Yeah you know, when the time is right I think we should definitely make another album.”

I glance at J.C. who is staring at me strangely. "We are doing another album right…?"

I suck in a breath. They’re all staring at me, as if this decision is only going to effect me. I look to Joey for help. Surely he wants to spend time with his new baby…surely he’ll point this out.

Why doesn't he say anything?

"Of course," I find myself saying. Why couldn't you just tell them?

“Hey!” Trace bursts through the door, a clip board over flowing with paperwork in his hand. “You’re late!”

It’s funny…he didn’t even try to find me and tell me that he had gotten here okay. He just went to work. He’s a good friend. No, maybe he’s not crazy about the idea of me having Deja around…but he’s still a good friend. I smile at him. It’s a thankful smile. He’s just saved me from the dirty looks the guys were throwing at me. They know something’s up.

But I’m not about to tell them now.

********************

I'm on my knees on the bathroom floor. It’s cold, and I know the tiles are going to leave little square imprints on my legs. This isn’t where I want to be, but I’m here none the less. I’ve been sticking my face into the toilet bowl for a good twenty minutes now, vomiting up god knows what. It’s finally seemed to subside, but who knows how long that will last. I hate when Justin is an ass. My stomach always gets in knots. But its never caused me to vomit before. Maybe it wasn’t Justin’s fault…maybe it was something I ate. But how could it be? I only ate cereal. Cereal doesn’t do that to a person.

What if I have like…West Nile Syndrome??

After several more minutes pass, I finally regain enough strength to stand. I wipe the sides of my mouth. Gross….puke. I exit the stall and stare at myself in the mirror. I’m a mess. I’m pale, my eyes are bloodshot. I’m dizzy. This is bad. Fuck, my first public appearance with Justin…and I’m vomiting like some kind of animal. I turn on the faucet and splash my face with cold water. It doesn’t help. My face is still on fire. I must have a fever.

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have been such a bitch to Justin. It’s not that I don't love the lovey dovey shit he does. But I hate that it seemed so fake just then. I don’t need to be in a fake relationship with him. We’ve been through enough as it is. And no, I’m not saying I want his friends to know that I used to be a whore…but I don’t want them to have some buttered up story about me either.

Oh well. I'm tired of trying to please everyone. I do enough of that with Justin. If he wants to tell them that I’m the daughter of some record exec or whatever the hell he’s told them…then fine. I’m not going to pay attention anymore.

I push my way out the door. I have no idea where I am. I was so angry before, that I just started walking. Then I found the bathroom. But now…I have no idea how to get back to where I came from. Great, now I'm going to be lost and sick at the same time.

Help.

Today isn't my day.

I walk down the hall, searching for a familiar face to guide me back to my boyfriend. I feel like garbage. All I want is for Justin to wrap himself around me, kiss my head, and tell me he’s there. I know we’re fighting…but like I said…I’m bipolar. Right now…I don’t care what it is that he did or said. I just want to be in his arms again. . I sigh, oh well.

“Why are you wandering around?”

Trace! Finally, someone I know.

"Trace, I'm lost," I moan. There goes my stomach.

He gives me a weird look, as if he’s debating on whether he should help me or leave me here to suffer. He better not leave me here. Shit, I'll kick his ass. I'm not in the mood.

"Justin was looking for you at the beginning of the game. He looked pissed. What'd you do now?" he smirks.

Little shit. "I didn't do anything!” I snap. “Can you just take me to wherever I'm supposed to go and stop being fucking stupid?"

He sighs and turns around, motioning for me to follow him. We pass several people fussing about in the back, until Trace finally stops several feet away from a bulky looking gentleman. "Hey, can you take Deja out to the family and friends section?" Trace says to him.

He glances at me and then back at Trace. Then he leans down and whispers something in Trace’s ear. Trace nods and steps back so I can follow. What the hell did they say to each other? I hate when people do that.

"Follow me," the man says.

I swallow and cautiously walk out onto the side court. I see a lot of famous faces, including Justin‘s. He's running down the court, his hands out waiting for someone to pass the ball to him. His pants are snug against his butt…which is making me forget why I was mad at him to begin with. It’s not fair.

I'm supposed to be mad at this man.

"You can sit in the second row."

I turn towards the bleachers. They’re all staring at me, whispering and pointing at me. They raise their cameras and start snapping off pictures of me. I can’t believe they already know who I am. I didn’t think that many of them saw me walking with him on the red carpet. It’s amazing how fast news can spread.

Despite my newly formed paparazzi clan, I sit down in a chair and try to watch the game. My eyes linger on Justin. He stops at the three point line and shoots. He makes it. I refrain from cheering for him. The girls behind me don’t though. I cover my ears. Damn, can they scream any louder?

The buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the period. The players are running back to their benches. I recognize Joey…and the rest of NSYNC. Then I see Justin. He’s sweaty and …sexy and…

No. He’s corny. I need to stop.

He sighs, slaps hands with Joey, and waves at a few girls at the end of the court who have been screaming his name.. His hands rest on his hips as he walks back to an empty chair. I stare at the back of his head and frown. I know he has to have seen me. He better not be trying to play the victim.

Slowly he turns around, looking at the people behind him until he finally looks at me. Should I be a bitch?

He smiles.

I guess that's a no. I smile back and give him a little wave. He sucks his lower lip into his mouth and turns around.

I love that lower lip.

Okay, I guess I can forgive him. I mean, maybe I was stupid for getting mad at him in the first place right? Yea. Oh God, I smell nachos. It’s making my stomach turn.

This is going to be a long game.

************

We lost. It wasn’t my fault though. It was Lance’s. The guy passed the ball to the other team more times than I can count. Damn man. That’s just sad. “Deja,” I say, tapping on the door. She doesn’t answer. She’s been in there for a little while. “Hey…what’s the matter with you?” I listen for a response. Then, a horrible noise comes from behind the bathroom door. It sounds like…she’s getting sick. "Deja..are you sick?“

She still doesn’t answer. I turn the knob, and push the door open. “De--“ I begin, but my speech is cut short when I set eyes on her. I wince. She’s on her knees, her face buried in the depths of the toilet bowl. After a moment, she picks her head up slightly and glances over at me. She looks like hell. Her face…its so pale. “Deja,“ I whisper, slowly approaching her.

“Don’t,“ she moans. A moment later she is vomiting into the toilet again.

“Jesus, what did you eat?” I say, kneeling down beside her. She continues to vomit. It’s disgusting…its making me nauseous. But then I remember the time that she went through this with me. She didn’t leave me, and I guess I shouldn’t leave her either. I rub my hand up and down her back. “Shh…it’s okay.” I whisper.

After about ten more minutes of vomiting passes, she finally stops, and looks up at me. I pull a towel from somewhere behind me and wipe her mouth off. “I…I think I’m sick,” she manages.

I have to laugh. “I think so too.”

She groans and leans into me. “I’m sorry, Justin.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I say. “You can’t help it that you’re sick Dej’.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “I mean…about before.”

Oh. The fight. I was so caught up in the moment, I had nearly forgotten about it. I kiss her forehead. “It’s no biggie…I mean, I was pissed and stuff, but now I‘m past it. I just…I don’t understand why you got so upset.”

“I’m not used to you acting like you did,” she confesses. “When you acted so…I dunno…fake around your friend, I guess it just scared me a little.”

“Fake? Deja…that wasn’t fake. That’s me. That was how I used to act…” I pause and let out a long sigh. “You know…before all the shit happened.”

She shrugs. “It’s hard for me to picture you like that, Jus. I’m sorry…I guess we both need to get used to being in this relationship.”

She’s right. So right its scary. This relationship is brand new, despite the fact that she’s been living with me for almost four months now. I’m just starting to get to know this woman…this woman who sacrificed so much…so foolishly…for me. “I’ll work harder if you will,” I whisper in her ear.

She smiles. She’s not mad at me. I’m relieved. She closes her eyes. “You want to go in the bed?” I say.

“Mmmm,” she hums.

I’m taking this as a yes. I stand up, and lift her off of the floor. She’s already asleep. I feel so bad. I had the night all planned out. I was going to try and make up for the fight. I was going to take her to the dinner me and the guys have to go to. But now…I can’t expect her to do any of that. With my luck, she’d end up puking all over somebody. She has to stay here. I reach the bed and lay her down on it. “Deja,” I whisper, covering her with the blanket.

Her eyes flutter open. “Hi,” she says.

She looks so beautiful right now. I wish I could just say fuck it all, and spend the rest of the night cuddling with her in the bed. Hell, I wouldn’t even care if I got sick because of it. I want to make all her pain go away. “You gonna be alright?”

“I think so,” she nods.

“I have to go to this dinner thing,” I sigh, sitting down on the bed. “I really don’t want to leave you here.”

“I can come with you,” she smiles weakly. “I’m not that sick.”

I narrow my eyes at her. “Dej, come on. Oh hell, maybe I’ll just skip it.”

“You can’t skip it Justin,” she tells me.

“And I can’t leave you alone either.”

“Justin, I’m a big girl, remember?”

I grin at her stupidly. “In more ways than one.”

“Oh god,” she rolls her eyes. “Just…go to your dinner.”

“But Deja--,” I start to say, but am cut off when there comes a knock at the door. “If that’s Trace’s I’ll kill ‘im,” I grumble. Deja laughs, and I shoot her a cold look.

“Answer the door pouty,” she smiles.

I swagger over to the door, and with a sigh, I yank it open. My eyes widen. It wasn’t who I was expecting. It’s Kelly. Joey’s girlfriend. I’m so confused. “Hey,” I say.

“Hi,” she smiles, looking past me a little. “Is that Deja?”

I glance over my shoulder. “Oh…yeah. Why?”

“Well…me and the girls were gonna go grab a bite, seeing how you five refuse to take us to this stupid dinner of yours,” she mutters. “We wanted Deja to come.”

Suddenly, I’m glad Deja is sick. If the rest of the guys aren’t bringing anybody with them, I would have looked like a moron bringing Deja with me. “Well…she’s a little under the weather.”

Kelly rolls her eyes. “Oh please,” she pushes past me, and waltzes into the room. “You’re Deja?” she asks her with a giggle.

“Yeah,” Deja gets out weakly. “Hi.”

“So you really are sick?”

Deja nods slightly. “Yeah.”

“What?” I say. “Did you think I was lying?”

Kelly glances over her shoulder. “Knowing you…yes.” She turns back to Deja. “So what’s wrong hon?”

“Thanks a lot Kel,” I mutter. Neither one of them seems to hear me though. I frown.

“I dunno,” Deja says. “I think I have a stomach bug. I’ve been getting sick all day.”

“Well that just sucks!” Kelly exclaims. “Hey, I know…the girls and I will just get a pizza and stay here with you. Sound good?”

“Well…” Deja looks at me, with questioning eyes. “I mean, if Justin doesn’t mind I guess it would be fun.”

“If Justin doesn’t mind?” Kelly says, in a confused tone. She looks back at me. She thinks I’m crazy. “What are you…some kinda control freak?”

I laugh a little. She really doesn’t have any idea. “No,” I say. “Deja and I just…we like to make decisions together.” Okay so that was stupid, but hell, I don’t know what else to tell her. Stating the truth is out of the question.

“This is pizza we’re talking about,” Kelly laughs. “God--just go to your dinner, Justin.”

I open the door, and smile at her. “You sure you don’t mind staying in tonight Kelly?”

Kelly shrugs. “When don’t I stay in? When you have a baby, you’re pretty much under house arrest.”

“You have a baby?” Deja speaks up. Her eyes are wide, and filled with curiosity.

She blushes. “With Joey.”

I smile a little. “Deja, this is Joey’s…uh…”

“Significant other,” Kelly interrupts. “Well…I mean, we’re getting married. We just haven’t set the date yet.”

“I bet you’re a good mom,” Deja says. She glances at me quickly. I’m confused. I mean, I know having a baby is a wonderful thing…but right now Deja seems in such awe of the idea. It’s weird.

It’s weird, and I’m leaving. “Well girls, I better go,” I say quickly. “Just call the cell if you need something Dej’ okay?”

“Okay.” She smiles at me, and sits up a little. I can already tell she’s feeling better, and it gives me enough confidence to walk out the door. I wave her a quick goodbye, and close the door behind me. I walk forward a little, and nearly knock JC over in the process. “Shit man,” I grumble. “Don’t scare me like that.”

He doesn’t laugh. Now I’m starting to feel sick. “Jace…what’s the matter?”

He sends me a blank stare, and doesn‘t say anything for a few minutes. Then his brows furrow, like he‘s trying to figure out the best thing to say to me at this moment. I don‘t have a clue why though, I barely talked to the guy today. I let out a little chuckle, and smile at him. “You okay bud?”

He points a finger at me. “I know there’s something you’re not telling me Justin.”

I swallow hard. “I d-don’t understand.”

He smiles a little, but it quickly fades away. “Come on Justin, I’ve known you too long…why don’t you just tell me what’s on your mind.”

This is bigger than what’s on my mind, I’m sure of it. He knows there’s something up with me…that’s going to affect us all. Sometimes I wonder if Josh has psychic powers, because he’s always been able to figure out every little detail about me…even stuff that nobody else was able to figure out. I guess I need to tell him about the record, it doesn’t make sense to hold it in anymore. I know if I don’t tell him now…he’s going to find out from somebody else…and that won’t be good for anybody. Taking a deep breath, I meet his gaze. “Alright,” I whisper.

“You’re not going to do another record with us,” he says to me. It’s not a question…and I think he’s known this was coming from the get go.

I wince slightly. “I…I was gonna tell you.”

“You know I got your back,” he nods. “I just wish you would have told me sooner. I‘ve been thinking about doing a little something myself.”

I laugh a little. “You’re not mad?”

He looks offended. “Mad? Justin, for as long as I’ve known you all you’ve dreamt about was doing a record of your own. Why should I be mad that you’re finally going to be able to do it now? I mean yeah…it’s gonna be different. But what the hell is life for if you can’t try different things?”

“I’m not saying I want to leave the group,” I explain. “This is just something I want to do for right now.”

He pats me on the shoulder. “Then do it if you want to do it. I’m behind you…and I know the other guys will be too.”

He’s smiling now, and I feel myself do the same. He’s not mad…he’s not even worried about the fate of the group. He only cares that I’m happy. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. “Thanks Jace.”

“Don’t mention it.”