Orlando, FloridaAugust 25, 2001 

“Ana…” Tyler’s voice echoed through the foyer of the eerie house. 

“Tyler! I need you to check on Ana now! Please, please go over there. I’m on my way to the airport right now, please Tyler,” JC’s voice trembled and broke, tears threatening to spill from his eyes at any given moment. 

“Is everything ok? No, what am I saying? What’s going on?” frantically, Tyler rushed from his spot on the couch at his parents’ house. Unlike ever before, he quickly ran through the house to the garage, grabbing his car keys from the hook by the side door. 

“Aaliyah… was in a plane crash.” JC’s voice choked in the back of his throat, reality leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. “She died, bro.”

"Holy fuck…I’m already on my way, Jace. Just get here as soon as possible,” Tyler reassured him, peeling out of the driveway and ending the call. 

Ever since Ana had moved in with her brother there was a homey feeling to the house, regardless if it was the Florida or the California house. There was a gentle warmth that hugged every person stepping through the threshold, and Tyler associated that with Ana. And, so did many other people. 

But, today, the home was cold, silent, and ghostlike despite the sunny afternoon weather. Softly, the front door latched behind him as he cautiously stepped further into the house. The wooden floors creaked under his weight, his ears perking at any random noise. 

“Ana…hun, its Tyler,” he announced his arrival once more, but no response. He tried the den, the living room, the kitchen, the back yard, nothing. Raising and lowering his shoulders as his body sighed, he looked upwards. He knew that she’d be in the bedroom, and he feared what he’d find behind the door. He’d never had to deal with something like this; he felt unprepared. Taking the stairs two-at-a-time, he paused at the very top and listened. 

There she was. 

Tyler could hear her shaky breaths echoing in the still air. Cautiously, he walked the short distance to the bedroom door, left ajar. Pushing it lightly with a shaky hand, he peeked into the quiet, private hideaway. 

#### 

Her blood-shot golden eyes rose from the spot on the beige carpet, sensing she was no longer alone. From her spot on the opposite side of the room, she watched as he cautiously made his way inside. She bit her lip as her eyes returned to the same spot she’d been looking. And her fingers clenched into a fist, hissing.

It was her hiss that gave her presence away, and Tyler quickly spotted her. 

“Oh Ana…” his once-juvenile and always-teasing voice had been replaced with genuine concern, comforting security and laced with soothe. 

A sob escaped her throat as she clenched her eyes shut, a guttural moan bouncing from the walls. In one swift motion, Tyler was beside her, pulling her body close to his. His arms wrapped tightly around her trembling body, cradling her close to his chest. The warmth from his body did little to stop the chills that danced along her spine. 

"I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry” Tyler felt tears pool in his eyes. There was no way to accurately describe the agony and the despair in Ana’s cry. The way her hands gripped at his shirt and her lips trembled as she openly sobbed. He had a feeling that she hadn’t cried since finding out. His hands soothed her curls, whispering words of comfort and embracing her tighter. 

He didn’t know how long they sat there in the corner of the bedroom, crying and screaming, but he knew it had to have been a couple of hours. 

“Ana, let’s get you cleaned up. Jace is going to be here soon, hun,” he pulled her away from his chest in an effort to get her to look at him. But, when she did, she stole his breath. There was a blaze raging in her eyes, and her usually-plump lips were set in a thin line. “Ana…” 

“No! No! No! No!” she screamed, angrily pounding at his chest. Grabbing a hold of her fists, Tyler frantically tried to calm her down. Where was her anger coming from? What had he said? What was he to do? 

“Ana, calm down!” his voice rose above hers in a futile attempt to quiet her. 

“NO! You don’t get to tell me to calm down! You don’t get to tell me to clean up! You don’t get to tell me to stop crying! You don’t! You don’t! Dammit…you don’t!” her hand covered her mouth in an attempt to mask her cries. Breaking out of his stupor, Tyler reached towards her to hug her once again but she angrily pushed at him. Catching him off guard, he fell back and Ana scrambled to her feet. Turning, she ran from the room ignoring Tyler’s pleas to come back. Taking the steps two, three at a time, she ran from the house out to the back yard. 

Raindrops. 

“Papí, ¿por que llueve?” Alejandro Mora looked down at his 5-year-old daughter, the innocence in her eyes blinding him. The corner of his lips twitched thinking of a sensible answer for someone so young. He was sitting in the living room with his five daughters after dinner, listening to the rain pour down on the world outside. His youngest tucked under his arm. And, the rain sparkled under the light from the passing cars’ headlights, sending shadows dancing across the walls.  

“Well, mijita, raindrops come from heaven. Remember how I told you that when someone dies they go to heaven?” he paused to watch her nod, “well, when it rains here it is our familia crying for us there. They watch over us, to protect us and take care of us. When they see that we are sad or unhappy, they cry for us, Anita.” 

“Do they always watch us?” her voice squeaked at the end of her question and her father smiled. 

“Yes, we are never alone. When they cry, it rains and the rain waters the earth. What happens when you water the dirt, Anita?” he asked, playfully flicking her nose. Naturally, her nose scrunched up and her giggle filled his ears. 

“Flowers grow!” she squealed, excited to know the answer to her father’s question. 

“That’s right! So, next time it rains, remember our familia is sending us a beautiful flower to make us smile,” Alejandro concluded, and his daughter smiled brightly, revealing a gap of two teeth. 

It had rained the day she had asked her dad about her mom – fifteen years ago. 

It had rained the day their loyal Lab, Iggy had died – ten years ago. 

It had rained the day she’d gotten the phone call in London about her father – five years ago. 

And, now, it rained as her best friend was ripped from her life. 

It was now that she let her tears fall, sinking to her knees in the middle of the small boat dock. Her head hung low and her hands covered her face. Fingernails dug into her flesh and scalp, trying to alleviate the pain that burst in her chest, taking over her heart, and strangling her lungs. Rocking back and forth as one would sooth a child, she felt no comfort. 

The day had begun sunny and warm, the perfect weather. In a matter of minutes, the sun’s warmth and light were quickly replaced by dark, sinister clouds and sheets upon sheets of rain. Her fragile body was pounded with the increasing rain as she stayed in the same position. Her tears mixed with the rain and her sobs silenced by the crackling thunder.

#### 

The front door might have fallen off its hinges as JC burst through it if it weren’t for its sturdy and solid wood frame. Desperately, he sought any sign of Ana or Tyler. Hurriedly poking his head in every lower level room, he finally saw Tyler through the back sliding doors. 

“Where is she?” he questioned, his brother standing at the covered porch’s edge. The rain pelting the cobble stones on the ground. Turning bloodshot eyes to him, Tyler spoke.

"Out there,” his voice heavily affected by the knot lodged deep in his throat. Turning to look out at the expanse of his backyard, JC could barely make out the outline of Ana’s body through the heavy rain. 

“What the hell is she doing out there?” he demanded, rushing to discard his watch and cell phone. 

“She won’t let me near her, bro. It’s bad,” Tyler swallowed, willing the tears to stay at bay. JC turned concerned eyes to him, how bad? With a shaky breath, JC tried to mentally prepare himself but it was pointless. He wouldn’t know how to prepare for something like this – no one ever would. 

“Her sisters have been calling, but I told them that you’d call them later. Just get her inside man,” Tyler’s eyes pleaded, and JC nodded. Taking off with his head ducked low, he jogged through the rain. Ana’s figure came into a clearer view as he neared her. She was hunched over in the middle of the boat dock, the rain mercilessly pelting her back. As he came to a stop just short of her body, he could see her shoulders shaking and he could make out soft whimpers. Turning eyes upwards, he prayed for strength. 

“Ana, babygirl…I’m here,” his voice, gentle and soothing, shook with caution. He saw her shoulders briefly stop shaking – she’d heard him. As if her neck was weighed down with an anchor, she slowly raised her head. Her eyes once sparkled and shone golden. Now, they were a dull, tear-twinkling pair. 

“Oh Ana…” he was quickly at her side, clinging to her as she loss any reserve left in her body. Yes, Aaliyah had been a close friend of his as well, and he’d cared for tremendously for her. But, he also knew that his relationship with her fell exceptionally short in comparison to the bond, trust, and connection between her and Ana. They were inseparable. Even though their careers kept them apart, they were in constant communication with one another. She had been Ana’s fifth sister. 

“She’s gone Josh, she’s gone,” Ana whispered against his neck, her face buried there seeking comfort. 

“I know babygirl,” he didn’t know what else to say. He was at a loss. What else could he say? There was nothing that he could say that would mend her broken heart, ease her pain, or erase this moment. 

“She was with me with dad died. I flew in to New York and she was waiting for me. Canceled shows and stayed with me for two weeks. Always knew what to say. Always knew when I needed her. She was so good. Why do the good always go?” 

“God has a plan, Ana…”

"Then, take us, Josh! Take me! We’re the sinners! Dammit, JC! Why her?” he pulled her into his arms as he settled on the hard wood planks. The rain wasn’t letting up. Their hair was matted against their heads, clinging to their faces. Her body was pulled flush against his soaking embrace, her fingers clawing at his chest, in a despairing attempt to hold onto something. But, the rain had caused his shirt to practically melt against his skin. 

“It’s going to be ok, babygirl. It hurts, I know it hurts. And I can only imagine how much it hurts, but, babygirl, she’s ok. She’s where she belongs. That angel is home, baby. She’s home,” he kept repeating that to her, speaking softly in her ear. Gently, he rocked her quivering body in his arms. The rain began to let up after a while, and so did her whimpers. He couldn’t tell if she still cried, the tears and raindrops mixing on her face. He did, however, know that she hadn’t fallen asleep. 

As the minimal daylight that remained began to vanish, JC decided it was time to go inside before they both caught a cold, or worst, pneumonia. 

“Babygirl, we’ve got to get you inside, ok? Just hold onto me, baby,” he whispered, alerting her that he would jostled her a bit. Looking back towards the house, he could see that the guys and Tyler no longer stood on the porch looking out at them. He hoped they had moved inside and wouldn’t stop him on his mission to get her upstairs and warmed up. Readjusting her in his arms, he cradled her close to him as he began the trek across the soppy grounds. 

He walked onto the porch and through the sliding doors, dripping buckets of water onto the wooden floors. In his arms, Ana’s body – fragile, scared, and hurting – clung to him, cocooning and hiding from the world. She was like a small child. And seeing her like this shattered the guys’ hearts as they watched him pass the living room doorway. In silence, they watched him make the daunting journey up the many steps. JC carried her upstairs and into their bathroom, gently setting her down on the toilet. Leaning into the glass shower stall, he turned on the water and adjusted the water to warmer than usual. He needed to warm her up, and quick. 

“I’ve got to warm you up, babygirl,” he explained, tipping her chin upwards to look at him. Her eyes, still dull and sad, met his and he had to bite his lower lip. Nodding, she gave him the first sign that she was still there with him. Delicately, he eased her out of her clothing before undressing himself and bringing her into the shower with him. She was detached, but responsive as he went through the motions of washing her hair, scrubbing her body, and rinsing her off. Once finished, he helped her step out and dry before wrapping her long tresses in a towel. 

“See…all warmed up now. Feel better?” he soothed as he tugged the long sleeve over her frame and she settled on the edge of the bed. With a quivering lip, she managed to nod her response and he smiled gently. Taking the wide-toothed comb, he ran it through her curls, careful not to tug too hard. Once detangled, he managed to get it into a sloppy braid and secure it with a hair band. 

“Now, climb on in. I’m going to bring you some tea. You’ll be ok for a few minutes, right?” he asked, helping her slip under the warm blankets that he’d set on the bed. 

“Yeah,” her voice no louder than a whisper as she lain her head on the cool pillow. Bending down, he smoothed some flyaways back before dropping a kiss on her forehead then chapped lips. Feeling her sigh against his lips, JC pulled away and headed downstairs. 

#### 

He hoped to avoid the guys, knowing that he might break down if he was faced with having to talk to them. Thinking he’d sneaked past them, he made his way into the kitchen to make her some tea. But, he wasn’t alone. 

“We won’t ask how she’s doing because it’s safe to say that it’s not good. But, we will ask if you’re ok?” Chris spoke from his spot at the island counter. Looking from one brother to the next, JC sighed. 

“I don’t know guys. I’ve never seen her, or anyone for that matter, as broken as she is. She’s Ana for God’s sake. She’s so strong and that’s not the Ana I know. I don’t know what to do for her,” he heard his own voice break as he spoke. His hands anxiously ran through his ever-growing locks. 

“Well, you keep doing what you’re doing Jace. She needs you to just to be here for her,” Justin spoke up from where he leant on the counter besides the stovetop. There was a tea kettle softly whistling on the black stovetop. “We’re just going to go upstairs and say bye to her then we’re gonna get out of your way. But, you make sure you call us if you need anything. Johnny is trying to find out any information on funeral arrangements. I’ll let you know what he finds out.” 

“I really appreciate this guys,” JC tried to smile, but he was sure it resembled something short of a grimace. Nodding to each of the guys as they patted him on the back on their way out the kitchen, he remained silent. 

“Mom said she’ll come over in the morning to check on you two, and remember to call her sisters. They’re really worried,” Tyler said to him before following the guys’ lead and exiting. Holding onto the marble counters, JC felt himself take deep breaths. His mind was a jumble of thoughts and emotions that he knew not how to sort. After a while he heard the front door open and close followed shortly by the dull rumbled of car engines. They were alone. He was alone. A guttural sob filled the air as he felt his reserve dissolve. He needed to take this moment to himself to allow himself to feel and hurt and cry. Ana needed him. His Ana needed him. 

#### 

“I’m ready,” her still-fragile voice broke through JC’s thoughts as he sat at the breakfast nook in the kitchen of the New York condo. Turning his head towards her voice, she came into view. His eyes ran down the length of her frame, taking in the all black attire – boatneck, belted dress, high heel pumps and shades. Nodding, and inwardly sighing, he stood from his spot and walked towards her. 

“Alright, mama, let’s get going,” he soothed, running his hand over her hair and gripping the back of her head to pull her in. Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, his hands dropped to grasp her own and tug her out of the condo.  

There was a car waiting for them downstairs to take them to Manhattan’s Upper Eastside to the St. Ignatius Loyola Church for the private service. It’d been six days since her death, and Ana was still as grief-stricken as before. JC and the rest of the guys had left her for two days while they wrapped up their last tour date in the states. And now, after the service, JC would have to hop on a plane to Mexico City for the last tour date of the year. Ana was refusing to join him. He’d begged and pleaded, but she would not budge. And he understood, she didn’t want to be near cameras, reporters, and fans. She wanted to be alone.  But, he still worried and didn’t want to let her out of his sight. 

The media was having a field day with Aaliyah’s death, seeking comments, reactions, emotions from family and friends. JC had refused to let Ana give a statement, the public didn’t need to hear her like this and she didn’t need to deal with the public. So, instead, the guys had given a statement and left it at that. Jive, via Johnny, had asked Ana to sing at the service, and immediately everyone had assumed she’d turn down the request. But, surprisingly, she’d agreed. 

“Mama, are you sure you want to sing at the service?” JC asked once more as he saw their car get closer and closer to their destination. The streets were lined with throngs of fans on both sides; police barricades keeping them restricted. 

“Yeah, I want to do it for her,” she spoke softly, running her fingertips under her eyes to wipe away stray tears. Giving her knee a squeeze, she tried to manage a small smile at JC. Turning her gaze back to the outside world, she watched uniformed policemen, police cruisers, and cameramen fill the streets. In her head, she knew that her best friend was gone and she’d never see her again. And she felt the pain in her heart from the void she’d left. But, she couldn’t bring herself to believe it. It didn’t make sense. How could someone so young and so good be gone? Didn’t she deserve to live life the most? What was God’s plan for Ana if he’d already taken Aaliyah? 

Slipping her shades over her bloodshot eyes, Ana turned to watch the driver come around to open the door of the town car. There were similar cars lines in front of the church – family and friends arriving. JC stepped out after lowering his own shades over his eyes, and reached back inside the car to help Ana step out. They joined the crowd standing at the church’s steps, and after a few minutes, they saw the horse-drawn carriage grow closer. JC felt Ana’s grip tightened around his fingers, and his heart broke a little bit more. 

The body of her best friend was on that carriage, lifeless. 

He couldn’t imagine how he’d feel if that carriage carried any of the boys’ bodies. Wrapping his arm around her waist, he pulled her closer to his side, he heard her choked sob. It was time to get inside. He didn’t want her to break down out here. He managed to push through the gathered and make his way inside with her beside him. 

“You don’t have to do it, babygirl,” he whispered, hugging her close to his chest. Her arms limply wrapped around his waist and clung to his suit jacket. Standing off to the side, he watched everyone begin to file in so he pulled her along to find a decent seat for the service. 

She tuned out the priest as the service began, her eyes focused on the elaborate and stunning casket that sat in the center of the altar. Her friend was there. Her smiling and jovial friend was there. Her sister was in that casket. And, she was alone. And, despite the balmy New York summer weather, she was probably cold. Aaliyah was always cold. And, Ana felt anger seep through her bones. 

From the beginning, the only thing she’d continue to ask was ‘why’. It didn’t make sense. Aaliyah had never done anything bad in her life. Ana didn’t even know the details of the plane crash or anything else. She hadn’t cared to know. The only think she knew was her best friend was dead and gone, and she hadn’t deserved to die. 

Turning her eyes to the priest, she saw his lips move and his hands motion but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. Her ears were occupied with her inner angry screams of frustration and pain. She’d met Aaliyah at a recording studio only a few weeks before her father had died. Being the new kid, Ana had been shy and quiet, and Aaliyah had immediately embraced her and welcomed her into her family. Ana tended to be stubborn, but Aaliyah always showed up when Ana most needed someone. If she wasn’t there physically, then there would be corny emails, sappy letters, or long phone calls. 

God must’ve decided that her life was fulfilled, even though Ana felt she’d been robbed. She’d never win a Grammy, see her movie premiere, be a wife or be a mother. And, Ana wanted her back. She wanted her back to live life. She wanted her back for one last smile, one last laugh, or one last hug. Something. Not one last distant phone call. But she couldn’t have it. 

Life was cruel at times. It played horrible tricks. 

Feeling someone tap her knee, she looked to her right and saw JC looking at her. He pointed towards the podium, and she saw Aaliyah’s brother, Rashad standing there. She’d missed the eulogy. But, she didn’t think she’d been able to bare it. And now, it was her turn to go up there. Stand in front of an entire congregation, be strong, and sing. Oh, life was cruel. 

“It’s time for you, babygirl,” JC whispered, and she nodded. Handing over her shades and tissues to him, she took a deep breath to calm herself. And JC saw her emerge from the dark shadows of her grief; he visibly saw her demeanor change. It was a glimpse at the strong woman that he knew her to be, and his hope was restored. She’d be ok – one day, but she’d get there. 

She planted her hands on the pew in front of her, keeping her body steady as she rose to her feet. Turning to exit the pew, her right hand gripped the hand JC offered her. Feeling him give it a squeeze, she knew that he was right there. He wouldn’t let her fall. As she stepped out onto the center aisle, she took a second to gain her footing before opening her eyes, and setting her eyes on her destination. Never turning to look at the people she passed, she kept her gaze set on the spot on the altar where the microphone awaited her. 

The soft click of her heels on the marble floors seemed to echo and resonate from the high-vault cathedral ceilings; she knew all eyes were on her. Finally climbing the few steps to microphone, she cleared her throat a bit before daring to open her mouth. She forced herself to look out at the congregation and her eyes immediately sought Aaliyah’s mother and brother, and Ana was pleased to see an encouraging smile on them both.            

“There isn’t much that I can say that hasn’t already been said. Standing here today, I don’t understand this. And, maybe I never will. But, one day, we’ll all learn to accept it. To Miss Diane and Rashad, a mother and brother when I most needed one, you’re not alone; we’re all in this together. And together, we’ll get through it. She’s home, and she’s waiting for us. Our angel is home,” Ana’s voice cracked slightly at the end. Taking a deep breath, she gave herself a few seconds to compose her emotions. 

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
'Twas blind, but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Then when we first begun.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see. 

And, she made her way back down the steps, stopping alongside the cold, hard box that now shielded her best friend for eternity. Running a lone finger over the top, she bent at the waist and kissed the casket softly.            

“Fly high, my angel,” she whispered before turning away. Hugging Miss Diane and Rashad, Ana made her way back to her pew, where JC awaited her. And, she need not say a word as he pulled her into a hug as the whole congregation stood at the priest’s request. Giving one last blessing, the service concluded. Solemnly, everyone moved to exit the church; it was requested that everyone once again gather on the stairs.            

“They’re going to release doves, babygirl,” JC whispered as he stood behind her on the steps, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. Thankful for her shades, Ana let her silent tears continue to flow. Looking all around her, she was in awe of all the fans standing there. She could see tears on everyone’s faces, and she could feel the dull throb of their pain in her bones. A low rumble was heard as the crowd began to softly sing “One in a Million.” And, Miss Diane released the first of the 22 doves as the song continued and Ana hung her head. 

With JC beside her, Aaliyah’s family to her left and friends to her right, Ana felt herself shut down. There was sadness, but rejoicing all around. There were tears, but laughter. She wanted to hide from it all. For the past six days, she’d fought hard to not swallow the bitter truth. But, in that moment, she couldn’t hide. Aaliyah had been taken from her, from them all, in an instant. And life, without her, would never be the same again. 

It was real. 

Her best friend was gone. 

In a blur, they were back in the town car, back in the condo, surrounded by Ana’s sisters as JC prepared to fly out. Ana sat on their bed, watching JC change from his black suit to comfortable traveling clothes. Gathering his small duffle bag, he turned to her.            

“I’ll be back on Sunday, babygirl,” he knelt in front of her, his warm hands resting on her bare knees. Her eyes avoided him, set on a point in her lap. Raising her chin with his fingers, her golden eyes finally met his clear sapphire eyes. “I love you baby.” 

She nodded, and breathed against his lips as he kissed her. He tasted her salty tears as they began streaming down her face, and his heart shattered knowing he had to leave her. Hugging her tightly one last time, he peeled himself away and exited the room. Her sisters were by her side in a flash, and that was the only thing that comforted him. She wouldn’t be alone. Now, if he could only make two days without her, then they’d be great.