Chapter 16

Justin's POV

Last night certainly turned out different than I ever imagined.  The fight and run-in with Jessica, despite the feelings of rage, hurt, and utter anger, that her mere presence alone can ignite, the whole confrontation has forced me to deal with some of the issues I have been suppressing for over a year, the whole reason I ran to Colorado to begin with.   Although I prefer to avoid Jessica at all costs, for my own sanity, I can't regret the fact that that whole scene brought me face-to-face with my own demons and allowed me the opportunity to finally open my life back up to others.  For so long, I have lived in isolation, shutting people out before they can get too close, harboring the anger and rage within, allowing Jessica the power to still manipulate and control my life because I have been too scared to step up to the plate and take the power back.

And yet, last night, I took the first step in taking back my life...

I allowed Taylor into my world, to understand and live it, even if it was just for a fraction of time, she was a part of it...and I've never felt so free.  To finally trust someone with the secrets that haunt my dreams, to lift some of the burden placed on my shoulders at the hands of others, and to finally learn to lean on someone for strength. 

Taylor doesn't even realize the amount of trust and faith I have put in her, how easily she holds pieces of my heart.  She's become this drug to me, this sense of stability, light, and freedom.  I don't know how, or when, but Taylor's such a part of my life.  She's the one person that allows me the opportunity to forget and remember what my life was like before the fame.  She allows me to just be Justin.

I don't know what I am going to do in January when it's time to come back to California and Taylor heads off to Austria for the World Cup. 

So, I'm choosing to ignore the looming deadline and just focus on enjoying my time with her, which is what has led me to the kitchen, at this God-awful hour in the morning, clad in a pair of running pants, tennis shoes, and a t-shirt.  Reaching into the cabinets, I pull out two Nalgene bottles, filling them with water and set them on the counter.  I can already feel the intensity of what is about to happen, but I told her that I would make sure she stayed in tip-top shape for the Olympics, and I plan to follow through.  Before I can get anything else set up, I catch the faintest of sounds as she comes down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Rounding the corner, her eyes nearly bulge out of her skull and her hand immediately lands on her chest.  "Jesus, you scared the crap out of me.  What are you doing up?  It's 5:30 in the morning."

I laugh as she catches her breath and reaches for one of the bottles.  "I thought I'd join you on your run.  You know, stretch my legs, feel the burn kind of crap..."

She eyes me skeptically before unscrewing the cap and taking a sip of water.  "You sure?  I mean, it's just, I'm going out for at least two, three hours..."

I can't help but be a little intimidated, straight running, two or three hours, at the minimum.  Shit, I do shows that last for two hours, and I get a break every now and then, why do you think I throw in some time at the piano?  Knowing I am not about to look like a total pussy in front of her, I puff up my chest.  "Pfft...easy."

She rolls her eyes as she wraps a towel into the waistband of her running pants, slightly positioned off the right side of her leg.  Gathering her iPod, she secures the band around her arm before taking one last glance in my direction.  "Last chance to back out..."

"Try and keep up, Taylor."

The small laughter that fills the quiet, dark space of my kitchen is the sound I have come to find as such a comfort these last few weeks. 

Together, we run through some stretches in the backyard, loosening up our muscles and allowing our lungs to suck in the cool, crisp morning air.  Each push and pull on my muscles reminds me that I have been out of touring endurance capacity for quite some time now, not to say that I don't work out, just not on the same level that Taylor has been on for years.  Knowing this work out could get a little interesting; I push down the anxiety and stand up, helping Taylor onto her feet at the same time. 

"Ready?" she asks as we walk towards the side gate.

"Let's go," I tell her, closing and locking the gate behind us.  Almost immediately Taylor sets the pace, a fierce jog, much quicker than I anticipated for just the warm-up part of the run. 

Falling into step along-side her, I match my pace to hers and enjoy the quietness of the hills around us.  Too many times I spend the day speeding out of this area as fast as I possibly can, avoiding the prying eyes and camera flashes.  For once, it's nice to just be, wide-open, and amongst the cool morning breeze.  The sun is just barely peeking through the sky-line, its warm rays fighting for the opportunity to cast their light upon the world.  The glow from the sun and the lingering moon is just enough to light the path ahead of us.  The only sounds are the steady pounding of feet on the pavement and the intake of breath, a back and forth echo between the two of us. 

Rounding a corner, we start the trek up the hills, higher and higher, further away from the chaos below.  Taylor barely slows her pace to make the climb, her stride still as steady as before and I can already feel the familiar burn in my legs.  Each pound of her feet seems effortlessly and I realize then just how much I could be hurting by the end of this thing. 

"How are you holding up, Champ?" she asks, eyeing me skeptically.

"Never better," I rush out, trying to control my breathing.  The last thing I need to do is be huffing and puffing next to her.  But it's already been at least forty minutes of running up hill, at a fast clip, much faster than I normally would have taken this whole thing, and she's barely even registering the effort. 

This could be bad!

"Are you ready to head back to Colorado tonight?" I ask, again forcing air into my lungs, holding down the burn to inhale as fast as I can.

"Yeah, I miss the slopes.  I have so much still to do," she answers, her voice never faltering.  "Besides, Rob will be back tomorrow and I need to be back before him.  He'd kill me if he knew about this whole trip."

I nod my head, knowing that having her coach upset with her is the last thing I would want out of this whole thing.  This trip was all about getting to know Taylor more, opening up, remembering what my life was like prior to...well, everything, and I'd say it was more than a success.  Taylor's a part of my life, a very important part, and even though we're leaving California and the security of my house, I know that being back in Colorado is exactly what I need.

"What all do you have to do for the World Cup?" I ask, keeping pace with her as we reach the top of the hill.  Thankfully, the burn that was ever present in my thighs as we climbed that hill as slowed to just a small fraction of what it was and I can focus on actually keeping up. 

I realize how absolutely asinine it is to try and think that I can keep up with an Olympic athlete.  I am in no way shape or form on the same realm of physical fitness as Taylor; she's spent years preparing for what is merely two months away.  But for some reason, I have this need, this want to show her that I can do it...to impress her.

And I realize just how dangerous that emotion can be in this situation. 

Because when there's a need to impress, there's an attraction...and an attraction is definitely brewing.

"The World Cup is nothing and everything," she answers, snapping me back to reality.  "I don't have to win, hell; I don't even have to place.  But it's a confidence boost; it gives me one last chance to see where I measure up to my competition for Vancouver.  I'm going all out...no holding back."

There's something sexy about a woman that knows what she wants and goes after it...no holds barred.

"I wish I could be there," I answer, catching her eye.  "You know, to cheer you on."

She smiles brightly before picking up the pace even more.  "Me too.  But, if you can't make the World Cup, you should be in Vancouver.  That's the meet to be at."

I match her pace, my stride in full length as my legs continue to pound against the pavement.  "Is that an invitation to the Olympics, Taylor?"

She rolls her eyes and I can't help but smile at her.  "Like you couldn't get your hands on tickets..."

"True...but I am asking you," I tell her, a hint of seriousness in my voice, knowing that I am fishing for her to say it.

"We've talked about this before, Justin."

Clearly, she's dodging the question but if I am having difficulty determining where my head lies in all of this, maybe she is too.

"I know...but that's not what I just asked you, Taylor."

She sighs before turning her head and smiling.  "Yes, Justin, it would be nice to have you in Vancouver to support me."

Bingo!

I nod my head, acknowledging what she said and filing it away into the back of my mind.  Things are definitely blurring the lines of friendship between us, and I can't seem to care.  It's been so long since I've felt wanted...needed by someone that I welcome the opportunity.  However, before I can even respond, she suddenly picks up the pace of our run, leaving me struggling behind.

It's been an hour and a half of a run that started out a hell of a lot faster than I anticipated, up a gigantic hill, and now she's running at full tilt.  There's no way in hell I can keep up that pace for another hour and a half. 

Setting my mind to at least try, I widen my stride even further, pushing my chest upright and taking in a huge gulp of air.  Leveling my breathing, I try to find a comfortable pace, one that I can continue on with Taylor.  Thankfully, she rounds another corner and starts her descent back down the other side of the canyon.  The downhill is certainly a welcome terrain, one that eases the burn in my legs and lungs, even if it only lasts a little bit. 

Suddenly, the ground evens out and Taylor punches it again, quickening the pace to a near sprint.  Her body is moving fluidly, one giant motion, all in complete synchronization while I struggle just to keep my legs, arms, and lungs all functioning at this pace.  Realizing that I might collapse, and knowing what a complete moron I would look like, I finally have to admit defeat. 

"I'M DONE!" I call out, my chest heaving, my legs and lungs on fire, the burn more than I thought possible.  My endurance clearly not what it used to be and certainly not up to Taylor's level. 

Taylor suddenly stops, a smug smirk on her face as she walks back to where I am bent over, my hands on my knees.

"Well, I have to say you lasted a lot longer than I thought you were going to."  She laughs, a teasing tone clear in her voice.  "Almost two hours, Justin, at a seven to eight minute mile, for someone that hasn't been training day-in and day-out, that is pretty damn good.  I'm impressed."

Mission accomplished!

"Well, I'm glad.  Now, can we please go back?  Preferably at a speed that isn't a sprint?"

She laughs, grabbing the towel and wiping the sweat from her forehead before returning it to the place on her hip.  My eyes linger at the exposed skin, the glistening of sweat catching my eye and drawing me into the gentle curve of her hip and to the form fitting pants that hug the rest of her legs. 

"Let's cut through the trails over here, we'll come out just above where your house is." Her voice breaks my train of thought, snapping me back to the moment.

I stand up, my hands on my hips as I continue to catch my breath.  "How the hell do you know that?"

She rolls her eyes before walking in front of me.  "I told you I was going to run every day that we were here, didn't I?"

I laugh, knowing that Taylor is always full of surprises. 

Together we jog the rest of the way back to the house, at a much more reasonable pace.  The laughter and banter between us flows easily, allowing me the opportunity to soak up this moment.  The sun has made its full ascent into its rightful place high above us and its warm rays can be felt almost immediately.  It's our last day in California and as much as I would love to just relax, I know we have to pack everything up and meet up with Mike in a few hours.  Rounding the last corner, we make our way back into the backyard, immediately reaching for the water bottles. 

"Thanks for coming with, Justin.  It was nice to have some company," she responds, stretching out her tired limbs from the run, and again, I find my eyes being drawn to her body.  The subtle curve to her hips, her toned stomach, her well defined arms, all of a product of the work she puts into her career, and I can immediately feel my body react.  Terrified of getting caught, I quickly grab my water bottle and a towel, strategically placed, to head inside. 

"I'm going to hit the shower," I respond, fumbling for the door before yanking it open and stepping inside. 

What the hell?  I must look like a complete douche, scampering, yes, scampering, inside the door like that.  What am I, fourteen, again?  Shaking my head, trying to rid the thoughts that were quickly taking over my brain, and well, ugh, other areas of my body, I head upstairs to cool down.  Everything seems to be functioning on overdrive; clearly, I need to just chill the fuck out before I do something I regret.  The last thing in the world I need is to scare Taylor.

Taking a few calming breaths, I shake my head at the absurdity of what I was attempting this morning.  Trying to run with a full-time, Olympic athlete...obviously, I am delusional now, too. 

I grab some clothes to wear for the trip back to Colorado, setting them out on my bed before discarding my running shoes and socks.  Removing my shirt, I throw it into my closet and just as I hook my hands into the waistband of my shorts, Taylor bursts into my room.  My hands still in complete fear of nearly being caught totally naked, in a very, upright and at attention position.

"What the hell?" I yell.

Her eyes are huge, her chest is heaving and she looks like she just saw a ghost.  "Oh my God...we've been caught."

"Caught? What?" I ask, completely confused as the adrenaline rushes through my veins. 

Suddenly, she whips out her phone and puts it on speaker.  The deep, disapproving voice filling the small room as I take a few steps close to her, my eyes widening with each word that bellows out from the speaker.

"Taylor Jordan, I swear to God, if you don't get back to Colorado tonight, I am going to make you hike up the slopes carrying your skis in full gear.  Don't even think about turning your phone off, I am going to hound you until you answer but you better have a damn good explanation as to why you're not up here.  Call me, immediately; I want to talk to you...and your boy toy."

I look up, my eyes instantly looking into her fearful ones.  "Rob?"

"He knows..." she whispers.