Chapter 24

Hope, Ricky, Savannah and I decided to go to Manhattan beach one day towards the end of June. It had been a week since the 'incident' with Justin. I hadn't spoken to him or seen him since then.

I laid on my hot pink Hello Kitty towel, wearing a red bikini. I flipped through the radio stations, trying to find a good song. Coming up empty handed, I opened my cd case and put on my CKY volume 1 cd. "96 quite bitter things" filled the air and I smiled.

Hope looked up from reading a magazine and grinned at me.

"Very good song."

"Definitely. That's why I picked it." I stuck my tongue out at her and laughed. She rolled her eyes and went back to reading her wrestling magazine.

I headed over to the cooler and grabbed a coke from it. I snapped it open and sipped it greedily. It was so hot that day so it made the drink really refreshing.

"Hey! Natalia, come in the water with me?" Ricky asked, I nodded and put my drink down.

"I'll race you." I grinned, but before I could go anywhere my phone started ringing. "Hold that thought."

I looked down at my cell phone and on the ID what I had come to learn was Justin's number popped up. I cringed and shoved my cell phone back into my bag.

"Not answering that one. Are you guys coming in the water?" I asked to Hope and Savannah.

"Maybe later." Hope replied, Savannah heard nothing being that she was fast asleep.

"Alright…" I got up to my feet and grinned at Ricky. "Ready…GO!" We made our way down the burning hot sand to the water. I jumped into the water, hysterically laughing.

"CHEATER!" Ricky called after me and jumped next to me. He completely soaked me.

"No. I'm just better than you." I beamed at my best friend and proceeded to jump on his back. Ricky swam deeper into the water where we proceeded to talk.

"Have you answered his calls at all Natalia?"

"Nope."

"Do you plan on answering them?"

"Nope."

"NATALIA!" Ricky exclaimed. I didn't look up at him. I knew what he was going to say and I knew I was wrong for not calling him or even bothering with him. "You slept with the guy and you're like fucking in love with him and you're just gonna ignore him?!"

"I don't love him!" I screeched back at Ricky. He just rolled his eyes.

"Like hell you don't. I can tell you do."

"Ricky, I don't fucking love him. He's a psycho and I'm SO not ending up with a guy like that."

"A guy like what? A guy that you're family doesn't approve of?" Ricky stood before me and grabbed my shoulders. The waves were slamming up against us but it didn't matter. "Fuck what they say, Nat. You need to stop caring so damn much about making them happy and start making YOURSELF happy."

"I am happy." I lied, in fact I wasn't. I was always thinking about Justin, I was always missing him and wondering what he was doing. But it was for the best.

"Bullshit. You're always moping around and I've heard you crying at night…"

Why did he always have to be right? As much as I didn't want to admit it, Ricky was right. I mean he knew me so well and I was hurting really bad.

"I'm fine. I don't need a guy to make me happy."

"But why give up on love when you have the chance for it?"

"Because he just seems to be hurting everyone around me. I'd rather be single and alone than have everyone hurt around me." I headed back toward shore when Ricky grabbed my wrist.

"Don't run away from love, from what I see with Justin, he's not going to let you get away so easily…"

"I realize that, but there's no other way… last week was a mistake…" I said, I looked down at the water and I heard Ricky sigh. The water began to get colder and I pulled away from Ricky's grasp and headed back to the towel.

"You know it wasn't a mistake, Nat! I saw the way you laughed and smiled about it. You're just being stubborn."

"I am SO not being stubborn."

"I agree that she's being stubborn!" Savannah said from her towel. I turned and gave her a dirty look.

"You don't even know what we're fighting about!"

"Yeah but I love to annoy you."

I rolled my eyes and sat back down on my towel. I dried myself off with my extra towel and laid down on my stomach. Ricky was ready to keep talking but I really didn't want to listen, I turned the radio up high so I wouldn't have to deal with his words. I knew I was wrong but I wasn't about to say it.

"Natalia?" I heard from a short distance. I looked up and squinted my eyes, unable to really see because of the sun shining in my eyes.

"Yeah?" I sat up and came face to face with all my friends from high school. Well all two of them and their boyfriends. It was Hollie, Tim, Kayla and Mitch. "OH MY GOD!"

I ran over to my friends and hugged them tightly. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't seen them in a year. It was crazy.

"I can't believe this! What a small world!" Hollie said with a smile.

I saw Ricky cringe from the corner of my eye. He threw a towel over his head and laid back down on his towel. He despised Hollie, I thought it was hysterical.

"I know! We should have kept in touch after high school." I stated. They both nodded.

"Definitely. Let's exchange numbers and we can all hang out." Kayla said, we stored the numbers into our cell phones and continued laughing and joking around. It was so good to see them again.

They left and I laid back down on the towel. I pushed down the straps of my bikini and applied some more sun tan oil on me. I closed my eyes and eventually started to drift off to the sound of "Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional.

That's when the light just disappeared. I suspected that it was a cloud at first, so I didn't say anything.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Hope say. By the tone of her voice I could tell she was really annoyed. I opened my eyes and there was Justin standing over me.

"I was just at the beach so I decided to say hi…" Justin looked at Hope. "We used to be best friends, why are you acting like such a bitch to me?"

"Don't fucking call her a bitch." Savannah stood up and shoved Justin backwards. He stumbled and fell on his ass in the sand.

Ricky and I exchanged glances. He just looked at me triumphantly. He knew he was right, he knew that there was no way for me to avoid Justin now. He was here.

"You didn't have to hit me. Jesus." Justin climbed back up and Savannah was ready to swing at him again. I got up and stood in between them.

"Okay… breathe. No fighting please?" I gave Savannah a look as if to back off. Justin was fucking dangerous and if he wanted to he could have her taken out. I did not need one of my best friends ending up dead.

"He started it." Savannah said in a little kid way. She sat back down on the sand and just watched him.

"Natalia come take a walk with me. We need to talk." Justin stated, it was more like an order than a question. I just nodded and headed off down the beach with him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." I replied awkwardly.

"You never called me back."

"I've just been busy…"

"Don't lie to me. You've been avoiding me." Justin stated, I turned and looked at him. He was really hurt and I couldn't help but to feel guilty.

DAMNIT! Ricky was right. I did love him, and I did want to be with him. I was reminded of that every time I saw him.

"Okay… you're right I did avoid you."

"But why?"

"Maybe I was just scared… I mean God, Justin. This isn't easy. You're in the freakin Mafia and you shot my brother. Maybe I don't wanna feel the way I do."

"How do you feel?"

"Sexually attracted to you." I lied, not able to tell him that I loved him. I was in a way ashamed of my feelings. I couldn't let him know that I actually was in love with him.

"Oh." Was all I got in reply.

"I like hanging out with you Justin. It's just my family and friends aren't going to take too kindly to you being around all the time…"

"So what are you saying?"

"I wanna see you, but I don't want Andrew or Hope or Savannah to find out."

"Fine." Justin replied and scratched his head. The sun was beating down on him and beads of sweat were forming on his muscular chest. He looked so hot. God, I wanted him.

"I'll call you this time, and I promise I will."

"Good… I need to get going. I can't wait to hear from you." He leaned over and kissed me quickly on the lips.

I watched him walk away and sighed. I wished I didn't love him.