I bit at my cuticles, staring at the white ceiling. I imagined being home and what it would be like when I saw my Mom and Andrew again. They were all I cared about seeing.

More tears fell from my eyes as I turned and stared out at the balcony. I wished that I would drop dead or by some miracle I could go home.

I was making myself sick and I couldn’t handle this anymore. I couldn’t be strong anymore.

Slowly, I sat up in my bed and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My face was puffy and red from crying so much. I didn’t even look like myself. I was disgusted with my reflection so I climbed out of the huge bed and ran myself a bath.

I think I was in that tub for almost 3 hours. When I finally got out I was so refreshed but I was still upset. I didn’t think anything was going to cure me but getting out.

I bit my lip and dried myself off. I let out a sigh and pulled on my black silk bathrobe.

Shaking from my nerves, I headed back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed.

I’m not one for prayer, but I decided that I needed some sort of guidance or some way of just releasing my emotions in a way other than just crying and making myself sick. I decided to pray to my Abuela, throughout life she was always wonderful to me and always gave me strength, I hoped now she could help me too.

I turned toward the window and clasped my hands together. I sat silent for a second before starting to pray.

“Abuela…I’m so scared. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’ve been trying so hard to be strong, but I can’t anymore. I’m so scared that I’m never going to be able to go home. Please, give me the strength to keep going. Help me to survive another day without going crazy.”

I closed my eyes for a moment and rested my head on my hands. I took a second to gather myself up and then resumed my prayer.

“Please let me get out of here soon. Abuela, tengo miedo. I’m afraid they’re going to kill me. I’m not ready to die. I want to finish school and get a good job and get married and have children…I have so much left that I want to do. Protect me…”

I opened my eyes again and looked out the window at the beautiful sunny day. I wished I could bask in that sunlight and I wished I could feel whole again.

I turned around and saw someone standing behind me. It was Justin holding a tray of food in his hands.

“Hey…”

“What are you doing here?” I questioned, curious to the fact of why he was betraying what Tommy ordered him to do.

“I came to see you obviously.” He placed the tray down on the table as I watched him. “You don’t look too happy to see me.”

“Well I just don’t understand why you’re here. I mean Tommy said you weren’t supposed to see me.”

“It’s funny what a little bribery and ass kissing can do.”

“I don’t think I even want to know what you did.” I shook my head and pulled my bathrobe tighter around me.

“You probably don’t. But I basically moved hell and earth to see you.” He crept over to me and kissed me softly. “I’m sorry about everything.”

“Are you really?” I pulled away from his kiss and headed toward the window so I could stare outside. So sure I was being a frigid bitch. I didn’t care. Nothing was worth caring about right now.

“Natalia…”

“Yes…? That’s my name.”

“Please don’t be like this. I’m trying…”

“I don’t give a fuck if you’re trying. You didn’t give a fuck that I was. You just expected me to adapt.”

Justin grabbed my arm and turned me around so I could face him. I reluctantly looked at him as he sighed.

“I know I was wrong and I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to forgive me for being a jerk to you, but I wish you would.”

And there I went, feeling guilty and forgiving. What was I doing? I never forgive people. It’s like this unwritten rule I have.

How the hell could I be forgiving him for kidnapping me? HOW?! It was like someone took an eraser and just erased every bit of anger and resentment I felt toward him.

I shook my head for a second and looked up at him.

“It’s okay…”

“You really forgive me?”

“Yeah I do…”

He leaned in and hugged me tightly. I was shocked with everything I was feeling. How could I want to kiss him? How could I want him so badly?

I was angry with myself now. I couldn’t believe how easily I could just forget the hurt and pain. But I knew it wasn’t his fault. This was his job… it wasn’t personal.

If I just had been more pleasant, I wouldn’t have been suffering these past 5 days. If I would have just listened to what Tommy and Justin and JC instructed me to do I would be happier and not so upset.

“I heard you praying before…”

“You were spying on me?” I raised my eyebrow at him and crossed my arms.

“No I just heard what you were saying and I didn’t want to disturb you.” Justin sighed and looked down. “You know I wouldn’t ever let anyone hurt you. I would die before that.”

“I know…”

“And I don’t care if you don’t love me… I love you Natalia.”

I took a deep breath, knowing in my heart that he wasn’t lying. My eyes started to tear up and I couldn’t bear to look at him.

I knew if I did his striking cerulean eyes would draw me into him.

“Justin you’re a really great guy…but you should try to forget me…”

“That’s the thing… I tried to… I tried to tell myself that you don’t love me and you never will. But I don’t care. I can’t stop loving you.”

“Justin…you can’t…”

He shook his head and leaned in closer to me his forehead was pressed against mine. His lips were mere millimeters away from mine.

God I just wanted to kiss him so badly.

“I can’t help what I feel…” He exhaled and his warm breath against my skin sent chills up my spine. “Sometimes you just have to listen to your heart.”

“…What is your heart telling you…?” I was melting right there. I couldn’t believe that.

Sure Justin was nice to me most of the time and I trusted him because he’d never once lied to me; he was just so kind and gentle with me.

I knew I could fall for him.

“My heart is telling me to kiss you…” Justin leaned in softly and captured my lips.

He pulled me into his arms and my heart started to race. I couldn’t believe I was doing what I was doing. I couldn’t believe that I was ready to have sex with him right there and then after being so damn angry not too long ago.

I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my body closer to him. He seemed shocked by the fact that I actually kissed him after all of this.

To tell you the truth, by one look at this gorgeous man, I was seduced. I had been battling this feeling for so long, but now, things just didn’t matter anymore.

I didn’t know if I was going to get out, and I wanted some fun.

I tugged at his shirt, unbuttoning the buttons one by one. I was going tantalizingly slow, teasing him with my actions.

I let his shirt fall to the floor and ran my hands up his sculpted chest. I placed a small kiss on his nipple and swirled my tongue around it. He moaned lightly and I smiled, forcing him back on the bed.

I ran my tongue across my lips and opened my bathrobe, letting it fall down to my feet. A smile formed on Justin’s face as I crawled onto the bed on all fours, just in my pink panties.

I headed toward him with a smile on my face. I sat in between his legs and unbuttoned his pants. His hands immediately reached toward my breasts and caressed them as I worked on removing his pants.

As soon as his boxers were off I attacked his massive penis. God he had a nice dick. Hmm… I leaned down and licked his mushroom tip lightly, causing him to shiver. 

I grasped his hard cock with both my hands and began to suck on his tip. Justin closed his eyes and grasped onto the sides of the bed.

Loving the taste of his pre-cum that leaked into my mouth, I took his cock out of my mouth and licked at his tip again, making sure to get every drop.

I sat on him, straddling him and looking down into his eyes. I bit down on my lip and smirked.

“Hmm…that mouth of yours is amazing…” Justin commented as I smiled. I leaned down and kissed his neck, rubbing my breasts against his rock hard chest. “No more games baby… tell me what you want.”

Justin’s hands wandered down to my ass and squeezed it lightly. I moaned and breathed against his neck.

“I want you…”

“What do you want me to do baby?” He smirked and licked his lips at me.

“I want you to fuck me…”

“But how do you want it baby… tell me.”

Kinky bastard wanted me to talk dirty to him. I smirked a little and sucked on his earlobe, before whispering his ear.

“I want you to take that great big dick of yours and ram it right into me. I want you to show me how much you love me…”

I kissed his lips as he sat up and pushed me down onto my back. Justin climbed on top of me and kissed my lips with such passion that it dizzied me. His hands grazed my breasts until they finally reached my panties. With a swift motion he pulled them off me and looked down at my body.

His eyes drank in my image as he kissed me and let his hand wander down in between my legs. Justin’s finger slid across my slit and my breath caught in my throat. He was making me feel so good.

“Mmm… you’re so wet. You do want me don’t you…” Justin moaned in my ear. I licked my lips and nodded at him.

Justin moved his hands away from my pussy and thrusted his penis inside me. With that motion I betrayed my entire family and myself.

I did feel guilty, especially because I couldn’t give him what wanted. He wasn’t getting a relationship, I mean the man was in love with me and I could never love him back.

I was using him.

Justin slid in and out of me at a teasingly slow pace. My body ached for him to move faster. I leaned up and kissed his neck and made my way up to his ear.

“Justin… please…don’t tease…” My voice sounded hoarse, it was this erotic tone that I could tell really turned him on.

He listened to exactly what I wanted and started to move in and out of me faster. Justin definitely knew how to move and how to please a woman.

I licked his pouty lower lip, and began to suck on it slowly. I felt him smile and I looked up into his eyes.

I don’t think I’d ever seen that look in his eyes. He just seemed so happy and again I felt guilty. I mean of course, I was happy to see that he was so happy, it was just the whole using thing. 

But I couldn’t say that I wasn’t happy either. I was enjoying this all so much and I was glad that I was having sex with him. There was no one I’d rather be having sex with.

GOD! I just wished I could know how I felt. I wished I wasn’t so fucking confused about everything.

As Justin rammed his dick into me, I purposely tightened my walls around him, making him close his eyes and let out this loud moan. It made me smile and I kissed him softly.

His tongue wandered into my mouth and I softly sucked on it and massaged it with my tongue. I cupped his face in my hands and ran them through his short red-brown hair.

“I love you…” He whispered to me after he pulled away from our amazing kiss.

“I love you too…” It came out so naturally and I felt horrible for saying it when I wasn’t even sure if I meant it. But at the same time, when the words came out, they just felt so right.

Justin smiled at me and a tear fell down his face. I wiped the tear away with my thumb and looked at him confused.

“Are you okay?”

“No one’s ever said that to me before…”

My stomach started to ache, but I tried to ignore the pain. I just kissed him softly and decided to focus on the amazing pleasure he was giving me.

His hands grazed my thighs until he finally lead them up around his hips. I clung to his body and got lost in the amazing sex he was giving me.

I moaned softly, holding his hand tightly. “Justin I’m gonna…uhh…”

“Me too…”

His powerful thrusts increased and finally the both of us came together. It was an amazing feeling. I closed my eyes, loving the warmth I felt.

I was just in this state of mind where I felt so safe and so happy. I couldn’t believe it. Nothing else mattered to me except that moment.

We stared into each other’s eyes, until he finally pulled out of me and laid down next to me.

If things wouldn’t have changed, I would have been happy. If I wouldn’t of reacted the way I did to what he confided to me, then maybe I would have stayed that happy and in that warm place.

But things never go the way you plan them. Always expect the unexpected.