Chapter 8

It had taken longer than I had expected to find it but when I did I could see her clear as day. A deep blue blouse in the sea of gray and marble tombstones. I parked and walked slowly I truly didn’t want to ruin this for her when she clearly needed to be here, for her own reasons even if I didn’t understand.

I could hear her talking as I came up on her but the words were a jumble. “… he’s so much like you papi. He’s so lost… so sad like you were towards the end.” I could hear her sniffle a bit. “I slept with him… it felt right but wrong… you know. Wrong because it wasn’t you, right because… I am in love.” She touched his tombstone and sighed. “How I’ve missed you so much.” Her voice broke on the last word.

I sat down next to her; she glanced at me and then looked away. “You two would have gotten along you know? Always so funny. Life of the party type of shit.” She smiled to herself, we sat quietly for a second and then she looked at me again. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t honest with you and I cannot explain how bad I feel. You have to understand, I didn’t know you, I didn’t care when I got here who you were or anything. It- I didn’t think it would happen this way.” She said finally looking at me and what could I do, I wasn’t mad cause it really didn’t matter here, I followed her to the end of her world and she still let me in… how could I not be there for her?

“I’m here, I get it… parts of it at least.” I chuckled. “I want you to come on tour with me. I-I need you there.” I tried to keep my voice level; I didn’t want to risk the chance of missing what I had with her.

She paused for a moment and stared at me intently. “Okay, as long as that’s what you need… I’ll go.” She shook her head slightly and smiled. “I’m glad you came.” She whispered putting her forehead on my lips.

~*~2 months later~*~

*Marisol’s P.O.V.*

“Marisol? A word please?” He finally caught me alone, I had been avoiding Mr. Wright for weeks and he had cornered me alone while Joey changed.

“Sure…” I paused softly looking at the door wishing to god this was one of those days Joey stuck his head out to blow a kiss at me, but we were already late, after the small make out session in a dark corner of the backstage area. We would often sneak away together, before the show to do our own little ritual. We found it hard to stay away from each other and that’s what made this conversation with Johnny so important, I knew what he was going to say but I was hoping he would let it go.

“I’ve noticed the improvement in Joey’s demeanor, glad to see he’s back.” His voice was layered with smugness.

“Yes, he really wanted to come back from that.” I moved in tune with his steps.

“I think it’s time you took your leave… permanently.” He emphasized the word and I was loaded with the relief and anger that I had been right.

“I don’t really think that’s up to you.” I stopped and looked up at him, though he toward me even in the 2 inch heels I wore.

He sighed heavily. “I am a rational man; I understand what is going on here. You caught onto a free ticket giving Joey what he wanted, but now it’s time for you to leave. This is what is in the best interest of him and the group. This is deceitfulness and I will not have it.” I was about to re buff that was not what this was about, I had been accused so much since I had come on tour, it made me want to get away and wait for him in Orlando but realized that two men stood behind me. “I’m not asking Marisol. Your stuff has been moved to the car waiting outside. These men will ensure you get on the plane at JFK. Let’s remember the connections I have dear, don’t make me go any farther than this.” He turned and walked away.

I didn’t even get a chance, I didn’t even get a second to say anything to him. I stood straight and started around the men.

“Please, I don’t want to have to restrain you ma’am.” The large black man on the left stopped me.

“Don’t do this… you don’t understand.” I whimpered.

“It’s not my job to understand.” His voice was thick with authority, I pulled back, and this was not the face of a man who remotely wanted to help me. I hung my head to the ground and I walked on out of the hallway that led to the outside. I looked to the side and I saw Stephen standing out of the light, I shot him a glance but I was deflected just as fast. I knew the way he felt about me like I was trying to take what Joey was making.

Gold-digger.

His words had stung because he knew how happy we were together… when he was around. Gold-digger. My ass, he was more upset that Joey was spending time with me and not going to the club, tabbing the bill, getting the chicks.

Joey.

Although, I did love him, he always wanted to go out, always wanted to get drunk, he was on another level then me and I wasn’t there anymore… how could I compete with those women? The blondes always made his head turn, often loving the role play with the blonde wig. Playful at the time and now brought to the fore front. They gave it to him without any reason. He would be like before and use them then walk away.

I hardly ever saw him after he came to California, always working but then again that was the life right not being able to really have a life, keeping appearances, where I was not allowed to go. It seemed like so much of his life was hidden from me, the connection we shared was good but I couldn’t put my finger on it and I knew there was something missing.

I sat in the terminal wedged between the two men who waited with me while my flight to…

Dallas?

I sighed heavily, time had went by so fast with him and I rationalized with myself that I would give him till the end of the tour… maybe he would be back to the guy I fell for not the one that showed up after the reunion.

What was 6 months… he was always so busy for me, how would he have time to do anything else? Thoughts of meeting him in Orlando when he got home flooded my mind. My love wouldn’t change for him in so little time; I would write him e-mails and try to explain my absence. It would be okay, truth be told that was not the life for me, partying like that.

6 months… it’s going to be fine.

“FLIGHT 5923 JFK to DALLAS not boarding first class!” The speaker shouted above us, the stood and I stood with them, preparing to board the plane.

~*~3 months later – Orlando FL~*~

I stood outside with a big beach hat on and sunglasses, in any other place I am sure it would look obvious, but the Florida sun was bight and I needed the shade while I waited for him outside the terminal with the cabs. He hadn’t responded to the e-mail’s, I was not allowed into any concerts that I went to; his number was changed shortly after I had left.

Now he was just a celebrity and I was a person just trying to get a glimpse. When I had thought of the plan I never imaged that I wouldn’t be able to get a hold of him at all. I sensed that Johnny was to blame I knew he would have wanted us far apart.

I saw the medium sized crowd come out, Justin as always going first, followed by the guys, a smaller group surrounding them. Then I saw him, he stood tall, big smile on his face waving to the crowd stopping to pose for pictures. I lit up and stood tall hoping I could shout loud enough for him to hear me while I walked towards him closer.

I stopped short, a girl never leaving his side, protected by the bodyguards. Joey had his hand wrapped firmly around hers. Her free hand patting her belly slightly. I stared at them for what seemed like months, I guess he caught the intense glare I was throwing at him. I was sure he could see me and in that instant he dropped her hand. He looked down at her and I could see the struggle he had to compete with, she held onto his arm tightly and clutched her belly.

It took a second but I finally put it together… they were pregnant.

So much for a love that lasts forever…

He looked back at me and I slowly lowered my hand, my smile fading. I stuck my chin out and turned around getting into the cab I had waiting.

“The Hilton please.” I said pulling the hat off my head, I peeked outside and Joey had not moved, finally making the connection himself, he stood there emotionless while the cab pulled off the curb.