“You what?” she shrieked, jumping up from the couch.

“She was coming to see me. I was on tour and I was going to be three hours from where we lived and she decided she was going to surprise me.”

“What did she walk in on you and a groupie so you killed her? I can’t believe you killed someone!” She says, flipping out, wailing her arms around, panicking. “I’m sleeping under the same roof as a murderer.”

“She died in a car wreck two miles from the arena.” I yell, interrupting her tirade.

She stops pacing, slowly turning towards me, “Car wreck?”

I nod, my eyes watering at the memory, “She was twenty four, had her whole life ahead of her and because she wanted to see me, she died.”

She drops down to the floor in front of me, taking my hands in hers, “Justin, she was your fiancé. She loved you and wanted to see you. This wasn’t your fault.”

“She hated that I hid her, I didn’t want the media getting a hold of her and hanging her out to dry. I couldn’t take it, she meant too much to me to do that, but she felt like I was ashamed of her, so I asked her to marry me.”

“Did you even want to?” She asks, squeezing my hands with hers.

I shrug, “I loved her.”

She sighs, “That’s all well and fine, but you have to want to make that commitment and from the sounds of it… you didn’t.”

I nod, realizing she’s right. I did it to make her stay, but all I did was end up killing her.

“You need to stop thinking like that.”

I look up at her with a raised eyebrow, “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

She chuckles, “What, you don’t like it when someone tells you what they think your feeling or thinking?”

I roll my eyes, “Point taken.”

“You had that look in your eyes that says you think that because you asked her to marry you, you in turn ended up killing her, by making her stay.

“You’re better at the mind reading than I am.” I say, smiling down at her.

She laughs, “I’m better at a lot of things.”

“Are you now?”

“Mmhmm, like I know that you have this addiction to brunettes because Cloie was one. And in some way you envision Cloie in those brunettes, including me.”

“No, see that’s where your wrong.”

“I am?” She ask, staring up at me.

“Cloie didn’t have tattoos. You do. Cloie had short hair. Your’s is long. Cloie was short. You’re tall. Cloie, not to sound horrible, but she was a push over. You are far from it.”

“So, all the girls you’ve talked to, touched, fucked, have been tattoo-less, short-haired, midget, pushovers?” She asks, sounding doubtful.

“Yeah, well not midgets, but yeah… Fucked up right?”

“So what? You made a play at me because I’m the only thing available?”

“Maddy, it’s been four years. I’ve only been attracted to one type of female for four years and today you changed that.”

She shakes her head, “You’re insane. I didn’t change anything. I mean I have two tattoos, my hair isn’t that long, I’m average in height and I’ve been a pushover my entire life. That I changed today.” She shrugs, “See, I’m not that different from all the others. I’m just a little different, but mostly the same.”

“You feel different though.”

“I think you just need to be… normal and alone for a little while and honestly I think I should be too. Jumping into bed together probably isn’t the best idea either of us have had.” she says, standing up from the floor.

“I’m hungry, you want me to make some dinner?” She asks, completely changing topics.

Women.

“Yeah, but first I want to hear about these spineless assholes that hurt you.”

***********************************************************************

I guess spineless assholes were an accurate name for the dicks I’ve been with lately. Luke only wanted sex, but he went as far as to tell me he loved me to get it. Once he got it though, he no longer loved me, he loved Becky the bimbo, topless dancer at the local strip joint.

Then there was Steve. Oh how I loved Steve. And when I say loved I mean the Luke kind of love where I loved him enough to let him give me five orgasms a night until he had had enough and wanted to give Joy, the Harley slut, a ride.

Joey was next. He was known as the lady killer. Nice. He certainly lived up to that name though. He sold me all the right lines and gave me everything I’ve ever wanted until he ripped my world apart. He took everything I had, including my reputation and killed it. It took me two years to get over the shit he put me through.

But that’s where Cameron came in. Cameron was the sweetest guy I had met in a really long time. Right up until he tied me to the bed and brought home Jake so they could both have their way with me. I guess I really can’t complain, because I had at the very least, ten orgasms that night. I’m ashamed of myself for actually letting them do it to me, but at that point I think I was just begging to be loved. Neither of them gave me that love though. Sadly, one of them gave me a child, that I later lost. I guess that was my one really big gift from the big guy upstairs. I don’t think I could’ve handled living with not knowing who the father of my child was.

And then there was my favorite, Ryan. Ryan was the most gorgeous specimen I had ever seen. He was a bad boy to the T. He had so many tattoos all over his body I had lost count after fifty, but he had a golden tan that just made his tattoos look absolutely gorgeous. God, if you saw him without his shirt on, which I got to every day for a year, you’d cum on the spot. I used to run my hands all over his hard body when he slept, until about two weeks ago I found five, count them, five hickeys all over his torso. When I confronted him about it, he told me he had gotten drunk the night before and these gorgeous blondes took care of him. Oh did I mention there were three gorgeous blondes that so nicely took care of my boyfriend for me.

Nice huh?

He told me I was just a sex toy along with the other twelve ladies he’d been with in just the last month I was with him. If you don’t think I immediately went to the doctors and got tested for everything imaginable, you’d be crazy.

I’m clean, thank God, but if that wasn’t one of the scariest experiences I’ve ever been through.

“Are you going to tell me or am I going to have to beat it out of you?” He asks, jokingly.

“I um… It’s kind of personal.” I resort.

“Yeah, and me talking about an engagement that only a total of twenty people knew about wasn’t personal?” He says, forcing a laugh.

Damn. “I’ve…” I drop down on to the couch next to him with a deep sigh, “I’ve been tossed around as a sex toy for years and I guess it’s finally caught up to me and I just needed to get away from it.”

“You’ve already said that. I was hoping you’d actually tell me what happened to make you want to get away and not let me fuck your brains out upstairs.” He says, nudging my arm.

I smile, “I wanted to get away because the last six guys I’ve been with have been complete douche bags. They all started out giving me all the lines, telling me we’d be together forever, one even told me he loved me, but after they got what they wanted out of me, they moved on. They conveniently forgot to tell me they had moved on, but it was always fun finding out or I guess you could say walking in on.”

“I’m sorry Maddy. I know how that feels, to be cheated on.”

I laugh, cynically, “Oh but I wasn’t being cheated on. I was just sharing my treasure.”

He laughs, “Did one of them actually tell you that?”

“Oh not one, two of them actually sold me that crap.” I say, laughing at how stupid I am.

"So that whole line about not having sex for a year..."

"I lied." I say with a shrug, "I guess i didn't want to admit to myself that I was letting you break through a barrier i had just build for myself."

He nods slowly, “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, but don’t put us all down because you met some of our worst specimen.”

“Says the brunette obsessed man, who seems to think I’ve changed him.” I laugh, “That doesn’t at all sound like one of the assholes I’ve been with.”

The smile on his face falls, “I was being serious, whether you want to believe me or not. I think you really have changed how I look at women.”

“Justin, I think you’ve changed that yourself. You figured out why you’ve been doing what you’ve been doing so you got a clear head and I was the first person you saw.” I bit my bottom lip before continuing, “I had nothing to do with it, I was just the lucky gal that was here to see you change.”

“But I felt different with you before I figured out…”

“Justin, I’ve been fed more piles of shit over the years, I really don’t want to deal with all of it anymore.” I interrupt.

“Maddy, I’m not like them.”

“You just tried to fuck me in the hallway upstairs because I somewhat looked like your fiancé that you think you killed. Does that seem normal to you?”

“No, I guess not.”

“I need normal Justin, and your not it.” I say, standing to go fix something to eat.

“I’m making Cajun Chicken, I hope you like it.”

He just nods.

At least he knows when to shut up. That’s at least one plus on his side.