Nervous doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now.

I’m not really all that nervous about them knowing, it’s more that I’m nervous they’ll be upset that this happened so soon and we aren’t even thinking about getting married. I have to admit, marriage is the last thing on my mind and from what I’ve heard from Trace, Justin isn’t all that into the whole marriage thing either.

I never really thought about having kids, but here I am, sitting with my boyfriend’s parents about to tell them I’m having a child.

I kind of feel like I’m in bizarro world. Lately nothings been going the way I thought it would. I’m not complaining about any of it, I’m just a little shell shocked that I’m doing all these things that I just never thought I’d be doing.

I remember when I was younger, Matty and I would talk about our futures. Matty would always say he was going to be a ladies man and never settle down. That all changed the second he found out about Grady. His whole life changed in an instant and I really don’t think I’d ever seen him happier. Grady was Matty’s life, even though Matty never thought he’d have that kind of life.

I guess change is good, right?

Paul takes the seat next to Lynn, as she says, “If you’re going to tell me about Trace, I already know.”

Justin sighs, glancing at me. Apparently I shouldn’t have told her about that, because he’s not looking too happy about it.

“Don’t get mad at her for something Trace did. She’s upset and wanted to talk about it.”

He sighs again, “As much as I’d love to talk about Trace and Hadley, I have something else to tell you.”

“Wait, what’s going on with Trace and Hadley? Are they together?” Paul asks in total confusion.

Lynn shakes her head, “I’ll tell you all about it later, let’s just move on before they get upset again.”

“I’m going to get upset over it again.” Justin says, defending himself. I look at Lynn with an ‘I told you so’ look.

“Honey, What Trace did is inexcusable. It’s perfectly fine to be upset about it. You’ll feel a lot better if you just get out your aggression about it now before it bubbles up and you pop.”

“What do I have to be upset about?” He asks, getting angry.

“Justin, your mom is only concerned about you.” I say with a shrug, “I’m very angry with Hadley for what she did. I mean she’s supposed to be my best friend and she doesn’t even ask us to be witnesses at her wedding?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them and I hope this works out, but I’m still hurt that she could do this.”

“Do what?” Paul whispers to Lynn.

“Hadley’s pregnant and Trace decided it would be a good idea for them to get married while we were in Vegas.” Justin explains with a deep sigh.

“And the two of you were in Vegas at the time?” He asks with a raised eyebrow.

He nods, “It’s their life, I can’t really be upset about the stupid decisions they make.”

I shake my head, “See what I mean?” I say to Lynn.

“What?” He asks, tilting my head towards his. I stand up from his lap, turning towards him.

“Can you honestly tell me that your not at all upset that your best friend from childhood got married without you there or without even telling you? Because if you are ok with it, then you’re not the man I fell in love with.”

“Fine, I’m upset! What do you want me to do cry about it? What goods that going to do?” He yells, standing up to pace the patio.

“I just want us to be able to talk about it.”

“That’s not going to change anything, so what’s the point?”

“Did you ever stop to think maybe I needed to talk about it?”

“You do. You cry, you yell.”

“And you roll your eyes and leave the room. You want nothing to do with any of this.”

He shrugs, “I didn’t have anything to do with it so why should I get myself all riled up about something I can’t fix.”

“Should we break this up?” Paul whispers to Lynn.

“No, let them work this out.” She whispers back.

“There’s nothing to work out, I’m dating a heartless asshole.” I say to them, before turning to walk into the house.

“Maddy!” Justin yells after me, but I just keep walking.

~*~*~

“What’s the matter with you?” My mom yells at me, smacking the back of my head.

“I don’t feel the need to talk about something that I can’t change. Talking isn’t going to change a damn thing so why do it?” I yell, getting more angry.

Yes, I’m upset Trace got married without me being there. Yes, I’m upset he didn’t even tell me about it first. But honestly, how is talking going to fix any of that? I’m upset with Trace for something that’s already been done. Talking about it isn’t going to change anything.

I’m not heartless, I just don’t see the point in getting all angry and upset over all of this.

What’s done is done. You can’t turn back time.

“You can’t even sit there and let her get out her frustrations? You’re supposed to be there for her when she needs you!”

“I am there for her!” I yell.

Ok so, maybe I haven’t been there for her on this aspect, but I have been there for her through a lot of other shit. This is just one of those things I don’t want to talk about. Did anyone stop to think that maybe this is how I want to handle this fucked up situation?

My best friend got married without me and he doesn’t see anything wrong with that.

I would love to punch a wall, but the only thing I’d accomplish there is breaking a few bones.

I would love to scream at the top of my lungs, but that’s only going to hurt my vocal cords and give me a sore throat.

Hell, I’d love to smack Trace upside the head, but even that wont get him to realize how bad he hurt me.

Maybe I’m just being stubborn, but I feel better just not talking about it.

Maybe that makes me selfish, but it’s getting me by just fine.

“Son, if there is one thing I could pass along to you, it would be how to deal with women.” My dad starts, “Lesson one, Get your ass inside and make things better with Madison. She’s in pain and your being very insensitive.”

“Lesson two, don’t ever yell at your mother. She gave you life, she deserves a lot more respect then what your giving her by yelling at her.”

I sigh, realizing my mom must have gone inside to check on Maddy. Shit, I hate it when she’s angry with me.

“Lesson three, if you want any relationship to work, you need to talk about your feelings whether you want to or not. When you hold back like this, it makes them think you don’t have feelings or that you don’t trust them.”

I drop down into the chair, “I really fucked up didn’t I?”

“You certainly did.” He pats my shoulder, “The good news is, I’m sure you still have time to fix this.”

“Thanks.”

We hug before I wander into the house in search of Maddy. I find her and my mother in the kitchen, preparing dinner. I stand outside the door listening to them talk.

“I know you’re right.”

“I usually am.” My mom says with a laugh, “He’ll come around, he just needs time to adjust to all of this.”

“I hope so.” She sighs, dropping the knife on the cutting board, “I just feel like I’ve laid all my feelings out on the table and he still has all of his bottled up.” she takes a deep breath, chewing on her bottom lip, “I guess it’s just me, but I feel like maybe I’m too much for him. I mean I’ve had a lot of issues since we’ve been together and I’ve told him every time I’ve felt sad or upset or angry about something.” she shrugs, “He doesn‘t do that and I‘ll just have to get used to that.”

“He’s always been very protective of his feelings. Growing up in the spotlight like he has makes you very cautious of what you tell people. He’s been burned too many times.”

She nods, looking more upset then before.

My mom picks up on it and sighs, “He loves you, but he has some serious trust issues that he needs to work out.” She smiles, rubbing Maddy’s shoulder, “If anyone is going to change that, it’s you.”

I can’t believe she feels that way. I’ve told her things only my family knows about me. I’ve opened up more to her than I have to anyone before. Yes, my mom was right, I have learned to be cautious about my feelings, but I’ve been pretty open with Maddy. Apparently not open enough though.

I turn the corner into the kitchen and they both turn to look at me. Dad walks in behind me, walking over to the counter to test out the sauce on the stove. Mom smacks his hand, shaking her head. Maddy went back to cutting the peppers and onions, obviously still ignoring me.

I sigh, “I’m sorry. To both of you.”

They both look up at me waiting for me to continue.

“I shouldn’t have yelled. I guess I’m more upset about all of this than I thought.”

Feelings, talk about my feelings…

“Not talking about all of this is how I’ve been dealing with it. I figured if I didn’t talk about it or think about it, I’d just forget that my best friend could do something like this without even a thought about how it would affect anyone else.”

“I’m hurt, but like I said before, talking about it wont change what happened.” I scratch the top of my head, “We didn’t come here to talk about Trace and Hadley.”

“No we didn’t, but I’m not so sure now’s the time for this.” Maddy says, glaring at me.

That hurt.

I pissed her off enough for her to not want anyone to know we’re having a kid together.

Awesome.

“What is it?” Mom asks, looking back and forth between the two of us.

“Maddy and I are…”

“Not talking about this right now.” She says interrupting me.

“Why not?” I ask, horribly confused.

“Can we talk first?” She asks, pulling me out of the room.

I follow her up the stairs and into my bedroom. She shuts the door behind her before walking over to the bed and taking a seat on the edge.

“What’s going on? I know your mad, but I’m not keeping this from my parents.”

“Your mom was glad it wasn’t us that was pregnant and married.” She whispers.

“She what?”

“She said she was just happy that the two of us weren’t having a baby or getting married. She thinks it wouldn’t be smart for us to put ourselves in that kind of predicament.”

“She said that?”

“Babies change lives, not always for the better.”

“She only said that because of my dad. He left when I was two and hasn’t really looked back.”

“She also said you and Trace vowed to never have kids or get married, but Trace seems to have broken that vow, but she’s glad you can stick to your guns.”

Well shit, I wasn’t expecting all this.

“Were you going to tell me that you didn’t want kids or where you just going to pay your dues hiding behind that wall you build in front of yourself?”

“Maddy, I’ve never wanted something more in my life.” I cup her face in my hands, “I love you and I want us to be a family.”

I lean forward, kissing her, “I’ve never been happier than I am right now.”

“Promise?”

I nod, smiling, “I promise.”

“So is that why your upset? I mean the two of you vowed to never get married, but he just runs out on a whim and does it behind your back.”

“Time changes things. He’s been engaged three times and I have once. We both just decided that it wasn’t meant to be so we figured we’d be those crazy old men that lived together until they died.”

“But know he’s got a wife and a child on the way.”

“So do I.” He says with a shrug.

“You have a child, but you can kick me to the curb whenever you want.”

“Not a chance. I lost you once, it’s not happening again, I can guarantee you that.”

There was a knock at the door before Mom poked her head in, “Is everything alright?”

I look at Maddy before turning back to my mom, “Maddy’s pregnant.”

Maddy gasps, her mouth flying open in shock.

“Well, that’s a surprise.”

“Justin?” Maddy whispers, tears threatening to spill in her eyes.

“I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you right now. I’ve never wanted anything more than to be a family with you and this little baby.” I stop to rub my hand over her belly, “You mean the world to me. This little baby growing inside you means the world to me.”

“I know Trace and I made some plans in the past, but if he can break them so can I.”

I kneel down on the floor in front of her, grabbing both of her hands in mine, “This is not how I wanted to do this. This isn’t even remotely romantic, but I love you and I want you to know how much I love you.”

“Wha…”

I smile, cutting her off, “I had this whole thing planned. We’d tell my parents, make sure Trace’s parents didn’t kill him, then I’d take you to the airport and fly you down to Miami.”

“I wanted to do this at your favorite spot in the world, but I guess it doesn’t really matter where or how I do this. I think the only thing that matters is that I want to do this. I want nothing more than to do this.”

“What are you doing?” She whispers, searching my face for answers.

I ignore her, rubbing my hands over her belly, “I want to give the two of you everything your hearts desire. I want to show you the world and I want us to be disgustingly happy together.”

I laugh to myself, “I never thought I’d do this in my old room.”

“What are you doing?” She asks again.

I reach in my back pocket, pulling out a ring, “I want you to wear this for the next sixty to seventy years.”

She sucks in a shaky breath, “Why?” She asks just above a whisper.

“Because I want you to spend the rest of your life with me.” I slide the ring on her finger and smile, “We’ve known each other for less than a year, so I know this isn’t something either of us are going to do in the next week, but I want you to know that I want to marry you. I want you to wear this saying that one day you’ll marry me. I don’t care if it’s not for years down the road, I just want to know that one day, you might.”

“You want to marry me?” She asks

“I want to marry you.”

“Wow.” she grins, “I never thought I’d hear you say that.”

“Neither did I.” My mom says from the doorway. “But I’m glad I did.”