Ayelet had been pacing since she got off the phone, which was 3 days ago. It was a quarter til 4 and Lila was being extra difficult, changing her dress about ten times. Ayelet told her they had to leave or she wasn’t going to see her father and she immediately ran to her mom and put her coat on. They walked to the subway station and boarded the train heading towards the Garden. Ayelet was a bundle of nerves, wondering what to expect from him. Would he love their daughter, refuse to see them, she didn’t know.

“Mommy, let’s go.” Lila broke her from her thoughts, tugging on her coat sleeve.

     She took her daughter’s hand and left the train. The arena loomed ahead of them, and with every step her feet felt heavier but her little girl dragged her forward. They walked in the doors and Ayelet looked for Trace, he said he would be in the front to meet them. She saw a shadow leaning against a column and she called his name.

“Trace?”

     The figure turned towards her and walked her way. Out of the shadow she could make out his features and felt her mouth turn into a smile. He couldn’t keep a grin off his face either, despite wanting to be angry with her. He looked down at the little girl and gasped, even though he knew how old she was, he still didn’t expect her to look so grown up. He let his eyes wander over the two of them, mother and daughter, and felt a tug at his heart for these girls.


“A, I was worried you weren’t coming. Hey there little miss Lila.” He said, bending down to her level and pinning a backstage pass on her dress.

“You ready to go see your daddy?

“Yes sir.” She whispered, her curls falling in front of her face shyly.

     He held his hand out and she looked at her mom to make sure he could be trusted first. Ayelet nodded and Lila slipped her hand in Trace’s hand. He smiled and handed Ayelet her backstage pass with the other hand so that she would be able to get in with them. Lila’s eyes grew wide when they walked past the double doors to the craziness that was tour life. People were running around all over the place and Trace picked her up in his arms and hugged her close to him.

“Don’t worry little one, I got you.” He whispered in her ear.

     She pressed her face into his neck, hiding herself from everyone around her. He loved this little girl already and hoped Justin would feel the same. He walked towards the door marked ‘’Talent’’ and knocked softly, setting Lila back on her feet. Ayelet held her breath when she heard his voice telling them to come in. When Trace opened the door she could make out Justin's tall, lanky frame stretched across the couch lazily.
     His eyes moved to the door and saw his best friend, which got a grin from him.

“Hey fucker, what happened to that meeting at 4?”

“That is a bad word; I’m going to tell my mom.” A tiny voice gasped.

Justin raised an eyebrow and followed the voice to the small girl at Trace’s side.

“Oh yeah? I’ll give you a dollar if you don’t.”

She shook her head and held up five fingers, signaling that she wanted 5 dollars.

“Man, bribery went up.” He chuckled and pulled a 5 dollar bill from his pocket. “Come over here little bit and get your cash.”

     Trace nudged her toward him and she glanced back at her mom before nodding and walking over to the couch. She studied him for a minute, her little eyes going over all his features before a grin broke out on her face. When he looked at her it felt like he was hit by lightening, and a gasp flew from his lips.


“Trace…is this?” He looked up at his friend, searching his face for a clue or something.

“Yeah J, this is Lila.”

“And you’re my dad.” Lila said, pointing at herself and then to him.

     Justin sat up and took a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his buzzed head. He had been waiting for this moment for the past 5 years, when he could see her again. All of the sudden he realized that if she was here then Ayelet must be close, his eyes searched for her. She was standing against the door, trying desperately not to be noticed. He looked at her and smiled softly; she blushed in response and raised her hand in a wave. He pulled the girl in his arms for a hug; he had wanted nothing more than this for 5 years. When he pulled away he wiped a tear from his cheek and looked to Ayelet.

“Hey.”

“Hey J, it’s been awhile.”

“Yeah, I missed 5 years.” He pulled Lila into his lap, not wanting to let her go.

“Daddy, will you pick me up from school tomorrow, all the other kids have a dad to pick them up cept me. Please dad, will you?” She pulled on his arm and bounced lightly on him, eyes pleading.

He beamed over being called “Daddy” and nodded softly. She jumped from his lap and ran to her mother, excited to tell her in case she hadn’t heard. Justin looked over at Trace and grinned, unable to keep the smile from his face.

“Trace, my schedule is clear for the afternoon, right?”

“Uh, phone interview I think, but you can call in from the car before you pick her up and I’ve already sent a text to Lonnie to make sure he will be able to go with you for both of your safety.”

“Seriously, you deserve a raise.” It was her voice, Ayelet’s.

“Did you hear that Jus? I deserve a raise.” Trace nudged Justin slightly and grinned.

“And I should know, I did that job once.”

“But I do it better than you ever did. Especially since you got knocked up.”

“At least you don’t have to worry about that with him, huh J?” Ayelet asked, glancing at Justin.

“That’s wrong in so many ways. Plus, I wouldn’t trade this one for anything.”

     Lila was clinging to Justin’s side, seemingly afraid to let him go, afraid he might disappear again. He ruffled the curls on the top of her head and hugged her tightly to his side. It was like falling in love, the way he felt about this girl, and in a way he was falling in love with her. He hadn’t spent much time with her even when he had the chance, it was this moment he realized how selfish he’d been. That is wasn’t his career choice that had driven her away, it was his foolishness.


“You guys gonna stay for the show?” Justin asked.

“I don’t know J, seeing her father grind on dancers isn’t something I think she’s ready for yet.”

“She’s not ready for or you’re not ready for?” He quietly muttered to himself.

“Not that it’s any of your business but I’m perfectly fine seeing you rub against any lady of your choosing, it’s not like I expected you to remain celibate while I was gone. You couldn’t even be faithful to me when you were getting it regularly.” She scoffed, a fire burning through her, she was beyond angry.

“Oh here we go; you couldn’t even be in this room with me 5 years later without bringing that shit up.” He heard the girl gasp and dropped another 5 dollars to her. “Yeah, I know it’s a bad word sweetie, I am sorry I said it.” He whispered to her before turning to face Ayelet again.

     Trace could feel the tension rising in the room and watched Lila’s face begin to look panicked. She was watching her whole world crumble to ruins. He whispered her name and she looked in his direction to where he was holding his arms out for her to come to him. She pulled at Justin’s pants and when he didn’t seem to acknowledge that she was there she crossed to where Trace was standing.


“How about me and you go get some ice cream around the corner? What kind you like?”

“Hmm…chocolate a course. What kind you like?”

“Chocolate a course.” He mimicked and winked at her before putting her on top of his shoulders and leaving Justin and Ayelet alone.

     She giggled with delight at being on top of his shoulders and held on tight around his neck. They walked around the arena for awhile first and Trace introduced her to everyone as his new girlfriend and she thought he was so silly. When they stepped outside of the arena and into the bright afternoon he looked up to her as best he could with her being on his shoulders and asked where she’d like to go. She pointed to the nearest ice cream shop on the street and they made their way over to it. He ordered her a child’s size scoop of chocolate ice cream with pink sprinkles on it and ordered himself a regular scoop of chocolate ice cream with blue sprinkles on it. They sat in a table in the front of the place so they could watch people through the windows. She was being pretty quiet while she ate, almost as if she was thinking about things.

“Mr. Trace, why is my daddy and mommy so mad at each other?” She asked, big blue eyes beginning to fill with tears. “I think because daddy said that bad word. She gets mad if I say that word too.” She sighed and took another bite of her ice cream.

“First of all, it’s Uncle Trace, and well Tiny,” She laughed a little at his nickname for her. “Your mom and dad were friends for a very long time before you were born. She used to work for him like me and they went all around the world together. Then one day they found out they were going to have a baby…”
“
Me!” She interrupted, excited to get to the part she was in.

“Right,” He nodded, grinning at her enthusiasm. “You. Anyway, while you were in your mommy’s belly they decided they loved each other very much and wanted to be together always, more than friends. You follow me so far?” He said, looking over at Lila whose face was covered in chocolate but she was mesmerized by the story.

“Yes. Mommy and Daddy loved each other.” She giggled at the thought of people in love.

“Exactly, they loved each other so much that your daddy asked your mommy to marry him.”

“Marry!” She gasped. “What did she say?”

“She said no, she didn’t want to marry him then, but if he waited a little and asked again she would say yes. Because she still loved him, she just wanted to wait a little bit.”

“Because of me in her belly? She showed me a picture of me in her belly and her belly was so big. Probably wouldn’t fit in one of those dresses, that’s why she wanted to wait I bet.”

“Maybe so, she didn’t tell me or your daddy why she wanted to wait. Anyway, then your daddy went back to work, being a singer. And he was going all over the world again but he wouldn’t let your mommy go because she needed to stay home.”

“Aw, mommy stayed all alone?” Her bottom lip stuck out a little and Trace recognized that pouty face he’d seen from his best friend.

“No, not all alone, your Uncle Trace stayed with your mommy so she would have a friend to be with while daddy was going places.”

“Is that why mommy is mad? Because daddy went places without her?”

“No, your mom found out that while your dad was going places he met another lady to be his friend. And he started being her friend more than your mom’s friend. And this made your mom sad, but I took care of her and tried to make her happy again.”

“Why would Daddy do that?” She whispered, getting upset.

“Sometimes grown-ups don’t know as much as we think we do and we make some bad choices. He didn’t think about how he was making your mom sad, he was having fun playing with his new friend.”

“Then what happened?” She was dribbling ice cream across the table because she wasn’t paying attention, but Trace didn’t really care.

“Then one day your mom decided she didn’t want to be your dad’s friend anymore, that it made her too sad and she moved far away and took you with her, all the way here. We didn’t know where you were or if you were ok. But now we know you are ok and you are beautiful.”

“And Mommy is beautiful too.”

“Yes, mommy is beautiful too.” He closed his eyes and thought of Ayelet for a moment.

“You think Mommy and Daddy will kiss like grown-ups on TV?” She laughed at the thought.

“I don’t know, I think they have a lot of things to talk about though.” He tried to suppress the disgust he felt when thinking about the two of them kissing and wanted to hope it wasn’t happening.

     Justin and Ayelet were not kissing; in fact they were glaring at each other from across the room, enemy forces waiting for the attack. They seemed to be at a standstill, neither willing to admit that perhaps they had a little to do with the trouble they’d had before.

“You honestly thought you had to run away to New York and keep me from my daughter for your sanity?” He threw his hands up in the air and huffed a little.

“I did it for her. You didn’t want the responsibility. You were always mysteriously gone the moment she or I needed something. I needed more from you if you were going to say you were her father.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes, her gaze on her nails that she kept picking at.

“I AM HER FATHER!” He screamed, standing from his seated position on the couch. He began to pace the floor, his eyes locked on Ayelet.

“Justin, let’s be real here. I did you a favor.”

“That’s a favor? Damn,” He chuckled bitterly. “I might be dead if you decide to do another favor for me. Taking my daughter across the fucking country isn’t a favor. If I wanted to hurt you I could take her now and you’d never see her again. Then you tell me what a favor I’ve done for you.’’

“You wouldn’t.”

“Don’t push me. Don’t tell me how you did so much for me by taking my child away from me. I didn’t have a clue what happened to you two.” His hands slid over his face and he seemed to be waiting for her answer.

“Don’t act like you cared.”

“What do you think Ayelet, that you left and I partied it up, thankful to be free again?”

“I don’t care what you did.” She ran her fingers through her hair nervously, shaking the curls free from the top knot she had secured them in.

“You’re lying to yourself sweetie. If you didn’t care about me then you would’ve at least let me know where my child was these past five years. But for some reason you were too afraid to see me.” He was coming closer to her now; the pacing he was doing was getting slower and more deliberate.

“Why do assume I was afraid? Maybe I just didn’t want to be around you anymore, maybe I had enough of your lies to last for a lifetime.” She whispered, her face inches from his.

     He stopped and looked up at her, the life gone out of this fight. Her eyes held so much hurt, he knew he couldn’t fix this in a day. He had to figure out what he wanted from her before they continued this fight. He was in no place for any type of relationship right now, he was on tour, yet he was going to have to make time for his daughter that was for sure. She stood looking at him, still close to his face and blinked slowly. Then suddenly she turned away and was back on the couch, looking down at her feet.


“A?” He whispered soothingly, deciding to change tactics.

“Yeah?” She didn’t look up from her feet.

“Just let me be around. That’s all I want.”

“Sure, there is no way that girl is going to let me keep her away now anyway.”

“Right, for you too I mean. I want us to be friends.”

“We will be as close to friends as we can be in this situation.” She stretched a little in her seat.

“Good, you know one day we will be a family again.”

“Justin, stop. No lies this time.”

“I’m not lying. We will be.”

“Uh-huh, speaking of families, where is our child?” She closed down that subject as soon as possible, leaving him no room to continue to try to persuade her.

     Trace was still sitting in the ice cream place with Lila, their ice cream completely melted but she was too into hearing about her parents to care. Trace was telling her all about how her dad had traveled over the world and met all kinds of famous people, but she wanted to go back to her parents again. This subject seemed like the only thing she was interested in, but he had to remind himself that she was 5 and he was lucky to find one topic that wasn’t Dora the Explorer for her to be interested in.


“Does Daddy still have that other friend?”

Trace shook his head. “No, Daddy got very sad when you and Mommy left and stopped being friends with everyone except me.”

“So now they can be friends again!”

“It’s not that easy Tiny.”

“Yes huh, Mommy says when you hurt your friend to tell them you are sorry and then you can be friends again. All Daddy has to do is tell Mommy he is sorry and they can be friends again.”

“I don’t know if that’s going to happen right now, honestly. It might take a long time, so don’t get your hopes up.” He nodded. “Now, let’s get that face cleaned up so we can get back to see your dad before he has to sing and you have to get to bed.”

     She stuck out her chin towards him and he cleaned the syrupy mess off her face delicately. With every bit of chocolate he rubbed off he could see more and more of Justin’s features in this tiny girl. It was so strange to see her again; she was so smart and well behaved.

“Ready to hit the road Tiny?’’

“Ready.” She nodded and took his hand with her small one and they set off to return to Madison Square Garden.