32. The Little Things In-between

Days Later

Ending of August

Staples Center - LA, California

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault

“So what are you wearing now? Clothes are so overrated.” I utter softly, laughing when Lilah growls loudly over the line.

“Are you seriously trying to start some phone sex thing with me now Justin?” She giggles. “You’re in public, at the freaking Staples center.” She continues laughing and I chuckle along with her.

“You’re right, but it’s kinky and we should definitely try that…”

“I don’t think so.” She snickers.

“I’ll get you to…one day.” I say confidently while looking around.

“If you say so.”

“I do.” I snigger, keeping my cell phone placed firmly against my ear as I stare down at the clipboard in my other hand. I read over the performance set list for the night, smiling.

As I stroll down the busy halls backstage, I say ‘hi’ to a few crew members on this tour before my attention diverts back to Lilah when I hear her release a soft sigh.

“I know. I miss you too baby.” I voice, knowing the cause for her sudden silence.

“I wish I could have stayed longer to be there to see you perform.” She divulges, her tone laced with disappointment.

I suck in my bottom lip between my teeth, nodding though she can’t see me. I won’t admit it, but I’m slightly relieved that she’s not here to see me do this. It’s not my tour or my show, but having her there with me while I’m on stage would probably cause a level of nervousness I’ve never felt in years having to perform for an audience.

“I would have loved if you were there to see me perform too babe.” I lie. It’s not that I don’t want her to see me in action. I’m simply unsure on if I’m ready for her to see me in that light.

“Yea…” She drifts and I hear shuffling on her end. “Well, I hope you have fun. Even if she doesn’t know me, tell your girl Esmee I said to have a wonderful show. And give Rachel and Trace my love when you see them.”

“I will.” I stop walking, now standing in front of Esmee’s dressing room as I listen to Lilah’s steady breathing over the line. I’m still astounded by how much I’m in love with this woman. “Hey, I’ll call you later when the show is over ok? We’ll talk about getting back to school and please don't worry too much about the visit you got from the jerk.” I state, not liking that Ethan showed up at Lilah’s home when she got back to Boston. I’m glad she told me about it even if she hasn’t gone into detail yet. I don’t trust the guy. I’m sure Lilah was right to suspect him being up to something. I’m thinking about confronting the asshole when we get back to Higher Heights, but I’d probably have to do it when the cameras aren’t around…which reminds me… “Oh and there’re some things I want to talk to you about also.” I append when Lilah remains quiet on the line.

“Such as?” She questions, her voice lower than normal. I know she misses me but she’s not helping the situation with how apparent she’s being.

I grin, my grip on the phone loosening as I get ready to pull it away from my ear. “I’ll tell you later. Don’t worry about it. I have to go now. I love you. See you in two days.” My smile widens when I think of how close I am to having her back in my sight and my arms.

“Ok, love you too. Bye Justin.” Lilah says a bit more lively this time before she hangs up.

I end the call and stuff my phone in my jeans pocket before inhaling deeply.

Carefully, I swing the door to the dressing room open and step inside, my blues immediately landing on Trace and Esmee Denters, one of the artists signed to my record label. It’s her show. She’s touring the country promoting her latest album which I helped produce and one of the stops on her tour brought her to my vicinity. We’re at the Staples Center in LA where she’ll be putting on one of her shows tonight and I’m one of her guest artists. I’ll be appearing for three of her songs to perform with her so I had quite a busy day today rehearsing, doing sound checks and getting ready for the show.

“There you are Justin! We were about to come looking for you. It’s time for wardrobe; we’re going on soon.” Esmee explains and I nod, stepping aside when the wardrobe, hair and makeup stylists enter the dressing room only seconds later.

“Right. Let’s do this.” I voice enthusiastically, rubbing my hands together.

“Are you excited Justin?” Trace questions and I give him my full attention, frowning when I notice that he has his phone pointed in my face. “I mean, it’s been a while since you’ve been up on stage performing.”

“I’m fine. And what are you doing Trace?” I ask, trying to move away from him but he follows me.

“What does it look like? I’m documenting this moment.” He indicates and my frown deepens.

“Why?”

“For Delilah.” He simply states and I glower at him.

“Again…why?” I inquire.

“Figured she’d like to see a behind the scenes clip before you go out on stage in front of thousands of people. You know…some personalized footage where she can see you in your element.” He explains.

“Uh huh.” I drawl, eyeing him.

“So Justin, do you have any remarks before you’re kidnapped by the psycho hair, makeup and wardrobe ladies?” Trace asks. His statement earns him a smack in the head with a brush before he groans out in pain. “Ouch! Monica, what the fuck?!” He belts at the hairstylist and she gives him a baleful smile.

“Watch your mouth Trace; we are sane women doing our job. Don’t make the person you’re filming this for think we’re crazy boy.” Monica hisses at him and he rolls his eyes before he turns the camera back on me mumbling.

“Your actions speak otherwise Monica.” Trace wisecracks and I burst out laughing.

“Ok, Lilah, if you see this, Trace just got hit in the head with a brush. The moral of this story is to never mess with the hairstylist. You’re not missing anything girl.” I talk to the camera on his phone, still laughing before I move to take a seat in front of the vanity mirror. Esmee follows me, giggling softly as we allow the women to get to work on us.

Trace continues filming us silently for a while before he speaks up again, now in a slightly pissed off mood. “Any last words? I’m ending this. I’ll resume when you guys hit the stage.” Trace points out.

“Fine. Bye babe! See you soon!” I turn to Esmee, signaling for her to say bye to the camera as well. “Say bye Es. Oh and Lilah wished you a good show.”

“How sweet! Hey Delilah! Thanks! I haven’t met you but Justin won’t shut up about you…” That’s as far as Esmee gets before I cut her off.

“Ok, Lilah doesn’t need to know that.” I chuckle, grabbing the phone from Trace to end the recording.

I hand him back the device and he stuffs it in his pocket before he takes a seat on one of the lounge chairs. He grabs the remote and switches on the television as Esmee gets her hair done and I start rummaging through the clothes on the rack.

“So, who’s Delilah Justin?” Monica asks casually as she styles Esmee’s hair.

I pause, turning to face her with a wistful smile on my face. “She’s…” I drift, my thoughts running rampant.  My smile widens as I think about Monica’s question. “She’s everything to me.” I finally answer and Monica releases a small ‘aw’ in admiration. “I love her.” I voice, feeling like it's the first time I’m actually realizing this. “I’d do just about anything for her and…” I lock eyes with Trace who’s giving me a knowing grin. I shake my head at him, redirecting my attention back to Monica. “I really think she might be it for me. She could be the one. At least, I hope she will be, because the more time that passes, the more I can’t imagine anyone else after her.”

*****

Boston, MA

Sometime Later

“Ugh, I’m so tired and I haven’t even finished packing.” I mumble, lounging with Marco in one of our favorite Chinese restaurants as we wait for our orders in the takeout section so we can leave.

“Then when we get home, you should take a rest. You still have two days before you head off to New York.” Marco explains.

Sighing, I rest back in my seat, my orbs scanning the many faces in the restaurant. “Marco, I’m nervous.” I admit and he chuckles beside me. “Don’t laugh!” I groan, smiling. “It’s not like I’ll have you with me when I go back to school.” I pout.

“What exactly are you nervous about?” He enquires and I turn to look at him, taking in his ridiculous afro. It looks good on him though. We lock eyes and I smile, understanding a little why Justin was so fascinated by my eye color since Marco’s eyes are about the same. They really stand out.

“I don’t know. I’m nervous about being back in that school with Justin and Ethan and everyone! You know about the paparazzi encounters we had. I’m sure my face is probably everywhere by now though I’ll not do the research to find out. I’d rather not know how much of a big deal the public is making this. The point is what are the other Higher Heights students going to think, say or even do when they see us? I don’t want my last semester to be filled with uncomfortable stares, gossiping and all that. I don’t want to think people are saying shit about me behind my back or when I pass by.” I shake my head sadly, realizing that having an amazing last semester is going to be harder than I thought.

“Lili, these things are going to happen regardless. You shouldn’t let that bug you too much though. It’s nothing compared to what you had to deal with when the whole Ethan incident happened in freshman year.”

“Exactly Marco! I guess I’m scared some crazy shit like that will happen again. You know how much Justin and Ethan hate each other. When we left for summer break, Justin and I were still only friends. But now, we’re together which means he’ll probably be more protective of me. And the fact that Ethan is on this act of burying the past, he’ll probably try talking to me, or suggesting some ludicrous notion like us being friends. How do you think that’ll turn out?”

Marco's smile falters as he absorbs my words. “Huh, you might be right. Justin doesn’t strike me as the talking type where Ethan’s concerned. I mean, despite his so called apology, I still want to beat Ethan’s ass.”

“Thank you.” I groan, knowing that it’ll be virtually impossible to keep Justin and Ethan away from each other. They’re on the basketball team together. I don’t see any of them quitting. They have too much pride for that.

I guess I’ll have to try my best to stay as far away from Ethan as possible to prevent Justin from having a reason to be upset.

“Well, don’t worry about it too much. It’s a huge school Lili. Simply avoid Ethan and focus on doing the best in your classes so you can graduate with honors.” Marco pats my leg before standing to accept our order when our number is called.

I stand as well, following him to the counter as I think about everything. My mission may be to avoid Ethan while we’re back at Higher Heights but I have every intention of getting Ryan to spill his guts on all the shit I know he’s not telling me. If he can help me to put this feud between our families to rest once and for all then my dear cousin will be seeing a lot of me when we go back to school for our last semester.

Once we have our food, Marco and I proceed to leave the restaurant so we can head home.

On our way out, we’re stopped by a group of girls who call out to me.

I hesitate, turning to look at the three girls who look no older than maybe seventeen.

Marco glares at them strangely as they approach us.

“Oh my god, you’re really Delilah aren’t you.” One of them mentions.

“Yes, can I help you?” I ask stupefied. I have no idea who they are or how they know me. This is kind of weird.

“I knew it! I told my friends it was you. Wow, um, can we get a picture with you? That would be so cool. If you don’t mind?” The same girl with long brunette hair smiles for me and I turn to look at my brother wearily.

“How do you all know my sister?” Marco questions and all three look at Marco in awe.

“Oh my god, you’re her brother?! Cool! You’re so handsome.” The redhead one states and Marco thanks her, staring at them suspiciously.

“I’m sorry. We just thought…well, you’re Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend right? I mean, you’re a big deal. And we think you’re gorgeous and we’re kind of excited that Justin chose to date a regular girl…” That’s as far as the brunette gets before I interrupt her, understanding completely now.

“I see. Well, I guess a picture is ok.” I reply. I can’t imagine what would happen if I said ‘no.’

“Great!” The brunette says happily, handing Marco her camera. “Could you please…”

“Sure.” Marco cuts in, grabbing the camera from her. He balances our food in one hand as he uses his other hand to switch on the camera and point it at the three girls.

I walk awkwardly towards them and they quickly move around me, throwing their arms around my shoulders and waist as they all smile for the picture.

I notice Marco laughing lightly at my discomfort as he points the camera in our direction getting ready to take the picture.

“Smile!” He chuckles and I force a smile before the flash goes off.

As soon as he takes the picture, the three girls move away from me, thanking us repeatedly before they retrieve their camera and bid us farewell, wishing us a good night.

Once they’re gone, Marco and I proceed to walk to our ride so we can head home.

He’s still chuckling and I shove him playfully as my senses remain engulfed with the strawberry perfume that brunette was wearing.

“Don’t you dare tease me about this Marco.” I warn him as we get to the jeep and hop in. He places the food down in the backseat before buckling up and bringing the ride to life.

“Wasn’t going to.” He chortles.

“Good.” I giggle, switching on the radio as he drives onto the main street.

“But I think you might be turning into a celebrity on your own.” He adds in and I exhale loudly.

“Price of being with Justin.” I simply state, that encounter not bothering me nearly as much as the paparazzi one.

“Doesn’t seem like a bad deal, as long as you can handle it and it doesn’t get out of hand.” Marco interjects, his tone firm and I nod in understanding.

Even if Marco likes Justin and approves of him for the most part, the protective big brother side of him is still alive and well.

Though being with Justin means my privacy will be compromised, I’ll try my best to deal with it because I think he’s worth it.

*****

LA, California

“Damn that was amazing! What a rush!” I shout over the music and screaming fans as I make my way off stage, leaving Esmee to finish up her show.

The crowd went crazy when I got on stage to perform with Esmee tonight. I almost forgot what that surge of energy and adrenaline felt like. It made me miss that side of my career. But, I have a lot of memories to be grateful for.

“And I got it all on camera.” Trace beams proudly, his thumbs moving over the keys on his phone fluidly. Seconds later he stuffs his phone in his pocket and I laugh loudly.

“Let me guess, you just sent the videos to Lilah’s phone.”

“I did.” He grins. “I think she’ll like them.” He adds in and I shake my head at him as we begin making our way back to the dressing rooms.

“Ok, well that was my last song with Esmee so she knows I’ll be leaving. I have to get home man. I need to pack up my shit since I won’t have much time tomorrow. I have to meet with Johnny to finalize the whole cameras following me around situation.” I explain.

“Speaking of, have you told Delilah yet?” Trace asks and I steal a glance at him as we walk towards to the dressing rooms.

“No. But I plan on telling her tonight as soon as I get home. I said I’d give her a call.”

“Cool. Well I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’ll let you get to it. I’m gonna catch the rest of Esmee’s show.”

“Alright man.” I give Trace a light hand tag before we go our separate ways.

I’m going to grab my stuff and head out. Luckily for me, my mom went back to Memphis so I have my home all to myself. I feel bad that I kept avoiding our long overdue chat but I’m pretty sure we’ll have that talk eventually. In fact, I think I’ll be giving her a call once I get back to Higher Heights so I can finally update her on everything. I’m a coward I know, but I feel like it would be easier and safer to speak with my mom over the phone. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

*

Later

At Justin’s

I tread up the stairs to my bedroom after locking up downstairs and turning off all the lights.

When I finally make it to my room, I kick off my shoes and proceed to disrobe, my thoughts traveling back to the day I invited Jessica over to talk which ended in us having a huge fight which began at the dining table and escalated to my bedroom. Of course, my mom, Trace and Rachel made sure to give us the space we needed but I didn’t want to argue with Jess again. I tried to get away from her but she followed me to my room. 

Now, seeing the empty spot on my nightstand where my lamp used to be brings those unpleasant memories back to the surface. I still can’t believe Jess hurled the damn thing at me in her rage. I ducked out of the way of course so the lamp went crashing into the wall, shattering on impact. That was definitely an intense moment between us. I think I practically snapped after she did that.

Maybe telling her I didn’t love her anymore when she was trying to voice her feelings to me wasn’t the best idea. Maybe admitting to her that I loved Lilah more than I ever loved her was also a mistake. Not to mention I accused her of trying to use me as leverage to salvage her dying career. I think that really hurt her. And I felt like a heartless jerk afterwards. But I was in the heat of the moment and I didn’t truly mean it. I apologized to her. If anything, I was only trying to get through that thick skull of hers. I couldn’t stand to see her so upset, desperately grasping for straws when I voiced we should go public with our breakup. She acted like I stabbed her in the chest, like there was still something between us and I was killing whatever hope that was left. I really didn’t know what to say to that.

I accepted a long time ago that Jessica and I were over. I think we were over the moment I started having feelings for Delilah. At that time, Jess was the furthest thing from my mind and my heart. I wasn’t proud of it. I felt like a complete asshole because of it since I knew Jess still cared. I mean fuck, I used to love this woman. She used to be my world. I even thought about marrying her once. Did I think she was the one? Not necessarily, but I loved her enough at the time to want to settle down with her.

Then things changed. Ending up at that school changed all of that. Meeting Delilah changed all of that. She changed me. And presently, my feelings for Lilah go much deeper since I never gave myself a chance to guard my heart like I did with Jess.

I didn’t plan any of this. I didn’t intentionally want to hurt Jess, but I couldn’t love them both. That would have been a disaster. So, I had to find a way to let one go. And, Jessica was the better bet. But I’ll admit that it still wasn’t easy. I may have never focused on it, or voiced it or even thought about it, but I knew I still had love for Jess. I simply had to ignore my feelings for her, hoping they would fizzle out and they eventually did, especially since Lilah was such a huge distraction.

Fuck, I feel horrible just thinking about this mess. I really hope Jessica will be able to fully forgive me one day. There was no way I could have made her understand that without her, I’d be ok, but without Delilah, I wouldn’t be able to deal…so there was no contest where my feelings were concerned.

But I can’t keep mauling over that disaster now, I refuse to; but I’m going to have to tell Delilah what happened eventually.

Sighing, I try to rid myself of my thoughts as I pull out my cell phone and proceed to lie on my bed in just my boxers. Swiping my palm over my face, I dial Lilah’s number then stare at the ceiling as I wait for her to pick up.

Seconds later I’m met with her soft giggles as I listen to her telling her brother to leave her alone.

“Hello Justin?”

“Hey pumpkin.” I beam. “Am I interrupting some sister and brother bonding time?” I ask curiously.

“Ok first of all…pumpkin?” Lilah snorts and my grin widens. I kind of like it. I might start calling her that, if only to get on her nerves. “And secondly no, not really. Marco and I were just hanging out in the living room watching some television while we ate our Chinese takeout. He resorted to teasing me when I noticed you were calling and ended up squealing from excitement.” She explains, her tone playful.

“You squealed huh?”

“Oh no, don’t start Justin.”

“You don’t squeal though.” I indicate.                                                                                            

“I do not.” She agrees and I chuckle. I’m betting she’s blushing right now.

“Well, I for one can’t wait to see what type of greeting I’ll receive when we see each other in two days if a mere phone call from me makes you squeal.” I taunt.

“Keep dreaming stud.” She jibes.

“With pleasure. I kind of enjoy having you occupy my dreams.”

There’s a brief pause on the line before she gasps, my statement taking her off guard.

“Wait, you dream about me?” Lilah asks, mildly confounded.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” I contest. “But that’s not why I called.” I reveal, switching topics. “I mean, besides the promise I made that I would call you, there’s a significant reason as well.”

“I see. Do tell.” She says genially but somehow, I don’t think her buoyant mood will persist once she hears what I have to say.

I swallow harshly, my heartbeat picking up speed as I think of all the possible ways this conversation could turn out. I rub my palm over my bare chest, shutting my eyes as I begin to spill my guts but Lilah suddenly interrupts me, the urgency in her voice rendering me temporarily mute.

“Oh my god, Justin I almost forgot to tell you. I think I have fans, or I think your fans are my fans or I think your fans like me. Well, at least three of them anyway.” She states, her words coming out in an incoherent mumble.

“I’m sorry what?” I chuckle, my blues fluttering open.

“Marco and I got stopped by three girls tonight when we were leaving the Chinese restaurant. They were really sweet and seemed genuinely starstruck when they asked for my picture.” She explains and my eyes widen slightly.

I immediately sit up, my orbs scanning the room as I digest what Lilah just said. “Uh, ok.” I drawl, realizing that she’s turning into her own celebrity a lot quicker than I anticipated.

It’ll only be a matter of time before the paparazzi follow. I’ve never been this ecstatic at the idea of us going back to that prison until now. At least, at school, we’ll be able to control the craziness and tone it down. “Well, don’t get too comfortable with it. I’m glad that experience wasn’t a bad one for you but you have to be careful and alert Lilah.” I caution her.

“Trust me, I was far from being comfortable but it was kind of cool. Anyway, just thought I’d let you know.”

“Ok.” I respond, not knowing what else to tell her.

I know it’s not my fault, and I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t shake the guilty feeling I have of possibly pulling her into this life before she’s absolutely ready for it.

“So you haven’t told me how your show went. But I’m guessing it went great.”

“Yeah it did.” I perk up a bit, remembering the screams of the crowd when I was on stage.

“I need to thank Trace for the video updates. It was nice getting the next best thing since I couldn’t be there to see you in person.” She giggles and I smile proudly.

“Sweet.”

“Oh and since you couldn’t shut up about me, I’m hoping whatever you had to say, it was all good…”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I fake innocence.

“Nice try. But, Esmee sold you out in the video.” Lilah laughs and I chuckle along with her.

“Uh huh, whatever.” I say dismissively, feeling embarrassed.

“Aw, you’re cute when you act all shy…”

And I groan, needing her to stop this sick torture she’s putting me through. She has no idea how much her absence is driving me crazy.

“Listen, Lilah!” I cut her off. “I really need to talk to you about some shit.” I say sternly this time unable to hold off any longer.

“Right, I’m sorry. Please go ahead.”

“I need you to not freak out about what I’m going to tell you.”

“When you start off like that Justin, it’s kind of hard not to…”

“I know, but look, I had no real say in the matter. I was sort of told instead of asked so…it’s my label and my manager. I’m sorry. I hope that it won’t be too much of an inconvenience, but we’re heading back to school and you need to know because it’s important…”

“Just spill it already! You’re confusing me since I have no idea what you’re talking about Justin.” She giggles nervously and I sigh, inhaling sharply to calm my nerves.

“Well…” I hesitate, not wanting to tell her, but not having a choice in the matter. “There are going to be cameras following me around campus when we get back to Higher Heights. Now, before you say anything, they won’t be there for the entire semester, and they won’t be around twenty-four seven. It was my manager’s idea with the same talk show I was on where I was issued the challenge. It’s for some television segment they’re putting together. I know this is shocking for you and I’ll totally understand if you don’t want to be a part of the madness since our privacy will be compromised in a huge way but, I promise, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It could be good. In fact, it might be the perfect way to break our relationship news to the public. But only if you’re ok with it. I…you needed to know. I had to tell you.”

I remain silent after my explanation, waiting for Lilah’s response. There’s an impossibly long pause on the line before she finally speaks and when she does, I’m reminded of why I love her so much...of why I'm willing to fight for us if I have to.

“Wow, I guess there’s no getting away from that huh? It’s only fair since this is your regular life. And think of how great it would be for your fans. So, yeah, the idea is kind of nerve-wrecking but, I’m willing to put up with it. It’ll be outside of my comfort zone but as long as you’re there I don’t think it’ll be so bad. Let’s hope that it turns out to be a positive experience. Heaven knows I can’t endure another catastrophe at that school. But for what it’s worth, I’m excited for you.” She admits, amazing me.

“Are you serious? You’re not kidding?”

“I’m serious.” She giggles and I relax a bit.

“Ok who are you and what have you done with Lilah?” I joke, loving that she’s taking this so well. But I’m not stupid. I’ll see how well she truly deals when the cameras are a step behind us with each move we make.

“Justin, I don’t think you get how hard I’m willing to work at this relationship. I said I’d work at it and that included embracing your lifestyle no matter how crazy or hectic it is. I promised you I wasn’t going anywhere. I’m only trying to do what you need me to…what I need to do.”

“And what’s that exactly?” I ask lightly, having an idea about what she means, but needing to hear her voice it.

“Well, I’m working on accepting all of you Justin. Because let’s face it, if you love someone completely, having only part of them is never enough.”